The Year of the Tyrant
Part Two: How to Get What You Want
NOTE: READ AFTER PART ONE: EQUALLY AMBITIOUS
King Alex the Great Gehrke had an insane passion for leaving people on such a short leash that their only choice was to do whatever he wanted. He set up his totalitarian government in this fashion, and so would he with Ashley Spinelli. In his first week as the king on the Third Street School throne, he had fallen madly in love with the fifth-grade punkette and had his plan to blackmail her into being his girlfriend foiled by her best friends. Things were starting out strangely in this new school.
First of all, falling in love was weird. Especially falling in love with a pack of power so tough she nearly murdered him the first time they met face to face. Alex had to admit, though, that the reason he almost met his demise at Spinelli's fist was because he had made a fatal mistake; one he hoped never to commit for a time to come. He now knew that calling Spinelli by her first name was something you did NOT do unless Spinelli was unconscious, sleeping, or under your full power. Alex liked the sound of the latter over the sounds of the formers.
Secondly, he had never in his three years serving as an elementary school king had a plan foiled like T.J. Detweiler had done to help Spinelli escape Alex's grasp for the first time. He partially blamed it on Jenna Platt, who had fallen under his reign at 44th Street School the year before. Jenna knew well of Alex's power and capabilities and had warned her six new friends, which included Detweiler and Spinelli. Alex's trademark was blackmail, and to break up and force any rebellion against himself or his totalitarian government into quiet, he would blackmail his subjects. With this knowledge, Detweiler and his friends had uncovered the Constitution of the Playground, where there, a law clearly stated that a king was not allowed to blackmail his subjects.
They had spoiled his fun, Detweiler and his buddies, but King Alex the Great knew that time was ticking quickly for them. It was his goal to tear Ashley Spinelli away from her friends and try to make her love him, but Alex knew it would be easier said than done.
This was simply because T.J. Detweiler was also in love with Spinelli, and Alex knew already in under a week the capabilities of that boy's determination. Detweiler, much like Alex, was not willing to let go of something he wanted at any cost. Actually, Alex thought, taking back his last comment in his mind, Detweiler was all for self-sacrifice (as it was something Alex noted he practiced often), but in the name of love Detweiler could not and would not back down.
There was an even larger problem standing in the way of Alex's perfect plan; the fact that Spinelli was going mad for Detweiler. Alex could see them, Detweiler and Spinelli with their little friends, could see the little half smiles, the brushes of the hands while playing some sport, and the occasional arm-around-shoulders deal. It seemed so natural coming from the two of them that it made Alex wonder if they'd been flirting in that context for longer than what he had seem them do. Either way, it bothered Alex, and he welcomed the day that he would destroy Detweiler by making Spinelli his own.
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T.J. Detweiler wasn't worried, but he knew well that he should have been. He'd gotten one of his closest friends out of a nasty scrape on the first day of school, but knowing the new king and his tricks, King Alex the Great was not giving up.
T.J. couldn't help but feel that the war was only beginning, and he'd won the first battle, but he knew that, and he was right about it, there was a lot to fear in the next few months.
He had tried strategizing for Alex's first attack, but in all honesty T.J. had no idea what King Alex was planning to do. The ball was in Alex's court, and T.J. didn't have a racket. When the time came, T.J. knew he'd have to dig in and pray to God that the blow fell softly.
In the meantime, T.J. looked out for Spinelli, knowing that Alex's attack would be aimed at her. T.J. didn't know how he came to this conclusion, but that feeling in the pit of his stomach told him he was probably right.
Something that had really bothered T.J. about King Alex was the way he had seen Alex checking out Spinelli. T.J. had never seen someone so awed with the girl before (except himself), and it honestly made T.J. so jealous he felt like doing a little butt kicking himself. He knew, as did all of his friends and basically everyone else, that the boundary of Spinelli's beauty was unreachable, and that had been one of the first things ever that had surprised him about his friend. But he felt it was his duty to protect her when he thought someone might be getting fresh with her.
T.J. knew he shouldn't feel like he had to be her bodyguard, because she was a very capable young girl that could easily take care of herself, but T.J. felt it was necessary. At their young age, T.J. knew there were not yet that many boys that would look at Spinelli as a great beauty, but as one of them who did, T.J. wanted to keep her safe from himself, as well. He knew someday he would get careless and make a stupid mistake, so he kept himself on his toes as well.
Spinelli, on the other hand, was totally unaware that so many people thought she was beautiful. She had received the occasional comment, including the semi-flattering speech from King Alex, but she ignored it. She didn't know that the boy she was beginning to love was also taken with her beauty.
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The now seven friends were sitting around near the cheese box, trying to think of something to do on an equally bright Thursday to the Thursday before it, coincidentally which was the first day of school, when Irwin Lawson approached them, smiling cunningly. T.J. had come to realize that when Lawson smiled like that, it was not a good thing for T.J.'s gang.
"Hey Dope-weiler," Lawson greeted with his usual parody of T.J.'s last name, "King Alex wants to see you and all your little fifth grade friends."
"What about me?" Jenna Platt asked, reminding Lawson that she was a fourth grader.
"Oh, yeah, you too, Brat," Lawson added, using the popular perversion of Jenna's last name. She shrugged at T.J. and the seven of them headed to the jungle gym where King Alex was on edge, waiting for them.
As soon as they'd arrived, King Alex's sharp face broke out into a deceitful smile. "I do believe this looks familiar," he began. "I want you all to know that what you pulled last week, whether or not it was you that changed the Constitution, will not go unpunished. I have said it before and I will say it again. I will crush every rebellion, yours included. Now. Spinelli, you have one last chance to leave them before I do something you will really regret."
"I'm sticking with my friends," Spinelli insisted stubbornly. She folded her arms and leaned against T.J.'s chest. He put his arm around her supportively, causing Alex to scowl slightly.
"So be it," Alex said. "Then your punishment is as follows." From out of nowhere, Randall Weems appeared and handed Alex a scroll. Alex opened it, cleared his throat, and read: "Because of the insolence expressed toward the king of the Third Street playground, King Alex the Great, his royal eminence feels he must pass the following law: As of this date, the fifth-grader Spinelli must become the girlfriend of his royal majesty King Alex the Great." Spinelli swallowed and her eyes enlargened, as everyone else's jaws dropped. "Any violation of this law, socializing with other boys included, will result in the torture of the following students: Mikey Blumberg, Gus Griswold, Gretchen Grundler, Vince LaSalle, Jenna Platt, and T.J. Detweiler."
T.J. closed his eyes in disbelief. The blow had not fallen; it had slammed. T.J. felt every muscle in his body tighten in pain as he realized the person whose shoulder his arm rested on would be taken from him and not allowed to speak to him again until Alex had cooled off (never). T.J. felt as though his heart had been ripped out through his throat.
"So. We'll see who's so cocky now," Alex stated. "And I believe that's my girlfriend you're touching, Detweiler." As T.J. backed away from Spinelli in defeat, he saw her rich chocolate brown eyes fill with tears.
"You're evil," she said darkly to Alex, a tear splashing on her creamy cheek. Alex reached to wipe it away, and Spinelli caught his wrist midair angrily. "What if I refuse?" she demanded. Her six friends gasped.
"Then those six will spend every recess at the dodgeball wall," Alex replied. "Those are the penalties for your insolence." Spinelli's eyes spilled over with tears. "I hate to see you cry, Ashley…" T.J. held his breath, but Spinelli's rage did not come. T.J. had been beaten in two places; Alex was the first boy Spinelli's age to ever tell her he thought she was pretty, and Alex was the first kid her age to get away with calling her Ashley (when, of course, she wasn't being forced to join the Ashley clique).
"I'm leaving! Then none of you will get your way!" Spinelli shouted, before sliding down to the ground and running to the merry-go-round. Alex smirked at his handiwork as the six remaining friends exchanged worried glances. This was going to be harder than they thought.
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"I'll take all the abuse, just so you don't have to be with that creature," T.J.'s voice said softly as he stood before where Spinelli sat on the merry-go-round. He sat down next to her, maintaining his distance, and gently placed his hand on her back.
"Tomboys aren't supposed to cry," was Spinelli's shaky reply.
"Well, neither are boys, but what's normal about today?" T.J. asked. Spinelli looked up at him and smiled at the tear falling from his eye.
"You made yourself cry for me," she said, smiling twistedly.
"I did not!" he protested, but he was smiling too.
"Why, T.J.?" Spinelli asked. "Why do you always do things for me, especially when I don't deserve them? Why'd you call Miss Groetke 'mama' just to clear my name?"
"Because you do deserve those types of things, Spin," he replied. "You've done a lot for me. You've done a lot for all of us, and it's our way of saying thanks." The next few moments were wordless, and the two of them remained still for a long time. Spinelli's chin rested on her open palm, and she seemed to be lost in thought about something. T.J., likewise, was thinking, his hand not moving from the place where he'd put it on her back.
"Teej, do you have a plan for this one?" Spinelli spoke softly a moment later. By that time the rest of their friends had found it safe to come over and were sitting around T.J. and Spinelli.
"You're not gonna like it," T.J. replied.
"If it's gonna get us out of this mess," Spinelli began.
"I know," he cut her off. "Listen, Spin, you gotta go with him. You have to pretend like you don't like us anymore."
"I'd never do that! I-"
"Hear me out," T.J. continued. "There's a reason for it. He can sit there and think he's won, when all of us are really hanging out under his nose after school. You think you can handle that?"
"But recess won't be the same," Gus protested.
"I know, Gus, but we have to make sacrifices," T.J. explained.
"At least there'll still be six of ya," Spinelli pointed out, smiling peakedly at Jenna. "At least you'll have someone to replace me." She bit her bottom lip and looked around at her friends. "Temporarily."
"Nobody'll ever replace you, no matter if it is temporarily," T.J. insisted. "Good luck up there." T.J. was the first to throw his arms around Spinelli in a loving hug, and he was also the last. He didn't know if Spinelli knew what she meant to him, and what kind of humongous sacrifice he was making to let her go. T.J., deep down inside himself, could not find one ounce of his courage that said he'd rather let her go than be tortured. If it meant keeping Spinelli by his side any longer, he would welcome the torture with open arms. In the best interest of his friends, however, he knew he had to let her go. He held her gently to him one last time before she turned and headed back towards the jungle gym.
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"So what were they doing down there, snitch boy?" King Alex the Great asked Randall Weems as they watched Ashley Spinelli, solo, come closer and closer to the jungle gym. Randall was pale.
"They were saying goodbye," Randall replied sadly. "You've won."
"Nothing is that simple, snitch boy," Alex replied. "We'll see." He looked down at Spinelli, who was walking considerably slow with her head hung. She looked miserable. Alex loved the power it made him feel, but he still felt badly about making Spinelli cry. His intentions had never been to hurt Spinelli, but in the action of cracking the whip those types of things had to be done.
Alex was just finishing feeling bad for her when she arrived at the top of the jungle gym. Alex could see the dried tearstains on her face and heard her occasional sniffle. He wanted to run to her and hold her, but he knew she'd never let him so he held his ground.
"This better not be some trick," he warned. "You know what I'm capable of if it is."
"I don't wanna talk about it," Spinelli replied, sitting down on the edge of the jungle gym and looking out over the playground.
Spinelli's mordancy surprised Alex a little. "Are you okay?" he asked, as sympathetically as he could muster.
"Do I look okay?" she barked.
"You really like him, don't you?" Alex pushed.
""Who?"
"Detweiler. He means a lot to you. I can tell," Alex explained.
"Why do you care, anyway? You're not gonna let me outta this, so why waste your breath?"
"You're right. I'm not gonna let you out of this, because I've said it and you know I have. You have great potential. I want to help you, Ashley."
"Don't call me tnat or I'll deck you," Spinelli replied, but did not act upon her words.
"This is the start of our new life together," Alex continued, ignoring her threat. "I have just as much control over your life as I would if I were blackmailing you. I have the upper hand, Ashley, so the first wrong move you make and it's one of your friends. And before you know it, it'll be Detweiler down there getting pounded, and all because of you. So you better cooperate, because this is your only way out."
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In all of his childhood life, T.J. Detweiler could not remember a time when he'd felt more empty than he did in the two weeks that followed. He felt like a fish out of water, desperately trying to get back where he belonged. He felt a stabbing pain every time he looked up at the jungle gym and saw King Alex looking down on him. Worse yet, every time T.J. looked up and saw Spinelli looking over the edge, he felt both an immense ache and a severe longing that burned through the depths of his soul. There was no longer a doubt in his mind - T.J. was hopelessly in love with Ashley Spinelli, yet he was separated from her, his better half, and there was nothing he could do about it.
The gang wasn't the same either. T.J. noticed that they all seemed disheartened at the loss of their former punkette. None of them wanted to do anything except wait for recess to be over so some of them could see Spinelli in class, but even then they hardly got to talk to her. Even Jenna, who was usually full of creative ideas, seemed depressed by Spinelli's absence.
Meanwhile, Ashley Spinelli had never known such lonliness. King Alex was not even close to the ideal boyfriend, let alone the ideal friend. He rushed, pushed Spinelli into things she didn't want to do, and made her recesses living hell. She thought whenever she could of her friends and T.J. and how bad she missed them. She was near going stir crazy when she finally snapped.
It was the first recess of that Thursday which was the first sunny day in two weeks, ironically, and King Alex the Great was feeling especially powerful that morning. Unaware, as he had been for the past two weeks, of Spinelli's mourning, Alex decided that if Detweiler could kiss Spinelli, so could he.
"So, Ashley," Alex said casually, as she took her usual perch on the right arm of Alex's throne. Alex had been calling Spinelli 'Ashley' for the whole time, and it had started that Spinelli would remind him not to call her that, but he disregarded it, feeling he had complete power over her. Eventually, Spinelli gave up, feeling as if it didn't matter anymore. "Today's two weeks."
"Already?" Spinelli replied sarcastically.
"Yes already," Alex replied, missing the sarcasm in her voice. "So I was thinking that as a present, you could kiss me."
"Are you nuts, Alex? That's gross!"
"How is that gross?" he demanded, on his feet as soon as she had jumped to hers.
"Remember? I kissed T.J. last year, and it was really, really gross," Spinelli lied, just so that she wouldn't have to kiss Alex. Truthfully, Spinelli had enjoyed the kiss very much, but she wasn't about to let down her defenses and admit that, especially here.
"You just remember, Ashley, that I can send Detweiler to the dodgeball wall if you don't do what I say," Alex threatened.
"Well, you know what I say?" Spinelli shouted, loud enough for the entire playground to hear (after all, she'd had her experience in yelling embarrassing things aloud to the playground). "I say your rules are stupid," she continued as she snatched King Alex's revised copy of the Constitution of the Playground and ripped it into tiny shreds, "you could send T.J. to the wall anytime you want, even if I did do everything you told me to, and if you send him to the wall I'm going with him! I'm sick of this, and I'm sick of you!" In a huff, Spinelli left the jungle gym unaccompanied for the first time in two weeks.
Her friends were waiting for her at the cheese box, and they'd all heard her stand up to King Alex. They knew in one pivotal moment that the pixie punkette they'd come to admire and respect had returned to her rightful position on the Third Street playground.
"Welcome back, Spinelli," Vince greeted, patting her on the shoulder.
"Was it bad, Spin?" Gretchen inquired seriously, looking over the top of her glasses lenses at her friend.
"He's so full of himself!" Spinelli exclaimed, bursting with happiness to be back with the people she belonged with. "If you guys thought King Bob was bad, you've never had to spend every recess for two weeks with 'his greatness'."
"So what finally made you leave?" Jenna pressed, hazel eyes bright with expectation.
"For our two week anniversary, he wanted me to give him a present," Spinelli explained.
"What kind of present?" Gus questioned.
"He wanted me to kiss him," Spinelli whispered, loud enough so that they could all hear her.
"Ewwwwww!" was the unified reply. Even T.J. joined in it, but because it would have been extremely heartbreaking and not to mention gross if T.J. would have witnessed Spinelli's lips on someone else's besides his own.
"Tell me about it!" Spinelli agreed. "So I said, 'that's it, I'm outta here!'"
"Good for you, girl!" Jenna praised, her freckle-splashed nose still wrinkled from the notion of one of her best friends kissing the hated tyrant.
"But you know, King Alex up there isn't going to let this go," Spinelli added. "He's probably plotting something else to make me regret it, but the thing is, I won't. Not as long as I've got you guys." She exchanged smiles with her friends.
"Yeah," T.J. agreed, "now that we're all together again - all of us," he put his arm around Spinelli's shoulders, "we're not gonna let anything bad happen to us, right?"
"Right," the others chorused, when Irwin Lawson, flanked by four of King Alex's armymen, came up behind them.
"Maybe something bad will happen to you," Lawson announced gleefully, "or at least to Det-weiner. Because of the little shrimp Spinelli, King Alex has ordered that Detweiler goes to the wall for the entire recess. C'mon, Dope-weiler." Two of the guards took T.J. by the arms and pulled him away from his friends.
The whole time, T.J. watched Spinelli's beautiful chocolate brown eyes darken angrily, but instead of heading to the jungle gym to chew out Alex, she fell in step beside the guards. "Spinelli? What're you doing?" T.J. asked, peeking at her determined face as walked confidently along with the sixth graders.
"I made Alex a promise, T.J.," she replied.
"You're going to be loyal to him, of all people?" T.J. demanded.
"You're missing the point. I promised Alex that if he took you to the wall, he'd be taking me too." Spinelli's loyalty made T.J.'s breath catch in his throat. He and Spinelli had always been loyal to each other, but she had never done anything so extreme for him. "If you go, I go."
Soon they'd arrived at the dodgeball wall. T.J. had become accustomed to the cruelty of the wall, but he was worried for Spinelli, because it was to be her first time at the wall in her elementary school history. "Are you sure you want to do this?" T.J. whispered just as the sixth graders were loading up.
"I'm not ditching you now, Teej," Spinelli replied. "Bring it on."
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"She what??" Alex demanded, rocketing up from his throne.
Lawson cowered. "She went to the wall with Detweiler. Just like she said she was going to."
"I didn't think she was actually serious," Alex muttered. "This has to stop… I have to get her back."
"That's not going to be very easy," Randall pointed out. "She's been loyal to Detweiler since kindergarten. It's going to take a lot to break her of that."
"I'm gonna find a way. I can't lose to a rebellion leader… I can't lose her."
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T.J. and Spinelli survived their encounter with minor pelt marks. T.J. walked away with a bloody nose, and Spinelli had been pelted three times on her left cheek where a nice cherry bruise was beginning to form. They made their way back to their friends laughing about the experience.
Their friends laughed even harder when the two returned. Both looked frazzled, and Spinelli had offered T.J. her skicap to use as a kleenex for his nose. T.J. was walking with his face turned to the sky, Spinelli's skicap held over his nose, and Spinelli's arm was latched onto his, and she guided him through the playground and back to the cheese box.
"Whoa, they don't have any mercy here, do they?" Jenna remarked.
"It was worse last year," T.J. replied, pulling the skicap, stained with his blood, away from his face. The group burst into uproarious laughter. In his attempts to clean the blood from his face, he'd smeared it worse across his nose and cheeks.
"Teej," Vince stuttered, "you look like you just got hit with a red paintball in the nose!" The others laughed louder. Even Spinelli was giggling.
"What?" T.J. demanded, looking around at his friends.
"C'mere, Teej," Spinelli said through her giggles. She put her left hand on his shoulder, took the skicap from him, wetted down a clean edge with the tip of her tongue, and cleaned the blood from his face just like a mother would do for her children. Their friends were too busy laughing to be amazed. However, just beyond the cheese box, four girls in designer clad outfits stared in shock.
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"Girls, did you see that?" Ashley Armbruster asked her fellow Ashley clique members. She tossed her long blonde hair back away from her shoulders as she watched T.J. Detweiler and his friends laugh. Ashley A was the leader of the Ashley clique, the one forever dressed in pink and gray.
"Like, totally, Ashley A," Ashley Quindlen agreed. She was dressed in light blue and black with red hair.
"Is that not, like, totally disgusting?" Ashley Boulet commented revoltedly. Ashley B was black, and dressed in plaid yellow.
"I can't believe that Spinelli has the guts to, like, do that," Ashley Tomassian added. Ashley T was dark skinned with brown hair, dressed in green and black.
"Girls, we all know that Spinelli is the only other boy-liker on this playground that we know about," Ashley A spoke again, "but could she be really crushing on T.J. Detweiler?"
"Ewww," the remaining Ashleys chorused.
"Maybe it's, like, true," Ashley A continued. "Then what do we do?"
"If Spinelli likes T.J. Detweiler, the name Ashley might really be ruined forever!" Ashley B exclaimed.
"Well, we, like, tried fixing her before, and it didn't work," Ashley T pointed out.
"Yeah, it was, like, Detweiler that got her out of the clique in the first place," Ashley Q added with a scowl.
"Alright, so we know we can't fix her," Ashley A confirmed. "But we can sure, like, try to fix somebody else."
"What do you mean, Ashley A?" Ashley B asked.
"Let's fix Detweiler," Ashley A suggested. "We can, like, give him pointers on how to, like, dress and treat a girl crushing on him, and maybe he can fix her himself."
"Ashley A, that's, like, so crazy, it's brilliant!" Ashley Q said.
"Alright, girls," Ashley A concluded. "After school, let's get Detweiler alone, and begin 'Operation Fix T.J.'"
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T.J.'s mind was still swimming about the events at the dodgeball wall and after, when after school he was cornered - alone - by his four least favorite girls in the world, the Ashleys.
"Like, hi, T.J.," Ashley A said, following him with her clique down the street. T.J. said nothing. There was only one Ashley in the world T.J. liked talking to, and she wasn't with the four of the Ashley clique. "Here's the, like, deal," Ashley A continued, still following him. "We know you like Spinelli."
"Yeah, of course I like her. She's my friend. I'm supposed to like her," T.J. replied smoothly.
"Not like that, Detweiler," Ashley Q said impatiently.
"Like, you've got a crush on her, don't you?" Ashley B chided.
"How d'you figure?" T.J. asked, still as smooth as glass.
"Well, at recess today with the, erm, blood accident," Ashley A said, voice wavering slightly, "you, like, practically let her lick the blood off your face."
"So?" T.J. shrugged.
"Can't you, like, tell, T.J.?" Ashley T asked. "You've got a crush on Spinelli, and she's got it bad too."
"For, like, you," the four chorused.
"You think Spinelli has a crush on me?" T.J. inquired, turning to face the Ashleys.
"Definently," they replied together.
"Well, I guess," T.J. replied as his insides squirmed. "I've never thought about it that way before."
"Well, start thinking about it, Detweiler," Ashley Q said.
"We're going to teach you how to be a real boy," Ashley T told him.
"I am a real boy," T.J. protested.
"We, like, mean the kind of boy that knows how to treat a lady," Ashley B replied. She and Ashley A exchanged a quick wink.
"Even if the lady is, like, that disgusting creature Spinelli," Ashley A said.
"She's not disgusting, she's not a creature, and yes, she's a lady," T.J. defended. "Teach me everything you know, girls. Everything you know." He started his walk down the sidewalk again.
"Scandalous!" the Ashleys exclaimed, and hurried after him.
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"Hmmm… where should we start, Ashley A?" Ashley B asked a half hour later. The four Ashleys stood in front of T.J., eyeing him up and down critically. "Appearance or behavior?"
"Appearance. Definitely," Ashley A decided. "Lose the hat, T.J.," she ordered at T.J.
"No way," T.J. protested, placing his hands over his hat. "Spinelli likes me in my hat, thanks."
Ashley Q scowled. "Not for, like, ever, T.J., but just so we can work on that hair of yours." Cautiously, T.J. took off his trademark red baseball cap. The Ashleys gasped at his messy hair.
"When was the last time you actually washed your hair?" Ashley A asked.
"Dunno… couple of days ago, I guess," T.J. replied. The Ashleys exchanged disgusted glances.
"Well, that can be fixed," Ashley A summarized. "Ashley Q?" Ashley Q pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of the Ashley A's dresser and snapped them on. Ashley Q led him to the bathroom, where she washed his hair with a special claryifying shampoo for mens' hair for twenty minutes until satisfied she had washed it squeaky clean. She was in the middle of blow-drying his hair when the other three Ashleys entered the bathroom. Ashley T was carrying his hat, which looked as though it had been washed; Ashley B was carrying an assortment of bottles; and Ashley A was carrying a stack of books. Ashley Q turned off the hairdryer and combed out his now feathery hair. "Much better," Ashley A praised. Ashley T handed him his hat and he put it back on his head, backwards, of course.
"Now, T.J., the number three thing boy-likers like about boys is the way they smell," Ashley B explained. "Knowing how much Spinelli is, like, like us, this is the stuff you have to use." She handed him a small bottle of cologne.
"Perfume?!?!?" T.J. cried. "You want me to wear perfume?!?"
"Not perfume, cologne," Ashley Q corrected. "Girls wear perfume."
"You want me to wear that stuff?" T.J. repeated.
"Trust us, T.J.," Ashley T replied. "We know what Spinelli's going to like."
"I sure hope you're right about this," T.J. warned. "So you said that smell was the number three thing boy-likers like about boys? So what are the two top things?"
"Of course, the number one thing is how cute they are. Apparently Spinelli already thinks you are cute, so you don't have to worry about that," Ashley A said.
"She thinks I'm cute?" T.J. asked bewilderedly.
"Well, yeah, she probably does," Ashley B replied. "Anyway, the number two thing boy-likers like, we'll have to work on with you. Girls like how boys can act like gentlemen."
"So in other words, no more sticking beans up your nose and impersonating seals, T.J.," Ashley Q added.
"Yeah, and when Spinelli's walking up to school in the morning, you've got to hold open the door for her," Ashley T joined in.
"And let her go before you in line," Ashley A put in.
"And tell her how pretty you think she is," Ashley B continued. The Ashleys were on a roll with suggestions as T.J. tried desperately to take it all in.
"And buy her flowers," Ashley Q suggested.
"Roses," Ashley A breathed.
"Scandalous," the Ashleys sighed in chorus.
"That's what you guys'd like, but I know Spinelli wouldn't appriciate me bringing her a huge boquet of roses," T.J. protested.
"You don't know Spinelli very well, do you?" Ashley B asked.
"I know her better than you do," T.J. insisted.
"Spinelli has a soft side," Ashley Q explained. "We know that she actually does like that type of stuff, she just doesn't show it."
"So you're saying I could buy her flowers and get away with it?" T.J. inquired.
"It's a possibility," Ashley A replied.
T.J. thought for a moment. "I'll think about it."
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King Alex had been inspired and outraged by Spinelli's loyalty to T.J. Detweiler. He couldn't believe the heroism she had displayed just in taking the suffering at the dodgeball wall with Detweiler. Deep in thought, Alex decided that because he would not be able to force her into anything at any cost this time around, she would have to learn to enjoy going to the dodgeball wall every day. Smiling devilishly, Alex unraveled his plan in his mind. Alex the Great was going to prove that love really was torture.
TO BE CONTINUED…
© 2001 KD WILD. All rights reserved.
Part Two: How to Get What You Want
NOTE: READ AFTER PART ONE: EQUALLY AMBITIOUS
King Alex the Great Gehrke had an insane passion for leaving people on such a short leash that their only choice was to do whatever he wanted. He set up his totalitarian government in this fashion, and so would he with Ashley Spinelli. In his first week as the king on the Third Street School throne, he had fallen madly in love with the fifth-grade punkette and had his plan to blackmail her into being his girlfriend foiled by her best friends. Things were starting out strangely in this new school.
First of all, falling in love was weird. Especially falling in love with a pack of power so tough she nearly murdered him the first time they met face to face. Alex had to admit, though, that the reason he almost met his demise at Spinelli's fist was because he had made a fatal mistake; one he hoped never to commit for a time to come. He now knew that calling Spinelli by her first name was something you did NOT do unless Spinelli was unconscious, sleeping, or under your full power. Alex liked the sound of the latter over the sounds of the formers.
Secondly, he had never in his three years serving as an elementary school king had a plan foiled like T.J. Detweiler had done to help Spinelli escape Alex's grasp for the first time. He partially blamed it on Jenna Platt, who had fallen under his reign at 44th Street School the year before. Jenna knew well of Alex's power and capabilities and had warned her six new friends, which included Detweiler and Spinelli. Alex's trademark was blackmail, and to break up and force any rebellion against himself or his totalitarian government into quiet, he would blackmail his subjects. With this knowledge, Detweiler and his friends had uncovered the Constitution of the Playground, where there, a law clearly stated that a king was not allowed to blackmail his subjects.
They had spoiled his fun, Detweiler and his buddies, but King Alex the Great knew that time was ticking quickly for them. It was his goal to tear Ashley Spinelli away from her friends and try to make her love him, but Alex knew it would be easier said than done.
This was simply because T.J. Detweiler was also in love with Spinelli, and Alex knew already in under a week the capabilities of that boy's determination. Detweiler, much like Alex, was not willing to let go of something he wanted at any cost. Actually, Alex thought, taking back his last comment in his mind, Detweiler was all for self-sacrifice (as it was something Alex noted he practiced often), but in the name of love Detweiler could not and would not back down.
There was an even larger problem standing in the way of Alex's perfect plan; the fact that Spinelli was going mad for Detweiler. Alex could see them, Detweiler and Spinelli with their little friends, could see the little half smiles, the brushes of the hands while playing some sport, and the occasional arm-around-shoulders deal. It seemed so natural coming from the two of them that it made Alex wonder if they'd been flirting in that context for longer than what he had seem them do. Either way, it bothered Alex, and he welcomed the day that he would destroy Detweiler by making Spinelli his own.
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T.J. Detweiler wasn't worried, but he knew well that he should have been. He'd gotten one of his closest friends out of a nasty scrape on the first day of school, but knowing the new king and his tricks, King Alex the Great was not giving up.
T.J. couldn't help but feel that the war was only beginning, and he'd won the first battle, but he knew that, and he was right about it, there was a lot to fear in the next few months.
He had tried strategizing for Alex's first attack, but in all honesty T.J. had no idea what King Alex was planning to do. The ball was in Alex's court, and T.J. didn't have a racket. When the time came, T.J. knew he'd have to dig in and pray to God that the blow fell softly.
In the meantime, T.J. looked out for Spinelli, knowing that Alex's attack would be aimed at her. T.J. didn't know how he came to this conclusion, but that feeling in the pit of his stomach told him he was probably right.
Something that had really bothered T.J. about King Alex was the way he had seen Alex checking out Spinelli. T.J. had never seen someone so awed with the girl before (except himself), and it honestly made T.J. so jealous he felt like doing a little butt kicking himself. He knew, as did all of his friends and basically everyone else, that the boundary of Spinelli's beauty was unreachable, and that had been one of the first things ever that had surprised him about his friend. But he felt it was his duty to protect her when he thought someone might be getting fresh with her.
T.J. knew he shouldn't feel like he had to be her bodyguard, because she was a very capable young girl that could easily take care of herself, but T.J. felt it was necessary. At their young age, T.J. knew there were not yet that many boys that would look at Spinelli as a great beauty, but as one of them who did, T.J. wanted to keep her safe from himself, as well. He knew someday he would get careless and make a stupid mistake, so he kept himself on his toes as well.
Spinelli, on the other hand, was totally unaware that so many people thought she was beautiful. She had received the occasional comment, including the semi-flattering speech from King Alex, but she ignored it. She didn't know that the boy she was beginning to love was also taken with her beauty.
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The now seven friends were sitting around near the cheese box, trying to think of something to do on an equally bright Thursday to the Thursday before it, coincidentally which was the first day of school, when Irwin Lawson approached them, smiling cunningly. T.J. had come to realize that when Lawson smiled like that, it was not a good thing for T.J.'s gang.
"Hey Dope-weiler," Lawson greeted with his usual parody of T.J.'s last name, "King Alex wants to see you and all your little fifth grade friends."
"What about me?" Jenna Platt asked, reminding Lawson that she was a fourth grader.
"Oh, yeah, you too, Brat," Lawson added, using the popular perversion of Jenna's last name. She shrugged at T.J. and the seven of them headed to the jungle gym where King Alex was on edge, waiting for them.
As soon as they'd arrived, King Alex's sharp face broke out into a deceitful smile. "I do believe this looks familiar," he began. "I want you all to know that what you pulled last week, whether or not it was you that changed the Constitution, will not go unpunished. I have said it before and I will say it again. I will crush every rebellion, yours included. Now. Spinelli, you have one last chance to leave them before I do something you will really regret."
"I'm sticking with my friends," Spinelli insisted stubbornly. She folded her arms and leaned against T.J.'s chest. He put his arm around her supportively, causing Alex to scowl slightly.
"So be it," Alex said. "Then your punishment is as follows." From out of nowhere, Randall Weems appeared and handed Alex a scroll. Alex opened it, cleared his throat, and read: "Because of the insolence expressed toward the king of the Third Street playground, King Alex the Great, his royal eminence feels he must pass the following law: As of this date, the fifth-grader Spinelli must become the girlfriend of his royal majesty King Alex the Great." Spinelli swallowed and her eyes enlargened, as everyone else's jaws dropped. "Any violation of this law, socializing with other boys included, will result in the torture of the following students: Mikey Blumberg, Gus Griswold, Gretchen Grundler, Vince LaSalle, Jenna Platt, and T.J. Detweiler."
T.J. closed his eyes in disbelief. The blow had not fallen; it had slammed. T.J. felt every muscle in his body tighten in pain as he realized the person whose shoulder his arm rested on would be taken from him and not allowed to speak to him again until Alex had cooled off (never). T.J. felt as though his heart had been ripped out through his throat.
"So. We'll see who's so cocky now," Alex stated. "And I believe that's my girlfriend you're touching, Detweiler." As T.J. backed away from Spinelli in defeat, he saw her rich chocolate brown eyes fill with tears.
"You're evil," she said darkly to Alex, a tear splashing on her creamy cheek. Alex reached to wipe it away, and Spinelli caught his wrist midair angrily. "What if I refuse?" she demanded. Her six friends gasped.
"Then those six will spend every recess at the dodgeball wall," Alex replied. "Those are the penalties for your insolence." Spinelli's eyes spilled over with tears. "I hate to see you cry, Ashley…" T.J. held his breath, but Spinelli's rage did not come. T.J. had been beaten in two places; Alex was the first boy Spinelli's age to ever tell her he thought she was pretty, and Alex was the first kid her age to get away with calling her Ashley (when, of course, she wasn't being forced to join the Ashley clique).
"I'm leaving! Then none of you will get your way!" Spinelli shouted, before sliding down to the ground and running to the merry-go-round. Alex smirked at his handiwork as the six remaining friends exchanged worried glances. This was going to be harder than they thought.
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"I'll take all the abuse, just so you don't have to be with that creature," T.J.'s voice said softly as he stood before where Spinelli sat on the merry-go-round. He sat down next to her, maintaining his distance, and gently placed his hand on her back.
"Tomboys aren't supposed to cry," was Spinelli's shaky reply.
"Well, neither are boys, but what's normal about today?" T.J. asked. Spinelli looked up at him and smiled at the tear falling from his eye.
"You made yourself cry for me," she said, smiling twistedly.
"I did not!" he protested, but he was smiling too.
"Why, T.J.?" Spinelli asked. "Why do you always do things for me, especially when I don't deserve them? Why'd you call Miss Groetke 'mama' just to clear my name?"
"Because you do deserve those types of things, Spin," he replied. "You've done a lot for me. You've done a lot for all of us, and it's our way of saying thanks." The next few moments were wordless, and the two of them remained still for a long time. Spinelli's chin rested on her open palm, and she seemed to be lost in thought about something. T.J., likewise, was thinking, his hand not moving from the place where he'd put it on her back.
"Teej, do you have a plan for this one?" Spinelli spoke softly a moment later. By that time the rest of their friends had found it safe to come over and were sitting around T.J. and Spinelli.
"You're not gonna like it," T.J. replied.
"If it's gonna get us out of this mess," Spinelli began.
"I know," he cut her off. "Listen, Spin, you gotta go with him. You have to pretend like you don't like us anymore."
"I'd never do that! I-"
"Hear me out," T.J. continued. "There's a reason for it. He can sit there and think he's won, when all of us are really hanging out under his nose after school. You think you can handle that?"
"But recess won't be the same," Gus protested.
"I know, Gus, but we have to make sacrifices," T.J. explained.
"At least there'll still be six of ya," Spinelli pointed out, smiling peakedly at Jenna. "At least you'll have someone to replace me." She bit her bottom lip and looked around at her friends. "Temporarily."
"Nobody'll ever replace you, no matter if it is temporarily," T.J. insisted. "Good luck up there." T.J. was the first to throw his arms around Spinelli in a loving hug, and he was also the last. He didn't know if Spinelli knew what she meant to him, and what kind of humongous sacrifice he was making to let her go. T.J., deep down inside himself, could not find one ounce of his courage that said he'd rather let her go than be tortured. If it meant keeping Spinelli by his side any longer, he would welcome the torture with open arms. In the best interest of his friends, however, he knew he had to let her go. He held her gently to him one last time before she turned and headed back towards the jungle gym.
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"So what were they doing down there, snitch boy?" King Alex the Great asked Randall Weems as they watched Ashley Spinelli, solo, come closer and closer to the jungle gym. Randall was pale.
"They were saying goodbye," Randall replied sadly. "You've won."
"Nothing is that simple, snitch boy," Alex replied. "We'll see." He looked down at Spinelli, who was walking considerably slow with her head hung. She looked miserable. Alex loved the power it made him feel, but he still felt badly about making Spinelli cry. His intentions had never been to hurt Spinelli, but in the action of cracking the whip those types of things had to be done.
Alex was just finishing feeling bad for her when she arrived at the top of the jungle gym. Alex could see the dried tearstains on her face and heard her occasional sniffle. He wanted to run to her and hold her, but he knew she'd never let him so he held his ground.
"This better not be some trick," he warned. "You know what I'm capable of if it is."
"I don't wanna talk about it," Spinelli replied, sitting down on the edge of the jungle gym and looking out over the playground.
Spinelli's mordancy surprised Alex a little. "Are you okay?" he asked, as sympathetically as he could muster.
"Do I look okay?" she barked.
"You really like him, don't you?" Alex pushed.
""Who?"
"Detweiler. He means a lot to you. I can tell," Alex explained.
"Why do you care, anyway? You're not gonna let me outta this, so why waste your breath?"
"You're right. I'm not gonna let you out of this, because I've said it and you know I have. You have great potential. I want to help you, Ashley."
"Don't call me tnat or I'll deck you," Spinelli replied, but did not act upon her words.
"This is the start of our new life together," Alex continued, ignoring her threat. "I have just as much control over your life as I would if I were blackmailing you. I have the upper hand, Ashley, so the first wrong move you make and it's one of your friends. And before you know it, it'll be Detweiler down there getting pounded, and all because of you. So you better cooperate, because this is your only way out."
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In all of his childhood life, T.J. Detweiler could not remember a time when he'd felt more empty than he did in the two weeks that followed. He felt like a fish out of water, desperately trying to get back where he belonged. He felt a stabbing pain every time he looked up at the jungle gym and saw King Alex looking down on him. Worse yet, every time T.J. looked up and saw Spinelli looking over the edge, he felt both an immense ache and a severe longing that burned through the depths of his soul. There was no longer a doubt in his mind - T.J. was hopelessly in love with Ashley Spinelli, yet he was separated from her, his better half, and there was nothing he could do about it.
The gang wasn't the same either. T.J. noticed that they all seemed disheartened at the loss of their former punkette. None of them wanted to do anything except wait for recess to be over so some of them could see Spinelli in class, but even then they hardly got to talk to her. Even Jenna, who was usually full of creative ideas, seemed depressed by Spinelli's absence.
Meanwhile, Ashley Spinelli had never known such lonliness. King Alex was not even close to the ideal boyfriend, let alone the ideal friend. He rushed, pushed Spinelli into things she didn't want to do, and made her recesses living hell. She thought whenever she could of her friends and T.J. and how bad she missed them. She was near going stir crazy when she finally snapped.
It was the first recess of that Thursday which was the first sunny day in two weeks, ironically, and King Alex the Great was feeling especially powerful that morning. Unaware, as he had been for the past two weeks, of Spinelli's mourning, Alex decided that if Detweiler could kiss Spinelli, so could he.
"So, Ashley," Alex said casually, as she took her usual perch on the right arm of Alex's throne. Alex had been calling Spinelli 'Ashley' for the whole time, and it had started that Spinelli would remind him not to call her that, but he disregarded it, feeling he had complete power over her. Eventually, Spinelli gave up, feeling as if it didn't matter anymore. "Today's two weeks."
"Already?" Spinelli replied sarcastically.
"Yes already," Alex replied, missing the sarcasm in her voice. "So I was thinking that as a present, you could kiss me."
"Are you nuts, Alex? That's gross!"
"How is that gross?" he demanded, on his feet as soon as she had jumped to hers.
"Remember? I kissed T.J. last year, and it was really, really gross," Spinelli lied, just so that she wouldn't have to kiss Alex. Truthfully, Spinelli had enjoyed the kiss very much, but she wasn't about to let down her defenses and admit that, especially here.
"You just remember, Ashley, that I can send Detweiler to the dodgeball wall if you don't do what I say," Alex threatened.
"Well, you know what I say?" Spinelli shouted, loud enough for the entire playground to hear (after all, she'd had her experience in yelling embarrassing things aloud to the playground). "I say your rules are stupid," she continued as she snatched King Alex's revised copy of the Constitution of the Playground and ripped it into tiny shreds, "you could send T.J. to the wall anytime you want, even if I did do everything you told me to, and if you send him to the wall I'm going with him! I'm sick of this, and I'm sick of you!" In a huff, Spinelli left the jungle gym unaccompanied for the first time in two weeks.
Her friends were waiting for her at the cheese box, and they'd all heard her stand up to King Alex. They knew in one pivotal moment that the pixie punkette they'd come to admire and respect had returned to her rightful position on the Third Street playground.
"Welcome back, Spinelli," Vince greeted, patting her on the shoulder.
"Was it bad, Spin?" Gretchen inquired seriously, looking over the top of her glasses lenses at her friend.
"He's so full of himself!" Spinelli exclaimed, bursting with happiness to be back with the people she belonged with. "If you guys thought King Bob was bad, you've never had to spend every recess for two weeks with 'his greatness'."
"So what finally made you leave?" Jenna pressed, hazel eyes bright with expectation.
"For our two week anniversary, he wanted me to give him a present," Spinelli explained.
"What kind of present?" Gus questioned.
"He wanted me to kiss him," Spinelli whispered, loud enough so that they could all hear her.
"Ewwwwww!" was the unified reply. Even T.J. joined in it, but because it would have been extremely heartbreaking and not to mention gross if T.J. would have witnessed Spinelli's lips on someone else's besides his own.
"Tell me about it!" Spinelli agreed. "So I said, 'that's it, I'm outta here!'"
"Good for you, girl!" Jenna praised, her freckle-splashed nose still wrinkled from the notion of one of her best friends kissing the hated tyrant.
"But you know, King Alex up there isn't going to let this go," Spinelli added. "He's probably plotting something else to make me regret it, but the thing is, I won't. Not as long as I've got you guys." She exchanged smiles with her friends.
"Yeah," T.J. agreed, "now that we're all together again - all of us," he put his arm around Spinelli's shoulders, "we're not gonna let anything bad happen to us, right?"
"Right," the others chorused, when Irwin Lawson, flanked by four of King Alex's armymen, came up behind them.
"Maybe something bad will happen to you," Lawson announced gleefully, "or at least to Det-weiner. Because of the little shrimp Spinelli, King Alex has ordered that Detweiler goes to the wall for the entire recess. C'mon, Dope-weiler." Two of the guards took T.J. by the arms and pulled him away from his friends.
The whole time, T.J. watched Spinelli's beautiful chocolate brown eyes darken angrily, but instead of heading to the jungle gym to chew out Alex, she fell in step beside the guards. "Spinelli? What're you doing?" T.J. asked, peeking at her determined face as walked confidently along with the sixth graders.
"I made Alex a promise, T.J.," she replied.
"You're going to be loyal to him, of all people?" T.J. demanded.
"You're missing the point. I promised Alex that if he took you to the wall, he'd be taking me too." Spinelli's loyalty made T.J.'s breath catch in his throat. He and Spinelli had always been loyal to each other, but she had never done anything so extreme for him. "If you go, I go."
Soon they'd arrived at the dodgeball wall. T.J. had become accustomed to the cruelty of the wall, but he was worried for Spinelli, because it was to be her first time at the wall in her elementary school history. "Are you sure you want to do this?" T.J. whispered just as the sixth graders were loading up.
"I'm not ditching you now, Teej," Spinelli replied. "Bring it on."
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"She what??" Alex demanded, rocketing up from his throne.
Lawson cowered. "She went to the wall with Detweiler. Just like she said she was going to."
"I didn't think she was actually serious," Alex muttered. "This has to stop… I have to get her back."
"That's not going to be very easy," Randall pointed out. "She's been loyal to Detweiler since kindergarten. It's going to take a lot to break her of that."
"I'm gonna find a way. I can't lose to a rebellion leader… I can't lose her."
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T.J. and Spinelli survived their encounter with minor pelt marks. T.J. walked away with a bloody nose, and Spinelli had been pelted three times on her left cheek where a nice cherry bruise was beginning to form. They made their way back to their friends laughing about the experience.
Their friends laughed even harder when the two returned. Both looked frazzled, and Spinelli had offered T.J. her skicap to use as a kleenex for his nose. T.J. was walking with his face turned to the sky, Spinelli's skicap held over his nose, and Spinelli's arm was latched onto his, and she guided him through the playground and back to the cheese box.
"Whoa, they don't have any mercy here, do they?" Jenna remarked.
"It was worse last year," T.J. replied, pulling the skicap, stained with his blood, away from his face. The group burst into uproarious laughter. In his attempts to clean the blood from his face, he'd smeared it worse across his nose and cheeks.
"Teej," Vince stuttered, "you look like you just got hit with a red paintball in the nose!" The others laughed louder. Even Spinelli was giggling.
"What?" T.J. demanded, looking around at his friends.
"C'mere, Teej," Spinelli said through her giggles. She put her left hand on his shoulder, took the skicap from him, wetted down a clean edge with the tip of her tongue, and cleaned the blood from his face just like a mother would do for her children. Their friends were too busy laughing to be amazed. However, just beyond the cheese box, four girls in designer clad outfits stared in shock.
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"Girls, did you see that?" Ashley Armbruster asked her fellow Ashley clique members. She tossed her long blonde hair back away from her shoulders as she watched T.J. Detweiler and his friends laugh. Ashley A was the leader of the Ashley clique, the one forever dressed in pink and gray.
"Like, totally, Ashley A," Ashley Quindlen agreed. She was dressed in light blue and black with red hair.
"Is that not, like, totally disgusting?" Ashley Boulet commented revoltedly. Ashley B was black, and dressed in plaid yellow.
"I can't believe that Spinelli has the guts to, like, do that," Ashley Tomassian added. Ashley T was dark skinned with brown hair, dressed in green and black.
"Girls, we all know that Spinelli is the only other boy-liker on this playground that we know about," Ashley A spoke again, "but could she be really crushing on T.J. Detweiler?"
"Ewww," the remaining Ashleys chorused.
"Maybe it's, like, true," Ashley A continued. "Then what do we do?"
"If Spinelli likes T.J. Detweiler, the name Ashley might really be ruined forever!" Ashley B exclaimed.
"Well, we, like, tried fixing her before, and it didn't work," Ashley T pointed out.
"Yeah, it was, like, Detweiler that got her out of the clique in the first place," Ashley Q added with a scowl.
"Alright, so we know we can't fix her," Ashley A confirmed. "But we can sure, like, try to fix somebody else."
"What do you mean, Ashley A?" Ashley B asked.
"Let's fix Detweiler," Ashley A suggested. "We can, like, give him pointers on how to, like, dress and treat a girl crushing on him, and maybe he can fix her himself."
"Ashley A, that's, like, so crazy, it's brilliant!" Ashley Q said.
"Alright, girls," Ashley A concluded. "After school, let's get Detweiler alone, and begin 'Operation Fix T.J.'"
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T.J.'s mind was still swimming about the events at the dodgeball wall and after, when after school he was cornered - alone - by his four least favorite girls in the world, the Ashleys.
"Like, hi, T.J.," Ashley A said, following him with her clique down the street. T.J. said nothing. There was only one Ashley in the world T.J. liked talking to, and she wasn't with the four of the Ashley clique. "Here's the, like, deal," Ashley A continued, still following him. "We know you like Spinelli."
"Yeah, of course I like her. She's my friend. I'm supposed to like her," T.J. replied smoothly.
"Not like that, Detweiler," Ashley Q said impatiently.
"Like, you've got a crush on her, don't you?" Ashley B chided.
"How d'you figure?" T.J. asked, still as smooth as glass.
"Well, at recess today with the, erm, blood accident," Ashley A said, voice wavering slightly, "you, like, practically let her lick the blood off your face."
"So?" T.J. shrugged.
"Can't you, like, tell, T.J.?" Ashley T asked. "You've got a crush on Spinelli, and she's got it bad too."
"For, like, you," the four chorused.
"You think Spinelli has a crush on me?" T.J. inquired, turning to face the Ashleys.
"Definently," they replied together.
"Well, I guess," T.J. replied as his insides squirmed. "I've never thought about it that way before."
"Well, start thinking about it, Detweiler," Ashley Q said.
"We're going to teach you how to be a real boy," Ashley T told him.
"I am a real boy," T.J. protested.
"We, like, mean the kind of boy that knows how to treat a lady," Ashley B replied. She and Ashley A exchanged a quick wink.
"Even if the lady is, like, that disgusting creature Spinelli," Ashley A said.
"She's not disgusting, she's not a creature, and yes, she's a lady," T.J. defended. "Teach me everything you know, girls. Everything you know." He started his walk down the sidewalk again.
"Scandalous!" the Ashleys exclaimed, and hurried after him.
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"Hmmm… where should we start, Ashley A?" Ashley B asked a half hour later. The four Ashleys stood in front of T.J., eyeing him up and down critically. "Appearance or behavior?"
"Appearance. Definitely," Ashley A decided. "Lose the hat, T.J.," she ordered at T.J.
"No way," T.J. protested, placing his hands over his hat. "Spinelli likes me in my hat, thanks."
Ashley Q scowled. "Not for, like, ever, T.J., but just so we can work on that hair of yours." Cautiously, T.J. took off his trademark red baseball cap. The Ashleys gasped at his messy hair.
"When was the last time you actually washed your hair?" Ashley A asked.
"Dunno… couple of days ago, I guess," T.J. replied. The Ashleys exchanged disgusted glances.
"Well, that can be fixed," Ashley A summarized. "Ashley Q?" Ashley Q pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of the Ashley A's dresser and snapped them on. Ashley Q led him to the bathroom, where she washed his hair with a special claryifying shampoo for mens' hair for twenty minutes until satisfied she had washed it squeaky clean. She was in the middle of blow-drying his hair when the other three Ashleys entered the bathroom. Ashley T was carrying his hat, which looked as though it had been washed; Ashley B was carrying an assortment of bottles; and Ashley A was carrying a stack of books. Ashley Q turned off the hairdryer and combed out his now feathery hair. "Much better," Ashley A praised. Ashley T handed him his hat and he put it back on his head, backwards, of course.
"Now, T.J., the number three thing boy-likers like about boys is the way they smell," Ashley B explained. "Knowing how much Spinelli is, like, like us, this is the stuff you have to use." She handed him a small bottle of cologne.
"Perfume?!?!?" T.J. cried. "You want me to wear perfume?!?"
"Not perfume, cologne," Ashley Q corrected. "Girls wear perfume."
"You want me to wear that stuff?" T.J. repeated.
"Trust us, T.J.," Ashley T replied. "We know what Spinelli's going to like."
"I sure hope you're right about this," T.J. warned. "So you said that smell was the number three thing boy-likers like about boys? So what are the two top things?"
"Of course, the number one thing is how cute they are. Apparently Spinelli already thinks you are cute, so you don't have to worry about that," Ashley A said.
"She thinks I'm cute?" T.J. asked bewilderedly.
"Well, yeah, she probably does," Ashley B replied. "Anyway, the number two thing boy-likers like, we'll have to work on with you. Girls like how boys can act like gentlemen."
"So in other words, no more sticking beans up your nose and impersonating seals, T.J.," Ashley Q added.
"Yeah, and when Spinelli's walking up to school in the morning, you've got to hold open the door for her," Ashley T joined in.
"And let her go before you in line," Ashley A put in.
"And tell her how pretty you think she is," Ashley B continued. The Ashleys were on a roll with suggestions as T.J. tried desperately to take it all in.
"And buy her flowers," Ashley Q suggested.
"Roses," Ashley A breathed.
"Scandalous," the Ashleys sighed in chorus.
"That's what you guys'd like, but I know Spinelli wouldn't appriciate me bringing her a huge boquet of roses," T.J. protested.
"You don't know Spinelli very well, do you?" Ashley B asked.
"I know her better than you do," T.J. insisted.
"Spinelli has a soft side," Ashley Q explained. "We know that she actually does like that type of stuff, she just doesn't show it."
"So you're saying I could buy her flowers and get away with it?" T.J. inquired.
"It's a possibility," Ashley A replied.
T.J. thought for a moment. "I'll think about it."
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King Alex had been inspired and outraged by Spinelli's loyalty to T.J. Detweiler. He couldn't believe the heroism she had displayed just in taking the suffering at the dodgeball wall with Detweiler. Deep in thought, Alex decided that because he would not be able to force her into anything at any cost this time around, she would have to learn to enjoy going to the dodgeball wall every day. Smiling devilishly, Alex unraveled his plan in his mind. Alex the Great was going to prove that love really was torture.
TO BE CONTINUED…
© 2001 KD WILD. All rights reserved.