Bishônen Warriors
Introducing the Monster-of-the-Week
"Bunch of idiots," Trix Rabbit muttered as Snap, Crackle and Pop
collided in their rush to enter the throne room. "I'm surrounded by a bunch
of idiots."
"You called us, sire?" Snap asked.
"I bet you've got a punishment set up for us because of our failures,
right?" Pop asked.
"Not right!" Snap and Crackle shouted as they pounded their sibling
into the floor.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea," Trix Rabbit said thoughtfully. He
shook his head. "Anyway, I called you here to make you even more subordinate
to me. From now on, you're going to be the backups to my randomly generated
Monster-of-the-Week."
"Monster-of-the-Week?" Crackle asked. "But isn't that cliché?"
"Who cares? Besides, this is randomly generated, so we won't know
what we get!"
"And that makes it so much better," Snap mumbled sarcastically.
"What was that?"
"Gotta get me a new sweater, sire!"
"That's not a bad idea; your uniform is getting rather crapped up.
You're dismissed to go buy that sweater."
As Snap walked off, he muttered something about "stupid rabbit" and
"me and my big mouth." Crackle and Pop stayed behind to watch the creation
of a randomly generated Monster-of-the-Week.
"And this week's breakfast-related monster is," Trix Rabbit said
dramatically as a German from WW1 appeared, "Cruller Kaiser!"
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!" Cruller Kaiser exclaimed.
Lucky leaned over the control panel in the command center at the Fortress of
Cereals. He immediately punched the Big Red Button(TM) and called in the
Bishônen Warriors. "What is it now?" Shinzô asked.
"It better not be asking for our advice on color scheming again,"
Daiya muttered.
"No, this is much more important," Lucky said sharply. "I've just
received an invoice that Sugar Bear sent me, and apparently Trix Rabbit has
ordered and received a Random Monster-of-the-Week Generator."
"Which means...?" Ki trailed off.
"Which means you have to deal with a Monster-of-the-Week in every
battle now. And in order to battle it, you're going to have to get new
powers."
"Ooh, new powers," Umakutsu said sarcastically. "Are we going to be
able to materialize weapons from nowhere?"
"We can already do that," Hoshi pointed out.
"Well, can those weapons throw energy blasts?"
"Yep."
"Then what do we need new powers for?" Kurôbâ asked.
"Standard super hero team practice," Lucky explained.
"So basically, whenever a new enemy or large inconvenience rears its
ugly head, we get new powers?" Daiya asked.
"Yep. And somewhere along the line, some of you are going to be
replaced, and some will be killed, er... 'captured,' and some will get power
upgrades when the others don't."
"Whatever," Shinzô said, "just give us these powers."
"I already did."
The bishônens looked around amongst each other, then back at the
leprechaun. "And when did you do this?" Hoshi asked.
"Well, I didn't. You see, you've had the powers the entire time, and
I just neglected to tell you at first. Now, before you get upset, just
think: if you knew about those powers, then Trix Rabbit would be dead now."
"Yeah, and we'd be home!" Ki shouted.
"True, but then none of you could be replaced, or die, er... get
'captured,' or get power upgrades. And think about all the merchandising you
would miss out on." Lucky expressed this last point by holding up a talking
Pink Hearts doll. He pulled the string.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" the doll cheered. "Hey, why do I
have to wear pink?! It's clobberin' time!!!"
Lucky hit the doll and smiled wryly at the bishônens. "Oops, still
some bugs to work out."
"We want to go home, you stupid green jerk!" Umakutsu exclaimed.
"Whatever. Just go kill this Monster-of-the-Week, find some moral in
doing it, and laugh stupidly."
Cruller Kaiser walked along the marshmallow path to the Fortress of Cereals
to kill the Bishônen Warriors. He hummed to himself as he walked, and he
occasionally tapped his spear against the ground. "It's good to be German,"
he said in a thick accent.
"Great," Snap said as he and his brothers trudged along behind the
Kaiser, "we're stuck as sub-subordinates to that stupid rabbit, now."
"Why don't we join forces with the Bishônen Warriors and fight
against Trix Rabbit?" Pop asked.
"Because it's against our contracts," Crackle said. "After all, it
was in big print on the top of the page. In fact, that's pretty much all we
agreed to in order to get out of that prison cell. And that was your fault!"
He pulled out his mallet and bashed Pop over the head with it.
"Mallets, so easy to handle that your son won't notice you're drunk,"
Cruller Kaiser said out of the blue.
"Huh?" Snap asked.
The Kaiser whirled around and glared at them through his monocle.
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" Crackle demanded.
Cruller Kaiser stabbed Crackle with his spear, turned on his heels
and continued his walk down the path without giving an answer. Crackle
rubbed the wound and wiped off the blood on his pants. "What a jerk," Snap
muttered. "Stupid Monster-of-the-Week Generator."
"Stupid Trix Rabbit, is more like it."
"Stupid Treaty of Versailles," Pop muttered. Snap and Crackle turned
on him and put a couple of lumps on their brother's head. As they continued
trudging along, Pop stumbled around like a drunk behind them.
"Pink Hearts!" Shinzô shouted.
"Yellow Moons!" Ki declared.
"Orange Stars!" Hoshi exclaimed.
"Green Clovers!" Kurôbâ proclaimed.
"Blue Diamonds!" Daiya recited.
"Purple Horseshoes!" Umakutsu said.
There were six flashes of colored light, and their armor formed over
the Bishônen Warriors' clothing. They all charged forward at the oncoming
Cruller Kaiser and Rice Crispies Generals. Everyone prepared their weapons
for battle with six more flashes of light.
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!" Cruller Kaiser declared as he
charged forward.
The Bishônen Warriors rushed past him and each took their own chunk
out of Cruller Kaiser's body. As they turned to face him, he whirled around
and released a ring of energy from his spearhead. The bishônens were knocked
from their feet to the ground. "Use your powers!" Pink Hearts said as he
jumped to his feet. "Heart and Soul Shatter!"
A heart of pink energy shot from Pink Hearts' hands and shattered
itself against Cruller Kaiser. Yellow Moons jumped up and shouted, "Yellow
Moon Crescent Slash!"
He swung his arm out and released a blade of yellow energy. Cruller
Kaiser took the blow down the center, but managed to hold his body together.
Orange Stars got to his feet and shouted, "Star Light Dust Buster!"
A stream of sparkles hailed from the sky as he thrust his hand onto
the air. The sparkles started causing small explosions around the Kaiser.
Green Clovers jumped to his feet and shouted, "Clover Lucky Deluge!"
Green water washed over Cruller Kaiser, and he fell flat on his face.
Blue Diamonds stood up and thrust his hands forward. "Blue Diamond Laser!"
he shouted.
Blue energy beams shot from his hands and pulverized the fallen body
of the Cruller Kaiser. Purple Horseshoes slowly got up and shook his head
before making an attack. "Horseshoe Kick Shock!" he shouted.
Purple Horseshoes performed a kick and released a boot of electric
energy at Cruller Kaiser, who screamed in agony as he was reduced to frosting
and sugar. "Well, that was a stupidly easy battle," Yellow Moons said.
"Well, let's kill them, then," Pink Hearts suggested as he pointed at
Snap, Crackle and Pop.
"How about you don't?" Snap asked.
"Well then what should we do?" Green Clovers asked.
"You could just beat us up instead," Pop said.
Snap and Crackle turned on him and brained Pop with their mallets.
The general put up one finger as if he was going to speak, then fell to the
ground. As Snap and Crackle turned around, the Bishônen Warriors unleashed
their new powers upon them. The two brothers just stood there and took the
attacks. When the dazzling display of awesome cereal-based power, Snap and
Crackle were still standing, albeit a little fried. Snap coughed a small
puff of smoke. "I think our business here is done," he said as he turned and
started walking away.
"Yeah. We'll be back to give you some more of that," Crackle said.
They grabbed Pop by the shoulders and started dragging him along the ground.
"You know what's funny?" Pop asked. "I got beat up less than you two
did."
Snap looked at Crackle, and they punted Pop to the horizon. Pink
Hearts shielded his eyes from the sunlight with a surprised look. "Wow, good
distance," he said.
"Well, what now?" Purple Horseshoes asked.
"Lucky said we should find a moral for this week's battle," Orange
Stars said.
All six bishônens started thinking. "Uh, how about this?" Blue Moons
asked. "Don't send out stupidly pointlessly weak monsters for no reason."
"Fine with me," Yellow Moons said.
They all started laughing like a bunch of morons, just for the heck
of it. Maybe they all thought of a really funny joke at the same time, or
maybe there's a nitrous oxide leak nearby. Either way, they all started
laughing stupidly.
Disclaimer: "It's clobberin' time!" is a copyright of the Thing and Marvel Comics.
Introducing the Monster-of-the-Week
"Bunch of idiots," Trix Rabbit muttered as Snap, Crackle and Pop
collided in their rush to enter the throne room. "I'm surrounded by a bunch
of idiots."
"You called us, sire?" Snap asked.
"I bet you've got a punishment set up for us because of our failures,
right?" Pop asked.
"Not right!" Snap and Crackle shouted as they pounded their sibling
into the floor.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea," Trix Rabbit said thoughtfully. He
shook his head. "Anyway, I called you here to make you even more subordinate
to me. From now on, you're going to be the backups to my randomly generated
Monster-of-the-Week."
"Monster-of-the-Week?" Crackle asked. "But isn't that cliché?"
"Who cares? Besides, this is randomly generated, so we won't know
what we get!"
"And that makes it so much better," Snap mumbled sarcastically.
"What was that?"
"Gotta get me a new sweater, sire!"
"That's not a bad idea; your uniform is getting rather crapped up.
You're dismissed to go buy that sweater."
As Snap walked off, he muttered something about "stupid rabbit" and
"me and my big mouth." Crackle and Pop stayed behind to watch the creation
of a randomly generated Monster-of-the-Week.
"And this week's breakfast-related monster is," Trix Rabbit said
dramatically as a German from WW1 appeared, "Cruller Kaiser!"
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!" Cruller Kaiser exclaimed.
Lucky leaned over the control panel in the command center at the Fortress of
Cereals. He immediately punched the Big Red Button(TM) and called in the
Bishônen Warriors. "What is it now?" Shinzô asked.
"It better not be asking for our advice on color scheming again,"
Daiya muttered.
"No, this is much more important," Lucky said sharply. "I've just
received an invoice that Sugar Bear sent me, and apparently Trix Rabbit has
ordered and received a Random Monster-of-the-Week Generator."
"Which means...?" Ki trailed off.
"Which means you have to deal with a Monster-of-the-Week in every
battle now. And in order to battle it, you're going to have to get new
powers."
"Ooh, new powers," Umakutsu said sarcastically. "Are we going to be
able to materialize weapons from nowhere?"
"We can already do that," Hoshi pointed out.
"Well, can those weapons throw energy blasts?"
"Yep."
"Then what do we need new powers for?" Kurôbâ asked.
"Standard super hero team practice," Lucky explained.
"So basically, whenever a new enemy or large inconvenience rears its
ugly head, we get new powers?" Daiya asked.
"Yep. And somewhere along the line, some of you are going to be
replaced, and some will be killed, er... 'captured,' and some will get power
upgrades when the others don't."
"Whatever," Shinzô said, "just give us these powers."
"I already did."
The bishônens looked around amongst each other, then back at the
leprechaun. "And when did you do this?" Hoshi asked.
"Well, I didn't. You see, you've had the powers the entire time, and
I just neglected to tell you at first. Now, before you get upset, just
think: if you knew about those powers, then Trix Rabbit would be dead now."
"Yeah, and we'd be home!" Ki shouted.
"True, but then none of you could be replaced, or die, er... get
'captured,' or get power upgrades. And think about all the merchandising you
would miss out on." Lucky expressed this last point by holding up a talking
Pink Hearts doll. He pulled the string.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" the doll cheered. "Hey, why do I
have to wear pink?! It's clobberin' time!!!"
Lucky hit the doll and smiled wryly at the bishônens. "Oops, still
some bugs to work out."
"We want to go home, you stupid green jerk!" Umakutsu exclaimed.
"Whatever. Just go kill this Monster-of-the-Week, find some moral in
doing it, and laugh stupidly."
Cruller Kaiser walked along the marshmallow path to the Fortress of Cereals
to kill the Bishônen Warriors. He hummed to himself as he walked, and he
occasionally tapped his spear against the ground. "It's good to be German,"
he said in a thick accent.
"Great," Snap said as he and his brothers trudged along behind the
Kaiser, "we're stuck as sub-subordinates to that stupid rabbit, now."
"Why don't we join forces with the Bishônen Warriors and fight
against Trix Rabbit?" Pop asked.
"Because it's against our contracts," Crackle said. "After all, it
was in big print on the top of the page. In fact, that's pretty much all we
agreed to in order to get out of that prison cell. And that was your fault!"
He pulled out his mallet and bashed Pop over the head with it.
"Mallets, so easy to handle that your son won't notice you're drunk,"
Cruller Kaiser said out of the blue.
"Huh?" Snap asked.
The Kaiser whirled around and glared at them through his monocle.
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" Crackle demanded.
Cruller Kaiser stabbed Crackle with his spear, turned on his heels
and continued his walk down the path without giving an answer. Crackle
rubbed the wound and wiped off the blood on his pants. "What a jerk," Snap
muttered. "Stupid Monster-of-the-Week Generator."
"Stupid Trix Rabbit, is more like it."
"Stupid Treaty of Versailles," Pop muttered. Snap and Crackle turned
on him and put a couple of lumps on their brother's head. As they continued
trudging along, Pop stumbled around like a drunk behind them.
"Pink Hearts!" Shinzô shouted.
"Yellow Moons!" Ki declared.
"Orange Stars!" Hoshi exclaimed.
"Green Clovers!" Kurôbâ proclaimed.
"Blue Diamonds!" Daiya recited.
"Purple Horseshoes!" Umakutsu said.
There were six flashes of colored light, and their armor formed over
the Bishônen Warriors' clothing. They all charged forward at the oncoming
Cruller Kaiser and Rice Crispies Generals. Everyone prepared their weapons
for battle with six more flashes of light.
"Damn that Treaty of Versailles!" Cruller Kaiser declared as he
charged forward.
The Bishônen Warriors rushed past him and each took their own chunk
out of Cruller Kaiser's body. As they turned to face him, he whirled around
and released a ring of energy from his spearhead. The bishônens were knocked
from their feet to the ground. "Use your powers!" Pink Hearts said as he
jumped to his feet. "Heart and Soul Shatter!"
A heart of pink energy shot from Pink Hearts' hands and shattered
itself against Cruller Kaiser. Yellow Moons jumped up and shouted, "Yellow
Moon Crescent Slash!"
He swung his arm out and released a blade of yellow energy. Cruller
Kaiser took the blow down the center, but managed to hold his body together.
Orange Stars got to his feet and shouted, "Star Light Dust Buster!"
A stream of sparkles hailed from the sky as he thrust his hand onto
the air. The sparkles started causing small explosions around the Kaiser.
Green Clovers jumped to his feet and shouted, "Clover Lucky Deluge!"
Green water washed over Cruller Kaiser, and he fell flat on his face.
Blue Diamonds stood up and thrust his hands forward. "Blue Diamond Laser!"
he shouted.
Blue energy beams shot from his hands and pulverized the fallen body
of the Cruller Kaiser. Purple Horseshoes slowly got up and shook his head
before making an attack. "Horseshoe Kick Shock!" he shouted.
Purple Horseshoes performed a kick and released a boot of electric
energy at Cruller Kaiser, who screamed in agony as he was reduced to frosting
and sugar. "Well, that was a stupidly easy battle," Yellow Moons said.
"Well, let's kill them, then," Pink Hearts suggested as he pointed at
Snap, Crackle and Pop.
"How about you don't?" Snap asked.
"Well then what should we do?" Green Clovers asked.
"You could just beat us up instead," Pop said.
Snap and Crackle turned on him and brained Pop with their mallets.
The general put up one finger as if he was going to speak, then fell to the
ground. As Snap and Crackle turned around, the Bishônen Warriors unleashed
their new powers upon them. The two brothers just stood there and took the
attacks. When the dazzling display of awesome cereal-based power, Snap and
Crackle were still standing, albeit a little fried. Snap coughed a small
puff of smoke. "I think our business here is done," he said as he turned and
started walking away.
"Yeah. We'll be back to give you some more of that," Crackle said.
They grabbed Pop by the shoulders and started dragging him along the ground.
"You know what's funny?" Pop asked. "I got beat up less than you two
did."
Snap looked at Crackle, and they punted Pop to the horizon. Pink
Hearts shielded his eyes from the sunlight with a surprised look. "Wow, good
distance," he said.
"Well, what now?" Purple Horseshoes asked.
"Lucky said we should find a moral for this week's battle," Orange
Stars said.
All six bishônens started thinking. "Uh, how about this?" Blue Moons
asked. "Don't send out stupidly pointlessly weak monsters for no reason."
"Fine with me," Yellow Moons said.
They all started laughing like a bunch of morons, just for the heck
of it. Maybe they all thought of a really funny joke at the same time, or
maybe there's a nitrous oxide leak nearby. Either way, they all started
laughing stupidly.
Disclaimer: "It's clobberin' time!" is a copyright of the Thing and Marvel Comics.