Why am I still alive?

Life, Regrets, and Umbrella

By Miss Scarlet

Why am I still alive? Is this some final everlasting punishment, or a taster of what's to come before I'm sent screaming to Hell? I wish they'd just get on with it and kill me. This pain is driving me mad.

It makes me think back to my training, all those years ago. Was it really that long? I had to go through so many tests to get my job. You know, things like keeping calm under pressure, quick thinking, pain control, stress management, being a cold-hearted bitch. That sort of thing.

I really freaked out one of the instructors. I suppose because I'm even more heartless than he expected. I was put into a training situation, with actors, and fake guns, although I didn't know it at the time. There was a hostage thing going on, and someone was trying to negotiate with the hostage taker by telephone. It was my task to take a sample of some sort of virus from the hostage taker's belt, if I remember correctly.

So I marched in and shot everyone. The hostage taker, the hostages, everyone. I used to be proud of that but now now I'm not so sure.

Anyway, when I went back the instructor just stared at me, horrified. I think now I realise why he was so shocked, but back then I didn't. I was cold. Hell, yes.

There have only ever been two people who didn't think that about me.

John was one. I miss John, now that I think about it. We used to have such a good time together. His friends from Umbrella used to laugh and call me The Ice Queen', but John would just smile and tell them that they wouldn't think that if they really knew me. It really hurt when he said that, just like I'm hurting now. He didn't know me and yet he loved me. And I think that I loved him too. The kind of love that you don't even notice until the object of your affection is long gone, and you realise that some irreplaceable part of yourself is missing.

Those pain control techniques what were they again? Oh, yes, imagining you are somewhere else is one. Like encased in a block of ice, oblivious to everything around you, or lying on a tranquil beach somewhere nice. They never worked for me, so now I won't bother. I have too much pain to even contemplate controlling it. Hmm pain is just running rampant through my worthless body, stopping to catch a breath wherever it likes. It hurts.

At least I have no regrets. Well, no, I have some regrets, if I didn't I wouldn't be human. I have enough trouble making people believe that I'm human without that as well.

The Tyrant. Is he human? He must have been once. He could be anyone. John he could have been John. Being helpless like this is so infuriating. The dreadful zigzags of electricity constantly darting in front of my eyes, etching their brilliant white pattern onto my eyelids.

I should have known that I would have run out of ammo. I should have had another clip in my hand, ready. But I didn't think of that at the time. How could I have done? I was acting rashly, thoughtlessly, driven by my emotions. That would have surprised my old instructors. Heh

It was going to kill Leon

What else could I do?

If I had stood and watched him die no, I'm not like that. The thought of Leon, dead, hurts me ever more than the gaping wound in my chest.

When he saw me, when I attacked the Tyrant for him, I was terrified. Not because I thought the Tyrant would kill me no, I was ready for that. Because I thought he would hate me. And I couldn't live with that.

He knew what I was. He knew that I was nothing more than a liar, a traitor, a stupid, cold, heartless bitch. And yet his eyes softened, his lips uttered my name with such feeling and warmth it melted my heart. He was happy to see me, even though all I had done to him was lie and cheat. It was at that moment that I realised that I truly loved him. And it was at that moment that the Tyrant lifted me off the ground.

And I was happy. Staring into the emotionless face of Death, with my true love calling my name I was happy. The pain in my head was nothing to the joy in my heart. And when he flung me into the control panel, and Leon rushed up to me, I felt nothing but utter peace. The pain I ignored, just to see his face, his beautiful piercing eyes, and to speak his name one last time.

It seems I have found the antidote to this all-invading pain. I cannot think of Leon with any ill feeling. There is nothing I won't do for him. I am still alive, and Death doesn't appear to be claiming me for his own just yet

Agent Ada Wong, your mission objectives have changed. Screw the G-virus, screw William Birkin, screw the Tyrant, screw these injuries, and screw Death

I have to help Leon.

What do you think? I write this as a desperate plea for reviews, or else how will I know if anyone has even read it? I kinda like Ada, as you can probably tell. So, please, people. Please, please review me. And how can you refuse after I asked so nicely? ^_^ Thanks for reading!