Vanquished, Chapter Two
A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfiction by Kudz
"...It's now clear that she's someone very important to me. In order to save her, I'll beat her."
I gambled and I lost. I was wrong to trust in my skill, wrong to Duel you, wrong to make the deal,
and most of all, wrong to allow my emotions free rein. Wrong to love you.
Foolish of me, in the end, to hope that you would understand. You understood too well, or so you
thought. But you understood wrong. I may be the biggest playboy in Ohtori, the most manipulative,
the least caring as to whose heart I break. But to you I would not, could not, lie.
I know you, Utena. Your nobility does shine upon many, as does your beauty. And you think you know
me, you think that the second of these attributes must be the only one to move me. How astonished
you would be, were you to know that it is the first that I find so compelling.
You believe that my offer was a reflection of my true nature. You believe the words which poured
from me the night before were lies, tools of seduction. You will never believe the truth, which is
the opposite. Utena, I do love you, I do cherish you. The memory of that evening is the only
bright spot I cling to, now. But I had to set those terms for our last duel, don't you see? If I
had come to you freely, offered to Duel you one last time, and never again, you would not have
understood. You would have backed away, sensed some trick. You would have gone to the Duputy
Chairman once more, and been truly lost.
So I had to do it. I know that, although you continue to hope for some redeeming factor in me, in
reality you view me as nothing more than the hedonistic womanizer I often appear to be. And what
more would that Touga want, than the opportunity to claim for his own the woman he had once
before tried and failed to win?
I know you, and you think you know me. And thus comes the indictment. I can only imagine how the
deal must have hurt you, how you must have hated me. But you now knew, or thought you knew, why I
had spoken so earnestly, that night in the Arena. After all...I had done it before.
And now you hate me. I could see it in your eyes as you bid me farewell, hear it in your voice.
But I lay here still, desperately running through the situation, frantically trying to find some
way of convincing you of your danger, hopelessly thinking, wishing, praying...loving.
Desperate, frantic, hopeless, wishful. Rarely have those words been applied to the suave, knowing
Seitokaichou. And yet, as I lay here, my best friend finally having left me to my gloom, no words
seem more appropriate.
How hard it must be for your giving nature to wholly condemn someone...but I have given you more
than enough reason. No doubt now you see yourself as a fool, to be taken in again and
again by the same ploy; a fool to still wish that I had been sincere. How ironic it is, then, that
I was.
No, my princess, I was and am the fool. You have left victorious, with a thorny rose as your
reward, and I...
Still I lay here, hurting, thinking of you, calling out to you, though it seems doubtful that you
will hear me, and impossible that you heed me. But I will lay here, regardless, for as long as I
can. For as long as I stay here, you will remain in my mind, and I will be able to call your
features, your voice, your scent to memory. While I lay here, I can forget that soon will come
the Duel called Revolution, and soon after that - nothing. A normal life...but one without you.
Hopeless, I called myself. Perhaps that is not wholly accurate. Perhaps I can still cling to the
hope that, someday...far from here, I will stop in whatever I am doing.
Close my eyes.
Hold my breath.
And, without knowing why, whisper a plaintive question before returning to my life.
As long as I hold onto that hope, I will not even need these memories of you which I so cherish
now. As long as I am changed by you...
"Is there no way I can be your Prince?"
A Shoujo Kakumei Utena fanfiction by Kudz
"...It's now clear that she's someone very important to me. In order to save her, I'll beat her."
I gambled and I lost. I was wrong to trust in my skill, wrong to Duel you, wrong to make the deal,
and most of all, wrong to allow my emotions free rein. Wrong to love you.
Foolish of me, in the end, to hope that you would understand. You understood too well, or so you
thought. But you understood wrong. I may be the biggest playboy in Ohtori, the most manipulative,
the least caring as to whose heart I break. But to you I would not, could not, lie.
I know you, Utena. Your nobility does shine upon many, as does your beauty. And you think you know
me, you think that the second of these attributes must be the only one to move me. How astonished
you would be, were you to know that it is the first that I find so compelling.
You believe that my offer was a reflection of my true nature. You believe the words which poured
from me the night before were lies, tools of seduction. You will never believe the truth, which is
the opposite. Utena, I do love you, I do cherish you. The memory of that evening is the only
bright spot I cling to, now. But I had to set those terms for our last duel, don't you see? If I
had come to you freely, offered to Duel you one last time, and never again, you would not have
understood. You would have backed away, sensed some trick. You would have gone to the Duputy
Chairman once more, and been truly lost.
So I had to do it. I know that, although you continue to hope for some redeeming factor in me, in
reality you view me as nothing more than the hedonistic womanizer I often appear to be. And what
more would that Touga want, than the opportunity to claim for his own the woman he had once
before tried and failed to win?
I know you, and you think you know me. And thus comes the indictment. I can only imagine how the
deal must have hurt you, how you must have hated me. But you now knew, or thought you knew, why I
had spoken so earnestly, that night in the Arena. After all...I had done it before.
And now you hate me. I could see it in your eyes as you bid me farewell, hear it in your voice.
But I lay here still, desperately running through the situation, frantically trying to find some
way of convincing you of your danger, hopelessly thinking, wishing, praying...loving.
Desperate, frantic, hopeless, wishful. Rarely have those words been applied to the suave, knowing
Seitokaichou. And yet, as I lay here, my best friend finally having left me to my gloom, no words
seem more appropriate.
How hard it must be for your giving nature to wholly condemn someone...but I have given you more
than enough reason. No doubt now you see yourself as a fool, to be taken in again and
again by the same ploy; a fool to still wish that I had been sincere. How ironic it is, then, that
I was.
No, my princess, I was and am the fool. You have left victorious, with a thorny rose as your
reward, and I...
Still I lay here, hurting, thinking of you, calling out to you, though it seems doubtful that you
will hear me, and impossible that you heed me. But I will lay here, regardless, for as long as I
can. For as long as I stay here, you will remain in my mind, and I will be able to call your
features, your voice, your scent to memory. While I lay here, I can forget that soon will come
the Duel called Revolution, and soon after that - nothing. A normal life...but one without you.
Hopeless, I called myself. Perhaps that is not wholly accurate. Perhaps I can still cling to the
hope that, someday...far from here, I will stop in whatever I am doing.
Close my eyes.
Hold my breath.
And, without knowing why, whisper a plaintive question before returning to my life.
As long as I hold onto that hope, I will not even need these memories of you which I so cherish
now. As long as I am changed by you...
"Is there no way I can be your Prince?"