This was just an idea I had. Don't own them, yada, yada, yada.
Gundam Boys and Therapy
It was after the war with Marimeia and all the pilots plus Relena were gathered in a psychiatrist's office. Relena had suggested that they all go for some therapy to get over the emotional strain of things. After all, they were only fifteen and couldn't be expected to hold up for long after fighting in a war. As it happened, Wufei was first to go into the office.
"Hello." Said the blonde psychiatrist as Wufei sat in a chair in the corner as far away as he could get from her. "I am Doctor Jones, and you are?"
"Injustice."
"Um? Excuse me, you're Mr. Injustice? I'm not sure I heard right."
"No you weak woman! I am Wufei!" Dr. Jones was taken aback.
"Okay…" She murmured as she wrote in her little notebook. "Has problems with expressing himself and has a problem with the better side of the human race."
"Can I go yet?" Wufei asked irritably and threw a yearning glance at heavy oak door.
"No…you still have fifty nine minutes left out of your hour. Don't you want to open up and share you're feelings about the war?" The Chinese pilot gazed frantically around the room with wide eyes. "I get it!" He said crazily. "You're a spy of Treize's aren't you? Yes, I'm on to you now; you will never get me! I am the great warrior WUFEI CHANG!" He jumped up and ran to the window. "Come to me Nataku!" He jumped onto the windowsill. "Into the arms of death! Mwahahahahahaha! You will never get me! To the horror of Dr. Jones Wufei jumped out of the window.
Good thing we're on the first floor." She said as she watched him run off into the sunset, screaming and laughing insanely. "Who's next on the list. Ah yes, Quatre Winner." She stuck her head out the door and called his name. Quatre walked in and introduced himself as he sat down in the chair next to the desk.
"How are you Miss…?"
"Jones, Dr. Jones. I'm fine but how are you faring after the wars?"
Wars? Heh, heh yeah…" He stuck a finger in the collar of his shirt.
"Yes, war. Do you have a problem talking about it?"
Problem? No! There's no problem at all it's just that, well, I made a few mistakes during the wars that uh I'd rather not speak of."
"Mistakes?" Dr. Jones flipped through her notebook. "Oh, you must mean the one that almost got a Trowa Barton killed?"
"Trowa…" Quatre broke down and started crying. Then he suddenly screamed and stood up. "Don't let them get me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They're everywhere! They're gonna get me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The Winner heir began running around the room screaming uncontrollably.
"Mr. Winner, please calm down. There is no one here but you and me. It's all right." It was no use. Quatre was now climbing up the curtains yelling frantically. "Okay… next on the list a Heero Yuy." As if on cue the said person walked into the room, holding his beloved gun.
"Relena said ZERO SYSTEM! You were going to ZERO SYSTEM! Take away my gun. You can't have it ZERO SYSTEM You know. It's mine. ZERO SYSTEM!" The doctor stared at him.
"Right…I'm not going to take away your gun Mr. Yuy." She cast a glance up at the cowering form that was Quatre clutching the heavy canvas curtains.
"That's good ZERO SYSTEM! Because if you did I would have to kill you. ZERO SYSTEM! And I don't ZERO SYSTEM! Want to do that."
"Why don't you take a seat." She gestured to the chair next to her desk."
"Why? Zero system. Are you an emissary? Zero system."
"No! The war is over!" At the word war Heero dropped to the floor and began wildly firing his gun around the room and Quatre began screaming. Dr. Jones dove under her desk as a bullet whizzed by her head.
"I will complete ZERO SYSTEM! The mission!" He ran out of bullets and jumped onto the windowsill. "Into the arms ZERO SYSTEM! Of death!" He leapt out the window and ran away into the night.
"Hmm. Duo Maxwell. Please let him be semi-sane." She called in Duo. Instead of sitting in the chair he threw himself on the couch. "Hello Mr. Maxwell."
"Call me Duo. What happened to Quatre?" He pointed to the figure clinging to the curtains and whispering incoherent sentences.
"He has a few…issues. But, how are you doing?" She braced herself for an attack or a scream.
"Oh, I've been doin' okay. It's hard, you know coping with all the peace sometimes, but I get by. And I always got Hildi by my side."
"Hildi?"
"Yeah, she's my girl. So sweat and cute. Couldn't find a sweeter girl. And she's headstrong, gotta love it." He got up and began wandering around the room. Dr. Jones relaxed a bit as Duo flipped through a few books.
"Are you suffering from any nightmares or hallucinations?"
"No, not many. I mean I have some but they aren't bad and don't even wake me up." He wandered around her desk and picked up a pair of scissors.
"Oh, I see. Then you're coping pretty well…" Suddenly Duo fell to the floor in a fit of convulsions.
"Don't do it man! Don't do it!" Dr. Jones ran to the other side of her desk only to see the scissors Duo had picked up clutched in his right hand with his left hand holding them away from his meter long braid. He was rolling around on the floor struggling with the scissors. "I mean it man. Keep them away! You'll regret it man! Keep 'em away man!" The psychiatrist grabbed the scissors and flung them to the other side of the room. Duo got up and brushed himself off. "Thanks Doc. I couldn't have held him off any longer." She just stared at him.
"Right Duo. I see nothing out of the ordinary here. You are perfectly…normal. Have a nice day."
"See ya." Duo walked towards the window and climbed out of it.
"I need a break." All at once there was a loud thud. Quatre had fallen from his place next to the ceiling. "Oh Mr. Winner, you decided to come down." She reached out a hand to help him up. He bared his teeth and hissed like an animal of some sort. Moving her hand toward his she drew it back when he bit it. Howling he ran back up the curtains. Edging to the phone she dialed the animal control center. "Yes, I have an animal problem. Yes…yes…we're at the psychiatrist office…yes…thank you." She hung up and looked at Quatre. "They'll be here in a minute or two." She picked up the scissors and sat at her desk holding them out like a weapon. "Now you just stay there." Quatre howled again. Abruptly a young man came in through the window.
"Animal control ma'am. You called."
"Doesn't anyone ever use a door? Yeah he's up there." She watched as the young man calmly slipped a rope around the former millionaire's neck and led him out the window. Burying her face in her hands she called in Trowa.
"Sit, sit over there, somewhere." She watched him warily. Trowa was searching through her desk. "Excuse me? Why are you searching my desk?"
"Practice, must practice. "
"What?"
"Ah, found them!" He held up a bunch of letter openers. "Practice!" Dr. Jones threw herself against the wall as Trowa threw them. Suddenly she found herself stuck to the wall with a bunch of letter openers.
"Why am I stuck to the wall with a bunch of letter openers Mr. Barton."
"Practice." Then to some unseen force he whispered, "I understand" and flung himself out the window. Dr. Jones pulled the sharp, makeshift throwing implements out of the wall and sat at her desk cradling her head in her hands.
"I need a raise… one more to go. Thank god." She called the receptionist and told her to send in Relena.
"Hello, I'm Relena Peacecraft. Where are the others?"
"The others? They all exited in some way through the window."
"Oh, I see. So I guess you want to know my problem then. Well the fact is…I HAVE TO KILL SOMETHING! I can't stand being a pacifist! The peace! It's all getting to me I just gotta kill something! That fly! That one over there!" Relena took off her high-heeled shoes and began stalking the fly. To Dr. Jones' horror the fly landed on the wall above her head and the former pacifist threw her shoe at it. She barely ducked in time. The four-inch heel stuck in the wall, but the fly got away and flew out of the window away from impending doom. Screaming, Relena followed. Dr. Jones fixed her hair and walked out of he destroyed office.
"I will be gone for a while, on vacation." She told the receptionist. "I need a break." She walked out the door.
Two years later…
Wufei, Heero, Duo, Trowa and Relena all had nice cozy apartments in the local insane asylum. Hildi would visit often. Wufei would rant about injustice, Heero would be cradling a water gun that took the place of his real one, Duo still holds an occasional fight with a pair of scissors, Trowa is still on the lookout for things to practice with and Relena has stockpiled hundreds of shoes to kill flies with. Quatre, Quatre has a nice little place in the zoo.
Stupid, yes. But I did only right it in a half-hour.