- Stutter -
On a whim, I downloaded this song from Ragabash-sama's Pirate Radio site. It ended up haunting
me. Curse you, Ragabash-sama! *shakes an angry fist* And before I get pelted with raw eggs,
I _think_ this is possible considering how Krad wraps himself around Satoshi in vol 5...
.... although that was probably just symbolism.
.... well screw it.
---
Satoshi hated him.
It was easy enough to admit. In this life, you either liked someone or you didn't. The more
extreme version of that is of course love and hate. When you really like someone, you love them.
When you really dislike someone, you hate them. It's just that easy, like picking up the
morning newspaper and reading that bold black text printed so neatly over the white. Black and
white. Just that easy. Just that simple.
Satoshi hated him.
He used to dislike most people. It wasn't anything personal against them, he just tended to
dislike people in general. Too noisy, too curious, too superficial, too silly. He was vaguely
annoyed by the chattering girls who'd blush every time he happened to glance their way to try
and spot the one he wanted. He was always brushed aside and never noticed or apologized to on
the crowded subways where he'd be squished like a silent sardine between two businessmen while
he tried to make his way to school. Slowly though, very slowly, like a late spring thaw, Satoshi
began to dislike people less.
That didn't mean Satoshi liked them. He just didn't.... feel. Anything. Those people were no
longer the slightly disliked shades of black they once were; they turned gray. He had watched
the news, the other night, about a particularly gruesome murder that had happened that day and
as Satoshi stared at the TV, he came to a quiet revelation. He didn't care.
A lady had been murdered. Raped first, the police said. Then tortured. Here, zoom in on this mark
on her body. Is it really okay to show to the public? Well, it's alright for now. See? This is
where he stabbed her. And here too. And here too. Fifteen times. Ripped her open then. Sliced her
neck. That's how she died. Bled to death in the snow.
He wondered if Daisuke had seen the story.
Daisuke was black. Jet black. Not like ash or soot, where you had those grays mixed in, or even
an obsidian where you could still get those annoying flecks but black. Darker than night, deeper
than the human pupil. Black and pure.
Satoshi wondered a little, as he lay on his back on his couch, why black seemed to be always
equated to something evil. Bad guys always wore black, children were always afraid of the
dark, black cats always meant bad luck. He didn't understand it really. Black was comforting. It
was _there_. After all, if you mix every color, and if you blend it dark enough, you eventually
get black. So it was definitely something. It was definitely a substance.
Black also traps heat.
Not like white....
Sighing, Satoshi stretched an arm up, tired eyes staring at the florescent light attached to his
ceiling. He stayed in that position, mind peacefully empty, having quietly filed away his
thoughts on black and white and shades of gray, blaming his mental ramblings on not getting
enough sleep these past few days. He sighed again and his eyes almost closed, the barely visible
blue pools watching blankly, unsurprised, as another slender arm stretched up along side his own.
Fingertips, soft as a whisper, slid up along his pale skin.
Beautiful.
Shut up, he willed. It was his first act of rebellion of the day; Krad had been quiet and docile
the past week. Now Satoshi knew why.
I've hardly said a word, my dear Satoshi. The voice was quiet and steady, although Satoshi could
swear he heard a certain merriment tainting those words.
Leave me alone.
Make me.
The hand had slid up further and cool fingers carefully trapped Satoshi's own, grip deceitfully
gentle. Had it been anyone else's touch, the blue haired boy might have felt warmed, at least
a little. Like whenever Niwa-kun touched him....
You're thinking about him again, aren't you?
No.
Liar. Krad laughed softly, breath tickling over Satoshi's ear. Well, that's alright. You can
pretend, if it makes you happy.
No. He couldn't. No matter how tightly he squeezed his eyes shut, no matter how he gasped the
boy's name, no matter how he prayed.... he could never imagine it was Daisuke. Daisuke lit him
on fire; a hand on a shoulder, an accidental brush in class, a clumsy fall into his lap... It
inflamed him. Daisuke was heat, fire, warmth.... Everything Krad could never be, could never
fake.
Satoshi shifted slightly, leaning his head back on the slim shoulder underneath him, eyes
finally closing in silent submission. He was too tired to fight back tonight.
He never won anyways.
Satoshi was silent as his white shadow took him, it murmuring endearments huskily in his ear.
Krad's hands were ice as they slid over his stomach and dipped in between his thighs, the
touches so cold they almost burned.
I wish I could burn....
I won't let you.
Why not?
He doesn't deserve you.
Why not?
You really are tired tonight.
I am.
Well. That's alright.
Why doesn't Niwa-kun deserve me?
Don't you know? Krad laughed breathlessly, the soft noise almost lost in between the panting.
Don't you know, my dear Satoshi?
No....
You love Niwa-kun, don't you? The voice sounded amused, much like it's owner was. Satoshi
wondered absently why that was. God, he was tired.
Yes. He couldn't lie anyways. Not to the body buried inside of him, not to the slim arms wrapped
around him, not to the face tilted towards his ear. Not to him. Why, why out of everyone....
why could he lie to Niwa-kun but not to him?
You always want those you love to be happy, right? You want them to have the best, naturally.
Yes.
Don't you think he deserves something nice then?
Yes.
So he doesn't deserve you. You're nothing, after all.
Satoshi cried out, his first noise in what had been almost all day and arched back against the
body underneath his own. Bright, white lights exploded behind his tightly closed eyelids and he
fell back, panting.
Nothing....
Nothing. To him, you are nothing.
But.... Satoshi swallowed hard, trying to catch his breath, as his eyes slowly slid open. A pair
of blue ones, almost an exact match for his own, regarded him back quietly. Krad shifted, moving
out from underneath the boy to lay on top of him, long blonde tendrils of hair splaying over
Satoshi's cooling skin. To me.... he is.... Niwa-kun.... Daisuke is.....
Everything.
Krad kissed him softly and Satoshi shuddered, both from the touch and the truth in the other's
words. Yes....
And to me, you are everything. Only to me.
Only to you....
I will kill him.
No....
And you will only think of me.
No....
Are you tired?
No....
I think you are.
No....
I'll handle it from here.
NO!
He hated losing.
---
.... wheee! Yeah, I don't know what that was all about either. In case anyone is curious, here's
the lyrics to 'Stutter', by Elastica. Reminds me of a certian blonde psycho, but also a nice
glaring genius so it works I suppose... well, least for me.
' no need to whine boy
like a wind up toy you stutter at my feet
and it's never the time boy
you've had too much wine to stumble up my street
well it isn't a problem
nothing we can't keep between the sheets
tell me you're mine love
and I will not wait for other bedtime treats
( chorus : )
is there something you lack
when I'm flat on my back
is there something that I can do for you?
it's always something you ate
or it's something you hate
tell me is it the way that I touch you?
have you found a new mate
and is she really great
is it just that I'm much too much for you?
don't feed me a line boy
I can hear that voice you use upon the phone
and there's no need to be coy
that is something you can do upon your own
well it isn't a problem
nothing we can't solve so just relax
am I on the wrong train love
and will I have to tie you to the tracks
( repeat chorus )
I really want you to
I really want you to '
On a whim, I downloaded this song from Ragabash-sama's Pirate Radio site. It ended up haunting
me. Curse you, Ragabash-sama! *shakes an angry fist* And before I get pelted with raw eggs,
I _think_ this is possible considering how Krad wraps himself around Satoshi in vol 5...
.... although that was probably just symbolism.
.... well screw it.
---
Satoshi hated him.
It was easy enough to admit. In this life, you either liked someone or you didn't. The more
extreme version of that is of course love and hate. When you really like someone, you love them.
When you really dislike someone, you hate them. It's just that easy, like picking up the
morning newspaper and reading that bold black text printed so neatly over the white. Black and
white. Just that easy. Just that simple.
Satoshi hated him.
He used to dislike most people. It wasn't anything personal against them, he just tended to
dislike people in general. Too noisy, too curious, too superficial, too silly. He was vaguely
annoyed by the chattering girls who'd blush every time he happened to glance their way to try
and spot the one he wanted. He was always brushed aside and never noticed or apologized to on
the crowded subways where he'd be squished like a silent sardine between two businessmen while
he tried to make his way to school. Slowly though, very slowly, like a late spring thaw, Satoshi
began to dislike people less.
That didn't mean Satoshi liked them. He just didn't.... feel. Anything. Those people were no
longer the slightly disliked shades of black they once were; they turned gray. He had watched
the news, the other night, about a particularly gruesome murder that had happened that day and
as Satoshi stared at the TV, he came to a quiet revelation. He didn't care.
A lady had been murdered. Raped first, the police said. Then tortured. Here, zoom in on this mark
on her body. Is it really okay to show to the public? Well, it's alright for now. See? This is
where he stabbed her. And here too. And here too. Fifteen times. Ripped her open then. Sliced her
neck. That's how she died. Bled to death in the snow.
He wondered if Daisuke had seen the story.
Daisuke was black. Jet black. Not like ash or soot, where you had those grays mixed in, or even
an obsidian where you could still get those annoying flecks but black. Darker than night, deeper
than the human pupil. Black and pure.
Satoshi wondered a little, as he lay on his back on his couch, why black seemed to be always
equated to something evil. Bad guys always wore black, children were always afraid of the
dark, black cats always meant bad luck. He didn't understand it really. Black was comforting. It
was _there_. After all, if you mix every color, and if you blend it dark enough, you eventually
get black. So it was definitely something. It was definitely a substance.
Black also traps heat.
Not like white....
Sighing, Satoshi stretched an arm up, tired eyes staring at the florescent light attached to his
ceiling. He stayed in that position, mind peacefully empty, having quietly filed away his
thoughts on black and white and shades of gray, blaming his mental ramblings on not getting
enough sleep these past few days. He sighed again and his eyes almost closed, the barely visible
blue pools watching blankly, unsurprised, as another slender arm stretched up along side his own.
Fingertips, soft as a whisper, slid up along his pale skin.
Beautiful.
Shut up, he willed. It was his first act of rebellion of the day; Krad had been quiet and docile
the past week. Now Satoshi knew why.
I've hardly said a word, my dear Satoshi. The voice was quiet and steady, although Satoshi could
swear he heard a certain merriment tainting those words.
Leave me alone.
Make me.
The hand had slid up further and cool fingers carefully trapped Satoshi's own, grip deceitfully
gentle. Had it been anyone else's touch, the blue haired boy might have felt warmed, at least
a little. Like whenever Niwa-kun touched him....
You're thinking about him again, aren't you?
No.
Liar. Krad laughed softly, breath tickling over Satoshi's ear. Well, that's alright. You can
pretend, if it makes you happy.
No. He couldn't. No matter how tightly he squeezed his eyes shut, no matter how he gasped the
boy's name, no matter how he prayed.... he could never imagine it was Daisuke. Daisuke lit him
on fire; a hand on a shoulder, an accidental brush in class, a clumsy fall into his lap... It
inflamed him. Daisuke was heat, fire, warmth.... Everything Krad could never be, could never
fake.
Satoshi shifted slightly, leaning his head back on the slim shoulder underneath him, eyes
finally closing in silent submission. He was too tired to fight back tonight.
He never won anyways.
Satoshi was silent as his white shadow took him, it murmuring endearments huskily in his ear.
Krad's hands were ice as they slid over his stomach and dipped in between his thighs, the
touches so cold they almost burned.
I wish I could burn....
I won't let you.
Why not?
He doesn't deserve you.
Why not?
You really are tired tonight.
I am.
Well. That's alright.
Why doesn't Niwa-kun deserve me?
Don't you know? Krad laughed breathlessly, the soft noise almost lost in between the panting.
Don't you know, my dear Satoshi?
No....
You love Niwa-kun, don't you? The voice sounded amused, much like it's owner was. Satoshi
wondered absently why that was. God, he was tired.
Yes. He couldn't lie anyways. Not to the body buried inside of him, not to the slim arms wrapped
around him, not to the face tilted towards his ear. Not to him. Why, why out of everyone....
why could he lie to Niwa-kun but not to him?
You always want those you love to be happy, right? You want them to have the best, naturally.
Yes.
Don't you think he deserves something nice then?
Yes.
So he doesn't deserve you. You're nothing, after all.
Satoshi cried out, his first noise in what had been almost all day and arched back against the
body underneath his own. Bright, white lights exploded behind his tightly closed eyelids and he
fell back, panting.
Nothing....
Nothing. To him, you are nothing.
But.... Satoshi swallowed hard, trying to catch his breath, as his eyes slowly slid open. A pair
of blue ones, almost an exact match for his own, regarded him back quietly. Krad shifted, moving
out from underneath the boy to lay on top of him, long blonde tendrils of hair splaying over
Satoshi's cooling skin. To me.... he is.... Niwa-kun.... Daisuke is.....
Everything.
Krad kissed him softly and Satoshi shuddered, both from the touch and the truth in the other's
words. Yes....
And to me, you are everything. Only to me.
Only to you....
I will kill him.
No....
And you will only think of me.
No....
Are you tired?
No....
I think you are.
No....
I'll handle it from here.
NO!
He hated losing.
---
.... wheee! Yeah, I don't know what that was all about either. In case anyone is curious, here's
the lyrics to 'Stutter', by Elastica. Reminds me of a certian blonde psycho, but also a nice
glaring genius so it works I suppose... well, least for me.
' no need to whine boy
like a wind up toy you stutter at my feet
and it's never the time boy
you've had too much wine to stumble up my street
well it isn't a problem
nothing we can't keep between the sheets
tell me you're mine love
and I will not wait for other bedtime treats
( chorus : )
is there something you lack
when I'm flat on my back
is there something that I can do for you?
it's always something you ate
or it's something you hate
tell me is it the way that I touch you?
have you found a new mate
and is she really great
is it just that I'm much too much for you?
don't feed me a line boy
I can hear that voice you use upon the phone
and there's no need to be coy
that is something you can do upon your own
well it isn't a problem
nothing we can't solve so just relax
am I on the wrong train love
and will I have to tie you to the tracks
( repeat chorus )
I really want you to
I really want you to '