Well everyone, I have gone to the trouble of going through the whole friggin trilogy and correcting all of J.R.R. Tolkien's mistakes. I will first post the new edited version of "The Hobbit." Some time after I've done that (and gotten good reviews) I will rewrite the trilogy. Have fun reading this and remember even if you don't want to believe it, you should, otherwise you would have to live your life in doubt, and you wouldn't want that would you?
"The Hobbit, What Really Happened"
It was a wonderful day in the projects or as you know it, "The Shire." The birds were singing, the residents were mugging, and it was all around a nice day. A young African American named Reggie Jones was chillin in his crib on the 14th floor of the building marked Sam Jackson place. He was calmly having a bud and watching the game when a sudden knocking awoke him from his idle state.
"Who the %$^# there knockin on my door?" he called in his low raspy voice.
"Don't make me get outa dis chair or I gonna come ova there and pop a cap up in yo @$$" he quickly added.
"Its me Gandalf tha grey" came the immediate reply.
"Man, I don't know what you been smoking, but there aint no one in the projects named gandalf the gay" said Reggie.
"I was smoking pipe weed, and its grey not gay ya bum" Came another quick reply, this time followed by another bang at the door.
"Don't you know not to mess with a black man's door?" said Reggie who was now becoming quite irritated at the man standing outside his door.
"Why the $^$# is a guy named Gandalf the Grey coming to my door anyways?" asked Reggie wanting Gandalf to get to the point.
"Well last night I got really stoned and now I wanna go on an adventure with some dwarves to the drug store to get some Tylenol for my aching head, wanna come?"
"What the hell you talking bout?" asked Reggie becoming extremely confused.
He decided he might as well open the door and let the wacko in and then maybe rob him. This Gandalf was becoming very irritating, and Reggie thought he would feel a little better once Gandalf was on the floor begging for mercy. The ring of a phone awoke him from his thoughts, and he brusquely went over to the kitchen of his small apartment to get it.
"Your three months over due for your rent" came a menacing voice from the other side of the line.
"Don't make me chase you outa that room, pay up bub."
Reggie at that moment realized that he was completely out of money. He had spent the last of his saving on a new purple frizzy suit, which for some reason had wings attached to the back. He was pretty stoned when he bought it and when he opened his closet the next morning and saw it he simply decided it was the new "style" and wore it ever since.
Now that it seemed he would have no place to go, the offer Gandalf had made was starting to become more appealing. He thought it over for two more minutes and decided he would go with Gandalf. He figured he could collect a hefty sum from robbing the drug store, enough to last him at least a years rent, and so immediately ran to get his purple suit, and then to the door to tell Gandalf the news, only to find him missing and a note in his place.
"Went to go find Dwarves, if you decide to come you will be able to find me at walking the streets looking for midgets to join my quest."
After reading this short note Reggie grabbed a handful of corn chips for the road, and went in search of Gandalf the Grey.