Hmm. It's funny, really. You think you know yourself to a tee, but then something happens that just changes everything. It's almost as if you did a total 360, and you can't seem to steer yourself back in the direction you were once in. Of course, I look and act the same way I always did. After all, I've come to love my brown, wavy hair and green eyes. The way that I stand tall above the rest. I feel like I can watch over the other senshi, almost as if I was their guardian. I still enjoy cooking. Maybe it's the satisfaction of seeing Usagi-chan's eyes light up at the sight of my cookies; or Minako-chan's smile when she sees my cake.

Still, I don't feel at ease with myself anymore. This is an emotion I've never felt before. I, Kino Makoto.. jealous. It just doesn't sound right, does it? I've always thought of myself as a person that accepts others, and never judges. Sure, I can get awfully mad at times, but never.. jealous..

I think it started out when I found out about my friends. Their talents, their past, their look on life. For instance, Ami-chan. She's to say, in the lightest of terms, intelligent. Her wisdom is incredible. Whenever I hear her explaining something to the group, I just sit and stare at her; in awe of all what's in that precious mind of her's. Never have I seen anything even comparable to what's inside that brain. It makes me wonder if I would ever be able to be that smart. I pass my exams and grades; but not as easily as Ami-chan..

I'm in awe of Rei-chan's beauty. Have you ever seen such an elegant and graceful creature in your whole life? I sure haven't. Her shimmering, raven hair just flows in the wind, as her eyes are full of intense fire and spirit. She gets all the guys in school. Hell, not just in school, but the whole damn city. I'm not surprised that she's had so many boyfriends. I'm envious of her beauty.. Whenever I see her with an adoring guy by her side, I remember my old boyfriend.. And how much love we shared..

Minako-chan is just so full of life. She's full of spirit, and her loyalty is astounding. I can honestly say that she's the most loyal senshi out of the group. I don't think she'd do anything to hurt anyone or anything. I doubt she'd even hurt a fly. She's graceful as well. And my, can she sing and model. I wouldn't be surprised if she would end up becoming an idol like she'd always dreamt to be. I wish I had something that would stand out like that.. Something to get me famous and well known. I'm just Sailor Jupiter, the one in the back..

Usagi-chan. Oh, Usagi-chan, where should I start? Her heart is made of pure and entire gold. There's no one I've ever known, or probably ever will know, that would even compare to the love that she would give. She refuses to fight with anyone, really.. Her love with Mamoru-san is sugary sweet. I don't think I'll ever see another one like it. How I'm jealous of how selflessly she gives herself to others..

I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't a clue what I'm getting at here. Everyone just seems so much stronger and better than I am now. Not one of my friends has a clue, not even my best, Minako-chan. Sometimes I wonder if there'd be a difference if I didn't even exist at all. If there was no Sailor Jupiter. If there was no Kino Makoto. If there was no.. me. I should've been on that plane. I should've died with the rest of them. I was spared, and I honestly wish I hadn't been.

I'll stop now, I've been writing for nearly an hour now. I'm starting to cry, and I'd rather not.. The weather tonight seems to be a mirror image of what I'm feeling right now. It's downcast and pouring. It's like a vision of my soul. As I'm trying to fight this lump in my throat, I'll try to conquer this uncomfortable feeling I have right now.. Oh, how I need someone to talk to..

Momma.. Papa.. I miss you..