AUTHOR'S
NOTE: This
story is based on my experiences at Woodstock '99. Lame as it sounds, it was
probably the most fun I've ever had in my life, and unlike everyone else I was
with, I loved it.
All the characters are copyright
Squaresoft. Woodstock is copyright The Guy Who Created It Whose Name Escapes Me
Right Now.
If the idea of a naked Yuffie
grosses you out, you may just want to skip this.
This story is dedicated to
Heather: who was kind enough to abandon MTV for three days…Curtis, for sharing
his Powerade after he got dehydration…the guy who pissed on my friend's shoes
while the Chili Peppers were playing because eit was just really funny…the guy
behind us who fucked up the Limp Bizkit set.
This story is NOT dedicated to:
the people from New Jersey who fought over the bong and then had LOUD sex right
next to us at 4 AM…the morons who organized the Jimi Hendrix "tribute" (yeah,
fuck you) and most of all, the HEAT!
Makostock '01
"Tents?"
"Check."
"Sleeping
bags?"
"Check."
"Extra food?"
'Check."
"Extraneously
huge case of bottled water?"
"Mmrrrmmph."
Yuffie grunted from underneath it.
"Bong?"
"Shit, I
knew I forgot something." Cid muttered. "Well, we can probably buy one there."
Cloud
sighed and squinted across the field/parking lot. It was already approximately
8000000 degrees Celsius out there and he had a feeling it would get worse.
"Well, that's everything…"
Tifa, clad
only in a bikini top and short-shorts, was busy slathering on 85-factor
sunblock. Aeris was lugging a huge backpack and looked like she was about to
die, sweat pouring down her face. Yuffie was still lying prone under the case
of water. Cid was looking around for something he could hollow out to use as a
bong. And Vincent…
"Hey,
where's Vincent?" Tifa asked suddenly.
"Shit, we
lost someone already?" Cloud grumbled. He surveyed the huge, vast camping area
and to his dismay saw that it was already almost filled up-a day before the
festival started. "Okay, look. Cid, Yuffie, and Aeris, you three go set up
camp. Tifa and I will go look for Vincent. We'll meet by the- by the- ummm…"
Cid was
studying a map of the festival grounds. "There's some kinda Internet Café.
Let's meet up there."
"Okay!"
Cloud said, relieved. 'Thank you, Cid, we'll do just that. We'll meet up in an
hour and then see from there. Let's mosey!"
"Move out."
Cid added automatically.
"Oh, fuck
you."
"Grrrrmmmmmph….!"
said Yuffie.
* * *
"Okay, how
about a spot near the trees so we can get some shade?" Aeris suggested. She,
Cid, and Yuffie were standing in a sea of tents, some of them already leaking
smoke and shaking in an intriguing manner.
Cid shook
his head. 'Aeris, some people are already camping on the SIDES of the trees. No
way in hell we're gonna fit in there; what about next to the Porta-Potties?
Might get a little shade from that, and we won't have to walk all over everyone
else's ^$$@#$% tents to take a piss."
"Good
point." Aeris said cheerfully. "Gee, it's awfully hot, isn't it?"
"That's why
I'm naked." Yuffie said mellifluously.
Cid and
Aeris both turned around slowly. Indeed, Yuffie was very naked. Naked and
sitting on the water case, in fact. Cid's mouth dropped open, his cigarette
plummeting to the dirt. Aeris just blushed
neon-fried-lobster-wearing-rouge-from-Mars red and covered her eyes.
"Damn,
Yuffie! Put some clothes on!" Cid barked.
The ninja
girl crossed her arms and glared at Cid. 'Now, look. I've seen about two
hundred naked people already. Unlike half of them, I'm not fat, dirty,
hairy-legged, and ugly, with my nipples pierced. So why don't you just shut
up?"
"WHAT is
pierced?!" Aeris squeaked, horrified. Cid and Yuffie ignored her.
"Maybe so,
but you ain't exempt from being raped and having perverts hit on ya!" Cid
groused, fumbling for a new cigarette in his shorts pocket. "And I ain't gonna
be watching ya all day either!"
"Why, Cid,
I never knew you cared." Yuffie said with a smirk.
Cid said
something very uncouth and the three continued their search for a decent place
to camp.
* * *
"Okay, if
you were a Vincent, where would you be? Cloud asked Tifa philosophically,
taking a big bite of his turkey-and-veggie wrap.
"Ummm…honestly,
not here." she responded, sucking some Italian dressing off her finger. "Mmmm,
good wraps, though."
Cloud and Tifa
sat at a small table by the small stage where the smaller bands would be
playing. After searching for 45 minutes, they had decided to sit down and take
a breather at a nice little wraps stand before they went over to the Internet
café to meet Cid, Yuffie, and the Cetra Unfortunately Known As Aer-head. (Er,
Aeris, that is.)
In the
center of the table were a couple mint-green pamphlets weighed down by a salt
shaker. Tifa, chewing, picked one up and started leafing through it.
"What's
that?" Cloud asked.
Her
suddenly registered disgust. "Another Christian tract."
"Again?"
Cloud asked. "Didn't we get one driving in?"
"You mean
those things they were touting as maps of the festival grounds that were really
bastardized versions of the real things?"
"Yeah, with
alternate landmarks like "The Forest of God's Love" or "Jesus's Stage of
Eternal Something-or-other"."
"Those were
SO cute." Tifa said sarcastically, replacing the tract. She stood up. "Well,
let's go visit Dennis Leary and the Materia Girl."
Cloud
looked blank.
"Cid and
Yuffie, dumbhead!"
"Oh, right."
