Secrets
Chapter Seven: Meditation
No matter how much Numair tried to convince her, Daine could not imagine that the life inside of her was dead. "No, it can't be…"
"It's over, Daine. I'm sorry, but it's over. We had healers from all over the palace in here to try something. Anything! Nothing worked. Even Alanna and Jonathan came to try using their Gifts. Their efforts were in vain. It's dead. Our child is dead." Numair gripped her in his arms, the force he used threatening to choke the life out of her.
Slowly, Daine let the realization slip into her mind. She returned Numair's affection and let the tears fall mercilessly down her face. "What's going to happen to us, Numair? How are we going to get through this?"
He let her go and took her chin in his hand. Looking striaght into her eyes, he said, "We will get through this. We'll get through it, we'll get married, and we'll try again. Nothing can keep us from doing that."
She heard the sincerity in his voice and felt a twinge of guilt that reminded her of Lindhall. "I guess this isn't the best time to tell you that Lindhall is dead too, is it?"
His face went pale. "What?!"
She nodded. "Zek told me. Spidrens attacked him about five days ago. I'm sorry, so sorry." Her lover was quiet, sitting motionless on the chair across from her. He seemed to be thinking hard, his brows furrowed in concentration. He stood abruptly. So abruptly that he knocked the chair backward. He turned and kicked it fiercely and it broke against a nearby wall. Storming over to the desk, he rifled through the mountainous pile of scrolls which lay on it. Choosing some, he turned and went into his workroom, locking the door behind him.
Daine let herself drift in and out of consciousness, hoping to forget everything that had happened. Unfortunately, her dreams haunted her with pictures of small children, children who had smokey brown hair and intelligent brown eyes. These dreams snapped her awake, drenched with sweat and her eyes brimming with tears. I can't do this, she thought. I can't just sit here anymore.
Daine got out of bed and changed her clothes, choosing a pair of worn work breeches and a patched shirt. She pulled her boots on and walked out of the palace without anyone noticing. She made her way to the clearing again and sat down by the pool. She let all of her thoughts empty from her head and she began meditating. She heard all the sounds of the forest for miles and miles, yet she didn't really hear them. They drifted lazily around her ears, but she didn't dwell on them long enough to hear them properly. She listened to her own heart beat as it thumped rhythmically.
Buh-bump. Buh-bump.
She heard it, felt it, yet she could not believe it was still beating. How can I live when my baby won't? she thought. Pushing that thought aside, she continued to listen.
Buh-buh-bump-bump. Buh-buh-bump-bump.
Daine forced her eyes open, as she put her hand to her heart. It had the same rhythm as before, yet she knew she had heard something odd. She again left her thoughts behind and drifted into a meditative state. The beating continued as her muscles relaxed.
Buh-bump. Buh-bump.
Buh-buh-bump-bump. Buh-buh-bump-bump.
"What in the Goddess's name is going on?!" she shouted. "Why can't I just have five minutes of peace, to not think about any of this?! Mithros, Minos, and Shikath!" Daine put her fingers to her temples and rubbed away a growing headache. Her meditation took over again as she lowered her hands. Forcing out every sound except the beating of her heart, she reached inside herself.
A warm glow filled the blackness behind her eyelids, and she saw in her mind a pulsating orb. Her heart pounded faster as she saw a second smaller one, beating in time with the its larger counterpart. She kept herself from gasping and concentrated on the orbs. The larger one sped up its rhythm, but the small orb stayed at a steady pace. She counted with the beating of the first orb and set it in her mind.
Daine opened her eyes and measured the rhythm of the orb against her heart. It matched exactly. "Great Goddess… I'm still pregnant."
***
Daine felt like she was floating on a cloud as she made her way back to the palace. It was dark, so no one noticed as she walked through the halls. When she reached her room, she let the door open slowly before entering with purpose. She strode to Numair's workroom and knocked lightly. "Numair?"
When no answer came, she knocked again. "Numair, I really need to talk to you. Come on, open the door." Still no answer. "Numair?"
She went over to the overstuffed chair by the bed where Kitten slept soundly. Daine shook her awake, telling her, "Kit, wake up! Pop the lock on the workroom for me."
The dragon grumbled loudly as she jumped off the chair and walked up to the door. She trilled once and the lock smoked, but didn't open. Kitten huffed and whistled a note that changed drastically in pitch a moment later. A loud 'click' echoed throughout the room and the door popped open.
Daine entered quietly, hoping that Numair was only sleeping, rather tham ignoring her or worse. Looking about the room, she saw the large space was more cluttered than that in which they lived. Boxes were piled up in corners, scrolls, papers, documents, and quills covered the tall table in the center, and shelves full of books covered three of the four walls. Daine saw nothing in the room of interest, since the only thing that interested her just then was Numair. She left as quietly as she had come, and shut the door behind her. She then stopped to get a better look at the actual living space. She noticed small changes from when she had last seen it. The dresser drawer hung open, with clothes flung aside as if they had been rejected in a rush to get somewhere quickly. The closet was partially empty, leaving a large gap where Numair's travel clothes used to be. She frowned when she saw a piece of ragged parchment affixed to the closet door with magic. Another note, she thought.
Daine- (what, no 'Sweet'?)
I'm off to find Lindhall. Now, you keep your mouth shut, I know he's dead.
Daine closed her mouth which had opened in protest after the first sentence.
I have a feeling this man who controlled the spidren is more than he appears. I want you to stay home, in the palace, until I come back. No whining! I can't do my job here if I don't know where you are or if you're safe. I promise, we'll talk more about everything when I see you. For now, just rest and keep the healing to a bare minimum. BARE MINIMUM! That doesn't mean you can heal the first cat who walks in with a scratch. And rest means sleep, not wandering the palace at all hours of the night. See you soon.
Numair
She bit her lip an angst. Numair always had a way of knowing exactly what to say when she didn't want to hear it. She folded the letter, slid it into her pocket, and reached into the closet for her own traveling clothes. She pulled a leather satchel from the floor and filled it with spare garments. Kitten chirped a question. Daine understood quite clearly and shook her head. "Sorry, Kit. You can't come this time."
Kitten grumbled for the second time that day and waddled defiantly back to the chair, where she immediately curled up and went back to sleep.
Daine grabbed her coat and wrapped it firmly around her arms. She flung the bag over her shoulder and sneaked out the door.
She found her way to the stables, using owl's eyes, only to see Cloud aleep on her hooves, a blanket draped over her back. Daine tapped her lightly on the shoulder, and the horse woke up.
Do you have any idea what time it is? She asked resentfully. I was having a really great dream about that gelding a few stalls down…
Cloud tried to close her eyes again, but Daine shook her awake. "Come on, Cloud! I don't have time for this." She nearly threw the saddle she had taken out onto Cloud's back. "You have to take me Numiar." Suddenly she remembered she had no idea where Numair was. Zek appeared at her side seconds later.
- You're not going anywhere without me, - he said. Kitten whistled in
agreement.
Daine sighed and attached Kitten's special saddlebag. She finished cinching the saddle and placed the dragon in it. Zek climbed onto her shoulder and hid under her hair as she led the group out to the pastures. She mounted Cloud and soon she was on her way to find Numair.