3. Ambivalence


When Zack woke up, he felt strange, but he couldn't identify the feeling. Then, he realized
what was wrong. He couldn't hear... anything. Instantly he fought off the bandages and
started ripping at his ears.

What was wrong! Why couldn't he hear? He tried to yell out to someone. Max had to be
there... but he couldn't. It hurt- but he didn't care, he tried to yell and yell untill he could
hear his voice.

He couldn't.

Max and Logan rushed into the room after hearing someone yelling their head off. They
pressed him down on the table and pulled on the restraints.

"I can't hear anything," he tried to yell, but no sound left his voice. It was like some empty
whisper that disappeared into the air.

Max grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down what had happened and held it up for
him to read.

"No," he mouthed. "I don't except that."

Tough, she wrote. I'm so sorry Zack.

Logan watched Max's face and almost felt the urge to take her in his arms and hold her
while she cried. But, she had to be so strong. She always had to be so strong... Then,
again- he had his corner stone to chip at, too. Why couldn't he tell her? That it was the
way her hair smelled when she entered the room... the gung ho way she had- she was
always ready for anything. God, he was lucky to have her. And, now she was crying over
some jerk... or was it Logan- that you need an excuse before you'll hold her?

Zack strained on the restraints and pulled forward, his muscles tightening. Then, he gave up and relaxed. He grabbed focused, so hard on the paper and pencil that Max undid the restraints. Then, he sat up and got dressed, and Max could tell...

He'll never survive out there. Lydecker will find him in a minute. He won't even have a
chance. I have to take care of him. Like he took care of the others. It's my duty, right...
after all- it's his game. He wants to be my CO, now he's just someone I get to take care
of. Time for him to be the brother I need.

Lydecker, he wrote on the paper. He'll find me. He can't find me. I'd rather be dead. Kill
me. I'm useless.

The look in his eyes was glassy and at that moment- Max succombed to her tears.