Author's Note: I love this

Author's Note: I love this. What ever happened to good ol' humor? I have read quite a few

tacky "humor" stories on the AM section, and I'm telling you, I almost puked. Thing is, those

stories sorta reminded me of my self, y'know? When I wrote The Animorphs Visit Fan Fiction

Dot Net (Read that one, it's hic-hic-hicarious) I thought it suh-hucked! But everyone loved it

(except Ruby. I know you don't have rubies stuck on your forehead, duuuhh! Like I have Gems

stuck on mine.) just read this one, it's short, it's simple and it was written three hundred years

ago (also known as January). K?

Prologue

I, Gem Stoned (reporter for the Yeerkly Times), decided to interview the Ellimist. Just to find

out how he is behind that adorably invisible face.

"Hi, Mr. Ellimist?" I said to nothing.

I'D APPRECIATE IF YOU DIDN'T CALL ME NOTHING.

"Oh, sorry," I said, "you can read my mind?"

UH-HUH.

"Wow, what else can you do?"

WELL, I CAN TRAVEL THROUGH DIFFERENT GALAXIES A WHOLE LOT FASTER

THAN ANYONE ELSE.

"Okay," I said. "So, tell me about your arch rival Crayak?"

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

"Why?"

I JUST DON'T. SO THERE.

"What do you do for fun?"

THAT'S A GOOD ONE ... HMM ... WELL, I SURF THE LITERAL WEB, I CREATE

SUPER HEROES, I GIVE THE ANIMORPHS IMPOSSIBLE TESTS ...

"Why don't you just kill all of the Yeerks instead of sending the Animorphs to do it for you?" I

interrupted, I had a feeling he was going to go on ... and on ... and on ...

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO INTERFERE. IT'S RULE NUMBER 74 IN IN THE RULE

BOOK FOR IRRITATING HERO HELPERS VOLUME EIGHT BOOK THREE

THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND ...

He did go on ... and on ... and on ...

"Ohhkay." I said, "How does it feel to be the most powerful being in the Animorphs?"

WELL, I DO KIND OF FEEL SPECIAL, I MEAN HOW MANY PEOPLE GET THAT

CHANCE?

"Hmm."

ISN'T IT IRONIC, DON'T YOU THINK? IT'S LIKE RA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AIN ON MY

WEDDING DAY, IT'S THE GOOD ADVICE THAT I DIDN'T TAKE!

"Okay, Eli, honey?"

WHAT?

"Don't sing. It doesn't quite work for you."

YOU'RE ONE TO TALK, HON.

"Excuse you?"

YOU CAN'T SING, DEARIE. WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS

INSERTS SOUND PROOF WALLS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A SHOWER?

"You know, I always wondered about that ... Hey! Hey! Hey! How did you know that?"

HEY, HEY, HEY! WASN'T THAT THE THEME SONG FOR MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II,

BY METALICA? HMM, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II ... TOM CRUISE ... REALLY CUTE,

HEY?

"You think so too? I know especially in that rock climbing scene!" I giggled, "Wait a minute, are

you trying to change the subject? Just because you're afraid I'll kick you're sorry butt?"

YOU WISH. JUST 'COS YOU'RE JEALOUS OF MY, HOW DO JU SEEY IT? OH, JES!

TALENT! TALENT! LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAA-LA!

"You wish, you pathetic excuse for ..." I swiped at him with my hand bag and chased him (even

though he was invisible) out of the room screaming: "I have talent! I have talent!"

Epilogue

I concluded this from my interview with that idiot er... interesting Ellimist dude. I concluded

that the bad guys (i.e. Visser Three) are always the cool, modest, cute and *sigh* handsome

ones, whilst the 'good guys' are just plain old scum.