dismantling reality
by Sam (lullaby_psyche@hotmail.com) April 2001
disclaimer: suing me would be pretty pointless as i'm broke, but...they're not mine. ok?
summary: Tom and Chakotay have a little chat over drinks. is it what you think?
thanks go once again to Briar Rose for pointing me in the right direction. J/P is good, right?! :-)
"I'll never understand you, Paris."
The younger man seated at the bar barely even acknowledged the speaker's presence.
"I'd really thought you'd changed. But here you are drinking yourself stupid, just like the old days."
Tom Paris turned and regarded his commanding officer with tired eyes and spoke with a harsh tone to his voice.
"You have no idea what you're talking about Chakotay. Just leave me alone."
"Not until you tell me exactly why I've just left a very dear friend crying in my quarters - pregnant and distraught because her husband has moved out of their quarters. I thought you were better than that, Tom. You can't just leave her hanging."
There was the sound of breaking glass and the splatter of liquid as a thrown glass impacted with the holographic wall and Tom whirled to face him.
"Dammit you don't understand."
"What I understand, *Lieutenant*, is that this has seemingly come out of nowhere. I want an explanation and I want it now."
The pilot sighed and ran a hand over his face.
"Have you ever found that your life seems to be moving forward but that you aren't at the helm?"
"And your point?"
"I don't love her Chakotay. The wedding - everything - it was all her idea. You know what she's like, it was hard to disagree. That's how the whole thing started in the first place, I guess I felt kind of obligated."
"Surely you could have ended it at some point?"
Tom held his gaze pointedly.
"Could you have? If she'd held over you what she's always held over me. She knew I wasn't going anywhere."
Chakotay was becoming more frustrated by the minute.
"Why pick now? Especially with the baby on the way."
There was a bitter laugh and a pause.
"She went behind my back Commander. Thought she could trap me."
"Surely she wouldn't sink that low. She loves you."
"No, she loves the control that she has over me. The tears that you see? That's for the sympathy vote, to make sure that I'm the bad guy."
The older man finally sat down, looking into sincere and pained blue-grey eyes, unable to believe what he heard.
"You realise that you will always be the bad guy in this? Leaving your pregnant wife?"
Again, that short laugh. It sent chills up Chakotay's spine. The next words were spoken quietly, as if a valuable secret.
"I don't care anymore. I really don't. I've loved someone else for years and I'll be damned if I'm going to deny myself that any longer.
.......It's not even my child anyway."
"....."
"Oh don't looked so shocked! Remember that shore leave two months ago? Well I'm pretty sure that Kathryn does. I know the bartender she screwed will. Just our little secret."
Chakotay signalled for a drink from the bartender and quickly downed the bitter liquid in one swallow. The other man simply stared at his hands, eventually speaking again with forced joviality.
"Well, at least this proves that B'Elanna and I have been good at covering our tracks......Nobody ever knew, right? You never guessed?"
"What?"
"Oh, quit being dense Chakotay. You don't seriously think I'd have survived in a loveless marriage, do you? It's always been B'Elanna. Always."
The commander shook his head as if clearing water from his ears and shot his companion a glazed glance.
"Yes, I've been cheating on my wife for three years and does that make me a bad person? You obviously think so, so what's the point of trying to convince you otherwise? Take my advice, snap yourself out of Kathryn Janeway's spell."
The younger pilot stood up and made for the exit, then turned as the doors slid open.
"Don't begin to think you know it all Commander. And don't judge me either, until you've been there yourself."
by Sam (lullaby_psyche@hotmail.com) April 2001
disclaimer: suing me would be pretty pointless as i'm broke, but...they're not mine. ok?
summary: Tom and Chakotay have a little chat over drinks. is it what you think?
thanks go once again to Briar Rose for pointing me in the right direction. J/P is good, right?! :-)
"I'll never understand you, Paris."
The younger man seated at the bar barely even acknowledged the speaker's presence.
"I'd really thought you'd changed. But here you are drinking yourself stupid, just like the old days."
Tom Paris turned and regarded his commanding officer with tired eyes and spoke with a harsh tone to his voice.
"You have no idea what you're talking about Chakotay. Just leave me alone."
"Not until you tell me exactly why I've just left a very dear friend crying in my quarters - pregnant and distraught because her husband has moved out of their quarters. I thought you were better than that, Tom. You can't just leave her hanging."
There was the sound of breaking glass and the splatter of liquid as a thrown glass impacted with the holographic wall and Tom whirled to face him.
"Dammit you don't understand."
"What I understand, *Lieutenant*, is that this has seemingly come out of nowhere. I want an explanation and I want it now."
The pilot sighed and ran a hand over his face.
"Have you ever found that your life seems to be moving forward but that you aren't at the helm?"
"And your point?"
"I don't love her Chakotay. The wedding - everything - it was all her idea. You know what she's like, it was hard to disagree. That's how the whole thing started in the first place, I guess I felt kind of obligated."
"Surely you could have ended it at some point?"
Tom held his gaze pointedly.
"Could you have? If she'd held over you what she's always held over me. She knew I wasn't going anywhere."
Chakotay was becoming more frustrated by the minute.
"Why pick now? Especially with the baby on the way."
There was a bitter laugh and a pause.
"She went behind my back Commander. Thought she could trap me."
"Surely she wouldn't sink that low. She loves you."
"No, she loves the control that she has over me. The tears that you see? That's for the sympathy vote, to make sure that I'm the bad guy."
The older man finally sat down, looking into sincere and pained blue-grey eyes, unable to believe what he heard.
"You realise that you will always be the bad guy in this? Leaving your pregnant wife?"
Again, that short laugh. It sent chills up Chakotay's spine. The next words were spoken quietly, as if a valuable secret.
"I don't care anymore. I really don't. I've loved someone else for years and I'll be damned if I'm going to deny myself that any longer.
.......It's not even my child anyway."
"....."
"Oh don't looked so shocked! Remember that shore leave two months ago? Well I'm pretty sure that Kathryn does. I know the bartender she screwed will. Just our little secret."
Chakotay signalled for a drink from the bartender and quickly downed the bitter liquid in one swallow. The other man simply stared at his hands, eventually speaking again with forced joviality.
"Well, at least this proves that B'Elanna and I have been good at covering our tracks......Nobody ever knew, right? You never guessed?"
"What?"
"Oh, quit being dense Chakotay. You don't seriously think I'd have survived in a loveless marriage, do you? It's always been B'Elanna. Always."
The commander shook his head as if clearing water from his ears and shot his companion a glazed glance.
"Yes, I've been cheating on my wife for three years and does that make me a bad person? You obviously think so, so what's the point of trying to convince you otherwise? Take my advice, snap yourself out of Kathryn Janeway's spell."
The younger pilot stood up and made for the exit, then turned as the doors slid open.
"Don't begin to think you know it all Commander. And don't judge me either, until you've been there yourself."