"Hi,"
the cutely shy boy said, "my name is Jag."
"Hi
Jag," the crowd responded.
"I'm a
..."
A fat woman in
the front row shouted, "You can do it! Just say it."
"I'm a
..."
The group
supervisor, Gem Stoned - wassup!! - patted Jag on the shoulder, "It seems
Jag isn't
ready, you can try next time, Jag."
"No, I can
do it!" Jag yelled.
The crowd cheered
him on ("Jag! Jag!"), "I'm ... I'm a morphaholic!"
The fat woman
stood up, "Tell us your story, baby."
"Me and my
friend Argus - he's a super plumber, you know - were playing Snakes &
Ladders
on a board in a small cafe called FatRat at the mall."
"I own that
place!" The fat woman yelled. "You know, we're having a sale there,
buy one cup
of coffee and get the chance to win a visit to my
bathroom!"
"Oh,
really?" Another woman asked, "When? When?"
"Well, on
..."
Gem Stoned wasn't
exactly happy with the little conversation, "Look, sister, let Jag
finish,"
she raised a fist, "Or else."
The fat woman
stood up, "Or else what?"
Gem Stoned stood
cowering under the fat woman's large _______, "er... or else I won't come
over for tea this Saturday?"
"Good enough
reason, 'tinue bway."
"Where was
I? Oh, yeah, we were leaving because Argus had thought that the snakes were
long tubes, and he thought the reason why the 'tubes' sucked
us down was because of their bad
infiltration systems. We lost the game anyway. When we were
walking out of the Cafe, this
weirdo called Cool-Kias came up to us, you know him? He's
got like a zillion fan pages on the
internet. And him and his greased hair. He actually saved me
when I was pushing my head in a
toilet bowl at school. Sometimes I get very emotional and
all," a few people nodded in
agreement, "So then I spotted my devilish cousin Rail
and her arch-enemy Gail walking towards
each other. And everyone knows you don't want to be in the
same room when Gail and Rail
meet each other. I shudder at the thought. So we rushed over
to them so that they wouldn't start
world war three in the mall - hey, can you blame me for not
wanting it there? I would get zilch
credit, I'd prefer it in my backyard. So I said, "Hey,
Rail? Mind if we walk with you? You know
that construction site is so sc-c-ary ..."
"Is so
what?" she spat, "You stupid wimp! Pathetic excuse for a leader of a
miniature-band-of-teenage-idiots-trying-to-protect-the-world-from-the-second-evilest
creature
on earth - the
first is me, by the way."
"Like, kewl
sentence Rail." Cool-Kias said.
"Oh!"
Rail actually blushed, "Thank you, Cool-Kias!" I told you everyone
loves Cool-Kias.
"Violence is
so not the way to go." Gail said.
"Like, kewl
sentence Gail." Cool-Kias said.
Rail did one of
those blankfaced-look-at-camera-cartoon-style looks.
"You know
who you just looked like, Rail?" I said, trying to lighten up the scene,
"Dilbert!"
Rail was on me
like a tiger and a burmese hamburger put together, "Dil-Who!??" She
practically fumed.
"Dilbert's
cool, dude." Cool-Kias said.
Rail let go of me
and blushed again, "Is he now?"
"Hello!" Argus yelled, "We have to meet up with Ed Wankor
in ..." Argus looked at his
watch, "five minutes!"
"FIVE
MINUTES!?!?!?" Rail screamed.
"Be calm,
Rail." Gail said, then realized Argus wasn't joking, "FIVE FREAKING
MINUTES!?!?!?!?!?!?"
We all ran to the
construction site in a huff and puff. When we finally got there, we saw Ed
Wankor - he's an andalite - leaning against his ship with one
leg, wearing a leather jacket.
Dudes!? he
screamed then added before Rail slaughtered him and Gail gave him a lecture
about politeness and sexism, Dudettes! Where the, like,
heck have you been? I've been waiting
here, like, fifteen minutes! Sometimes I think Ed and
Cool-Kias are related.
"What're you
doing getting mad at us!?" Rail yelled, outraged at the fact that anyone
could be
anymore upset than her.
Sorry, he
said meekly, anyway, here's the blue box! Kisser Twee's gonna appear here
any
second now! I grabbed the blue box and ran. Rail was
right behind me yelling, "GIVE IT TO
ME, YOU IDIOT BABY! GIVE IT TO ME, BABY!" I wondered
how that sounded to the
neighbors. Gail, Cool-Kias and Argus followed us. We all
dived into a small pitt (nothing to do
with Brad Pitt, sorry ladies).
Mysteriously, Kisser Twee appeared a second now holding an
electric guitar and a Taxman with
an obvious blonde wig in another arm.
Heya, Ed,
Kisser Twee said, It's been a long time, hey? Oh, well, want a kiss?
erm .... no
thanks?
Suddenly Kisser
Twee started singing 'I'm a genie in a bottle'. Then he ... he kissed Ed!
French kiss, mind you. Then Ed started coughing, Kisser
Twee! How could you do this to
me?
Hey, it's my
job!
I - I thought
you were k-kewl!
I am
kewl, Kisser said, and just to prove it to you, I'll kiss you
again.
erm, no
thanks, I'm suffering enough.
Well with
breath like mine what did you expect? Kisser asked.
Then Ed plopped
dead. I couldn't help but laugh. Ed dead? Hey, that rhymed! Kewl!"
The fat woman
leaned over to the woman sitting next to her, "And this kid says he's
sane,
right?"
