3
Luke had been a million times before the gray door of Mothma's office but never before he had asked what he had now come to ask. His training was avoiding a visible shiver of his tall figure but under the dark clothes, which made who saw him approaching full of a fear joined to a respect which came from the echoes of the high towers of Coruscant and the night of the times itself, Luke's heart was jumping like a crazy, uncontrollable beast. His throat was dry when the door moved aside and Luke finally saw the woman, ready to listen to him with her usual comforting smile. Noticing that the man wasn't coming in, Mothma rose regally from the seat and went to the door. Luke was there and did a light bow in front of the Chief of State who saluted him with a smile and a gentle move of her black head. Mothma took Luke's hand and made him enter the room, the door silently closed behind him. Silently as she had received him, Mothma took Luke to the seat in front of her writing desk.
"Then, Luke, what is so amazing or terrifying to silence you?" asked then the woman, without letting out her surprise as the Chief of State she was.
"I..."Luke was fed up of his condition and, after a deep breath, spoke, "I'm here to ask you the permission to use Yavin4 as my new Academy, I need a place, apart from the Galaxy, where teach the way of the Jedi to the New Order of the Jedi Knights." His voice was clear and extremely calm, so calm that the feeling Luke was now perceiving was of a deep tranquility like the river which flows until it reach the sea. Mothma thought for a moment and Luke in that moment avoided the sensation he was receiving from the woman, he didn't want to know the way he wanted a simple clear answer, nothing more. Mothma's choice wasn't so difficult: she had only to think about the lack of Jedi, and the need the people in the galaxy had of them and agree. Her head moved. This was the answer Luke wanted to have, he hadn't expect a long boring speech about how splendid his decision had been, or the right opposite. The man rose from the chair and thanked Mothma with a respectful bow, then the Master got out the room, silently as a shadow.
While the turbolift was taking him to the ground floor, where he would take a Cloud Car to reach the Medical Center, Luke was hit by a sudden thought. His squadron, the Red Angels. He wouldn't be their leader anymore. The consciousness of the consequence of what he had learned to be, of the sacrifices he had done and seen, came little by little. First came the Surprise and the oddity for his new life. On his face a mask of surprised disgust. *No more the open space...the fly-suit,* thousands and thousands of memories with their own emotions rose from his memory, *the smell of the ion engine or the singing whistle of the R2 units that rolled around in the docking bay...the crying alarm of the emergencies ...* more he was thinking about it more he was surprised. Passed the surprise came the Sacrifice. * Why can't I leave these clothes and wear my military suit, my fly-suit, with the warm and known black gloves and the heavy but motherly helmet?* The most visible symbol of the Freedom, the first thing all the people think about if you tell them the word "Liberty", his wings: the future of the reckless farmer boy who challenged the Fortune a million times on Tatooine, in its untrustworthy canyons. But the Sacrifice had come and his question had a simple and unavoidable answer, as clear as the sky he was now looking at, from the street. At least he was a man now! The Responsibility flew over him gentle but urgent, the moment of his Good-bye was coming, acting like a little point at the horizon that began bigger and bigger till he could identify what he was looking at. The apprentices could wait for another while.
The towers were now in front of him.
People went and came, ground and air staff, pilots and officers. Who saw him saluted him with his military rank. Fortunately, but he knew he would have to come to terms with it soon or later, he wasn't meeting people he knew well and who he could miss. The hall of the first tower was a noisy circus of species and languages. He would miss that circus!
"SL-76." Asked the turbolift and the door efficiently closed in front of him. He was the only person in the turbolift and was glad of it. *I'm leaving a part of me here today. I don't want and I want, I can't and I must. I knew I would do something like this and I didn't know. Ben knew it. He had seen it and I'm seeing it now. It's the same. Present Past Future all at once, Jedi see the bond between these meaningless and meaningful words.* While his thought was going on, his weak soul was acquiring a new consistence, a new reason of being. *I know I have to do this and I know I will be glad of being the Master of the New Order but...leaving all this!* His arms opened in a gesture that embraced the whole structure around him. As if he was trying to find comfort from it, the young Master touched the wall of the turbolift, but the coldness of it was refusing him, echoing of silence. *AH! Is it so? Well then...I'll leave this place with happiness in my heart, it's refusing me. Fool! I've been a damned fool thinking that someone here really needed me, they want and see only the Jedi, the symbol of the Justice. I'll be the best Jedi, the best one!*
The office of his superior was at the end of the corridor. Luke ran till he met the closed door. He didn't try to avoid the impact, his body was punishing his mind.
"Who's there?" a voice came from inside and Luke answered efficiently. "Come in Commander..." the door opened but Luke wasn't the same person had entered Mothma's office.
"I leave the leadership of the Red Angels." Said simply, and while the words were flowing out from his mouth his mind assimilated the meaning of each one, the full stop they would made in his life.
"How long?" asked incredulous the aged man behind the writing desk.
"For ever." Two words and his life did a BOOM! so deafening to be heard from an edge to the opposite of the Galaxy. Luke didn't give the man the time to answer and exited the room.
The Medical Center was another group of towers, Luke had arrived before the twins structures and his mind was a calm sea. What he had done had a meaning a reason so deep and important that his freedom or his happiness wouldn't matter now. In the hall there was none but the nurse at the reception. He knew the way and the nurse nodded letting he go on with his business. He was proud of himself, he had done a choice for the whole Galaxy, it had been an altruistic gesture. But why then, he was still so sad?
Walking without thinking about the way, the wondering Master arrived at the room of his apprentices. The other young Padawans were there and Luke thought he would have probably felt their presence if he hadn't been so thoughtful and absorbed. Hujan reached him first, saluting him with a respectful bow. Luke saluted him back nodding. One by one the apprentices noticed and saluted their Master. Irene was there, she had felt his presence and was looking at him, an unspoken question in her eyes.
"I'm glad to see you're finer now." Said looking at the two apprentices in the beds. Dakana smiled and Toman nodded.
"I'm glad to see you've come to us...Master."
"I'm here because I have to talk to you all." Irene was going to have her answer. The woman rose from the chair near Dakana's bed and stopped Hujan who was playing with the curtain of the window, evidently annoyed by the situation.
"We're moving to another place. I asked Mon Mothma to use the Massassi Temple on Yavin4 as my new Academy." The children knew the planet by the legends about the Rebellion and were all happy. Irene was not so convinced. The apprentices were all young reckless fellows and on a planet like Yavin4 they would probably pass most of the time with the nurse droid. Luke noticed her expression and took her hand, leading the woman out of the room.
"You aren't convinced, are you?" asked Luke, really preoccupied of what Irene thought about his decision.
"I know you have chosen for the best of the Galaxy, but think about Yavin4 for a moment. You've been there, you know its dangers..."
"But you'll be there with me, they're not so young."
Irene closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. When she spoke again her eyes were still closed.
"Okay, I'll help them preparing their stuff. When are we leaving?"
"As soon as possible. I'm going to talk with the doctor."
"I'll see you later then, at the Council Room..."
"Yes, you'll do your meditations this evening." Luke was leaving but Irene stopped him, touching his arm.
"Why don't you say to your apprentices not to call you Commander anymore?"
"Y-yes..." Irene had surprised him with her direct question and Luke could only stammer an answer.
He closed the door behind him and Irene followed his speech from the outside. The apprentices didn't ask anything, they diligently listened to him and nodded. For the first time he was all alone with his apprentices, without shields and Irene smiled looking at his gestures, measured and calm.
"What?!" Leia's voice was an amazed yell. Han had jumped up, waving the hands in the air with a shocked expression. Chewbacca had had a more normal behavior, his brown head had simply nodded in agreement. The living room of Han and Leia's apartment had come to life after a long monologue, recited with the calmness of the Jedi and a pair of light blue eyes which had danced in the light of the outside and on the faces of the astonished bystanders. Luke had expected a reaction of that kind but Leia's eyes were so lost in the research of another meaning in what her crazy brother -and he could be none but a crazy person- had just said that Luke moved toward her and took her hands in his. Leia's eyes looked up at him eager, narrow and ready to cry.
"Don't cry Leia." Whispered the man. Leia hung her head on his chest and his hands caressed her back. Silently Leia nodded. She understood: in the Force she could understand his brother's decision. She knew how difficult it had been for him leaving the leadership of one of the best squadrons of X-Wings, but he had chosen for the best of the Galaxy and she understood. Han was still stammering in front of the window, confused. He could understand all, the only thing he couldn't think about was the kid without his pilot outfit, no more ready to fly in some important missions...The Galaxy was losing one of the best pilots it had ever had. Luke left Leia and touched Han's shoulder.
"Han, don't be so confused. The Galaxy needs me as a Jedi Master now..."
"You're right kid, you know?" the Corellian smuggler embraced Luke and the two friends stood there for a long moment. Han now understood and Luke was contented to have his approval. Chewbacca rose from the sofa and hugged his friends. He had been left out from the argument and he wanted to make clear his position.
Luke left the apartment four hours later. Han and Leia had wanted to know Irene's position about his decision and Leia had insisted that Luke remained there for lunch.
In the corridor Luke met Manal Furana and Phil'ke. Furana was silently crying and Manal was looking at him with angry eyes. Phil'ke was comforting the woman. Luke breathed deeply and took a step toward the pilots.
"Hi Commander...or have I to call you Master?" Furana's voice hissed full of indignation.
"Furana...Manal...Phil'ke...I can't be your leader anymore. I'm a Jedi, I must follow my way."
"Master, we know what it means for you but you have to understand that you've taken your decision without had told it us before. You're our leader, the best leader we've ever had. We've done more than one dangerous mission, but we were all glad to work with you. We relied on you, commander. We were ready to die to defend you because we knew you were ready to die to save us. You have saved my bottom from the Martial Court when I destroyed the prototype of the V-Interceptor to impress Medelle. You helped Rorje coming back in peace with his mother, and Vega wouldn't be with us if it wasn't for you...all of us have something to be thankful to you for."
Manal's words hit Luke's heart like a saber but his mind calmed the dolor down. Luke's voice became a whisper.
"I know but you won't make me change my mind. I'll do the best of the Galaxy. It will be my first duty, till I breath." The Master left the group, headed to the turbolift's columns.
The door of the turbolift opened in front of him when Furana's voice echoed in the corridor.
"None of us will help you from this moment on! You're dead for the Red Angels! DEAD!!"
Luke couldn't avoid to shed a single painful tear that gleamed in the light like the last feather of a dying phoenix, but like the phoenix, Luke would revive soon from his ashes.
That long day was finally ending. Luke had talked with the doctor and had finally met Lukas. His conditions were becoming better every minute and Dakana and Toman would leave the Medical Center in a short time. Irene had already prepared their suitcases and the other apprentices had done the same. Luke had given them their official outfit and they were now eating all together at the Medical Center, under the vigilant eye of Leia and Han.
The stars were bright points in the endless darkness. Luke tried to find the lost peace looking at them, at their calm life but he could only feel his mind confused for what had happened during that day.
Irene was in the middle of the Council Room, Luke near her. The apprentice was trying to rise an apple. Her trance was complete, her mind focused on the rounded form of the fruit, its color, what it was in the Force. Luke had left her trying all by herself, for the first time. In Irene's mind the apple rose trembling and Luke saw the red fruit starting to rise from the floor. It stopped a meter up from the gray floor of the room but Luke wasn't paying much attention at it. Irene felt his mind for a moment without the wall it usually had and a deep pain flew into her soul. The apple dropped immediately when Irene shifted her attention from the fruit to Luke's troubles. In him there was a storm of contrasting thoughts: his past his present his future her the Academy the apprentices Leia's children Han his friend the Red Angels Tatooine Ben Yoda his father. A chaotic sea of thoughts, where Luke could only keep afloat, hit by the sharp edges of the thought that were floating around him. The Master noticed her brief presence and reduced his problem to silence.
"Where were we?" Asked trying to speak with his normal tone of voice.
"The apple. I rose it..."reminded him Irene.
"Yes, yes...oh..."Luke took a look around searching for something neither himself exactly knew.
"Master I'm not a child, you want your time. Don't try to find something to keep me absorbed. Tell me simply that you need a while to think..." Said gently the woman, smiling tenderly. Again, Irene had talked for him: she had the extraordinary capacity to anticipate his actions and knew his own thoughts before him. Luke did nothing but a light nod and Irene rose from the floor. Silently the woman exited the room, leaving her Master*...Luke...*Something inside her didn't want to leave that room but the feet moved and the door closed behind her.
*Yes...I really need a moment to make clear my mind. Irene's right. Okay...let's see what we can do.*
Luke fell in a deep trance and slowly the thoughts came back to their corner, some in the light other in the shadow. He was alone now in the light of the sunset of his mind, but there was still pain and trouble that were winding in him. The iced blows that hit his face were like the winds on Hoth and Luke saw the space around him change, becoming the glacial desert of the unfriendly planet, far from Cloud City. The light was cold and the night was falling upon him. *What is this place??* His thought echoed in the valley coming back sarcastically to him. *I'm not on Hoth! This can't be Hoth!* For a moment Luke was taken by an uncontrollable fear of the land he saw. *Calm down Luke...*said to himself while the gelid wind was ruffling his hair. *You're a Jedi you've eliminated the irrepressible fear and the anger against the people and the things. I am at a loss for a moment, this is all. Just a moment.* But the moment passed and when Luke opened again his eyes on the world around him Hoth, or what he thought was Hoth, was still around him, gelid and lifeless as usual. *What's happening to me?* Something behind him moved and Luke turned then the surprise made him draw a step back from...himself?!
*You can't be here! *Shouted pointing at his twin.
*Are you sure? You're talking to me and I'm answering...*
*You're...me...?*
*Right observation pal...*
*But if you're me...who am I?*
*That's why I am here. You don't know who you are, really...I am you, your courage, the best of you but you have to accept the other part of you. Even Yoda or Ben or Anakin had their fears but they knew them and could control them. You can't go on this way. You are your fears...understand this and I'll be with you.*
*Ben sent you, hadn't him?*
*Yes...Ben and Yoda and your father, he was the most preoccupied of the three...*
*My father...*
*I'm going...* the spirit was disappearing and Luke tried to gasp it but more he felt he was losing the spirit more it became inconsistent. He stopped immediately when he realized why the spirit was disappearing and called him, but he was wrong again. He had convinced himself he had understood and the spirit went away. *Again!! I'm alone again!!* Again the fear, the loneliness was his worst fear and he couldn't stop it.
*I am alone here!! Please Masters, Father help me...you're here, help me!! * Luke felt the tears ice on his cheeks and dried them immediately. No he hadn't to cry!! He wasn't a child! The man was again lonely surrounded by the snow and the cruel winds but something inside him was slowly calming down his loneliness.
*I'm not alone.* It was his first conquest. *I'm not alone. Even on Hoth I wasn't alone...and now I'm not alone.* Now he was understanding his fear and could control it. More he thought about it more it appeared stupid and docile. Hoth around him slowly disappeared and a smile ran across his lips. The light of his mind, calm and peaceful now, lightened the space around and a sense of warmth filled his tired out body.
His eyes looked around in the darkness of the room. He had been away for more that five hours and he thought he was the only person on the floor, so he picked up his cloak and went to the door. His senses were working at full speed now and he had the perception of a person in the corridor.
The door shifted aside silently and Luke smiled finding Irene curled up on a chair, covered by the dark cloak. When he drew a step inside the corridor, the woman woke up immediately and reached him.
"I wasn't sleeping Master..." said immediately Irene and Luke smiled, nodding.
"You could go...it wasn't necessary to wait for me."
"Don't worry, I've done other exercise during this time. I rose the seats one by one, fortunately you didn't heard the noise that I made when I rose four seats and they fell on the floor. I hoped you didn't..."
"And I didn't of course. Don't worry about it."
"You've found the peace, haven't you?"
"Is it so clear?"
"You're different from before..."
"I'm glad of it..."
They had reached the turbolift and Irene pressed the call button without looking at it. Her eyes were for Luke, only for him and his eyes were still looking at her while the door of the turbolift was closing after they had entered.
Luke had been a million times before the gray door of Mothma's office but never before he had asked what he had now come to ask. His training was avoiding a visible shiver of his tall figure but under the dark clothes, which made who saw him approaching full of a fear joined to a respect which came from the echoes of the high towers of Coruscant and the night of the times itself, Luke's heart was jumping like a crazy, uncontrollable beast. His throat was dry when the door moved aside and Luke finally saw the woman, ready to listen to him with her usual comforting smile. Noticing that the man wasn't coming in, Mothma rose regally from the seat and went to the door. Luke was there and did a light bow in front of the Chief of State who saluted him with a smile and a gentle move of her black head. Mothma took Luke's hand and made him enter the room, the door silently closed behind him. Silently as she had received him, Mothma took Luke to the seat in front of her writing desk.
"Then, Luke, what is so amazing or terrifying to silence you?" asked then the woman, without letting out her surprise as the Chief of State she was.
"I..."Luke was fed up of his condition and, after a deep breath, spoke, "I'm here to ask you the permission to use Yavin4 as my new Academy, I need a place, apart from the Galaxy, where teach the way of the Jedi to the New Order of the Jedi Knights." His voice was clear and extremely calm, so calm that the feeling Luke was now perceiving was of a deep tranquility like the river which flows until it reach the sea. Mothma thought for a moment and Luke in that moment avoided the sensation he was receiving from the woman, he didn't want to know the way he wanted a simple clear answer, nothing more. Mothma's choice wasn't so difficult: she had only to think about the lack of Jedi, and the need the people in the galaxy had of them and agree. Her head moved. This was the answer Luke wanted to have, he hadn't expect a long boring speech about how splendid his decision had been, or the right opposite. The man rose from the chair and thanked Mothma with a respectful bow, then the Master got out the room, silently as a shadow.
While the turbolift was taking him to the ground floor, where he would take a Cloud Car to reach the Medical Center, Luke was hit by a sudden thought. His squadron, the Red Angels. He wouldn't be their leader anymore. The consciousness of the consequence of what he had learned to be, of the sacrifices he had done and seen, came little by little. First came the Surprise and the oddity for his new life. On his face a mask of surprised disgust. *No more the open space...the fly-suit,* thousands and thousands of memories with their own emotions rose from his memory, *the smell of the ion engine or the singing whistle of the R2 units that rolled around in the docking bay...the crying alarm of the emergencies ...* more he was thinking about it more he was surprised. Passed the surprise came the Sacrifice. * Why can't I leave these clothes and wear my military suit, my fly-suit, with the warm and known black gloves and the heavy but motherly helmet?* The most visible symbol of the Freedom, the first thing all the people think about if you tell them the word "Liberty", his wings: the future of the reckless farmer boy who challenged the Fortune a million times on Tatooine, in its untrustworthy canyons. But the Sacrifice had come and his question had a simple and unavoidable answer, as clear as the sky he was now looking at, from the street. At least he was a man now! The Responsibility flew over him gentle but urgent, the moment of his Good-bye was coming, acting like a little point at the horizon that began bigger and bigger till he could identify what he was looking at. The apprentices could wait for another while.
The towers were now in front of him.
People went and came, ground and air staff, pilots and officers. Who saw him saluted him with his military rank. Fortunately, but he knew he would have to come to terms with it soon or later, he wasn't meeting people he knew well and who he could miss. The hall of the first tower was a noisy circus of species and languages. He would miss that circus!
"SL-76." Asked the turbolift and the door efficiently closed in front of him. He was the only person in the turbolift and was glad of it. *I'm leaving a part of me here today. I don't want and I want, I can't and I must. I knew I would do something like this and I didn't know. Ben knew it. He had seen it and I'm seeing it now. It's the same. Present Past Future all at once, Jedi see the bond between these meaningless and meaningful words.* While his thought was going on, his weak soul was acquiring a new consistence, a new reason of being. *I know I have to do this and I know I will be glad of being the Master of the New Order but...leaving all this!* His arms opened in a gesture that embraced the whole structure around him. As if he was trying to find comfort from it, the young Master touched the wall of the turbolift, but the coldness of it was refusing him, echoing of silence. *AH! Is it so? Well then...I'll leave this place with happiness in my heart, it's refusing me. Fool! I've been a damned fool thinking that someone here really needed me, they want and see only the Jedi, the symbol of the Justice. I'll be the best Jedi, the best one!*
The office of his superior was at the end of the corridor. Luke ran till he met the closed door. He didn't try to avoid the impact, his body was punishing his mind.
"Who's there?" a voice came from inside and Luke answered efficiently. "Come in Commander..." the door opened but Luke wasn't the same person had entered Mothma's office.
"I leave the leadership of the Red Angels." Said simply, and while the words were flowing out from his mouth his mind assimilated the meaning of each one, the full stop they would made in his life.
"How long?" asked incredulous the aged man behind the writing desk.
"For ever." Two words and his life did a BOOM! so deafening to be heard from an edge to the opposite of the Galaxy. Luke didn't give the man the time to answer and exited the room.
The Medical Center was another group of towers, Luke had arrived before the twins structures and his mind was a calm sea. What he had done had a meaning a reason so deep and important that his freedom or his happiness wouldn't matter now. In the hall there was none but the nurse at the reception. He knew the way and the nurse nodded letting he go on with his business. He was proud of himself, he had done a choice for the whole Galaxy, it had been an altruistic gesture. But why then, he was still so sad?
Walking without thinking about the way, the wondering Master arrived at the room of his apprentices. The other young Padawans were there and Luke thought he would have probably felt their presence if he hadn't been so thoughtful and absorbed. Hujan reached him first, saluting him with a respectful bow. Luke saluted him back nodding. One by one the apprentices noticed and saluted their Master. Irene was there, she had felt his presence and was looking at him, an unspoken question in her eyes.
"I'm glad to see you're finer now." Said looking at the two apprentices in the beds. Dakana smiled and Toman nodded.
"I'm glad to see you've come to us...Master."
"I'm here because I have to talk to you all." Irene was going to have her answer. The woman rose from the chair near Dakana's bed and stopped Hujan who was playing with the curtain of the window, evidently annoyed by the situation.
"We're moving to another place. I asked Mon Mothma to use the Massassi Temple on Yavin4 as my new Academy." The children knew the planet by the legends about the Rebellion and were all happy. Irene was not so convinced. The apprentices were all young reckless fellows and on a planet like Yavin4 they would probably pass most of the time with the nurse droid. Luke noticed her expression and took her hand, leading the woman out of the room.
"You aren't convinced, are you?" asked Luke, really preoccupied of what Irene thought about his decision.
"I know you have chosen for the best of the Galaxy, but think about Yavin4 for a moment. You've been there, you know its dangers..."
"But you'll be there with me, they're not so young."
Irene closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. When she spoke again her eyes were still closed.
"Okay, I'll help them preparing their stuff. When are we leaving?"
"As soon as possible. I'm going to talk with the doctor."
"I'll see you later then, at the Council Room..."
"Yes, you'll do your meditations this evening." Luke was leaving but Irene stopped him, touching his arm.
"Why don't you say to your apprentices not to call you Commander anymore?"
"Y-yes..." Irene had surprised him with her direct question and Luke could only stammer an answer.
He closed the door behind him and Irene followed his speech from the outside. The apprentices didn't ask anything, they diligently listened to him and nodded. For the first time he was all alone with his apprentices, without shields and Irene smiled looking at his gestures, measured and calm.
"What?!" Leia's voice was an amazed yell. Han had jumped up, waving the hands in the air with a shocked expression. Chewbacca had had a more normal behavior, his brown head had simply nodded in agreement. The living room of Han and Leia's apartment had come to life after a long monologue, recited with the calmness of the Jedi and a pair of light blue eyes which had danced in the light of the outside and on the faces of the astonished bystanders. Luke had expected a reaction of that kind but Leia's eyes were so lost in the research of another meaning in what her crazy brother -and he could be none but a crazy person- had just said that Luke moved toward her and took her hands in his. Leia's eyes looked up at him eager, narrow and ready to cry.
"Don't cry Leia." Whispered the man. Leia hung her head on his chest and his hands caressed her back. Silently Leia nodded. She understood: in the Force she could understand his brother's decision. She knew how difficult it had been for him leaving the leadership of one of the best squadrons of X-Wings, but he had chosen for the best of the Galaxy and she understood. Han was still stammering in front of the window, confused. He could understand all, the only thing he couldn't think about was the kid without his pilot outfit, no more ready to fly in some important missions...The Galaxy was losing one of the best pilots it had ever had. Luke left Leia and touched Han's shoulder.
"Han, don't be so confused. The Galaxy needs me as a Jedi Master now..."
"You're right kid, you know?" the Corellian smuggler embraced Luke and the two friends stood there for a long moment. Han now understood and Luke was contented to have his approval. Chewbacca rose from the sofa and hugged his friends. He had been left out from the argument and he wanted to make clear his position.
Luke left the apartment four hours later. Han and Leia had wanted to know Irene's position about his decision and Leia had insisted that Luke remained there for lunch.
In the corridor Luke met Manal Furana and Phil'ke. Furana was silently crying and Manal was looking at him with angry eyes. Phil'ke was comforting the woman. Luke breathed deeply and took a step toward the pilots.
"Hi Commander...or have I to call you Master?" Furana's voice hissed full of indignation.
"Furana...Manal...Phil'ke...I can't be your leader anymore. I'm a Jedi, I must follow my way."
"Master, we know what it means for you but you have to understand that you've taken your decision without had told it us before. You're our leader, the best leader we've ever had. We've done more than one dangerous mission, but we were all glad to work with you. We relied on you, commander. We were ready to die to defend you because we knew you were ready to die to save us. You have saved my bottom from the Martial Court when I destroyed the prototype of the V-Interceptor to impress Medelle. You helped Rorje coming back in peace with his mother, and Vega wouldn't be with us if it wasn't for you...all of us have something to be thankful to you for."
Manal's words hit Luke's heart like a saber but his mind calmed the dolor down. Luke's voice became a whisper.
"I know but you won't make me change my mind. I'll do the best of the Galaxy. It will be my first duty, till I breath." The Master left the group, headed to the turbolift's columns.
The door of the turbolift opened in front of him when Furana's voice echoed in the corridor.
"None of us will help you from this moment on! You're dead for the Red Angels! DEAD!!"
Luke couldn't avoid to shed a single painful tear that gleamed in the light like the last feather of a dying phoenix, but like the phoenix, Luke would revive soon from his ashes.
That long day was finally ending. Luke had talked with the doctor and had finally met Lukas. His conditions were becoming better every minute and Dakana and Toman would leave the Medical Center in a short time. Irene had already prepared their suitcases and the other apprentices had done the same. Luke had given them their official outfit and they were now eating all together at the Medical Center, under the vigilant eye of Leia and Han.
The stars were bright points in the endless darkness. Luke tried to find the lost peace looking at them, at their calm life but he could only feel his mind confused for what had happened during that day.
Irene was in the middle of the Council Room, Luke near her. The apprentice was trying to rise an apple. Her trance was complete, her mind focused on the rounded form of the fruit, its color, what it was in the Force. Luke had left her trying all by herself, for the first time. In Irene's mind the apple rose trembling and Luke saw the red fruit starting to rise from the floor. It stopped a meter up from the gray floor of the room but Luke wasn't paying much attention at it. Irene felt his mind for a moment without the wall it usually had and a deep pain flew into her soul. The apple dropped immediately when Irene shifted her attention from the fruit to Luke's troubles. In him there was a storm of contrasting thoughts: his past his present his future her the Academy the apprentices Leia's children Han his friend the Red Angels Tatooine Ben Yoda his father. A chaotic sea of thoughts, where Luke could only keep afloat, hit by the sharp edges of the thought that were floating around him. The Master noticed her brief presence and reduced his problem to silence.
"Where were we?" Asked trying to speak with his normal tone of voice.
"The apple. I rose it..."reminded him Irene.
"Yes, yes...oh..."Luke took a look around searching for something neither himself exactly knew.
"Master I'm not a child, you want your time. Don't try to find something to keep me absorbed. Tell me simply that you need a while to think..." Said gently the woman, smiling tenderly. Again, Irene had talked for him: she had the extraordinary capacity to anticipate his actions and knew his own thoughts before him. Luke did nothing but a light nod and Irene rose from the floor. Silently the woman exited the room, leaving her Master*...Luke...*Something inside her didn't want to leave that room but the feet moved and the door closed behind her.
*Yes...I really need a moment to make clear my mind. Irene's right. Okay...let's see what we can do.*
Luke fell in a deep trance and slowly the thoughts came back to their corner, some in the light other in the shadow. He was alone now in the light of the sunset of his mind, but there was still pain and trouble that were winding in him. The iced blows that hit his face were like the winds on Hoth and Luke saw the space around him change, becoming the glacial desert of the unfriendly planet, far from Cloud City. The light was cold and the night was falling upon him. *What is this place??* His thought echoed in the valley coming back sarcastically to him. *I'm not on Hoth! This can't be Hoth!* For a moment Luke was taken by an uncontrollable fear of the land he saw. *Calm down Luke...*said to himself while the gelid wind was ruffling his hair. *You're a Jedi you've eliminated the irrepressible fear and the anger against the people and the things. I am at a loss for a moment, this is all. Just a moment.* But the moment passed and when Luke opened again his eyes on the world around him Hoth, or what he thought was Hoth, was still around him, gelid and lifeless as usual. *What's happening to me?* Something behind him moved and Luke turned then the surprise made him draw a step back from...himself?!
*You can't be here! *Shouted pointing at his twin.
*Are you sure? You're talking to me and I'm answering...*
*You're...me...?*
*Right observation pal...*
*But if you're me...who am I?*
*That's why I am here. You don't know who you are, really...I am you, your courage, the best of you but you have to accept the other part of you. Even Yoda or Ben or Anakin had their fears but they knew them and could control them. You can't go on this way. You are your fears...understand this and I'll be with you.*
*Ben sent you, hadn't him?*
*Yes...Ben and Yoda and your father, he was the most preoccupied of the three...*
*My father...*
*I'm going...* the spirit was disappearing and Luke tried to gasp it but more he felt he was losing the spirit more it became inconsistent. He stopped immediately when he realized why the spirit was disappearing and called him, but he was wrong again. He had convinced himself he had understood and the spirit went away. *Again!! I'm alone again!!* Again the fear, the loneliness was his worst fear and he couldn't stop it.
*I am alone here!! Please Masters, Father help me...you're here, help me!! * Luke felt the tears ice on his cheeks and dried them immediately. No he hadn't to cry!! He wasn't a child! The man was again lonely surrounded by the snow and the cruel winds but something inside him was slowly calming down his loneliness.
*I'm not alone.* It was his first conquest. *I'm not alone. Even on Hoth I wasn't alone...and now I'm not alone.* Now he was understanding his fear and could control it. More he thought about it more it appeared stupid and docile. Hoth around him slowly disappeared and a smile ran across his lips. The light of his mind, calm and peaceful now, lightened the space around and a sense of warmth filled his tired out body.
His eyes looked around in the darkness of the room. He had been away for more that five hours and he thought he was the only person on the floor, so he picked up his cloak and went to the door. His senses were working at full speed now and he had the perception of a person in the corridor.
The door shifted aside silently and Luke smiled finding Irene curled up on a chair, covered by the dark cloak. When he drew a step inside the corridor, the woman woke up immediately and reached him.
"I wasn't sleeping Master..." said immediately Irene and Luke smiled, nodding.
"You could go...it wasn't necessary to wait for me."
"Don't worry, I've done other exercise during this time. I rose the seats one by one, fortunately you didn't heard the noise that I made when I rose four seats and they fell on the floor. I hoped you didn't..."
"And I didn't of course. Don't worry about it."
"You've found the peace, haven't you?"
"Is it so clear?"
"You're different from before..."
"I'm glad of it..."
They had reached the turbolift and Irene pressed the call button without looking at it. Her eyes were for Luke, only for him and his eyes were still looking at her while the door of the turbolift was closing after they had entered.