Affection – Spike
The only warning I get is a flash of movement then we're rolling across the floor. I come to rest flat on my back, pinned easily. There's a snap of teeth clicking together just short of my throat, then my favorite demented vampire pulls away enough that I can see dark brown eyes filled with silent laughter and a trace of smugness.
I grin back at him. His size doesn't mean much to another vampire and he's forgotten again. I pull in one leg and toss him over my head. He lands in a crouch. I still can't quite believe how agile he truly is without a human mind to get in the way of his reflexes.
He lungs at me as I scramble to my feet. I fall back, catching his arm and throwing him across the room again with the momentum of my roll. This time I press the attack, but I pull my punches. First off because I don't want cause him any pain, it's been a long time since I've wanted to see Peaches hurting. Secondly because I don't know how he'd react to pain.
I remember very clearly the first time I saw him after what happened. They called me and the Watcher down from Sunnydale, told us Angel was bad hurt and wanted me to do what I could. I shrugged and asked what they were paying.
They took the Watcher down to see Angel first, which surprised me, you'd think if he were hurt so badly they'd want me to start trying to fix things ASAP.
When the Watcher came back up-stairs he looked right stunned.
"Go on down," Wesley instructed sounding tired.
Angel and Cheerleader were both sitting on the floor playing some game that seemed to involve rolling these little chiming balls across the floor so they hit one another.
I was still trying to get my mind around that when Angel turned and stared at me. Then a low deadly growl filled the basement.
The next thing I knew Angel plowed into me with enough force that a couple of ribs broke in my chest.
I felt my true face emerging as I kicked Angel away and snarled warningly back at him. "I'm here to help you, you moron," I snapped.
Angel still looked human, but I could see my death in his eyes and hear it in the growl that still reverberated about the room as he circled me.
He lashed out with a sudden, unexpected kick that terminated in a searing pain spreading from my knee.
"What the bloody hell's wrong with you?" I cried as I forced myself to stay on my feet despite the pain. Still no amount of determination could let me match Angel's speed. He circled behind me and closed with me. One of his hands clamped around my chin and the other tangled painfully in my hair.
I remember feeling panic. The last thing I wanted was a broken neck; one stay in a wheelchair was more than enough, thank you. Under the circumstances I did the only thing I could; I surrendered, went completely limp in his grasp. It made him pause, but he didn't loosen his hold on me. I could feel that my neck was just in degree from snapping.
"Angel! No!" the cheerleader yelled, she looked completely blown away.
Angel whined interrogatively and the tension he was putting on my spine eased up a fraction.
The cheerleader walked up to us and pulled gently at Angel's arm. "He's a good vampire," she said. Normally I'd have argued with that but right then I'd have said I was Tinkerbell if that's what it took to get out of this in one, functional, piece. "Like you," the cheerleader continued. "So you need to let him go, 'kay?"
Angel let me go carefully enough that I didn't fall before retreating into the shadows. Even when I couldn't see him I could feel him watching me and the cheerleader. She slid under my arm and helped me to hobble over to the couch.
"Sorry, we didn't realize how Angel would react to your being a vampire," she said, and the funny thing was she actually sounded sincere.
"He's bloody insane!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, we were hoping you could fix that," she replied.
I couldn't. I'd spent decades studying how to repair physical injuries for Dru, but I'd never looked into fixing her deranged mind. Lunacy was just part of who Dru was, why would I want to fix that, I loved everything about her from her wicked smile to her chats with the moon and stars.
I wouldn't fix Angel, even if I could, either.
During the moment I was distracted by memories Angel had managed to get close enough to sweep my feet out from under me. This time he pins me right, so I can't get any leverage to break free. He buries his face against my throat and I feel dull human teeth scrape along my jugular. Feeling a tad disgusted with myself for being such an easy mark I tilt my head back in surrender, I'd say "uncle" if it meant anything to Angel, but it's best to stick to the more visceral forms of communication with him.
It drives the humans nuts. They can reason things half to death and say what they like about how they're keeping their distance, but they don't feel it. Their body language doesn't agree and they don't smell like of dislike. Xander's the only one that doesn't unknowingly promise Angel affection. Angel reacts to what they feel, not to what they say.
I moved to LA just as soon as I could collect up my stash from Sunnydale, mostly because of Angel, but his humans weren't a discouragement either.
That first day Cordelia checked over my injuries, proclaimed my leg broken and told me to sit till she could get the stuff to fix me up. I was surprised. I'd been helping Buffy pretty regular for years, trying to prove that I loved her. The most consideration I'd ever gotten was that she stopped breaking my nose after awhile.
Cordelia apparently didn't think leaving me and Angel alone together was a good idea cause she called him over before going for the first aid kit. As she led him up the stairs she started scolding him in that tone parents get that says you're in trouble but you're still loved.
When they came back Angel looked all remorseful. Ever since he got his soul he generally looked remorseful, but this was different. Before Angel's face was always a mask, only his eyes showed emotion. In them you could read guilt, regret, sadness, horror, hatred of himself and everything like him, and responsibility for what I was. Everything was always complex with Angel, not anymore. The history was all gone. He'd hurt me and he was sorry, that was it.
While Cordelia was bracing my knee and taping up my ribs Angel approached slowly, head down, apology written across his entire body. He sat on the floor beside me and patted my uninjured leg gently. I couldn't stay mad at him, he didn't know better, and he was so sincere, even without words.
I grinned at him and ruffled his hair, which got him smiling and purring. We've been friends ever since.
I like the way he looks at me: all innocence and trust and affection. I never much cared for Angel before, neither the souled nor the psychotic versions, but now he's just perfect.
The strange thing about me is I've always wanted affection. So what if I'm the big bad? I when I love I want it returned. Angel gave me his love first, and so what if it's not the romantic love I sought with Cecily, Dru and Buffy. It's real and it's consistent. It's easier than romantic love; I can share Angel. I don't know who he loves best and honestly I don't care. He needs me; in time all his little humans will die. As far as humans go they're pretty likable, but that won't keep 'em safe from time. When it happens it's gonna be tough for Angel, but I'll be there for him. I'll be there forever and he won't ever leave me because he can't.