Bishônen Warriors
Goodbye Daiya, Farewell Ki, Hello Kitty
As Lucky poured the green solution into the red solution, he found
himself consumed in an unexpected explosion which turned him into a little
purple leprechaun. The six teenagers rushed into his lab to see what was
wrong. "What happened here?" Hoshi asked.
"A minor setback," Lucky coughed. "So, where were you?"
"We were out finding Shinzô," Umakutsu explained.
"Where did Shinzô go?"
"I went to blow off some steam about these jerks who claim to be my
friends," Shinzô said. "They keep insisting I'm gay, even though they know
I'm not."
"You mean you aren't?"
"Shut up!"
"Come on, Shinzô, can't you take a joke?" Kurôbâ asked.
"Sure, I can take a joke. I can take a joke the first million times
you make it, and I can take a joke for every million after the first. But
when you come up to me and call me gay when I'm talking to the prettiest girl
in the school, the one who actually showed interest in me, that's when I
can't take it any more! Arrrgh!"
Everyone fell silent. "Okay, who did it?" Daiya demanded.
"It was you, Daiya!"
Daiya smiled coyly. "Oh yeah..."
"Fine then, we'll stop," Ki said.
"Good," Shinzô said.
"Yeah. After all, it's much more fun to bug you about being a wuss,"
Kurôbâ said.
Shinzô screamed and started pulling at his hair.
Trix Rabbit screamed and started pulling on his ears. "Why?! Why are my
monsters so impressive-looking and yet so incredibly wussy!? Why must I have
pansies working for me!?" he screamed.
Pop crashed through the roof and landed on Trix Rabbit's throne.
"Perhaps," he started with a cracking voice, "it's because you've set the
dial to "Pansy" instead of something higher."
"Why, what a genius observation... I'm glad I made it."
Pop stuck up a finger. "Excuse me, but I believe it was I who--"
"Are you contradicting me, sub-subordinate!? Off with your head!!!
Hold on, I'm no Queen of Hearts. Uh... why don't you just go empty my litter
box?"
Pop silently obeyed his cruel master and trudged off toward the
smelliest part of the castle. Trix Rabbit turned back to his Random
Monster-of-the-Week Generator and twisted the dial from "Pansy" to
"Incredibly, Physically Impossibly Strong." Stepping back a few steps, he
stretched out his arms and pressed the large blue button. With a cacophony
of bells, whistles and chimes, along with a large puff of smoke, this week's
Monster-of-the-Week appeared from the large funnel on the machine's side.
Trix Rabbit flipped open his "Complete Moron's Guide to
Monsters-of-the-Week."
"What the-- Apple Fritters?! What the heck kind of wussy name is
that!?" he exclaimed upon finding the monster on the book.
Apple Fritters grabbed Trix Rabbit by the scrawny neck and tossed him
across the room. After regaining his senses and shaking the masonry chips
from his cape, Trix Rabbit stood and smiled. "Who are you calling a wuss,
Rabbit?" Apple Fritters demanded.
"Oh, it wasn't me, it was those rainbow-armor-wearing teenagers, the
Bishônen Warriors."
"Really? I'll kill them!"
Trix Rabbit rubbed his hands together and smiled darkly. "Of course.
That's the plan, after all..."
Sugar Bear burst out laughing for no apparent reason. The Bishônen Warriors
had retired to the rec. room with him to play a few video games, and the
sudden outburst caused a dozen eyes to fall upon the baked bear. "You okay?"
Umakutsu asked.
"Of course," Sugar Bear replied between giggles as he struggled to
open his eyes. "Nothing could be better. Whoa, pretty colors."
Ki looked to the TV that Sugar Bear was staring at, only to find it
had static on the screen. "Uh yeah, sure," he agreed warily. "Whatever you
say."
"Hey, give me some," Daiya said as he opened his hand.
"Man, these aren't for kids," Sugar Bear said as he stuffed
miscellaneous drugs into his pockets.
"You can trust me."
"No way. Don't do drugs. I've heard that only cartoon characters
can do them without getting addicted. Speaking of which, where are my
cigarettes?"
Kurôbâ rolled his eyes as he turned back to the new Pioneer
Dreamstation and placed the disc for Morbid Combat VII into it. Pressing the
power button, he sat back and took the controlled into his hand. "Okay,
who's up first?" he asked.
"Me," Hoshi replied as he picked up the other controller.
"We can all play against each other," Shinzô said as he picked up a
controller that was color-coded with his hair. "After all, there are six
controller ports."
"Fine, then we'll select Battle Royale mode," Kurôbâ said.
Just as the character select screen popped up, the wall burst open,
and a giant claw-shaped pastry with apple filling jumped in. "Roar, I'm here
to kill, er... capture all of you for insulting me!" Apple Fritters shouted.
The six teenagers jumped to their feet and shot their arms into the
air. "Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" Shinzô shouted. "Pink Hearts!"
"Yellow Moons!"
"Orange Stars!"
"Green Clovers!"
"Blue Diamonds!"
"Purple Horseshoes!"
In six flashes of multicolored light, the teenagers were clad in
color-coded armor that matched their hair and was adorned with their
marshmallow's shape. "We're the Bishônen Warriors, and it's your time to be
destroyed, freaky ass looking monster!" Blue Diamonds sputtered in his usual
incoherent way.
"Eat this!" Apple Fritters shouted as it chucked a blob of apple-goo
through the air.
Orange Stars was hit by the blob and thrown into the wall. He
struggled to get loose, but the blob acted as a kind of wacky tacky. "Let's
end this without some huge cliché battle," Pink Hearts suggested. "Heart and
Soul Shatter!"
He threw a pink heart at the Monster-of-the-Week, and it shattered on
contact with the beast. "Yellow Moon Crescent Slash!" Yellow Moons shouted
as he swung his arms like blades.
Blades of yellow energy sliced into Apple Fritters. "Starlight Dust
Buster!" Orange Stars managed to scream. Sparkly dust filled the room and
exploded when it hit Apple Fritters.
"Clover Lucky Deluge!" Green Clovers shouted. Green water splashed
upon Apple Fritters.
"Blue Diamond Laser!" Blue Diamonds shouted. He thrust his hand
forward and released a beam of pure diamond energy into the
Monster-of-the-Week.
"Horseshoe Kick Shock!" Purple Horseshoes shouted. He swung his foot
forward and released an energy boot, which kicked Apple Fritters in the face.
However, all of the attacks failed to have their desired effect, as
Apple Fritters remained standing. "Hahaha, I'm incredibly, physically
impossibly strong!" it shouted. "You cannot defeat me with such weak
attacks!"
The Bishônen Warriors drew their marshmallow weapons and cocked them.
Sugar Bear sat on the couch laughing. "Man, I should really lay off the
acid," he chuckled.
"Prepare to be destroyed, monster!" Blue Diamonds shouted.
Apple Fritters laughed and swung a fist. Blue Diamonds was thrown
into the wall with a sickening crack. His body slid to the floor slowly, but
he stood up again afterward. "You think that an stop me? I could do worse,"
he moaned.
"So can I," Apple Fritters said as he took another shot.
Blue Diamonds' head exploded in a bloody pulp as Apple Fritters
connected with a fist to each side. The warrior's body slumped to the floor
and started spilling blood. "I would take this chance to do a blatantly
stupid rip-off," Yellow Moons said, "but I'm too pissed now! Die!"
He lunged forward and slashed repeatedly with his Moon Glaive. The
energy blades tore into Apple Fritters' hide, and the Monster-of-the-Week
dropped to his knees. "Dude, what'd I do?"
Yellow Moons didn't reply as he plunged his weapon deep into the
apple-goo core of the beast. Pink Hearts took aim and fired a Heart Arrow
into the spot right next to the wound the glaive made. The arrow sunk into
the goo, and Apple Fritters cried out in agony.
Orange Stars managed to pry himself off of the wall with his mace and
charged forward. "You'll pay for killing Daiya!" he screamed as he swung the
mace wildly. The energy spheres tore huge holes into the pastry monster, and
Orange Stars added insult to injury by smashing the Monster-of-the-Week over
the head.
A trail of green energy sailed through the air as it followed Green
Clovers' discus into Apple Fritters' head. Purple Horseshoes rushed up and
jammed the ends of his Horseshoe Magnet into Apple Fritters' apple-goo core.
With a battle cry, he released all of the electric energy into the monster.
Apple Fritters groaned and fell over with smoke billowing from his body.
"Is that it?" Pink Hearts asked.
"Poor Daiya," Yellow Moons said solemnly.
"Poor Daiya?" Orange Stars asked. "At least he gets out of this!"
Lucky walked in. "Well, it appears Blue Diamonds has been captured
by the enemy," he said.
The five remaining Bishônen Warriors did a double take from Lucky to
Blue Diamonds' fallen, headless body. "Excuse me?" Purple Horseshoes asked.
"His dead body is right there."
"According to the censors, there cannot be onscreen death in any
animated children's show. In fact, characters don't die, they get 'captured'
as an excuse for their absence."
"But he's right there!" Green Clovers exclaimed.
Three men rushed into the room and wrapped up Blue Diamonds' body
before quickly rushing out with it. "Not anymore."
Pink Hearts shook his head. "This is so stupid," he muttered.
"Well, it's necessary if you want to keep having adventures. Anyway,
now that Blue Diamonds is gone, there is an imbalance in the cereal forces.
We're going to have to replace one of you."
"Please, me!" Orange Stars shouted. "I want to go home so bad!
There are so many video game releases that I'm missing!"
"No, the one who's leaving is Ki. You can return to Earth now, Ki."
Yellow Moons reverted into Ki Tsuki and disappeared in a flash of
yellow light. "What? Why him?" Purple Horseshoes demanded.
There was a flash of blue light, and Ki's twin brother, Aoi Tsuki,
appeared. "Hi guys," he said with a smile.
"Everyone," Lucky said, "meet the newest Bishônen Warrior, Blue
Moons."
To be continued...
============================================================================
Disclaimer: Pioneer doesn't own the Dreamstation, or Morbid Combat VII. I
do. Copyright © 1999. And Hello Kitty is copyright of some Japanese guy,
back in the '60's. Or something.
Goodbye Daiya, Farewell Ki, Hello Kitty
As Lucky poured the green solution into the red solution, he found
himself consumed in an unexpected explosion which turned him into a little
purple leprechaun. The six teenagers rushed into his lab to see what was
wrong. "What happened here?" Hoshi asked.
"A minor setback," Lucky coughed. "So, where were you?"
"We were out finding Shinzô," Umakutsu explained.
"Where did Shinzô go?"
"I went to blow off some steam about these jerks who claim to be my
friends," Shinzô said. "They keep insisting I'm gay, even though they know
I'm not."
"You mean you aren't?"
"Shut up!"
"Come on, Shinzô, can't you take a joke?" Kurôbâ asked.
"Sure, I can take a joke. I can take a joke the first million times
you make it, and I can take a joke for every million after the first. But
when you come up to me and call me gay when I'm talking to the prettiest girl
in the school, the one who actually showed interest in me, that's when I
can't take it any more! Arrrgh!"
Everyone fell silent. "Okay, who did it?" Daiya demanded.
"It was you, Daiya!"
Daiya smiled coyly. "Oh yeah..."
"Fine then, we'll stop," Ki said.
"Good," Shinzô said.
"Yeah. After all, it's much more fun to bug you about being a wuss,"
Kurôbâ said.
Shinzô screamed and started pulling at his hair.
Trix Rabbit screamed and started pulling on his ears. "Why?! Why are my
monsters so impressive-looking and yet so incredibly wussy!? Why must I have
pansies working for me!?" he screamed.
Pop crashed through the roof and landed on Trix Rabbit's throne.
"Perhaps," he started with a cracking voice, "it's because you've set the
dial to "Pansy" instead of something higher."
"Why, what a genius observation... I'm glad I made it."
Pop stuck up a finger. "Excuse me, but I believe it was I who--"
"Are you contradicting me, sub-subordinate!? Off with your head!!!
Hold on, I'm no Queen of Hearts. Uh... why don't you just go empty my litter
box?"
Pop silently obeyed his cruel master and trudged off toward the
smelliest part of the castle. Trix Rabbit turned back to his Random
Monster-of-the-Week Generator and twisted the dial from "Pansy" to
"Incredibly, Physically Impossibly Strong." Stepping back a few steps, he
stretched out his arms and pressed the large blue button. With a cacophony
of bells, whistles and chimes, along with a large puff of smoke, this week's
Monster-of-the-Week appeared from the large funnel on the machine's side.
Trix Rabbit flipped open his "Complete Moron's Guide to
Monsters-of-the-Week."
"What the-- Apple Fritters?! What the heck kind of wussy name is
that!?" he exclaimed upon finding the monster on the book.
Apple Fritters grabbed Trix Rabbit by the scrawny neck and tossed him
across the room. After regaining his senses and shaking the masonry chips
from his cape, Trix Rabbit stood and smiled. "Who are you calling a wuss,
Rabbit?" Apple Fritters demanded.
"Oh, it wasn't me, it was those rainbow-armor-wearing teenagers, the
Bishônen Warriors."
"Really? I'll kill them!"
Trix Rabbit rubbed his hands together and smiled darkly. "Of course.
That's the plan, after all..."
Sugar Bear burst out laughing for no apparent reason. The Bishônen Warriors
had retired to the rec. room with him to play a few video games, and the
sudden outburst caused a dozen eyes to fall upon the baked bear. "You okay?"
Umakutsu asked.
"Of course," Sugar Bear replied between giggles as he struggled to
open his eyes. "Nothing could be better. Whoa, pretty colors."
Ki looked to the TV that Sugar Bear was staring at, only to find it
had static on the screen. "Uh yeah, sure," he agreed warily. "Whatever you
say."
"Hey, give me some," Daiya said as he opened his hand.
"Man, these aren't for kids," Sugar Bear said as he stuffed
miscellaneous drugs into his pockets.
"You can trust me."
"No way. Don't do drugs. I've heard that only cartoon characters
can do them without getting addicted. Speaking of which, where are my
cigarettes?"
Kurôbâ rolled his eyes as he turned back to the new Pioneer
Dreamstation and placed the disc for Morbid Combat VII into it. Pressing the
power button, he sat back and took the controlled into his hand. "Okay,
who's up first?" he asked.
"Me," Hoshi replied as he picked up the other controller.
"We can all play against each other," Shinzô said as he picked up a
controller that was color-coded with his hair. "After all, there are six
controller ports."
"Fine, then we'll select Battle Royale mode," Kurôbâ said.
Just as the character select screen popped up, the wall burst open,
and a giant claw-shaped pastry with apple filling jumped in. "Roar, I'm here
to kill, er... capture all of you for insulting me!" Apple Fritters shouted.
The six teenagers jumped to their feet and shot their arms into the
air. "Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" Shinzô shouted. "Pink Hearts!"
"Yellow Moons!"
"Orange Stars!"
"Green Clovers!"
"Blue Diamonds!"
"Purple Horseshoes!"
In six flashes of multicolored light, the teenagers were clad in
color-coded armor that matched their hair and was adorned with their
marshmallow's shape. "We're the Bishônen Warriors, and it's your time to be
destroyed, freaky ass looking monster!" Blue Diamonds sputtered in his usual
incoherent way.
"Eat this!" Apple Fritters shouted as it chucked a blob of apple-goo
through the air.
Orange Stars was hit by the blob and thrown into the wall. He
struggled to get loose, but the blob acted as a kind of wacky tacky. "Let's
end this without some huge cliché battle," Pink Hearts suggested. "Heart and
Soul Shatter!"
He threw a pink heart at the Monster-of-the-Week, and it shattered on
contact with the beast. "Yellow Moon Crescent Slash!" Yellow Moons shouted
as he swung his arms like blades.
Blades of yellow energy sliced into Apple Fritters. "Starlight Dust
Buster!" Orange Stars managed to scream. Sparkly dust filled the room and
exploded when it hit Apple Fritters.
"Clover Lucky Deluge!" Green Clovers shouted. Green water splashed
upon Apple Fritters.
"Blue Diamond Laser!" Blue Diamonds shouted. He thrust his hand
forward and released a beam of pure diamond energy into the
Monster-of-the-Week.
"Horseshoe Kick Shock!" Purple Horseshoes shouted. He swung his foot
forward and released an energy boot, which kicked Apple Fritters in the face.
However, all of the attacks failed to have their desired effect, as
Apple Fritters remained standing. "Hahaha, I'm incredibly, physically
impossibly strong!" it shouted. "You cannot defeat me with such weak
attacks!"
The Bishônen Warriors drew their marshmallow weapons and cocked them.
Sugar Bear sat on the couch laughing. "Man, I should really lay off the
acid," he chuckled.
"Prepare to be destroyed, monster!" Blue Diamonds shouted.
Apple Fritters laughed and swung a fist. Blue Diamonds was thrown
into the wall with a sickening crack. His body slid to the floor slowly, but
he stood up again afterward. "You think that an stop me? I could do worse,"
he moaned.
"So can I," Apple Fritters said as he took another shot.
Blue Diamonds' head exploded in a bloody pulp as Apple Fritters
connected with a fist to each side. The warrior's body slumped to the floor
and started spilling blood. "I would take this chance to do a blatantly
stupid rip-off," Yellow Moons said, "but I'm too pissed now! Die!"
He lunged forward and slashed repeatedly with his Moon Glaive. The
energy blades tore into Apple Fritters' hide, and the Monster-of-the-Week
dropped to his knees. "Dude, what'd I do?"
Yellow Moons didn't reply as he plunged his weapon deep into the
apple-goo core of the beast. Pink Hearts took aim and fired a Heart Arrow
into the spot right next to the wound the glaive made. The arrow sunk into
the goo, and Apple Fritters cried out in agony.
Orange Stars managed to pry himself off of the wall with his mace and
charged forward. "You'll pay for killing Daiya!" he screamed as he swung the
mace wildly. The energy spheres tore huge holes into the pastry monster, and
Orange Stars added insult to injury by smashing the Monster-of-the-Week over
the head.
A trail of green energy sailed through the air as it followed Green
Clovers' discus into Apple Fritters' head. Purple Horseshoes rushed up and
jammed the ends of his Horseshoe Magnet into Apple Fritters' apple-goo core.
With a battle cry, he released all of the electric energy into the monster.
Apple Fritters groaned and fell over with smoke billowing from his body.
"Is that it?" Pink Hearts asked.
"Poor Daiya," Yellow Moons said solemnly.
"Poor Daiya?" Orange Stars asked. "At least he gets out of this!"
Lucky walked in. "Well, it appears Blue Diamonds has been captured
by the enemy," he said.
The five remaining Bishônen Warriors did a double take from Lucky to
Blue Diamonds' fallen, headless body. "Excuse me?" Purple Horseshoes asked.
"His dead body is right there."
"According to the censors, there cannot be onscreen death in any
animated children's show. In fact, characters don't die, they get 'captured'
as an excuse for their absence."
"But he's right there!" Green Clovers exclaimed.
Three men rushed into the room and wrapped up Blue Diamonds' body
before quickly rushing out with it. "Not anymore."
Pink Hearts shook his head. "This is so stupid," he muttered.
"Well, it's necessary if you want to keep having adventures. Anyway,
now that Blue Diamonds is gone, there is an imbalance in the cereal forces.
We're going to have to replace one of you."
"Please, me!" Orange Stars shouted. "I want to go home so bad!
There are so many video game releases that I'm missing!"
"No, the one who's leaving is Ki. You can return to Earth now, Ki."
Yellow Moons reverted into Ki Tsuki and disappeared in a flash of
yellow light. "What? Why him?" Purple Horseshoes demanded.
There was a flash of blue light, and Ki's twin brother, Aoi Tsuki,
appeared. "Hi guys," he said with a smile.
"Everyone," Lucky said, "meet the newest Bishônen Warrior, Blue
Moons."
To be continued...
============================================================================
Disclaimer: Pioneer doesn't own the Dreamstation, or Morbid Combat VII. I
do. Copyright © 1999. And Hello Kitty is copyright of some Japanese guy,
back in the '60's. Or something.