Bishônen Warriors
Merchandising Fun With Umakutsu
Bored out of their minds with nothing better to do, the five
teenagers known as the Bishônen Warriors decided that digging through Lucky's
underwear drawer would be fun. Unfortunately, as they soon discovered,
Lucky's underwear drawer was the same as any other guy's; with the exception
lying in the fact that Lucky seemed to enjoy wearing boxers with pictures of
the Backstreet Boys on them. Kurôbâ pulled out a pair and stretched them out
for all to see.
"Just what the hell is this?" Aoi asked. "The Backstreet Boys? Why
in his right mind would Lucky listen to those flamers?"
"Probably for the same reason that we're digging through his
underwear drawer," Hoshi muttered.
"Because there's nothing better to do?" Umakutsu asked. "Now that
just doesn't make sense."
"Maybe there's just nothing better to listen to in the Land of
Cereals," Shinzô reasoned.
"But if they have the same crappy boy bands here, then they must have
the same good music we do," Kurôbâ pointed out.
"Maybe it means Lucky is gay, just like Shinzô," Umakutsu said with a
smirk.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" Shinzô shouted. "Hearts! Heart
Bow and Arrow! Heart and Soul Shatter!"
As the pink arrow struck its mark, the pink heart exploded upon the
floor. The wall of the room, which happened to be on the outer edge of the
Fortress of Cereals, was blown out, and all five teens were propelled through
the air into the stream that ran down the center of Corn Pops Valley. As
they splashed into the water, Aoi was sure to give Shinzô a nice hard punch
to the gut.
All of their heads broke the surface, and the other four bishônen
spat water at Shinzô's face. Shinzô merely pointed at Umakutsu and said,
"Blame him. If he hadn't said anything, we'd still be rifling through
Lucky's undergarments."
At that moment, Lucky walked into his room to find it in total
shambles with scorch marks all over the walls. Laying on the floor was his
favorite pair of Backstreet Boys boxers, and he screamed in mortification.
"No!" he cried, seeing the boxers were burnt beyond recognition to anyone
aside from the owner. "No, this can't be! Not Kevin, Howie, AJ, Brian and
Nick! Who did this!?"
He peered through the large gaping hole in his wall and saw the five
teenagers wading through the nearby stream. A blind rage overcame the
leprechaun, and he screamed the most primal scream he could muster. Lucky's
scream echoed through Corn Pops Valley, out past Cap'n Crunch's Port, and
even beyond the Golden Grahams Fields. The Bishônen Warriors knew that they
were as good as dead.
"What the hell was that?" Trix Rabbit asked as he was snapped from his sleep
by Lucky's primal scream. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up
straight in the throne. After adjusting the crown on his head, he called for
his generals. "Snap! Crackle! Pop!"
"Yes sire?" the three generals chimed as they rushed into the throne
room.
"I'm feeling lazy. Go over to my Random Monster-of-the-Week
Generator and make me a strong monster."
"Of course, my Liege," Snap said as he rushed to the machine.
"Anything for you, your Majesty," Crackle sucked-up as he followed
his brother.
"Can I have a raise?" Pop asked.
Trix Rabbit glared at Pop, and the latter slowly backed toward the
machine. As he whirled around, Pop unknowingly shifted the dial from
"Incredibly, Physically Impossibly Strong" to "Something Not Too Weak, but
Not Very Strong, Either." The machine whirred, and the three brothers hit
the big blue button. With a cacophony of clanks, bells and whistles, as well
as a puff of pink smoke, the Monsters-of-the-Week appeared. Trix Rabbit
whipped out his "Complete Moron's Guide to Randomly Generated
Monsters-of-the-Week."
"Hmm, what have we here?" Trix Rabbit asked. "The Bismark Boys?" He
looked at the group of five bishônen pastries standing before him. "What
the--?! This is pretty @#$%ed up right here."
"Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello," the five boys chimed as a
quintet.
Trix Rabbit muttered something under his breath and slumped down so
far in his throne that the back of his head was against the padded seat.
"Take your incessant tenor-wanna-be voices and destroy the Bishônen
Warriors."
"Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir."
The Bismark Boys trotted off through the palace hallways. Trix
Rabbit sat up and pointed to his three generals. "You three, go after them
and make sure they don't screw up. You're promoted to subordinates for the
duration of this little adventure."
"Yes sir!" Snap and Crackle cheered as they raced after the Bismark
Boys.
"Can I have a raise?" Pop asked again.
Trix Rabbit sent him reeling with a stabbing glare. And as soon as
Pop pulled the glare from his chest with a decent amount of blood, he ran off
after his brothers.
"I am shocked and appalled at the very thought!" Lucky reprimanded the five
teenagers. "Why on earth would you dig through my personal belongings?"
"There was nothing better to do," Umakutsu replied.
"So you go digging through my underwear drawer? I'll have you know
that there are a dozen priceless Backstreet Boys boxers in that drawer."
"Yeah, priceless because no one wants to buy something that's touched
your ass," Aoi quipped.
Lucky chose to ignore the comment, and he spoke to Shinzô through the
bout of laughter that ensued. "And you, Shinzô, you should be ashamed."
"I know," Shinzô said regretfully. "As leader, I should destroy evil
and not my comrades."
"What? Screw your friends!"
"Don't give him any ideas," Kurôbâ said.
"Shut up!" Shinzô shouted.
"Shinzô," Lucky continued, "you should be ashamed for destroying my
boxers. Now Kevin, Howie, AJ, Brian and Nick can never be restored to their
full glory!"
Lucky held up the scorched and tattered boxers to prove his point.
"Jeez, they're just boxers," Umakutsu said. "Just really crappy merchandise.
You can always get more."
"No, the only merchandise we're dealing with will be your own
merchandise. Now, it's time for a business meeting." Lucky pressed a large
white button, and his bedroom shifted into a meeting room. He sat down at
the head of a large rectangular table and motioned for the others to sit.
"So, do any of you have anymore merchandising ideas for the Bishônen
Warriors?"
The five teens looked at each other in confusion. Sugar Bear walked
in an collapsed, reeking of pot. "Whoa, acid flashback, man," he groaned.
"Oh yeah."
"Why don't we market the Bishô-Cycles?" Umakutsu suggested. "They
can come with their own little specialized action figure."
Lucky scratched his chin in thought. "Hmm, sounds like an
interesting prospect. Anyone else?" he asked.
"I was wondering how the Talking Shinzô Doll was coming along,"
Shinzô said.
Lucky pulled out the doll and pulled the string in its back.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call! Just because I wear pink doesn't mean I'm
gay! I pity da foo'!" the doll cried out energetically.
Kurôbâ looked at the doll with a confused expression. "'I pity da
foo?' What the--?" he stammered. "Dude, that is so @#$%ed up."
Lucky smiled sheepishly. "Still a few bugs to work out," he said.
"Why don't we get a line of transforming combiner robots?" Aoi asked.
"Every show worth their animation has robots."
"Budget problems with that one. If we do that, it has to be an
entirely different show, with an entirely different plot, and an entirely
different cast."
Hoshi sighed. "There goes the fourth wall," he muttered.
Suddenly, the meeting was pierced by a five note chord. Everyone
looked out of the gaping hole in Lucky's wall to see five bishônen pastries
standing outside, singing some song that sounded reminiscent of something by
the Backstreet Boys. "Now it's plain to see that you're breaking my heart/By
sayin you want to eat me (yeah)/No matter my filling, I want you to know,
that deep down inside of me/You are a glutton/And I'm not mutton/And now
that I say/You need to go away."
"Now that's @#$%ed up," Lucky said. He got up and went to the hole.
"Hey, you're singing it wrong!"
"No we're not!" the Bismark Boys chimed in their chord. "We're the
Bismark Boys, and we sing whatever we damn well please!"
"You're butchering a great song!"
With a quick teleport, the Bismark Boys appeared in front of Lucky.
"No we're not. Those Back-Alley Boys, or whatever they're called, are the
ones who ripped us off. We're the original, no doubt about that! We're the
Bismark Boys, and we're low on fat!"
Shinzô jumped up, realizing that these freaks must be enemies with
the way they sang. "Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" he shouted. "Hearts!"
"Stars!"
"Horseshoes!"
"Clovers!"
"And Blue Moons!"
There were five flashes of light, and the Bishônen Warriors appeared
in their color-coded armor. "We're frosted Lucky Charms, and we're magically
delicious!" they cried out together.
"We'll have to test that one later," the Bismark Boys sang. "Now we
attack!"
The Bismark Boys squared off against the Bishônen Warriors. The
warriors drew their weapons, while the boys pulled out musical instruments
and started playing another song. The Bismark Boy with pink hair lifted the
microphone and started singing into it. The Bishônen Warriors looked at each
other and then at their opponents.
Five streaks of colored light streamed from the Bishônen Warriors and
into the Bismark Boys. Now unable to finished their song, the boys
disappeared into nonexistence. Snap, Crackle and Pop appeared on the scene
with their electro-mallets, ready to fight. However, when they saw that the
Bismark Boys were nothing more than a few puddles of goo on the floor, they
quickly lost face and ran away.
When Trix Rabbit heard of the latest failure, he quickly demoted his generals
to lieutenants, making them sub-sub-subordinates. Now, Tony the Tiger, a
mere busboy for the tyrant, had more power than Snap Crackle and Pop. And
because of his constant asking, Pop received a paycut, as did his brothers.
After all, it was the least Trix Rabbit could do.
He leaned on the arm of his throne and groaned. "Stupid monsters,"
he muttered. "I need something more foolproof. Maybe if I could make my own
evil Bishônen Warriors..."
The evil laughter of the rabbit tyrant filled the palace.
Lucky pouted at all the damage that had been done to his room. "So, what's
the moral this time?" he asked.
The five Bishônen Warriors looked at each other and nodded. "Boy
bands are the greatest evil in the world," they all said in unison.
Sugar Bear stumbled to his feet and stuck up a finger. Of course, in
his baked state, it was the middle finger. This prompted everyone to laugh.
And laugh they did.
==========================================================================
Disclaimer: Those flaming Backstreet Boys are copyright themselves, or
something like that. And yes, insult was meant toward them.
Merchandising Fun With Umakutsu
Bored out of their minds with nothing better to do, the five
teenagers known as the Bishônen Warriors decided that digging through Lucky's
underwear drawer would be fun. Unfortunately, as they soon discovered,
Lucky's underwear drawer was the same as any other guy's; with the exception
lying in the fact that Lucky seemed to enjoy wearing boxers with pictures of
the Backstreet Boys on them. Kurôbâ pulled out a pair and stretched them out
for all to see.
"Just what the hell is this?" Aoi asked. "The Backstreet Boys? Why
in his right mind would Lucky listen to those flamers?"
"Probably for the same reason that we're digging through his
underwear drawer," Hoshi muttered.
"Because there's nothing better to do?" Umakutsu asked. "Now that
just doesn't make sense."
"Maybe there's just nothing better to listen to in the Land of
Cereals," Shinzô reasoned.
"But if they have the same crappy boy bands here, then they must have
the same good music we do," Kurôbâ pointed out.
"Maybe it means Lucky is gay, just like Shinzô," Umakutsu said with a
smirk.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" Shinzô shouted. "Hearts! Heart
Bow and Arrow! Heart and Soul Shatter!"
As the pink arrow struck its mark, the pink heart exploded upon the
floor. The wall of the room, which happened to be on the outer edge of the
Fortress of Cereals, was blown out, and all five teens were propelled through
the air into the stream that ran down the center of Corn Pops Valley. As
they splashed into the water, Aoi was sure to give Shinzô a nice hard punch
to the gut.
All of their heads broke the surface, and the other four bishônen
spat water at Shinzô's face. Shinzô merely pointed at Umakutsu and said,
"Blame him. If he hadn't said anything, we'd still be rifling through
Lucky's undergarments."
At that moment, Lucky walked into his room to find it in total
shambles with scorch marks all over the walls. Laying on the floor was his
favorite pair of Backstreet Boys boxers, and he screamed in mortification.
"No!" he cried, seeing the boxers were burnt beyond recognition to anyone
aside from the owner. "No, this can't be! Not Kevin, Howie, AJ, Brian and
Nick! Who did this!?"
He peered through the large gaping hole in his wall and saw the five
teenagers wading through the nearby stream. A blind rage overcame the
leprechaun, and he screamed the most primal scream he could muster. Lucky's
scream echoed through Corn Pops Valley, out past Cap'n Crunch's Port, and
even beyond the Golden Grahams Fields. The Bishônen Warriors knew that they
were as good as dead.
"What the hell was that?" Trix Rabbit asked as he was snapped from his sleep
by Lucky's primal scream. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up
straight in the throne. After adjusting the crown on his head, he called for
his generals. "Snap! Crackle! Pop!"
"Yes sire?" the three generals chimed as they rushed into the throne
room.
"I'm feeling lazy. Go over to my Random Monster-of-the-Week
Generator and make me a strong monster."
"Of course, my Liege," Snap said as he rushed to the machine.
"Anything for you, your Majesty," Crackle sucked-up as he followed
his brother.
"Can I have a raise?" Pop asked.
Trix Rabbit glared at Pop, and the latter slowly backed toward the
machine. As he whirled around, Pop unknowingly shifted the dial from
"Incredibly, Physically Impossibly Strong" to "Something Not Too Weak, but
Not Very Strong, Either." The machine whirred, and the three brothers hit
the big blue button. With a cacophony of clanks, bells and whistles, as well
as a puff of pink smoke, the Monsters-of-the-Week appeared. Trix Rabbit
whipped out his "Complete Moron's Guide to Randomly Generated
Monsters-of-the-Week."
"Hmm, what have we here?" Trix Rabbit asked. "The Bismark Boys?" He
looked at the group of five bishônen pastries standing before him. "What
the--?! This is pretty @#$%ed up right here."
"Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello," the five boys chimed as a
quintet.
Trix Rabbit muttered something under his breath and slumped down so
far in his throne that the back of his head was against the padded seat.
"Take your incessant tenor-wanna-be voices and destroy the Bishônen
Warriors."
"Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir."
The Bismark Boys trotted off through the palace hallways. Trix
Rabbit sat up and pointed to his three generals. "You three, go after them
and make sure they don't screw up. You're promoted to subordinates for the
duration of this little adventure."
"Yes sir!" Snap and Crackle cheered as they raced after the Bismark
Boys.
"Can I have a raise?" Pop asked again.
Trix Rabbit sent him reeling with a stabbing glare. And as soon as
Pop pulled the glare from his chest with a decent amount of blood, he ran off
after his brothers.
"I am shocked and appalled at the very thought!" Lucky reprimanded the five
teenagers. "Why on earth would you dig through my personal belongings?"
"There was nothing better to do," Umakutsu replied.
"So you go digging through my underwear drawer? I'll have you know
that there are a dozen priceless Backstreet Boys boxers in that drawer."
"Yeah, priceless because no one wants to buy something that's touched
your ass," Aoi quipped.
Lucky chose to ignore the comment, and he spoke to Shinzô through the
bout of laughter that ensued. "And you, Shinzô, you should be ashamed."
"I know," Shinzô said regretfully. "As leader, I should destroy evil
and not my comrades."
"What? Screw your friends!"
"Don't give him any ideas," Kurôbâ said.
"Shut up!" Shinzô shouted.
"Shinzô," Lucky continued, "you should be ashamed for destroying my
boxers. Now Kevin, Howie, AJ, Brian and Nick can never be restored to their
full glory!"
Lucky held up the scorched and tattered boxers to prove his point.
"Jeez, they're just boxers," Umakutsu said. "Just really crappy merchandise.
You can always get more."
"No, the only merchandise we're dealing with will be your own
merchandise. Now, it's time for a business meeting." Lucky pressed a large
white button, and his bedroom shifted into a meeting room. He sat down at
the head of a large rectangular table and motioned for the others to sit.
"So, do any of you have anymore merchandising ideas for the Bishônen
Warriors?"
The five teens looked at each other in confusion. Sugar Bear walked
in an collapsed, reeking of pot. "Whoa, acid flashback, man," he groaned.
"Oh yeah."
"Why don't we market the Bishô-Cycles?" Umakutsu suggested. "They
can come with their own little specialized action figure."
Lucky scratched his chin in thought. "Hmm, sounds like an
interesting prospect. Anyone else?" he asked.
"I was wondering how the Talking Shinzô Doll was coming along,"
Shinzô said.
Lucky pulled out the doll and pulled the string in its back.
"Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call! Just because I wear pink doesn't mean I'm
gay! I pity da foo'!" the doll cried out energetically.
Kurôbâ looked at the doll with a confused expression. "'I pity da
foo?' What the--?" he stammered. "Dude, that is so @#$%ed up."
Lucky smiled sheepishly. "Still a few bugs to work out," he said.
"Why don't we get a line of transforming combiner robots?" Aoi asked.
"Every show worth their animation has robots."
"Budget problems with that one. If we do that, it has to be an
entirely different show, with an entirely different plot, and an entirely
different cast."
Hoshi sighed. "There goes the fourth wall," he muttered.
Suddenly, the meeting was pierced by a five note chord. Everyone
looked out of the gaping hole in Lucky's wall to see five bishônen pastries
standing outside, singing some song that sounded reminiscent of something by
the Backstreet Boys. "Now it's plain to see that you're breaking my heart/By
sayin you want to eat me (yeah)/No matter my filling, I want you to know,
that deep down inside of me/You are a glutton/And I'm not mutton/And now
that I say/You need to go away."
"Now that's @#$%ed up," Lucky said. He got up and went to the hole.
"Hey, you're singing it wrong!"
"No we're not!" the Bismark Boys chimed in their chord. "We're the
Bismark Boys, and we sing whatever we damn well please!"
"You're butchering a great song!"
With a quick teleport, the Bismark Boys appeared in front of Lucky.
"No we're not. Those Back-Alley Boys, or whatever they're called, are the
ones who ripped us off. We're the original, no doubt about that! We're the
Bismark Boys, and we're low on fat!"
Shinzô jumped up, realizing that these freaks must be enemies with
the way they sang. "Bishônen Lucky Charms roll call!" he shouted. "Hearts!"
"Stars!"
"Horseshoes!"
"Clovers!"
"And Blue Moons!"
There were five flashes of light, and the Bishônen Warriors appeared
in their color-coded armor. "We're frosted Lucky Charms, and we're magically
delicious!" they cried out together.
"We'll have to test that one later," the Bismark Boys sang. "Now we
attack!"
The Bismark Boys squared off against the Bishônen Warriors. The
warriors drew their weapons, while the boys pulled out musical instruments
and started playing another song. The Bismark Boy with pink hair lifted the
microphone and started singing into it. The Bishônen Warriors looked at each
other and then at their opponents.
Five streaks of colored light streamed from the Bishônen Warriors and
into the Bismark Boys. Now unable to finished their song, the boys
disappeared into nonexistence. Snap, Crackle and Pop appeared on the scene
with their electro-mallets, ready to fight. However, when they saw that the
Bismark Boys were nothing more than a few puddles of goo on the floor, they
quickly lost face and ran away.
When Trix Rabbit heard of the latest failure, he quickly demoted his generals
to lieutenants, making them sub-sub-subordinates. Now, Tony the Tiger, a
mere busboy for the tyrant, had more power than Snap Crackle and Pop. And
because of his constant asking, Pop received a paycut, as did his brothers.
After all, it was the least Trix Rabbit could do.
He leaned on the arm of his throne and groaned. "Stupid monsters,"
he muttered. "I need something more foolproof. Maybe if I could make my own
evil Bishônen Warriors..."
The evil laughter of the rabbit tyrant filled the palace.
Lucky pouted at all the damage that had been done to his room. "So, what's
the moral this time?" he asked.
The five Bishônen Warriors looked at each other and nodded. "Boy
bands are the greatest evil in the world," they all said in unison.
Sugar Bear stumbled to his feet and stuck up a finger. Of course, in
his baked state, it was the middle finger. This prompted everyone to laugh.
And laugh they did.
==========================================================================
Disclaimer: Those flaming Backstreet Boys are copyright themselves, or
something like that. And yes, insult was meant toward them.