September 21, 2001

Week 25

When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments: tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become. ~Louis Pasteur

I'm going to be a father again and that terrifies me beyond recognition. How can I bring two more souls into this horrible world? A world of terror, war, and ignorance...How can I do it?

I'm going to be a father again and that makes me the happiest man on this Earth. To hold my babies, to rock them asleep, to sooth them when they're upset, makes me feel so amazing. They'll be coming into a wonderful home. A home of love, happiness, and Pleasure. I can't wait to do it.

I never thought my heart could be filled again. After loosing my previous family, there was a giant hole in my heart. Emptiness was all I knew. Then I met Abby and we started a family. Love and happiness is all I know now. I will never forget my other family. How can I? But I am moving on. I am in the next chapter of my life.

As I look at Abby lying in bed, Sometimes I can't help to feel guilty. She looks like she's thirty-three weeks pregnant. She looks hot and tired of this already. Her ankles are swollen. Her back hurts. She gets leg cramps. Why? Because I got her pregnant.

I know She's happy about this pregnancy, but sometimes I feel like she hates me for it. I actually can't blame her. A singleton pregnancy is hard enough the first time around, but adorable pregnancy for your first is tough and Abby hasn't had an easy pregnancy. It'll all be worth it though.

I am looking forward to the day when I hold James and Sasha in my arms for the very first time. To have them take hold of my finger and yawn. To see those big blue or brown eyes look up at me. The first look your child gives you warms you to the core. You can't help to cry. You help create this beautiful creature. This child was made out of love.

I am beyond happy and excited. I find myself counting down the days to your due date. For Abby's sake I hope you're not late. I know this pregnancy will get more tiring, but it'll be worth it.

I'm going to be a father again. It's the best job in the world. You don't get paid in money, but you get paid is something much more priceless.... Love.

"Luka?" Abby looked up from her pillow at her husband at the desk.

"I'm sorry, Darling." He said, "did I wake you?"

"No." Abby mumbled, "What are you doing?"

"Oh...just writing down a few of my thoughts." Luka smiled shutting the notebook and getting into bed.

"What kind of thoughts?" Abby asked rubbing his hand as he placed it on her stomach.

"Thoughts on becoming a father again." He said.

"Oh." Abby said, "does it scare you?"

"Sometimes." He spoke softly closing his eyes.

"Me too." She said.

"We're going to do a great job, baby. So there's no need to worry. He mumbled

"I know we will." Abby said falling sleep. That night, Luka held Abby close to him. Feeling every movement, every breath, and every baby kick. He loved every minute of it.