by Morgan Jenkins
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon does not belong to me.
Moon light, moon bright, on the moon I wish tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might be able to have back my life. Then again, that's been the same wish I've had for along time now. It hasn't been fulfilled yet, so why do I bother trying?
It's even worse than it was in the beginning because I have to fake feelings for someone I hardly know. I may have loved him once, but I'm not the same girl I was then.
It's so painful to have ChibiUsa around. She's a reminder that I have to live for others, not myself. I can't let myself be with another, because if I am, she will never exist. I couldn't live with that kind of guilt. And as much as I hate to admit it, I do like her, as many fights as we get in. So how could I live with myself if she's never born?
My friends help ease the pain some. I can be a normal girl with them. Besides, this has torn up their lives, too, so I'm sure they understand. They all have dreams that they'll probably never realize because of our "destiny".
People don't know how precious free will is until it's been taken away. THAT'S what destiny is. It's having to live up to the impossible to make things happen a certain way. It's not being able to make your own choices. It's not even being able to lead your own life.
Everyone thinks that destiny is so romantic and beautiful, but it's not. It's the worst thing in the world.
Sometimes I wish I could wake up and make this all be a terrible nightmare. Why isn't it one? I open my eyes each morning, and my first thought is still "how are Naru and I going to spend the day?" And then I realize that I have a duty that comes first.
She still hurts. You can see that in her eyes. She does care a lot for Umino, but she truly loved Nephrite, and his death still effects her. I wish I could hold her and tell her it will be alright, and that I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner, but then I'd have so much to explain.
If it weren't for me, would she have had to go through that.
And I've had to watch two people I truly could have loved leave me in one way or another. I wonder if Ail and Seiya are happy, where ever they are. I miss them a lot, and I also wonder if I could have been happy with either one. But instead I had to ignore how I felt. All because I was betrothed to someone a thousand years ago.
I'm NOT Selenity anymore.
It doesn't help that Rei's still partially in love with him, or that Setsuna's in love with the man he'll become. I feel so bad that they've had to sacrifice their own happiness for me.
That's my wish now. I want everyone to be happy. I wish everything could turn out the way everyone wants it to.
It will probably come true as soon as the last one, though.
Tsukino Usagi