"Well, since Erek says that the Yeerks are planning an
all round attack then I think we should
..." Jake said.
"Plan an all round attack our selves!" Rachel
yelled happily.
"Actually ..." Jake said.
"OR, we could just sit back and watch the Yeerks take
over, no big deal," Marco muttered.
I'd rather hunt a rat or two, Tobias commented.
"Ooh! A rat?" Cassie squealed, "I've always
wanted to dissect a rat!"
I eat rats, I don't dissect them.
"Well, we could dissect it first then you could eat it
... by the way, how does rat meat taste?"
It tastes great! Tastes like chicken ... I wonder
whether I could eat chicken as a hawk?
Tobias said, thrilled at someone actually being interested
in his eating habits.
"Chicken!?" Ax yelled in his human morph.
Uh-huh.
"I wonder whether McDonalds would be open
now,"
"The motto is twenty four seven," Marco commented.
"No, that's BP," Rachel said.
"BP?" Ax asked.
"The gas station. Beyond Petroleum or something."
"Aren't all gas stations twenty four seven?"
Cassie asked.
I think so, Tobias said.
"No, but..." Rachel was saying, but Jake
interrupted her.
"Helloooooooo!" He almost screamed, "I was
trying to talk, you know!"
"That is really nice, Jake," Cassie said, then
turned to Marco, "What about Shell?"
"Shell?"
"Yeah, the gas station."
"I don't know about Shell, but ..."
"OK! That's it. I quit!" Jake yelled, "find a
new leader, 'cos I can't take it any more! Aaaaaah!"
Jake screamed as he ran out of the barn tugging at his hair.
"Some people have got to take a few chill pills,"
Marco muttered.
You're telling me! Tobias chuckled.
"Hold up," Cassie said, "If Jake just quit on
us, who's gonna make all the hard decisions?"
"Spoilsport," Marco muttered.
"I'll be the leader!" Rachel yelped.
"Hah! You couldn't make a good decision even if there
was one standing right in front of you,"
Marco joked.
"And you could!?"
"No, ma'am."
"W-we've got no leader!" Ax cried, "No
p-prince!"
"Don't call him prince," Cassie snapped,
"No! No! No! No p-prince, no leader!!!"
There was a sudden bang, then the room was full of smoke.
They all coughed.
"W-who's there. Cough!" Rachel asked.
"Who do you think?" a voice replied in a
I-wouldn't-even-tell-you-if-you-bowed-down-and-worshipped-me
tone (O.K., so I may be
exaggerating a little, but isn't that the whole point of
being a fan fiction writer?).
"Rachel doesn't think, it's sort of impossible, what
with her not having a brain and everything,"
Marco said through the smoke.
"Shut up, Marco," Rachel snapped.
Suddenly, a girl with long black (X-X-Black, get it?) hair
and green eyes stepped through the
smoke, muttering, "I have got to work on those
entrances."
"You!" Cassie screeched, "I remember
you!"
"Thanks," the girl sighed, "I've got fans
everywhere."
"Fan fiction dot net!"
"Nice to know you remember me," the girl said,
"I mean, I wouldn't have my self, only it was
that outfit! EEW!"
Rachel's eyes lit up, "That was EEW?"
"Uh-huh, got it from my bud Stoney Gem, she's the
designer, you know."
"Stoney Gem ... eew?" Marco asked.
"You haven't heard of EEW!?" Rachel asked, like it
was totally alien not to have heard of
EEW, which I must admit is true.
"Ecstatic Egg Wear," Cassie commented.
"You're heard of it too?" Rachel squealed.
"Yeah, Rachel, EEW is like the most popular outfit in
the whole of FFN!" Gem Stoned
muttered.
"Ecstatic Egg Wear?" Marco mumbled, "The
things they come up with these days."
"They're the ones who invented the wonderful idea of
... Underwear For Anywhere,"
"Ohhhkay, Cassie, maybe you should lay back on those
sanity pills," Marco said, "they seem to
be having the reverse effect."
My uncle used to wear Underwear For Anywhere, Tobias
commented.
"You too?" Marco muttered.
"I love underwear for anywhere, the cinnamon flavored
one! Ooh, aah!" Ax mumbled.
"They have flavored ones?" Marco began to rise to
the occasion, "maybe EEW isn't that bad..."
"Yeah! You can put a wonder bra on your apple!"
Rachel yelled.
"Ohhhkay, Rachel," Everyone said.
"Anyway,"
new leader of the animorphs."
"New leader of the animorphs?" Marco asked.
"Yes, Jake just quit on you. Didn't you notice?"
"How did you know?"
"I know everything." Gem said mysteriously,
"actually, it's in book number fifty six. And K.A.
Applegate said the last one was supposed to be fifty five!
Hah! The liar."
"B-but fifty six hasn't come out yet."
"Oh ... sorry, I have a friend, who has friend who has
a friend, who has a dog, who has a tape
recorder stuck to it which tapes everything K.A. plots, very
useful for fan fiction ideas
hhhmmmm ... wait a minute! How would you know whether fifty
six has come out yet!? You
scrawny little character!" Like being a scrawny little
character was supposed to be some sort of
big insult.
"er... er..."
"You want to be the leader of the animorphs?"
Rachel asked.
"I think we've got that covered, dearie," Gem
said.
"What makes you think we're gonna let you be the
leader?" Cassie asked.
"You can't even morph!" Marco yelled.
Let alone make a good entrance, Tobias chuckled.
Ax who was waiting for his cue to go "Prince!" was
sitting on the barn floor looking for Jake.
"Shut up, bird boy," Gem said, "besides, I
don't need to be able to morph to fight the Yeerks."
"Speaking of which," Cassie said. "If you
want to fight the Yeerks, can't you just write Visser
Three off the series?"
"Sorry, darling, but I'm nor allowed to do that,"
Gem said. "Only K.A. and her idiot
Ghostwriters are allowed to do that."
"Then what good are you?" Rachel asked.
"I can make a Hork-Bajir do the macarena!"
"You are so in, dude!" Marco yelled.
"And I can also get you - Rachel - a new Gucci
outfit."
"How new?"
"Two thousand and one, September, new," she said,
"and it hasn't even been designed yet."
"Ooh! You are so in!"
"You can't just buy your way into the animorphs!"
Cassie exclaimed.
"No, I can't. But I can get you a new pet rat for your
experiments, Cassie dearest."
"Girlfriend, you are my new best friend."
"Okay, I don't have to bribe er ... offer Ax
anything," Gem said eyeing Ax who was still on the
floor but pounding it and screaming Christina Aguilera
lyrics (Nobody wants to be lonely?).
"Tobias, what have you always wanted?"
To meet Britney Spears!
Gem snapped her fingers and Tobias yelled, Ooh baby,
bay-bee!
The next day at school, Marco stepped up to the mysterious
new girl who was in a large brown
coat, dark glasses and a hat, "hey, babe," he said
suavely while trying to do his cool (or so he
thought) Rustle Crowe impersonation, "mind if I rustle
your crow?"
"Shut up, Marco!"
"Or maybe crow your rustle!" he yelled, desperate
at the chance to 'score', "your choice!"
"It's me, Marco!"
"Mom?"
The girl took of her hat, and her dark glasses.
"You?"
"Yes it's me," Gem said, "I'm here to spy on
the Yeerks.
"Does this mean I can rustle your ..."
"No!"
"Then what does this mean?"
"Why, if it isn't Gem Stoned."
Marco and Gem turned around, "Oh, Forlay!" Gem
squealed, giving Forlay a very
uncomfortable hug, "What are you doing here in
________?"
"Oh, I'm just visiting ________, the ________ans are so
friendly!" Forlay started circling Marco
and Gem like the vulture that she is - hey, I'm allowed to
have views! "Who's your friend,
Gem?"
"Oh, Marco - Forlay. Forlay - Marco."
"The Marco?"
"What do you mean the Marco?" Marco asked.
Forlay ignored Marco, "So you're using the Animorphs
are you?" Forlay laughed mockingly,
"you think you're going to destroy me, with the
Animorphs?" Forlay walked away, laughing as
she went.
"Okay, okay," Gem said in Cassie's barn, "my
plan wasn't exactly just to fry Yeerks, I admit!"
"So what was your plan?" Cassie asked shrewdly.
"I just er ..."
"Tell us the truth, or else," Rachel snapped.
Gem was not threatened, "Or else what? You'll turn into
a teddy bear?"
"Just tell us, will you!" Marco said, "I have
a date with Viscera Tree after this."
Viscera Tree? Tobias asked.
"Yes," Marco snapped, "you got a problem with
that? We met at the Yeerk pool last night."
"Well, well," Rachel said.
"OK! OK! I'll tell you. Just don't force me to listen
to your painfull conversations!" Gem cried.
"As Marco told you," she gave Marco an angry look,
"we met Forlay at school today."
Who's Forlay? Tobias asked.
"I was getting to that, Tobias," Gem scowled,
"Forlay is my arch-enemy. She t-t-threatened to
give me a hic... hic ... cyber-throttling!"
"A cyber-throttling?" Marco laughed.
"Hey, don't act so smart, buster." Gem said.
"Marco dearie, you're definitely not 18, not a Yves
Saint Laurent model and you don't make five hundred dollars
per second. So you're not one to
talk. Oh, and by the way, StonedGirl56 on StonedChat dot com
was just moi checking up on
you."
Marco suddenly looked pale, perhaps because of Rachel's
taunting laughter.
"Anyway, we're launching a net-war, and I needed some
heroes of sorts, so I chose you."
"Why do you make it sound like such a daily
thing?" Cassie asked.
"er ... because it is?"
Just continue. Tobias said, then burst into laughter
as he added, Marco has a date with
Viscera Tree!
"Shut up," Marco snapped.
"I wanted Harry Potter, but Forlay got him first. Well,
you're more than him and he can only
transfigure one of you into a staggering, drooling
pig."
"Wouldn't be much of a change for Marco," Rachel
laughed.
"While the rest of you would turn into you're little
animals, eat him and ta-daaaa! Forlay's
doomed."
"What can you do for us? That's all I wanna know."
"Yeah!" Ax said, talking for the first time,
"What have you done for us lately?" Ax sang, then
changed the tune, "Who's that eatin' that nasty food?
Nasty boys! Who's that driving that nasty
car? Nasty ..."
"Ax," Marco whispered, "the Velvet Rope tour
was in ninety nine, dearie."
Did Marco just call Ax ... dearie?
"I think he did!" Rachel gasped.
"That sounds so ... Gem Stoned!" Cassie said.
"I know!" Rachel squealed.
Gem slapped her forehead, "I knew I should have chosen
Senna for this job, at least she's sane."
"Hey, I decide who's sane and who's not!" Marco yelled.