Vanquished
A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfiction by Kudz
You made me very angry when you offered your deal, sempai. I couldn't refuse, and you knew
that well. And now I've won, completely. Won the duel, won the Rose Bride, won the power to
revolutionize the world-whatever that means. I don't really care about any of that, but it's more
or less beside the point. I've beaten you; one would think that would be the end of it.
But it really isn't.
You've hurt me very much, sempai. And not only that-by possessing the power to hurt me, you've
proved me a fool. Again.
I believed you when we spoke that last night in the Duelling Arena, you see. But it goes even
beyond that. When you showed up at my door and asked me to accompany you, I knew what was coming.
I sensed, somehow, that the tension between us would be resolved and our relationship would be
clarified. And it relieved me, because whatever happened, at least then I would know where we
stood.
And so I followed you to the Arena quietly. I made only a token protest when you spoke about
me, about us, instead of End of the World. And I listened as you spouted your lines and knelt
to kiss my hand. And no doubt the things you said have been said a million other times by a
million other insincere lovers, but I was completely taken in. I leaned against your shoulder and
let you put your arm around me, and for the first time since coming to Ohtori, I was simply
content. I felt secure, safe, but most of all-*loved*.
Then, the next day, I found out the real reason for your declaration.
And it all came crashing down, just as it did after our first duel. It seems so long ago, now;
but still, not so much time has passed between then and now that I should have forgotten how you
played with my emotions, my beliefs, in order to win.
Did you really think my memory would be so short? No, I think you were just assuming that I
would, once again, act the fool. And you were right.
Don't come after me, sempai- but no, not sempai. The respect you were due, the respect I still
gave you, even after seeing how coldly you manipulated me the first time...you no longer deserve
it. I will give you your name, nothing else. May my words echo for you every day of the rest of
your life; may they cut you as deeply as they do me.
For I am still a fool. I still think back to what I know of you, hoping in vain to find some
redeeming quality, some proof that I was more to you than an incidental conquest. I still sigh
when I remember the warmth of your arm around me, or shiver thinking of the way you whispered in
my ear. And no doubt years from now, in an unfamiliar city, I will catch a glimpse of fiery red
hair in my peripheral vision and whirl around, though I'll already know it isn't you.
And so now I say goodbye to you. I am thrice the fool for wishing you happiness...I wish I
could say that I hated you, that I wished you dead, but I will not lie, even to one who has lied
to me so many times. I wish I felt anger toward you- I know it is justified- but all I feel is
emptiness. Emptiness and pain.
Fare well, Kiryuu Touga. I wish you happiness in whatever you do.
And hate myself for doing so.
A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfiction by Kudz
You made me very angry when you offered your deal, sempai. I couldn't refuse, and you knew
that well. And now I've won, completely. Won the duel, won the Rose Bride, won the power to
revolutionize the world-whatever that means. I don't really care about any of that, but it's more
or less beside the point. I've beaten you; one would think that would be the end of it.
But it really isn't.
You've hurt me very much, sempai. And not only that-by possessing the power to hurt me, you've
proved me a fool. Again.
I believed you when we spoke that last night in the Duelling Arena, you see. But it goes even
beyond that. When you showed up at my door and asked me to accompany you, I knew what was coming.
I sensed, somehow, that the tension between us would be resolved and our relationship would be
clarified. And it relieved me, because whatever happened, at least then I would know where we
stood.
And so I followed you to the Arena quietly. I made only a token protest when you spoke about
me, about us, instead of End of the World. And I listened as you spouted your lines and knelt
to kiss my hand. And no doubt the things you said have been said a million other times by a
million other insincere lovers, but I was completely taken in. I leaned against your shoulder and
let you put your arm around me, and for the first time since coming to Ohtori, I was simply
content. I felt secure, safe, but most of all-*loved*.
Then, the next day, I found out the real reason for your declaration.
And it all came crashing down, just as it did after our first duel. It seems so long ago, now;
but still, not so much time has passed between then and now that I should have forgotten how you
played with my emotions, my beliefs, in order to win.
Did you really think my memory would be so short? No, I think you were just assuming that I
would, once again, act the fool. And you were right.
Don't come after me, sempai- but no, not sempai. The respect you were due, the respect I still
gave you, even after seeing how coldly you manipulated me the first time...you no longer deserve
it. I will give you your name, nothing else. May my words echo for you every day of the rest of
your life; may they cut you as deeply as they do me.
For I am still a fool. I still think back to what I know of you, hoping in vain to find some
redeeming quality, some proof that I was more to you than an incidental conquest. I still sigh
when I remember the warmth of your arm around me, or shiver thinking of the way you whispered in
my ear. And no doubt years from now, in an unfamiliar city, I will catch a glimpse of fiery red
hair in my peripheral vision and whirl around, though I'll already know it isn't you.
And so now I say goodbye to you. I am thrice the fool for wishing you happiness...I wish I
could say that I hated you, that I wished you dead, but I will not lie, even to one who has lied
to me so many times. I wish I felt anger toward you- I know it is justified- but all I feel is
emptiness. Emptiness and pain.
Fare well, Kiryuu Touga. I wish you happiness in whatever you do.
And hate myself for doing so.