There! I worked ALL DAY because I felt so bad about leaving it there, and here it is. Would I be that
cruel? You should know me better than that by now!
Disclaimer: Gryffyn, oh and Cedar, they're mine. Kaworu's wings are mine. That's about it.
Shinji wouldn't move from his Eva. Curled into a foetal ball, sobbing softly, he didn't resist when
Hyuga leaned into the plug and lifted him out.
When he was placed on his feet, he stood on them; when he was guided to the changing room, he stood
until the door was closed, then sat.
Rei was dead.
Slowly, he fell to his side on the hard bench; drew his legs up beneath him, covered his face with his
hands.
Some time later- maybe an hour, who was counting?- Misato sidled nervously into the room. Shinji
ignored her.
She sat beside him, carefully not touching him. "Sh… Shinji?"
He tightened up a little, but otherwise continued to ignore her.
"Oh, Shinji." She sighed sadly. "I know what it feels like, to lose someone you love. Please, just be
alright, okay?"
Shinji sat up with frightening sudden-ness, his eyes blazing. "She didn't even know, Misato! I didn't
tell her! And now it's too late. She's dead." He gulped for breath, then yelled out, "She's DEAD! She's
dead, Misato, she's not coming back this time. What am I going to do?"
"I don't know." Misato daringly put an arm around the boy's slim shoulders. He tensed, then leaned
into her side like a child seeking its mother's loving touch. "We're all going to miss her." She found
that her own tears were dangerously near the surface. "I mean… she was really starting to open up…
she was actually sort of relaxing. She was such a beautiful person. It's not fair that this would happen
just when we were starting to find that out."
Biting his lip, hard, Shinji admitted through his burning throat, "It's my fault, really. If I had have been
just a few moments earlier… If I'd been faster, or left earlier, or something…"
"It would have got you too," Misato pointed out harshly. "The main reason why you defeated it was
because of how distracted it was with… with Rei. Than what would we have done? Don't blame
yourself, Shinji. Don't you dare do that."
The dark head bowed, in apology and grief.
Later, it was Asuka who was guiding Shinji's faltering steps toward his home. The redhead was not
distraught with grief, as Shinji was, but there was a darkness to her normally jewel-bright eyes and she
was actually quiet.
Finally she spoke. "I can't believe it, you know."
"It's true." Shinji's voice was defeated.
Asuka glanced at him sideways. "Well, there's been at least one time before that I can think of that it
seemed like ol' wondergirl was done for, and she showed up in the hospital the next day! Maybe that'll
happen again. I don't know what's with her that way. Maybe she has nine lives, like a cat." Her voice
cracked on the last word. She was genuinely upset.
"I know what's with her," Shinji murmured. "And it's not any more. She didn't have any lives left." He
bit back a shuddering sob.
The redhead gave him an odd look, but didn't push. After a few moment's more silent walking, she
suddenly cried, "It could have been me. That thing wanted to kill me. She got it off me, and it took her
instead. That's not fair!"
Shinji turned sharply, staring at her. It could have. Would he rather it had? No, he did not wish to know
the answer to that question.
"I didn't hate her, Shinji," the girl pleaded. It sounded like she was asking for forgiveness. "I didn't
like her, not till the last month or so, I just couldn't stand her. She was so… you know how she always
used to be. Then she started to get more human, she actually started to fight with me, we went shopping
a few times… we were gonna be friends, if you'd believe it!"
Shinji kicked a stone.
Sniffing, Asuka continued, "This whole thing sucks."
Shinji kicked a can.
Turning to him, Asuka said softly, "Do you want to talk about it, Shinji?"
He closed his eyes, feeling the pulse rush behind his eyelids.
"I'm here, if you do. I'll be here for you, Shinji."
He slowly looked at her. She was looking away slightly, blushing the tiniest bit. "Asuka…"
Blue eyes fell to the ground, and the girl began talking too quickly. "And then I feel terrible, like an
awful troll, because in a really bad way I'm glad she's gone, cos you spent so much time with her, and
I miss being the person you spent your time with, even if all we did was fight, I know that's not really
all that I wanted to do, and I thought you maybe wanted to do more than fight as well, but that wasn't
gonna happen with Rei hanging onto you like that… I thought maybe…" She looked up at him, a
mixture of dread and hope in her bright blue eyes.
Shinji looked at her coldly. "I can manage the rest of the way home by myself, thanks, Asuka."
The girl fell silent, and without another word turned to head towards her own apartment.
Relieved, Shinji continued. He had, once, felt that way about Asuka; not any longer. Never after a
speech like that. How could she? He felt vaguely betrayed, disgusted.
Eventually, his wandering feet came to rest in front of his door. Now was a moment he'd been
dreading. How could he possibly tell this to the others? It'd break Gryffyn's heart.
When he gradually gathered up the courage to open the door and step inside, Kaworu greeted him with
a brilliant smile. The two animals were playing some sort of stalking game over the lounge, but stopped
when they picked up on Shinji's mood.
Gryffyn bounded over to him, rubbing his eagle's head on Shinji's shoulder. "What's wrong, Shinshi?
Why sad?"
Fighting down another burst of tears, Shinji said gently, "Come here, Gryffyn." He made his slow way
over to the lounge, sitting heavily.
Kaworu sat on the recliner opposite, leaning forward attentively, elbows braced on knees and wings
spread over the chair's back. "Something dreadful has happened, hasn't it?" he asked in a low whisper.
The golden gryphon scrambled onto the couch on Shinji's left, the poor piece of furniture groaning
under his weight as it always did, and Cedar made his ungainly way onto Shinji's other side, resting his
elegant little head on the boy's knee and looking up at him with his big dark eyes.
Shinji took a deep breath. "We were fighting an Angel this morning, you know that. It was very
powerful." He rested a hand on Gryffyn's neck. "Too powerful. It… it took Asuka out without much
effort, she's okay now but she couldn't help Rei fight… Then it attacked Rei, and I couldn't get to her
quick enough." His lip trembled helplessly. "I'm sorry, all of you. I'm so sorry. It killed her."
A trembling cry rose from Cedar. The little unicorn jumped from the lounge and ran blindly away,
heading for the laundry. Shinji heard a few clatters from in there and knew the creature would be
curling up under the dryer, his favourite place to hide.
Kaworu dropped his head, sighing heavily.
Gryffyn hadn't moved.
"I… I expected this," Kaworu said slowly. "I didn't think it'd be this soon. They hated her, the other
Angels; they wanted to see her dead more than any of us. Because she is the most like us. Oh, Shinji."
Shining tears ran freely down the Angel's beautiful face.
Shinji sobbed softly.
A dark gold beak nuzzled him sympathetically. "Don't cry, Shinshi. Rei wouldn't go away."
Jerkily stroking soft feathers, Shinji said through his tears, "I know, Gryffyn. But she couldn't help it.
When you die, you can't help going away."
Gryffyn shook his head emphatically. "Rei's not gone! She's not!" He sprang off the lounge, glaring at
Shinji. "Silly Shinshi, think that she would! Rei NOT gone!"
Kneeling down in front of him, Shinji said, "I know it's hard to accept. But we have to. Gryffyn…"
"NO!" roared Gryffyn, his wings mantling above him and his claws bared. For the first time, Shinji
realised that the gryphon was a fearsome beast, capable of killing things. Then he calmed somewhat,
and was the familiar, lovable Gryffyn. "I know. Not just being silly, not just saying no-no to what is
real. Rei not dead. Believe."
All throughout the next few days, Shinji couldn't get Gryffyn's words out of his head. What had he
meant? He'd seen Rei's other bodies being destroyed. There were none left.
He sat in Rei's chair at school. The classroom seemed empty without her silent, undemanding
presence. He'd grown so used to that. He'd begun to assume that she'd always be there, quiet and
accepting, whenever he needed or wanted her to be there. Words couldn't begin to describe how much
he missed her.
The other schoolkids found out gradually. Most of them barely seemed to notice. Touji and Kensuke
tried to comfort their friend, but not very successfully.
He hadn't been back to Nerv since. There had been a training session yesterday that he was supposed to
go to, but he hadn't. Misato had come to see him that afternoon. He hadn't had much to say to her.
He and Kaworu had shared many deep and thoughtful conversations about Rei, how wonderful she was
and how many reasons there were why they'd miss her. Despite Kaworu's bawdiness, he was a
steadfast friend and Shinji was glad he was there.
Cedar had barely stopped crying. Someone had only to mention Rei's name and the spindly young
unicorn would be off again.
He'd begun to talk to Asuka again, but he knew deep down that it would be a dreadfully long time till
he forgave her. Still, he had been her friend for so long that it would be stupid to lose that.
His brooding continued. A thousand scenarios ran through his head. Here was the one where that
fateful Angel had never appeared. Here was the one where he'd gotten there ten seconds earlier, in time
to pluck Rei from the very jaws of the beast. And, if her AT Field had been stronger. And, if it had
swallowed her whole and he had tenderly lifted her living frame from the creature's gullet. And, if
Asuka had been able to defeat the creature. Or hold it off longer. And, if Ritsuko hadn't destroyed the
dummy system, Rei's chances.
The dummy system.
Shinji stopped thinking before his logic could destroy the thread of hope that had just sparked up.
The dummy system.
Flashback to the other bad time. There was Unit 04, now an Angel, bearing one of his best friends as a
pilot, though he hadn't known it.
His refusal to attack it, to willingly kill another human being, followed by…
In his mind's eye he saw the flashing red words. 'DUMMY PLUG ACTIVATED'.
What was the dummy plug?
Why were Rei's chances linked to it?
Through the afternoon, his mind worked subconsciously on recalling the words Ritsuko had used to
describe what was happening. Was there some clue there? What had she said?
"Spare Reis."
"Abomination… not human… not alive."
"Parts for the dummy system."
There!
Shinji snapped to full alertness.
All he had to do was find the dummy plug! He wasn't sure if there would be a 'spare Rei' in there, but
it was definitely worth finding out!
Waves of alternate hope and despair washed over him. Was it real? Was he just deluding himself?
There were so many things to worry about…
But he had to know. Rei!
He stood, ignoring the fact that there was still an hour of school left, ignoring the protests of his
classmates and teacher. "Kaworu?" he asked, and the Angel stood, following him.
He didn't explain his plan to Kaworu until they had picked up Gryffyn and Cedar.
All of them stared at him like he was crazy… Then Gryffyn pounced on him, affectionately creeling.
"See Shinshi? I was right! Rei not go away!"
Shinji pushed him off, after rubbing his ears. "I might be wrong."
"Not wrong." The gold creature bounced along the road, Cedar scampering happily after him.
Kaworu looked at Shinji. "You're insane, Shinji-chan." His eyes were laughing. "Do you really think
we can get away with this?"
"I don't know." Shinji grinned. "But I'll never forgive myself if we don't find out. C'mon, denmates,
to Nerv we go!" He dramatically pointed a finger and marched bravely onwards, the Angel behind him
laughing uproariously.
After wiping a tear from his eye, Kaworu said, "Just make sure we aren't going near Central Dogma.
You've got to be careful, dear. Actually…" he sobered up a bit. "It might not be a bad idea if I don't go
at all."
Shinji shook his head. "You're her denmate. We all need to be there. I just know it." He smiled at
Gryffyn. "Gryffyn, I'm sorry I doubted you. It was wrong."
Birdlike, Gryffyn cocked his head to the side. "Shinshi silly sometimes. Learn better, be smarter." His
eyes gleamed as he butted his head against Shinji's leg, then ran forward again, catching up with
Cedar. The two raced happily along the street.
The first problem to consider: how were they going to even get into Nerv?
Easily solved. Shinji swiped his security card at a side entrance, all four skipping through before the
gates closed, chuckling insanely at the dash- relieving some of their stress and worry in humour. A
camera beeped at them, and that was their second problem.
Kaworu solved that one by doing something odd, something that made a ball of strange bleariness
cover the band of intrepid adventurers. He explained as close to an AT Field but different enough that
Nerv's sensors wouldn't register it, a way of distorting light so they would not be seen.
The third problem: how to find the dummy system.
That was probably the hardest part, and the solution the most risky. In the end, after spending an hour
fruitlessly searching passageways and doors which wouldn't open, they realised that they needed
someone else. And that someone else could only really be one person…
Shinji stepped out of the bubble and into Ritsuko's sight. She gasped at his sudden appearance, but he
spoke before she could.
"Dr Akagi, we need your help. Please."
"Wh- what do you want?" she asked, her eyes panicky at the edges. People didn't just appear out of
thin air. Shinji regretted not emerging around the corner. "You shouldn't be here now, Shinji. It's not
the time for your training session."
He bowed his head slightly in apology. "I know, Ritsuko-san. But we need your help. I need you to tell
me about the dummy system."
"You know," she said, confused. "I've shown you. Before I destroyed it."
"You destroyed the spares," Shinji corrected. "Not the entire system. The plug's still intact, isn't it?"
She nodded reluctantly. "Yes. Down in the depths. We kept it in case it was needed again. We might
have needed to use it with the last Angel had events not worked out as they did. The loss of the First
Child was regrettable, but a loss that must be suffered. What do you wish to know?"
Shinji bit his lip, then asked. "Is there a spare Rei in it?"
Ritsuko's mouth slowly dropped open… and she nodded. "Yes. It's still in there. I didn't get that one."
"Can we revive her?"
How much did this boy know? "I- I don't know, Shinji. I don't think that would be a good idea. At all."
He couldn't know how the spares were used in the dummy system, could he? No. If he did, he
wouldn't be asking. Far better to leave it an unalive thing. Far better to kill it.
"Ritsuko, if there's even a chance…"
She slapped her hand down on her desk. "Do you have any idea why there were so many spares,
Shinji? Every time we needed to wake one- every time- we lost some. There were eleven, count them,
eleven, spares destroyed for the three that were woken successfully. There is very little chance that
we'd be able to wake it. And even if we did, there's no way of knowing what being in that plug, having
done those things, will have done to it. You have no idea what things may be if such a thing were
tried."
His brown eyes were steely with determination. "If we've done a wrong thing, we can end it. It will be
hard but probably better than leaving her there anyway, trapped in that thing. And if we haven't, then
Rei will be alive again! That's worth any stupid risk involved. You have no idea how much I need Rei
back. All of us do."
The impassioned speech seemed to have swayed her. She stood. "Fine. We'll give it a try." Leaning
over her keyboard, she typed furiously for several seconds, then stood. "That takes care of security for
the time being. Let's get down there."
The dummy plug hung about a meter above the ground, festooned with cords and cables, deep in the
bowels of Nerv.
"You can't just pull it out," Ritsuko announced. "You'll need to cut away the hull."
"I can manage that," said Kaworu, dropping his sphere of protection. Ritsuko started visibly at the
Angel's presence. "Can you keep a secret, Doctor?"
Cedar didn't like her, or this place, pressing close to Kaworu's leg. Gryffyn approached the plug
warily, sniffing it with doubt, then with growing happiness. "Rei's in here! Rei!" He looked up at
Shinji hopefully.
Kaworu stood next to the plug, concentrating on locating Rei's form, and then snapped a strong AT
Field into existence. The metal it intersected cracked and split, slowly settling to the ground as he
dropped his field.
Shinji gagged at the flood of putrid LCL fluid that rushed out to lap at their ankles. Then turned his
head away from what he saw.
It was definitely a spare Rei, and it was alive, but not much more could be said. It seemed fused to the
chair, hundreds of tubes and wires piercing its skin. At the base of its skull, fixing its head in place, was
a steel tube the diameter of Shinji's wrist… from all appearances, leading cables straight into its brain.
Every second one of its limbs twitched helplessly.
For one of the very few times in his life, seeing Rei naked wasn't turning Shinji on. This was hideous.
Its cerise eyes slowly fluttered open, and with obvious effort, it directed them towards the intruders.
There was nothing familiar in them, only hollow emptiness.
Giving a pained cry, Shinji approached the slab of metal on which the soulless body lay. He sat on the
side of it, leaning over the body, and cupped its face in his hands. He searched its deep, beautiful eyes
for a sign of recognition, desperately hoping…
Something flickered in those crimson depths, too brief for him to tell what, gone…
He sighed, rested his forehead on the smooth pale brow before him, breathed his air into her lungs,
breathed her air into his…
"Rei," he whispered. "Rei. Rei, please- come back to us, Rei-chan! We need you!"
He opened his eyes again, staring pleadingly into hers.
"We need you so badly…"
That same flicker again. Then, almost visibly, something snapped into place. Rei blinked and smiled
faintly, the tiny smile that everyone who cared for her knew. "Shinji?"
Hearing Kaworu's whoop of joy, Shinji gave in to the feelings of relief and happiness flooding through
him, kissing Rei's mouth fiercely.
Startled (but not displeased) Rei reflexively tried to jerk- and gave a soft cry of pain through Shinji's
kiss. Instantly he pulled away, wincing at the horrendous steel column boring into her foramen
magnum.
"We've got to get all this crap out of you!" he declared.
"I don't remember that…" Rei murmured softly. He'd kissed her!
Ritsuko stepped forward. "Well, we should be able to get these out…" She began slipping wires and
pipes out of Rei's skin, covering the holes with the bag of spot bandaids she'd grabbed on her way
down, thinking that they may need them. After several minutes- and a lot of time spent brushing aside
an overeager gryphon- most of the small wires had been removed, and Rei was covered with small
round bandaids.
Horribly, her arms and legs kept twitching. Once per second. Left arm, left leg, right leg, right arm. She
couldn't seem to stop them.
"That's to prevent muscle atrophy," Ritsuko explained. "I don't know why we put that in the design…
I can't imagine that this situation was foreseen… Oh, yes, it was because a healthy body has more
regular and reliable brain waves…" Catching the look that Rei's denmates cast her way, she shut up on
that topic. "Well, that was the easy part of the detachment. I don't know how we're going to pull this
off…" She tapped the steel column lightly. "This was never intended to be removed from a living
brain."
"It's in her brain?" Gryffyn cried angrily. "I don't like you, nasty lady!"
She swung and glared at him. "I'm trying to get her out, aren't I, you little beast? Shut up and let me
work!"
Not too surprisingly, he backed down.
Ritsuko looked up at the small screen hanging in the wall, the one that displayed the last few minutes
worth of Rei's brain patterns. Several minutes ago, they were very quiet and regular; then they began to
jitter furiously in patterns she'd never seen before; then they calmed down again for a few seconds,
then a peak almost as drastic as the first –hmm, she really liked that kiss, didn't she- and now it was
close to normal. Good enough.
"Well- we can only try…" She knelt down and began typing commands in the keyboard beneath that
screen.
Rei's brow furrowed, then her mouth opened in silent pain.
"Stop!" Shinji yelled.
"Can't…" muttered Ritsuko as she typed. "It's all or nothing here."
"Cedar!" Kaworu snapped, just as Rei began to give short gasping cries of agony.
The unicorn was instantly by his side, and just as instantly, standing by Rei's head and resting his short
horn across her pale blue locks. Her low scream cut off sharply, and her tensed body relaxed.
"Marvellous…" Ritsuko mused. "Smoothed out all of a sudden. This might even work!"
Shinji glared at her. "You thought it wouldn't!?!"
She glanced at him over her shoulder for a second, her fingers still flashing across the keys. "There was
a high chance that the tendrils might have harmed her brain irreparably. I mean, we went through seven
spares trying to perfect the insertion procedure, and we haven't even tried the removal one on living
flesh. But thanks to your little monocerine friend, that chance is now very low. She's likely to survive."
Biting his lip, Shinji nodded, then took Rei's hand gently in his. She squeezed it a little, her eyes not
opening. He could only imagine what she was feeling. Kaworu took her other hand, his wings half-
spread behind him, the feathers stiffly splayed in nervousness.
"By the way, you should get the large pad and the roll of bandages ready," Ritsuko tossed over her
shoulder. "Soon."
Shinji squeezed her hand quickly and let it go, both boys getting the medical supplies ready. A few
seconds later, with a moist sucking sound, the steel column relinquished its grip on Rei's head. She
instinctively sat forward, blood pouring from the huge hole in the base of her skull. Shinji moved
forward with the thick pad of cloth, but Cedar slapped his hand away, laying his horn across the open
and freely bleeding wound.
Before their eyes, the bleeding slowed and stopped, leaving Rei's pinkish-grey moist brain visible.
Horrified, Shinji was unable to look away from the perfectly round piece of missing skull. He could see
the top of her neck muscles, bound to the bone, flexing slightly.
Cedar grunted with effort, Kaworu laying a reassuring hand across his withers. The ivory horn not
quite touching Rei's naked brain quivered slightly: and the skull bone extended fragile filaments over
the hole, swiftly filling the gap with a spiderish web, then thickening and strengthening to its original
texture. Gasping, Cedar looked up proudly- then bent his head again, and with a sweep of his horn, pale
blue hair sprang from swiftly regrown skin.
It was done.
Rei gingerly lifted a hand to the back of her head, touching the tender place. It was healed! That
hideous wound, gone! She laid a hand on Cedar's cheek, smiling gently at him. The creature squealed
in delight, licking her face with a wet tongue, then pranced away.
Gryffyn shyly put his paws on the metal chunk, sniffing at her. She wrapped an arm around his neck,
capturing Shinji's hand to squeeze it fiercely.
"Thank you," she whispered, a slight smile on her lips.
Do you all feel better now? I know I do! And I probably got heaps of technical details wrong, I haven't
watched the show in ages, and I'm aware that there are errors so please be merciful… I'm sure you get
the general idea.
For all those Shinji/Rei fans who may have thought I was jumping on the Shinji/Asuka bandwagon,
I'm glad you had enough faith in me to read down to here. Yes, it'll get better from here on. But I can't
promise to not ever do something this cruel again… see, bad things happening to people makes them
be nicer.
Next time!
angelicorn.
cruel? You should know me better than that by now!
Disclaimer: Gryffyn, oh and Cedar, they're mine. Kaworu's wings are mine. That's about it.
Shinji wouldn't move from his Eva. Curled into a foetal ball, sobbing softly, he didn't resist when
Hyuga leaned into the plug and lifted him out.
When he was placed on his feet, he stood on them; when he was guided to the changing room, he stood
until the door was closed, then sat.
Rei was dead.
Slowly, he fell to his side on the hard bench; drew his legs up beneath him, covered his face with his
hands.
Some time later- maybe an hour, who was counting?- Misato sidled nervously into the room. Shinji
ignored her.
She sat beside him, carefully not touching him. "Sh… Shinji?"
He tightened up a little, but otherwise continued to ignore her.
"Oh, Shinji." She sighed sadly. "I know what it feels like, to lose someone you love. Please, just be
alright, okay?"
Shinji sat up with frightening sudden-ness, his eyes blazing. "She didn't even know, Misato! I didn't
tell her! And now it's too late. She's dead." He gulped for breath, then yelled out, "She's DEAD! She's
dead, Misato, she's not coming back this time. What am I going to do?"
"I don't know." Misato daringly put an arm around the boy's slim shoulders. He tensed, then leaned
into her side like a child seeking its mother's loving touch. "We're all going to miss her." She found
that her own tears were dangerously near the surface. "I mean… she was really starting to open up…
she was actually sort of relaxing. She was such a beautiful person. It's not fair that this would happen
just when we were starting to find that out."
Biting his lip, hard, Shinji admitted through his burning throat, "It's my fault, really. If I had have been
just a few moments earlier… If I'd been faster, or left earlier, or something…"
"It would have got you too," Misato pointed out harshly. "The main reason why you defeated it was
because of how distracted it was with… with Rei. Than what would we have done? Don't blame
yourself, Shinji. Don't you dare do that."
The dark head bowed, in apology and grief.
Later, it was Asuka who was guiding Shinji's faltering steps toward his home. The redhead was not
distraught with grief, as Shinji was, but there was a darkness to her normally jewel-bright eyes and she
was actually quiet.
Finally she spoke. "I can't believe it, you know."
"It's true." Shinji's voice was defeated.
Asuka glanced at him sideways. "Well, there's been at least one time before that I can think of that it
seemed like ol' wondergirl was done for, and she showed up in the hospital the next day! Maybe that'll
happen again. I don't know what's with her that way. Maybe she has nine lives, like a cat." Her voice
cracked on the last word. She was genuinely upset.
"I know what's with her," Shinji murmured. "And it's not any more. She didn't have any lives left." He
bit back a shuddering sob.
The redhead gave him an odd look, but didn't push. After a few moment's more silent walking, she
suddenly cried, "It could have been me. That thing wanted to kill me. She got it off me, and it took her
instead. That's not fair!"
Shinji turned sharply, staring at her. It could have. Would he rather it had? No, he did not wish to know
the answer to that question.
"I didn't hate her, Shinji," the girl pleaded. It sounded like she was asking for forgiveness. "I didn't
like her, not till the last month or so, I just couldn't stand her. She was so… you know how she always
used to be. Then she started to get more human, she actually started to fight with me, we went shopping
a few times… we were gonna be friends, if you'd believe it!"
Shinji kicked a stone.
Sniffing, Asuka continued, "This whole thing sucks."
Shinji kicked a can.
Turning to him, Asuka said softly, "Do you want to talk about it, Shinji?"
He closed his eyes, feeling the pulse rush behind his eyelids.
"I'm here, if you do. I'll be here for you, Shinji."
He slowly looked at her. She was looking away slightly, blushing the tiniest bit. "Asuka…"
Blue eyes fell to the ground, and the girl began talking too quickly. "And then I feel terrible, like an
awful troll, because in a really bad way I'm glad she's gone, cos you spent so much time with her, and
I miss being the person you spent your time with, even if all we did was fight, I know that's not really
all that I wanted to do, and I thought you maybe wanted to do more than fight as well, but that wasn't
gonna happen with Rei hanging onto you like that… I thought maybe…" She looked up at him, a
mixture of dread and hope in her bright blue eyes.
Shinji looked at her coldly. "I can manage the rest of the way home by myself, thanks, Asuka."
The girl fell silent, and without another word turned to head towards her own apartment.
Relieved, Shinji continued. He had, once, felt that way about Asuka; not any longer. Never after a
speech like that. How could she? He felt vaguely betrayed, disgusted.
Eventually, his wandering feet came to rest in front of his door. Now was a moment he'd been
dreading. How could he possibly tell this to the others? It'd break Gryffyn's heart.
When he gradually gathered up the courage to open the door and step inside, Kaworu greeted him with
a brilliant smile. The two animals were playing some sort of stalking game over the lounge, but stopped
when they picked up on Shinji's mood.
Gryffyn bounded over to him, rubbing his eagle's head on Shinji's shoulder. "What's wrong, Shinshi?
Why sad?"
Fighting down another burst of tears, Shinji said gently, "Come here, Gryffyn." He made his slow way
over to the lounge, sitting heavily.
Kaworu sat on the recliner opposite, leaning forward attentively, elbows braced on knees and wings
spread over the chair's back. "Something dreadful has happened, hasn't it?" he asked in a low whisper.
The golden gryphon scrambled onto the couch on Shinji's left, the poor piece of furniture groaning
under his weight as it always did, and Cedar made his ungainly way onto Shinji's other side, resting his
elegant little head on the boy's knee and looking up at him with his big dark eyes.
Shinji took a deep breath. "We were fighting an Angel this morning, you know that. It was very
powerful." He rested a hand on Gryffyn's neck. "Too powerful. It… it took Asuka out without much
effort, she's okay now but she couldn't help Rei fight… Then it attacked Rei, and I couldn't get to her
quick enough." His lip trembled helplessly. "I'm sorry, all of you. I'm so sorry. It killed her."
A trembling cry rose from Cedar. The little unicorn jumped from the lounge and ran blindly away,
heading for the laundry. Shinji heard a few clatters from in there and knew the creature would be
curling up under the dryer, his favourite place to hide.
Kaworu dropped his head, sighing heavily.
Gryffyn hadn't moved.
"I… I expected this," Kaworu said slowly. "I didn't think it'd be this soon. They hated her, the other
Angels; they wanted to see her dead more than any of us. Because she is the most like us. Oh, Shinji."
Shining tears ran freely down the Angel's beautiful face.
Shinji sobbed softly.
A dark gold beak nuzzled him sympathetically. "Don't cry, Shinshi. Rei wouldn't go away."
Jerkily stroking soft feathers, Shinji said through his tears, "I know, Gryffyn. But she couldn't help it.
When you die, you can't help going away."
Gryffyn shook his head emphatically. "Rei's not gone! She's not!" He sprang off the lounge, glaring at
Shinji. "Silly Shinshi, think that she would! Rei NOT gone!"
Kneeling down in front of him, Shinji said, "I know it's hard to accept. But we have to. Gryffyn…"
"NO!" roared Gryffyn, his wings mantling above him and his claws bared. For the first time, Shinji
realised that the gryphon was a fearsome beast, capable of killing things. Then he calmed somewhat,
and was the familiar, lovable Gryffyn. "I know. Not just being silly, not just saying no-no to what is
real. Rei not dead. Believe."
All throughout the next few days, Shinji couldn't get Gryffyn's words out of his head. What had he
meant? He'd seen Rei's other bodies being destroyed. There were none left.
He sat in Rei's chair at school. The classroom seemed empty without her silent, undemanding
presence. He'd grown so used to that. He'd begun to assume that she'd always be there, quiet and
accepting, whenever he needed or wanted her to be there. Words couldn't begin to describe how much
he missed her.
The other schoolkids found out gradually. Most of them barely seemed to notice. Touji and Kensuke
tried to comfort their friend, but not very successfully.
He hadn't been back to Nerv since. There had been a training session yesterday that he was supposed to
go to, but he hadn't. Misato had come to see him that afternoon. He hadn't had much to say to her.
He and Kaworu had shared many deep and thoughtful conversations about Rei, how wonderful she was
and how many reasons there were why they'd miss her. Despite Kaworu's bawdiness, he was a
steadfast friend and Shinji was glad he was there.
Cedar had barely stopped crying. Someone had only to mention Rei's name and the spindly young
unicorn would be off again.
He'd begun to talk to Asuka again, but he knew deep down that it would be a dreadfully long time till
he forgave her. Still, he had been her friend for so long that it would be stupid to lose that.
His brooding continued. A thousand scenarios ran through his head. Here was the one where that
fateful Angel had never appeared. Here was the one where he'd gotten there ten seconds earlier, in time
to pluck Rei from the very jaws of the beast. And, if her AT Field had been stronger. And, if it had
swallowed her whole and he had tenderly lifted her living frame from the creature's gullet. And, if
Asuka had been able to defeat the creature. Or hold it off longer. And, if Ritsuko hadn't destroyed the
dummy system, Rei's chances.
The dummy system.
Shinji stopped thinking before his logic could destroy the thread of hope that had just sparked up.
The dummy system.
Flashback to the other bad time. There was Unit 04, now an Angel, bearing one of his best friends as a
pilot, though he hadn't known it.
His refusal to attack it, to willingly kill another human being, followed by…
In his mind's eye he saw the flashing red words. 'DUMMY PLUG ACTIVATED'.
What was the dummy plug?
Why were Rei's chances linked to it?
Through the afternoon, his mind worked subconsciously on recalling the words Ritsuko had used to
describe what was happening. Was there some clue there? What had she said?
"Spare Reis."
"Abomination… not human… not alive."
"Parts for the dummy system."
There!
Shinji snapped to full alertness.
All he had to do was find the dummy plug! He wasn't sure if there would be a 'spare Rei' in there, but
it was definitely worth finding out!
Waves of alternate hope and despair washed over him. Was it real? Was he just deluding himself?
There were so many things to worry about…
But he had to know. Rei!
He stood, ignoring the fact that there was still an hour of school left, ignoring the protests of his
classmates and teacher. "Kaworu?" he asked, and the Angel stood, following him.
He didn't explain his plan to Kaworu until they had picked up Gryffyn and Cedar.
All of them stared at him like he was crazy… Then Gryffyn pounced on him, affectionately creeling.
"See Shinshi? I was right! Rei not go away!"
Shinji pushed him off, after rubbing his ears. "I might be wrong."
"Not wrong." The gold creature bounced along the road, Cedar scampering happily after him.
Kaworu looked at Shinji. "You're insane, Shinji-chan." His eyes were laughing. "Do you really think
we can get away with this?"
"I don't know." Shinji grinned. "But I'll never forgive myself if we don't find out. C'mon, denmates,
to Nerv we go!" He dramatically pointed a finger and marched bravely onwards, the Angel behind him
laughing uproariously.
After wiping a tear from his eye, Kaworu said, "Just make sure we aren't going near Central Dogma.
You've got to be careful, dear. Actually…" he sobered up a bit. "It might not be a bad idea if I don't go
at all."
Shinji shook his head. "You're her denmate. We all need to be there. I just know it." He smiled at
Gryffyn. "Gryffyn, I'm sorry I doubted you. It was wrong."
Birdlike, Gryffyn cocked his head to the side. "Shinshi silly sometimes. Learn better, be smarter." His
eyes gleamed as he butted his head against Shinji's leg, then ran forward again, catching up with
Cedar. The two raced happily along the street.
The first problem to consider: how were they going to even get into Nerv?
Easily solved. Shinji swiped his security card at a side entrance, all four skipping through before the
gates closed, chuckling insanely at the dash- relieving some of their stress and worry in humour. A
camera beeped at them, and that was their second problem.
Kaworu solved that one by doing something odd, something that made a ball of strange bleariness
cover the band of intrepid adventurers. He explained as close to an AT Field but different enough that
Nerv's sensors wouldn't register it, a way of distorting light so they would not be seen.
The third problem: how to find the dummy system.
That was probably the hardest part, and the solution the most risky. In the end, after spending an hour
fruitlessly searching passageways and doors which wouldn't open, they realised that they needed
someone else. And that someone else could only really be one person…
Shinji stepped out of the bubble and into Ritsuko's sight. She gasped at his sudden appearance, but he
spoke before she could.
"Dr Akagi, we need your help. Please."
"Wh- what do you want?" she asked, her eyes panicky at the edges. People didn't just appear out of
thin air. Shinji regretted not emerging around the corner. "You shouldn't be here now, Shinji. It's not
the time for your training session."
He bowed his head slightly in apology. "I know, Ritsuko-san. But we need your help. I need you to tell
me about the dummy system."
"You know," she said, confused. "I've shown you. Before I destroyed it."
"You destroyed the spares," Shinji corrected. "Not the entire system. The plug's still intact, isn't it?"
She nodded reluctantly. "Yes. Down in the depths. We kept it in case it was needed again. We might
have needed to use it with the last Angel had events not worked out as they did. The loss of the First
Child was regrettable, but a loss that must be suffered. What do you wish to know?"
Shinji bit his lip, then asked. "Is there a spare Rei in it?"
Ritsuko's mouth slowly dropped open… and she nodded. "Yes. It's still in there. I didn't get that one."
"Can we revive her?"
How much did this boy know? "I- I don't know, Shinji. I don't think that would be a good idea. At all."
He couldn't know how the spares were used in the dummy system, could he? No. If he did, he
wouldn't be asking. Far better to leave it an unalive thing. Far better to kill it.
"Ritsuko, if there's even a chance…"
She slapped her hand down on her desk. "Do you have any idea why there were so many spares,
Shinji? Every time we needed to wake one- every time- we lost some. There were eleven, count them,
eleven, spares destroyed for the three that were woken successfully. There is very little chance that
we'd be able to wake it. And even if we did, there's no way of knowing what being in that plug, having
done those things, will have done to it. You have no idea what things may be if such a thing were
tried."
His brown eyes were steely with determination. "If we've done a wrong thing, we can end it. It will be
hard but probably better than leaving her there anyway, trapped in that thing. And if we haven't, then
Rei will be alive again! That's worth any stupid risk involved. You have no idea how much I need Rei
back. All of us do."
The impassioned speech seemed to have swayed her. She stood. "Fine. We'll give it a try." Leaning
over her keyboard, she typed furiously for several seconds, then stood. "That takes care of security for
the time being. Let's get down there."
The dummy plug hung about a meter above the ground, festooned with cords and cables, deep in the
bowels of Nerv.
"You can't just pull it out," Ritsuko announced. "You'll need to cut away the hull."
"I can manage that," said Kaworu, dropping his sphere of protection. Ritsuko started visibly at the
Angel's presence. "Can you keep a secret, Doctor?"
Cedar didn't like her, or this place, pressing close to Kaworu's leg. Gryffyn approached the plug
warily, sniffing it with doubt, then with growing happiness. "Rei's in here! Rei!" He looked up at
Shinji hopefully.
Kaworu stood next to the plug, concentrating on locating Rei's form, and then snapped a strong AT
Field into existence. The metal it intersected cracked and split, slowly settling to the ground as he
dropped his field.
Shinji gagged at the flood of putrid LCL fluid that rushed out to lap at their ankles. Then turned his
head away from what he saw.
It was definitely a spare Rei, and it was alive, but not much more could be said. It seemed fused to the
chair, hundreds of tubes and wires piercing its skin. At the base of its skull, fixing its head in place, was
a steel tube the diameter of Shinji's wrist… from all appearances, leading cables straight into its brain.
Every second one of its limbs twitched helplessly.
For one of the very few times in his life, seeing Rei naked wasn't turning Shinji on. This was hideous.
Its cerise eyes slowly fluttered open, and with obvious effort, it directed them towards the intruders.
There was nothing familiar in them, only hollow emptiness.
Giving a pained cry, Shinji approached the slab of metal on which the soulless body lay. He sat on the
side of it, leaning over the body, and cupped its face in his hands. He searched its deep, beautiful eyes
for a sign of recognition, desperately hoping…
Something flickered in those crimson depths, too brief for him to tell what, gone…
He sighed, rested his forehead on the smooth pale brow before him, breathed his air into her lungs,
breathed her air into his…
"Rei," he whispered. "Rei. Rei, please- come back to us, Rei-chan! We need you!"
He opened his eyes again, staring pleadingly into hers.
"We need you so badly…"
That same flicker again. Then, almost visibly, something snapped into place. Rei blinked and smiled
faintly, the tiny smile that everyone who cared for her knew. "Shinji?"
Hearing Kaworu's whoop of joy, Shinji gave in to the feelings of relief and happiness flooding through
him, kissing Rei's mouth fiercely.
Startled (but not displeased) Rei reflexively tried to jerk- and gave a soft cry of pain through Shinji's
kiss. Instantly he pulled away, wincing at the horrendous steel column boring into her foramen
magnum.
"We've got to get all this crap out of you!" he declared.
"I don't remember that…" Rei murmured softly. He'd kissed her!
Ritsuko stepped forward. "Well, we should be able to get these out…" She began slipping wires and
pipes out of Rei's skin, covering the holes with the bag of spot bandaids she'd grabbed on her way
down, thinking that they may need them. After several minutes- and a lot of time spent brushing aside
an overeager gryphon- most of the small wires had been removed, and Rei was covered with small
round bandaids.
Horribly, her arms and legs kept twitching. Once per second. Left arm, left leg, right leg, right arm. She
couldn't seem to stop them.
"That's to prevent muscle atrophy," Ritsuko explained. "I don't know why we put that in the design…
I can't imagine that this situation was foreseen… Oh, yes, it was because a healthy body has more
regular and reliable brain waves…" Catching the look that Rei's denmates cast her way, she shut up on
that topic. "Well, that was the easy part of the detachment. I don't know how we're going to pull this
off…" She tapped the steel column lightly. "This was never intended to be removed from a living
brain."
"It's in her brain?" Gryffyn cried angrily. "I don't like you, nasty lady!"
She swung and glared at him. "I'm trying to get her out, aren't I, you little beast? Shut up and let me
work!"
Not too surprisingly, he backed down.
Ritsuko looked up at the small screen hanging in the wall, the one that displayed the last few minutes
worth of Rei's brain patterns. Several minutes ago, they were very quiet and regular; then they began to
jitter furiously in patterns she'd never seen before; then they calmed down again for a few seconds,
then a peak almost as drastic as the first –hmm, she really liked that kiss, didn't she- and now it was
close to normal. Good enough.
"Well- we can only try…" She knelt down and began typing commands in the keyboard beneath that
screen.
Rei's brow furrowed, then her mouth opened in silent pain.
"Stop!" Shinji yelled.
"Can't…" muttered Ritsuko as she typed. "It's all or nothing here."
"Cedar!" Kaworu snapped, just as Rei began to give short gasping cries of agony.
The unicorn was instantly by his side, and just as instantly, standing by Rei's head and resting his short
horn across her pale blue locks. Her low scream cut off sharply, and her tensed body relaxed.
"Marvellous…" Ritsuko mused. "Smoothed out all of a sudden. This might even work!"
Shinji glared at her. "You thought it wouldn't!?!"
She glanced at him over her shoulder for a second, her fingers still flashing across the keys. "There was
a high chance that the tendrils might have harmed her brain irreparably. I mean, we went through seven
spares trying to perfect the insertion procedure, and we haven't even tried the removal one on living
flesh. But thanks to your little monocerine friend, that chance is now very low. She's likely to survive."
Biting his lip, Shinji nodded, then took Rei's hand gently in his. She squeezed it a little, her eyes not
opening. He could only imagine what she was feeling. Kaworu took her other hand, his wings half-
spread behind him, the feathers stiffly splayed in nervousness.
"By the way, you should get the large pad and the roll of bandages ready," Ritsuko tossed over her
shoulder. "Soon."
Shinji squeezed her hand quickly and let it go, both boys getting the medical supplies ready. A few
seconds later, with a moist sucking sound, the steel column relinquished its grip on Rei's head. She
instinctively sat forward, blood pouring from the huge hole in the base of her skull. Shinji moved
forward with the thick pad of cloth, but Cedar slapped his hand away, laying his horn across the open
and freely bleeding wound.
Before their eyes, the bleeding slowed and stopped, leaving Rei's pinkish-grey moist brain visible.
Horrified, Shinji was unable to look away from the perfectly round piece of missing skull. He could see
the top of her neck muscles, bound to the bone, flexing slightly.
Cedar grunted with effort, Kaworu laying a reassuring hand across his withers. The ivory horn not
quite touching Rei's naked brain quivered slightly: and the skull bone extended fragile filaments over
the hole, swiftly filling the gap with a spiderish web, then thickening and strengthening to its original
texture. Gasping, Cedar looked up proudly- then bent his head again, and with a sweep of his horn, pale
blue hair sprang from swiftly regrown skin.
It was done.
Rei gingerly lifted a hand to the back of her head, touching the tender place. It was healed! That
hideous wound, gone! She laid a hand on Cedar's cheek, smiling gently at him. The creature squealed
in delight, licking her face with a wet tongue, then pranced away.
Gryffyn shyly put his paws on the metal chunk, sniffing at her. She wrapped an arm around his neck,
capturing Shinji's hand to squeeze it fiercely.
"Thank you," she whispered, a slight smile on her lips.
Do you all feel better now? I know I do! And I probably got heaps of technical details wrong, I haven't
watched the show in ages, and I'm aware that there are errors so please be merciful… I'm sure you get
the general idea.
For all those Shinji/Rei fans who may have thought I was jumping on the Shinji/Asuka bandwagon,
I'm glad you had enough faith in me to read down to here. Yes, it'll get better from here on. But I can't
promise to not ever do something this cruel again… see, bad things happening to people makes them
be nicer.
Next time!
angelicorn.