"Fly Away to the Clouds of Heaven"
Chapter 4: Jake
I just sat up in bed watching her form. Looking on as her breath went in and out in a steady rhythm. I looked on knowing, that even though her breathing was on a steady pace, her heart was in an emotional spin.
By now you probably know my name. I'm sure Cassie has explained my role to you. I'm just Jake, the once responsible logical leader. The leader, who led a war, almost losing his soul and morals as it went on. I probably would have, if Cassie wasn't there to keep me on the ground. I remember the nights I would go to her room and explain my state of mind. I also remember seeing the fear and worry in her eyes as she wondered what I was capable of doing to myself and others at that time.
Now it was my turn to worry.
The tables had finally turned, and the roles were now reversed. It was now Cassie pouring her soul out to me as I wondered what I could possibly do to keep her sane.
I wonder what Cassie did for me to keep me as I am.
I suppose, she just loved me without limits. Even as my heart grew harder and others around me grew tired of who I was becoming, Cassie stayed her ground.
She stayed with me.
That's what I'm trying to do with her right now. I'm trying to show that no matter what happens I'm here, and that I love her with no limits.
What happens when love isn't enough though?
She had asked me that question before she fell asleep, and I didn't have an answer. Wasn't love always enough? If it wasn't, I would have went over the edge long ago.
Then again, if it was, then why was Cassie's father still dying?
I put up my hands in frustration. I didn't know the answer. I mean, questions like this have probably been asked for thousands of years by wise men and philosophers, I doubt I was going to find the answer in one night.
I looked back at Cassie, reaching out to her face, gently tracing my fingers over her lips.
Perhaps love couldn't keep away death, but it sure could out last it. That's because I knew that if I ever died, or if Cassie would ever pass, I would care for her long after life had ended, probably more so.
Maybe that was the answer. Maybe death and pain, only made happiness and love stronger.
I turned to the window, looking out at the open sky. I got up softly from the bed, making sure not to disturb Cassie, and walked to it. I got down on my knees, and put my hands in a praying position. I began to whisper.
"God are you there, it's me Jake? I know we haven't talked in a while, but we really need to talk now. You see, you have put us through a lot of trials and tribulations, and we have, with your help of course, made it through. But now, this could be the hardest test Cassie may have to face. She's gone through so much, and I sit here and wonder why she has to go through this. I'm not one to question many things, I just deal with it, but for Cassie's sake, I'm asking now. Help her Lord, give her the strength to get through this, and if you can't give her the strength, give it to me. Give it to me, so I can be her strength. I don't know what Cassie might do if she loses her father, but I do know what I might do if I lose Cassie and," I trailed off now, holding back tears that were forcing their way to the surface.
I couldn't cry right now, not while Cassie needed me.
"Jake," I heard her whisper from behind.
I turned around and noticed her roaming her hands over the bed, possibly wondering where I had went.
"I'm here," I said going over to her side.
She looked up at me with those hopeful eyes. Even with all the sorrow, she still had hope in those eyes.
"Who were you talking to," she said, reaching up to wipe a stray tear that had fallen down my face.
"I was having a conversation with God. He speaks highly of you," I whispered, letting a playful smile come across my lips.
"Oh, he does, does he? He better, with all the mess he puts me through," she whispered back, half playing and half seriously.
"He also tells me, everything happens for a reason," I went on.
"You and God seem really close," she said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, when I'm with you Cassie, it feels like heaven, so when I'm up there, God and I go to lunch," I replied, giving a wink.
"Oh," she replied, like it was obvious.
I bent down letting my lips go over Cassie's, just wanting to stay like this forever. I climbed back into the bed, and wrapped Cassie into an embrace. We fell asleep like that, our lips so close to one another. Forever connected.
We were going to get through this together.
***
Cassie:
I stood outside of my father's hospital room. I had been debating if I should enter or not. It had been at least two days since I last saw him. His condition was still the same, but amazingly he was still alive. Family and friends had all come to the hospital, giving their support. The doctors said that even though he was still here with us, they doubted he would actually wake up.
Funny, I thought doctors were supposed to give hope. All they seemed to keep giving me were doubts.
I took a deep breath and touched the handle once again leading into the room. Once I stepped in I just stood by the door for some minutes. My mother had left out of the room minutes before. It was probably the first time in two days that she had left his side. This was the first time in two days, that I was by his side again.
I walked carefully to the small couch close to him, and quietly sat beside him. His body still seemed so lifeless and fragile on that small bed.
At one time, I believed my father was larger than life it's self. Now, I just wanted life to be with him again.
I slowly reached out and let my fingers touch upon his hand, and smiled, still feeling the warmth of blood running under his skin.
"You there Daddy," I began, "it's me again. I know I haven't been around in two days, but I couldn't stand to see you like this. It's like, as you lay here, a peace of my life is slowly fading away. It's a piece of my life that I don't want to give up right now. People tell me that death has to happen in order to live life. But what kind of life can you lead, if all the people we love leave us," I asked, waiting as if he would answer.
He didn't. He just lay there with his eyes closed, like he was sleeping so peacefully.
"Jake has really been helping me," I continued, "it's ironic. At one time I believed the only man that could help me through my nightmares was you, but Jake seems to be doing that just fine as well. I always dreamed about finding someone secure and strong, just like you Daddy. I suppose Jake has fulfilled my dream. One day, I want to get married to him and have a loving relationship like you and Mom," I finished.
"Looks like my baby girl is growing up," a small faint whisper said through the air.
My heart stopped beating.
I looked up and saw my father slowly opening his eyes.
"Daddy," I said becoming slightly hysterical, "Mom!"
My mother rushed in and looked about the room, finally letting her eyes come upon my father. She rushed over to his side and reached her hand to his face.
"Baby," she whispered in disbelief.
"I told you about talking dirty in front of Cassie," he replied with a slight faint smile.
"Let me go get the doctors," she said, rushing out.
I sat in shock, amazed at what I was seeing. My father's lifeless body had once again had life back in it.
He let his eyes gaze over to me.
"Now what's this talk about marriage," he let out.
I wiped away the tears that had begun to stream down my face.
"Just that I hope that my life with Jake will be just as great as your life with Mom. Dad, I'm so happy that you woke up," I said, reaching over, slightly hugging him.
"I told you I'd always be here," he said with a weak whisper, "who else is going to walk you down on your wedding day."
"Or beat up Jake if he ever does me wrong," I finished, smiling through my tears.
We sat there in silence for some minutes, then I spoke.
"Dad, sing that song you always sung to me when I was young," I said looking up.
"Only if you sing it with me," he whispered back.
I nodded, and he began;
"Fly, fly little Wing, fly beyond imagining.
The softest cloud, the whitest dove, upon the winds
of heaven's love.
Past the planets and the stars,
escape this lonely world of ours.
Escape the sorrow, and the pain,
and fly again"
Then I started to sing with him;
"Fly, fly Precious one, your endless journey has just begun
Take your gentle happiness
far too beautiful for this.
Come over to the other shore,
there is peace forever more.
But hold this memory bittersweet until we meet."
"I forgot the rest of the words Dad. Finish it," I said.
" It's 'fly, fly do not fear. Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear. Your heart is pure, your soul is free. Be on your way, don't forget me," he softly replied.
"I could never forget you," I whispered back.
"I love you," he said.
"I know you do," I replied, then I turned to him and finished, "because it's only right you love me, as much as I love-" I stopped.
Why had the heart monitor gone off?
Why had my father's breathing stopped?
"Daddy," I yelled out.
No.
"Mom," I called out louder.
"What is it sweetie," she replied, coming in the door with the doctors following.
I let my gaze turn to my father's body helplessly, hoping he would breathe again. My mother then quickly rushed to his side, as the doctors began trying to revive him.
I stood back and slid down the wall to the floor.
"No, no, no," I repeated again, and again.
"Wake up, please wake up," I heard my Mom yell.
I could no longer see, as my vision became clouded with my tears that now flowed like waterfalls. The realization of reality was crashing towards me all too quick, all too fast.
After the longest and most hectic minutes in history, I heard the doctor finally say,
"I'm sorry Mrs. Norwood."
I just started rocking back and forth, not wanting to believe what I had just heard.
"You told me, you'd never leave," I screamed out into the air.
He did leave though. A part of my life had just been ripped away from me.
"I know you love me Daddy," I sobbed out, then finished, "because it's only right you love me, as much as I love you."
End of Chapter 4;
Ryoko notes: Read on.