A/N: Oh, I am so sorry this part took so long! Between family crisis and school work and my volunteer hours for Beta Club, I have had no time to write. But don't worry, there's only six weeks of school left; summer will give me more chances to write. And I'm also bumping this up to an R rating. The line between PG-13 and R is so thin, and I just don't want to take any chances. Oh, and also note: this part is not beta-ed. Sorry Narri! I took so long just writing it that I decided to just post what I have. It's a bit rough and not perfect, so please deal with me. It's a bit short, but the next part will be better. Full of surprises…
Anamnesis: Part Two
The Waiting Room
"Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby
Kick and scream at the wicked things,
Maybe God will unlock the door you need to walk through.
When will it happen, baby?
It could be near, but then maybe it could be far.
Here we are in the waiting room of the world."
-Sixpence None the Richer
It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to just close her eyes and be back in her dormitory, asleep, alone. With her nightdress on. She was supposed to wake up, take a quick shower, get dressed, then meet Harry in the common room before their trip to Hogsmeade.
Yet Harry was already here. Her head was resting on the hollow of his shoulder, his buried in her hair. He was holding her in such a close proximity that should have made her feel nervous, but to her surprise she felt extremely comfortable. Her arm was thrown over his bare chest, and her leg lying across his. It took her a few moments to realize that neither had any clothes on.
She sent her mind racing back to the night before. It all came back. She remembered the deep, wet kiss in the common room, then how she had flung her legs around his waist and he had carried her to the girl's dormitory, taking each other's clothing off on the way there. He had laid her down on Lavender's fuzzy purple rug by the door - her mind stopped. Oh my god, she thought. Oh, god.
She felt him stirring next to her. She watched his eyes flutter open, see her, shut again, blink several times, then again focus his attention to her. "Good morning," he whispered in the lack of saying anything else.
"Hey." She cursed herself for sounding stupid, but conversation was difficult and awkward with someone you had just slept with. She tugged on a strand of her hair and twirled it with her fingers, a nervous habit.
He planted a light kiss on her forehead. "Hey."
"We have to talk about it, you know," she blurted out. He stared at her for a few long seconds, then nodded.
"I know." He paused. "What do you want to talk about?"
"What happened?" she asked. "No, I phrased that badly. I know what we did. Why did we do it?"
He shrugged. "You remember, don't you? We kissed, and I guess we got caught up."
"You guess we got caught up?"
"I'm guessing about you. I got caught up. I guess I just wanted you so badly that I didn't think-."
"Same here."
"Do you hate me?"
She turned on her side and leaned over him. "Why would I hate you?"
"For doing this to you."
She laughed. "You didn't do anything to me. I could have stopped too just as easily, but I didn't."
He lightly laid his hand on her stomach. "Where do we go from here?"
"I don't know." She laid back against the pillows. "Was this your first time?"
He blushed. "Of course. Who else do you think I would have done this with?" She shrugged lightly. "I know it was your first."
"Hey, you don't know that."
"Yes, I do."
She giggled. "All right, you do." She paused, taking his hand away from her body and squeezing it. "We need to go back to your question. Where do we go from here?"
"I dunno, a little house in the country, a few kids, maybe a dog…" he trailed off when he saw the look on her face. "Whatever you want."
"I'm so confused," she moaned.
"I'm not," he said. He lightly cupped her face in his hands and looked into the eyes that moved him beyond explanation. "Hermione, I love you."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do," he protested. "I've loved you for almost two years now. I love your hair, your face, your smile." He took a deep breath and continued. "I love the way you put your hand on your hip when you tell off Ron and I; I love the way your hair falls into your eyes when you study. I love it when your eyes light up when you've solved something difficult, and I love the way you tug on your hair when you're nervous, like now. I love you."
"Oh," was all that she could say. Words failed her- thoughts failed her. All she knew was that her heart was pounding in her chest and that Harry was looking at her with extreme fondness and was not even trying to hide it. "Oh."
He gently stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry if I've been too blunt, but that's how I feel, and I can't change it."
"I don't think I want you too." She bit her lip before continuing. "No one has ever said anything so remotely sweet to me before."
"Even when Ron told you that he liked you?"
She chuckled. "Oh, yeah, he was so mature. 'Uh, Hermione, I kind of like you.' He was fifteen going on three. No wonder that didn't last long."
He smiled and shook his head. "Nah, you two just weren't meant to be, I guess."
"Harry-" she started, then stopped.
He put a finger to her lips and sat up. "Don't worry. I'm going."
"What?" she asked, incredulous. "Don't go."
"Why not? Look, I'm sorry about this whole mess. I know you don't feel that way about me-"
"How do you know I don't?"
Harry stared at her. "But-"
"Do you just think I'm kind of slut who'll sleep with someone I don't even have feelings for? Is that what you think?"
"Don't twist my words around, Hermione. You know I didn't suggest anything remotely like that." He paused. "What do you mean? What kind of feelings?"
She rolled her eyes. "You're so stupid."
"I am?"
She giggled. "Harry, do you actually think that I would have done anything with you if I hadn't been in love with you?"
"With me?" he questioned, shocked.
"No, with some other Harry Potter. Yes, stupid, with you."
"Really?" He watched her expression closely, his own face filled with relief and anxiety and affection. He is adorable, she thought. Absolutely adorable.
"Really," she whispered, petting his head. He smiled the biggest grin she had ever seen, then leaned in to kiss her.
The kiss was profound. He slipped one arm around her waist and the other to cradle her head; she wrapped her arms around his neck and his back. Years of caring for each other exploded as they pulled closer until there was no room, then using their lips to gap even more distance. After a while they drew back, looking at each other and reading the happiness in the other's eyes. He leaned forward and absently kissed her face, her throat, her hands.
"Umm," she moaned as he lightly kissed her neck. "Harry, you having fun?"
"Mmmh Hmmm."
She shoved him off of her. "Pervert," she muttered. "This is my room, you know."
He smiled. "And I love everything about it."
"Oh?"
"Especially the girl in it now."
She laughed. "And I guess I'll just have to be charmed and fully summit to your wit and charisma. Fat chance, Potter. You want me, you don't use stupid pickup lines."
"That wasn't a pick up line! I swear, sweetie, I only say true things to you."
Hermione smiled. "I'm not sure if I like you calling me sweetie or not. I've always detested pet names because they sound slimy and cheap, but you saying it … it's different."
"Of course," Harry said. "Hermione, there's nothing slimy or cheap about our relationship. It's pure. Neither of us is playing mind games. We're just two young lovers completely enthralled with each other."
"Just two young lovers. I like the sound of that."
He lightly kissed her. "And so do I."
:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*
The shower felt good; she always loved the feeling of being clean. This morning, as she ran her sponge over her body, she felt different. Older, somehow. It was a cliché, but she felt she had passed the line between childhood and adulthood.
Perhaps she was merely content that her years of pining over Harry hadn't been wasted. He felt the same way that about her as she felt about him. She had had a crush on him since the beginning of their friendship, but in the last two years it had deepened and blossemed inside her heart. She had never been a romantic; she had always prided her independence, but lately her independence had translated into lonliness. She had never had a boyfriend, except for Ron in her fifth year (what a disaster that had turned out to be) and had always felt jealous of girls like Lavender and Parvati who dated almost every boy in their year. Now she had Harry, and she was happy.
She walked back from the bathroom to her dormatory, watching Harry look up as he saw her enter. He had still not gotten dressed, and she felt forced to smile at his awkwardness. He wasn't as skinny as he had been in years past, yet he was still thin and yearned for the stocky muscles of Dean, the broad shoulders of Seamus, even the distinguished stature of Ron. It wasn't as Hermione was completely innocent of wishing she looked better; she was constantly jealous of Lavender's metabolism, Parvati's dark and hansome features, anything except her tendancy towards pudginess and plainess.
She stripped from her bathrobe and climbed into her clothes, not telling Harry to turn around. The look on his face was worth it when she looked at him again. She had no clue his mouth could open so wide. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Stop drooling, loverboy."
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, sitting up to put his arms around her.
"As are you," she said as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Come with me."
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Hogsmeade. I'm really in need of a few things. We can get some butterbeer, like old times."
"Like old times? You mean like last week," he laughed. "And you know I can't, Sirius is coming today. I haven't seen him in ages and I'm quite worried about him."
"Are you going to tell him?" she inquired..
"About what?"
"About us."
"Of course," he admitted. "I won't give him details, if you don't want me to. But I can't see him and not tell him that we're together; I'm just bursting to tell someone."
She laughed. "Ok, you win. When I get back, we can have dinner in front of the fire."
"With candles?" he teased.
"Yes, and rose petals."
"Buy some roses in Hogsmeade and they can be from me, all right?"
"Deal." They sat in silence before Hermione finally stood. "I love you," she whispered.
He reached up and kissed her deeply. "I love you too."
"Bye," she called, not letting his gaze drop until the door had shut behind her.
Harry flopped back on her bed, smiling at the ceiling. If he had any clue of what was coming, that in three hours McGonagall would burst into the common room and tell him that there was an attack on Hogsmeade, he would have not grinned so hard.
But he had no idea that he would never see Hermione, the girl he loved, again.
So he kept on smiling.
:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*
He wondered why it was easiest to feel alone when surrounded by people. It was easier to feel sad when surrounded by smiles and laughter than the darkness of isolation. Yet isolation was is home; silence was his friend. He felt more comfortable in his small laboratory in the Ministry Building than with friends and family who loved him. He knew it wasn't healthy, but it was all he knew.
"And then," Ron laughed. "The kid goes, 'Mommy, mommy! I just ripped that boy off! He paid me twenty dollars for a twinkie that I had already sucked all the cream out of!'"
"Ewww!" Laurel, Ron's girlfriend, squealed. Laurel was a tall and leggy blonde, with pale skin and bright blue eyes. Harry suspected she was part veela but every time he mentioned it Ron got all defensive.
"I don't get it," the girl who was sitting next to Harry said. She had dirty blonde hair cut into a bob and pale gray eyes. Harry searched for her name, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.
"Tiffy, don't be dense!" Laurel exclaimed. She and Harry's blind date had instantly bonded in that giggly girlish way that reminded Harry of Lavender and Parvati. "He's not talking about a real twinkie."
"You mean- the-?" she sputtered. "That's so disgusting. How could he- even if it was dark- ewwwww!"
"That's not exactly the best joke, Ron," Harry said. "We are eating."
"Than eat already," Ron snapped, looking at his friend's half-eaten chicken and pasta dish. "And stop raining on my parade."
Laurel giggled. "Ron, you're such a connoisseur of good taste," she commented, before bursting into conversation about Barbara Striesand and musicals, something which Harry knew nothing about. He suspected from Ron's confused gaze that he had about the same knowledge on the subject as Harry.
His blind date took the moment to scoot closer to him. "So, Harry, what exactly do you do? "
"Um, I work for the ministry."
Tiffany smiled. "I know that, silly. All four of us work for the ministry. Are you an auror?"
He shook his head. "If they need me, I'll do it, but it's not necessary since Voldemort hasn't shown his face in five years."
Tiffany gasped. "You said it!"
"Said what?"
"You said you-know-who's real name! Don't say that!"
He blew air through his teeth. "Crap," he mumbled. "Sorry."
"You must be very brave to have the courage to say his name. Some of the bravest people I know get all shaky about even the mention of him. I do admire courage, Harry."
Harry groaned. "Then find someone with courage."
"And you're so modest." Tiffany slid closer until she was almost on his lap. "Do you want to get out of here?"
"Go for a walk?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Sure, if that's what you want." She smiled sweetly. "Let's go."
After saying a quick goodbye to Ron and Laurel, Harry found himself being dragged outside by the pull of Tiffany's hand in his. The walked for a block in silence,
"Nice night," Harry commented. "Very warm for this time of year. Lots of stars out."
"Stars are so romantic," she sighed.
"Every time I look at them, I wish I had taken astronomy more seriously."
"Me too," she laughed. "I wish I had gone to the astronomy tower for other things than to make out with boys."
"I usually went there when I just wanted a moment to be alone, to think."
"I just went there for the boys!" She giggled. "Oh, teenage boys, how I loved them."
"You went to Hogwarts, right?"
"Yes!" she chuckled. "I was a Hufflepuff. I had the biggest crush on Cedric Diggory… you know, until he died. Hufflepuff was never the same afterwards."
"Cedric's death was very horrible," he started.
"Oh, terrible. You know the girl he was dating then, Cho Chang?"
"I knew her then. I haven't seen her in years though."
She spun around like a ballerina. "I knew her when we were both little. We took dancing together. I actually saw her a few weeks ago; she's a reserve for the Canons."
"Is she doing well?"
"Oh, yes. She even has a boyfriend named Terry, oh my god, he was so handsome!" She grinned. "I'm mad with envy."
"Oh, yes," he shrugged. "It's nice for her to have someone."
"It certainly is," she said as she linked her arm through his. "You certainly are handsome, Harry."
He shook his head. "Don't start."
"But you are," she sighed. "I was just thinking that I must be the envy of every girl in England to have the handsome, brave, and famous Harry Potter on her arm."
"He, he," Harry said awkwardly. "So, how long have you known Ron?"
"About a year," she said. "Since I started working."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty. Old enough," she added with a grin.
Harry bit his lip. "So, you're two years younger than me and Ron."
"Yeah. I remember hearing that at my sorting, you had missed it because you had passed out on the train."
"There were dementors."
She giggled. "Oooh, that's so funny! Big Harry Potter being afraid of some dementers."
"When dementers get near me I can hear Voldemort killing my parents," Harry blurted out.
Tiffany looked at him for a moment, then laughed. "Harry, don't joke about things like that! Those things are a bit scary!"
"I'm not joking."
"Oh, I'm sorry," she gasped. "You certainly are a morbid person."
"What?"
"Can't you talk of cheery things? Can't you joke of your schooling or your teenage years or even the stars?"
Harry grimaced. "Maybe I prefer people who have more depth to conversation than talking about making out in the astronomy tower."
"Aren't you a snob!" Tiffany exclaimed. "Maybe I like talking about shallow things, like boys and jokes and good times. It's fine as long as it doesn't turn me into a dreary soul like you."
"Fine," he said. "This dreary soul knows when he's had enough of you for the night. Goodbye, Tiffany."
"Wait!" she cried. "Don't go! I was just teasing! Can't you tell that I'm just flirting with you?"
He shook his head. "If this is your idea of flirting, goodnight. Count me out."
She giggled, and the high pitch sound frightened him. "Oh, poor baby. Ron said you're rusty, but I had no idea-"
"Ron said what?"
"Harry," she whispered, giving him her most seductive smile. "How long has it been since you've been with someone?"
"What did Ron say?"
"He told me that you've been hurt, Harry. That you haven't dated anyone in years. I won't hurt you, Harry. You can trust me."
He took a step backwards. "I don't think I understand where this is going."
Tiffany reached out and took hold of his belt. "Oh, but I think you do. My apartment is maybe a three minute walk from here. And if you're really in a hurry, we could go behind those trees and apparate."
"Look, Tiffany, you're a really nice girl and everything, but I'm not ready for this."
"How long has it been since you've been with someone."
"That's not really relevant-"
"HOW LONG?"
He closed his eyes briefly. "Five years this past Christmas."
"Harry, that's a long time," she said. "And I understand. Completely. And I understand that you need me to be gentle. I won't hurt you. I promise."
He shook his head. "No, I can't."
"Baby," she said. "You can." She kissed him. It made Harry's mind rush back to all the times he had been kissed before, by Cho, Ginny, and Hermione. Cho had been mysterious and heartbreaking; when she told Harry she could never be with him because of what happened at the Triwizard Tournament, it was like a stab in the back. Ginny had been like kissing his little sister. They had both been under the mistletoe at the Weasley's house the Christmas during their sixth year, and he had kissed her and had never desired to again. He had a feeling that Ginny felt that way too. Kissing Hermione was like coming home, although he had never known home, it was the home he wanted. Everything had been right with Hermione; she was the only one he wanted to kiss his entire life. And now this Tiffany girl was kissing him and she pried his lips apart with her tongue. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.
"No," he said. "I'm sorry, Tiffany. You seem like a very nice girl, but I don't need this right now. Goodnight," he said and walked off. She stood there like a petrified idiot, staring after him, not believing that she had almost had Harry Potter in her bed and had barely missed him. She cursed herself as an moron.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*
"Good morning!" Lottie's voice came roaring out as she walked in the café. "I apologize for being late, but I was stuck in line for this terrific post-New Year's sale- I bought the cutest things…"
"Oye, I had prayed she had taken the day off," Sara said in her rich Irish drawl. "It's so peaceful in here without the brat."
Helena giggled. "It's just as well. I need to have a few words with her."
"It isn't likely just to have a few words with that lass," Sara joked. "She'll end up running you numb bored by telling you whatever she bought with her mum's credit card."
"I think I'll take that risk," Helena said as she strolled through the wooden doors into the kitchen.
"'Lo Helena," Lottie called cheerfully.
"Hello Lottie. What have you been up to for the past few days? Meeting with boyfriends that stand you up?"
Lottie froze mid move. "Oh, that."
"Yes, that. I'm sent off to meet your dream boy, then I end up being completely alone. What's the deal with this?"
"I saw you come back with someone," Lottie said. "Who was that?"
"Lottie, don't change the subject!" Helena exclaimed. "He was just a nice guy who escorted me home."
Lottie grinned. "He was really hot."
"Well… " Helena sighed. "Lottie, don't ask me another question until you answer mine."
"For pete's sake, lighten up. It's not Armageddon, you know. I will have other boyfriends."
"Lottie, I don't give a damn about you and your boyfriend. I only care about what happened to me… no, that didn't come out right."
Lottie laughed. "Sit down, Helena dear. Why don't you try to work out your thoughts why I make you a cup of tea?"
"Are you sucking up?"
"Perhaps, so shut up and sit down."
Helena grinned and perched in a nearby chair. "I don't appreciate being used. And I don't like being out in the middle of London at midnight on a night where half the city is drunk. "
"Sorry about that."
"And I don't like being thought as stupid. There was no boy, was there Lottie?"
Lottie paused and sighed as she turned off the stove. "Helena, you know that I don't think you as stupid. You're not well educated, but you're the sharpest person I know. I would never underestimate your facilities."
"So?"
She handed the girl a cup of tea. "I don't know exactly where to start."
"The beginnings always a nice place."
"Smart ass."
Helena shrugged. "Strong and proud."
"There was a boy," Lottie began. "And I really thought he'd be there that night."
"So, what happened?"
Lottie paused. "He came later that night."
"Lottie!"
"We didn't do anything!" she cried. "He already has a girlfriend that he's nuts about. He came to tell me that he knew I liked him, and that while we'd always be friends, he would never leave his girlfriend for me."
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
"I was embarrassed!" Lottie shouted. "I've never been rejected by a boy before."
Helena laughed, then covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Lottie. But don't worry about it. Being dumped happens to the best of us."
"Not you."
"I haven't had anyone to dump me. I don't count."
"Are you scared?" Lottie asked. "Like scared of rejection?"
"No," she answered. "I guess I'm just waiting for my prince charming, that's all."
Lottie leaned forward. "Tell me about that guy who walked you home."
"He was nice."
"Nice? Oh my god, he was gorgeous. I wanted to drool, but I decided against it."
"He was pretty handsome," Helena admitted.
"Kind of skinny though," Lottie pointed out.
"Short too."
"But you're short."
"Ugh! Don't remind me!"
"Those glasses! It's the twenty first century, sweetie. We have contacts."
"I thought they were kind of cute."
"Really?"
"Endearing, really."
"I really liked his hair."
"I like dark haired guys."
Lottie smiled. "I really prefer blondes."
"You are a blonde."
"So? It gives a one hundred percent chance our children will be one too."
"He has gorgeous eyes."
"Ooh, I wasn't that close. I just saw him through my window. What color?"
"Green. Big, emerald green eyes."
"Mouth watering, right?"
"Absolutely."
"Such a sweet nose."
"He was just so handsome."
"Nice too, right?"
"Oh, very. The perfect gentleman."
Lottie nearly fell over with impatience. "So what are you waiting for? Ask the guy out?"
"He wouldn't say yes."
She sighed. "Helena, I know you have a bit of a complex because of your lack of memory, but you really are-"
"It's not that!" Helena cried. "He told me, he had a girlfriend who died a few years ago. He was really crazy about her. When I met him he mistook me for her and almost attacked me, he was so happy."
"If this was a few years ago, why wouldn't he be ready to date again?"
"He didn't sound ready."
"Why don't you help him? He needs someone caring like you to get him back on track."
"You make it sound so vulgar. Besides, I don't know if I need anyone right now either. I like being on my own."
"Whatever," Lottie said defensively. "It's your life."
"Thank you. I'd like you to remember that from now on."
She groaned. "Helena…"
"Don't whine," Helena said. "It makes you sound ten."
Giggling, she whined again. "Helena…"
"It's definitely no good if you can't even keep a straight face. You're losing your talent."
"Damn!" Lottie was lost in giggles.
"Oye, you're a crazy girl, Lottie. A little crazy girl."
"I'm not little!"
Helena laughed. "All right, I apologize."
Just then, Sara stuck her head into the kitchen. "Lottie, we need ya' out here. Put your apron on and get to work."
Grumbling, Lottie stood up and walked towards the supply closet. "Oh, and Helena lass," Sara continued. "There's a lad here to see ya'. He's quite good looking, so I think ya' might want to come and see."
Helena and Lottie flew to the door. "It's him!" Lottie squealed.
"Is who?" Sara asked.
"Harry Potter," Helena said, running her fingers through her hair.
"You look fine," Lottie said.
"I don't care how I look. I really can't hammer it through your head that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, can I ?"
Lottie shrugged. "No, I'm pretty hollow."
"Now," Sara said. "Before ya' two get into one of your fights, Helena, go see the lad. He's been waiting."
Lottie gave her a shove. "GO!"
Helena sent her a look before walking to the young man's table. Lottie watched as they shook hands, then as she sat down.
"Don't they make an adorable couple?" Sara asked. "I knew the minute he walked in that he had good taste. And by being interested in our Helena proves it."
"They're a very cute couple," Lottie commented. Perfect, the little red horned part of her self thought. Perfect.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*
Later that day, Lottie sat in the café kitchen nursing a mug of hot chocolate. She sat back in her chair, feet on the table, and head up staring at the fan. Sara was up front, Nicole was on break (most likely in the alley smoking her stash of marijuana, that drugie), and Felicia was who knows where. Lottie was all alone, as she liked it best. No annoying parents nagging, no Sara nagging her to do her work, even no Helena to boss her around. She thought that Helena had gone off with that Harry Potter. It was a shame, really. Helena was Lottie's favorite person from the café, adopted parents included. It was really a shame what has to happen.
She didn't regret agreeing to it. Lottie had no regrets.
Besides, it wasn't as Helena would get hurt. Lottie would make sure of that.
She sat back even farther in her chair and searched the room for her headphones. She spied them on the counter adjacent to her. She threw her arm out, but the CD player was out of reach. She didn't want to get up.
She looked around, just in case, and say no one there. "Accio CD player," she whispered, and the headphones were soon in her hands.
She leaned back and sighed. Peaceful moments are underrated.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*
Think that's a shocker? What until the next chapter. There's a nasty little surprise in it. And don't worry, you won't have to wait near as long.
I wanted to think everyone who reviewed the first chapter, but I'm too lazy to type everyone's name out, so, thanks everyone!