Ok, all I can say is that I think I was sane when I wrote this, it has a few x-overs, like some Pokemon on crack..... you really don't want to know...... oh, and this takes place in MM, not OoT
"Link, you are the only one with the ability to help!" said that stupid turtle that had to have eaten some of Gambit's radioactive gumbo.
Link slowly turned around and walked through the door of the Great Bay Dungeon.
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! WHY ALWAYS ME?!?!?!?" Link cried, "Why did I get screwed and get stuck with this stupid hero role? Call Steven Speilberg, ANYONE! I want a refund!!" He started banging his head on the walls. "I don't wanna goooo!!" he sobbed.
"Cripes, you HAVE beaten other dungeons before, there isn't much difference. How bad could it be?" his fairy, Tatl, said. (oh, and for those of you stupid people who don't know what a fairy looks like, it is a ping pong ball on wings)
Link stopped trying to knock himself out and looked at Tatl homicidally. "If you only knew, if you oooonly knew..... To hell with it, why don't you go in, I'll pay you!!! PLEASE!!!!" he begged.
Suddenly, a meditating girl, surrounded by little yellow bunny-rabbit type things appeared. "I've heard that you would pay someone to go through that door?" she asked, opening one eye.
Up until this time, Link had been frozen solid, but now, his instincts kicked in. He unsheathed his sword and started swinging frantically, hitting everything except the girl in yellow rabbits. "DIE GERUDO SCUM, DIE!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, followed by a Xena, warrior princess war cry.
One of the pikachus, as she called them, ran up and bit his hand. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!!!" he screeched, but the pikachu didn't let go. He started banging his hand on the wall in an attempt to get it off.
Big mistake for Link, let's just skip all of the gory details and just say Link will probably never go within ten feet of a rabbit again.
"My name is TommyGirl, and you said you will pay me to go through the door... how much?"
"We ain't paying you! C'mon Link, we got a dungeon to beat!" said Tatl, who truly hadn't been the same since Link had 'accidentally' chopped her in half. (Why is she back, you ask... well, it beats the heck outta bringing in Navi!) Link looked from the fairy to Tommygirl and back again before saying, "What is this we? Hmmmm? All you say is Hey Link! Don't you know what a so and so is? TommyGirl, I'll pay you twenty bucks!"
"You got yourself a deal!!!" TomyGirl said happily.
"Uh, Link, where did you get twenty bucks?" Tatl asked.
"I am the freakin Hero of Time!!! Remember? I can get whatever the heck I want!!!" Link yelled.
TommyGirl and her evil pikachus went through the door and immediately came back out again. Link HAD to give her the money because he is a quote on quote 'gentleman'- *cough, cough....
TommyGirl decided to stick around so she would teach those evil pikachus how to swim. While she was teaching them, Link was pacing in front of the door and every once in a while would cast an evil gaze on the pikachus, then bang his head on the wall. This went on for quite a while, and eventually the pikachus started pacing with them because they started frying each other with their electricity in the water.
Suddenly, a very familiar looking girl appeared. She stood silent for a minute before whistling shrilly. A faint rumble got louder and louder, and then a herd of monkeys poured through the windows. It was funny, because there weren't any windows, but Link didn't even try to explain it because weird shit happens, don't even try to explain it.
Instead of using the Iron Chef Sword technique, Link decided to stay put. He really didn't feel like going up against a horde of rabid monkeys and the Sage of Zelda 64.
"Pay me and I will go through that door, actually.... I need to wait until MalonHunter gets here, so she can give me a couple bazookas for my monkeys here," she said while in pretended deep thought.
As though summoned by Sage, MalonHunter came flying through the window on the backs of her minions, the fire breathing, flying Kowakian Monkey-Lizards.
"Am I late? What'd I miss?" she exclaimed, "Oh yeah, and thanks for letting me borrow these bazookas, they did wonders on Malon's face!"
The monkeys took the bazookas and started firing them at Link. Link's sword quickly deflected the blasts, but unfortunately, they hit a blonde, crazy looking girl who had just walked in.
"Ooh ooh aah, you shaved de bunny slippers!" said a monkey with a very big gun.
Sage quickly revived Akiko (the crazy blonde) with her awesome Sage powers.
"I LIVE!!!" Akiko cried as she did the Frankenstein. She came up to fast and shoved her hand up a monkey's nose, and I can tell you, monkeys don't like something being jammed up their nose. The monkey started jumping all over the place with Akiko's hand still up it's nose, which, for some reason, didn't surprise anyone.
When Akiko finally got jangled off, she was good and ready ro go through the door, no charge needed. They all decided to go in together, even their minions, and between them, they dragged Link.
Akiko, who hadn't been the same since being flung into a wall by a rabid monkey, was acting strangely.... If that could be possible.
The group finally reached the boss door and stopped to rest. Akiko sat down in the midst of her bunny slippers and said, "hey MalonHunter, do you have some scissors or other type of pointy object?"
"Are you kidding? I mean, come on, this is me we are talking about here..... Well, it looks like most of my, ahem, 'utensils' got rusted over from all of that swimming, but my battery powered electric shaver- watchamacallit still works," she replied with a grin.
"Why..... nevermind, I don't think I even want to know," Sage said while edging away from MalonHunter.
"Don't worry, it was a steal!" MalonHunter replied.
"You stole it.... Might I ask why?" TommyGirl asked confusedly.
"Well, they didn't have the human sized blender I wanted, so-OH MY GOD!!!! Akiko, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ARE YO DOING?" she cried while laughing hysterically.
Akiko had shaved off her bunny-slippers' fuzz and was now shaving her own head.
"Uhhhhhhhh.... Akiko..... You DO know that you are shaving your head.... Right?" Link said slowly.
"Why..... would...... you..... do....... Zat?" TommyGirl asked between laughs.
"Well, monkey say that I shave de bunny, but bunny isn't shaved, so I shave them.... Yes, I did... I shave me to 'cause I'm a bunny too, aren't I?" she said with difficulty.
Suddenly, Link shoved a bomb down her throat and headed for the hills, closely followed by the rest of them. The bomb went off, with some minor damage to Akiko's stomach, but temporarily brought her mind back from the Bahamas.
"WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, HOW-WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY HAIR?" she screamed.
"Akiko, dear, you shaved it off... along with your bunny slippers' fuzz.... Your hair will grow back..." MalonHunter said.
"Oh, well, now I will never have another bad hair day..." Akiko said, in a depressed sorta voice.
"Don't you think we might as well go in there... we have been procrastinating way to long," Tatl said huffily.
"Dontcha think you should tell us what that means? Not to be rude, oh no, anything but that.... But it would kinda help!" Sage yelled at her.
"Well, why not, we can just warp back to, well, anywhere if we want to... which is more than I can say for Linky-boy here!" TommyGirl said reasonably.
Suddenly, Akiko broke out in song, "There were 5, 5 constapated men in the bible, in the bible. There were 5, 5 constapated men in the holy book of moses. Now the 1st, 1st constipated man, his name was Cane, he wasn't able. The 1st, 1st constipated man, his name was Cane, he wasn't able..." she squaked.
"Shaddap!!!! If you are gonna sing, take lessons!" Sage yelled at her.
TO BE CONTINUED............
Ok, that wore off some extra energy....... I hope that you liked it....
"Link, you are the only one with the ability to help!" said that stupid turtle that had to have eaten some of Gambit's radioactive gumbo.
Link slowly turned around and walked through the door of the Great Bay Dungeon.
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! WHY ALWAYS ME?!?!?!?" Link cried, "Why did I get screwed and get stuck with this stupid hero role? Call Steven Speilberg, ANYONE! I want a refund!!" He started banging his head on the walls. "I don't wanna goooo!!" he sobbed.
"Cripes, you HAVE beaten other dungeons before, there isn't much difference. How bad could it be?" his fairy, Tatl, said. (oh, and for those of you stupid people who don't know what a fairy looks like, it is a ping pong ball on wings)
Link stopped trying to knock himself out and looked at Tatl homicidally. "If you only knew, if you oooonly knew..... To hell with it, why don't you go in, I'll pay you!!! PLEASE!!!!" he begged.
Suddenly, a meditating girl, surrounded by little yellow bunny-rabbit type things appeared. "I've heard that you would pay someone to go through that door?" she asked, opening one eye.
Up until this time, Link had been frozen solid, but now, his instincts kicked in. He unsheathed his sword and started swinging frantically, hitting everything except the girl in yellow rabbits. "DIE GERUDO SCUM, DIE!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, followed by a Xena, warrior princess war cry.
One of the pikachus, as she called them, ran up and bit his hand. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!!!" he screeched, but the pikachu didn't let go. He started banging his hand on the wall in an attempt to get it off.
Big mistake for Link, let's just skip all of the gory details and just say Link will probably never go within ten feet of a rabbit again.
"My name is TommyGirl, and you said you will pay me to go through the door... how much?"
"We ain't paying you! C'mon Link, we got a dungeon to beat!" said Tatl, who truly hadn't been the same since Link had 'accidentally' chopped her in half. (Why is she back, you ask... well, it beats the heck outta bringing in Navi!) Link looked from the fairy to Tommygirl and back again before saying, "What is this we? Hmmmm? All you say is Hey Link! Don't you know what a so and so is? TommyGirl, I'll pay you twenty bucks!"
"You got yourself a deal!!!" TomyGirl said happily.
"Uh, Link, where did you get twenty bucks?" Tatl asked.
"I am the freakin Hero of Time!!! Remember? I can get whatever the heck I want!!!" Link yelled.
TommyGirl and her evil pikachus went through the door and immediately came back out again. Link HAD to give her the money because he is a quote on quote 'gentleman'- *cough, cough....
TommyGirl decided to stick around so she would teach those evil pikachus how to swim. While she was teaching them, Link was pacing in front of the door and every once in a while would cast an evil gaze on the pikachus, then bang his head on the wall. This went on for quite a while, and eventually the pikachus started pacing with them because they started frying each other with their electricity in the water.
Suddenly, a very familiar looking girl appeared. She stood silent for a minute before whistling shrilly. A faint rumble got louder and louder, and then a herd of monkeys poured through the windows. It was funny, because there weren't any windows, but Link didn't even try to explain it because weird shit happens, don't even try to explain it.
Instead of using the Iron Chef Sword technique, Link decided to stay put. He really didn't feel like going up against a horde of rabid monkeys and the Sage of Zelda 64.
"Pay me and I will go through that door, actually.... I need to wait until MalonHunter gets here, so she can give me a couple bazookas for my monkeys here," she said while in pretended deep thought.
As though summoned by Sage, MalonHunter came flying through the window on the backs of her minions, the fire breathing, flying Kowakian Monkey-Lizards.
"Am I late? What'd I miss?" she exclaimed, "Oh yeah, and thanks for letting me borrow these bazookas, they did wonders on Malon's face!"
The monkeys took the bazookas and started firing them at Link. Link's sword quickly deflected the blasts, but unfortunately, they hit a blonde, crazy looking girl who had just walked in.
"Ooh ooh aah, you shaved de bunny slippers!" said a monkey with a very big gun.
Sage quickly revived Akiko (the crazy blonde) with her awesome Sage powers.
"I LIVE!!!" Akiko cried as she did the Frankenstein. She came up to fast and shoved her hand up a monkey's nose, and I can tell you, monkeys don't like something being jammed up their nose. The monkey started jumping all over the place with Akiko's hand still up it's nose, which, for some reason, didn't surprise anyone.
When Akiko finally got jangled off, she was good and ready ro go through the door, no charge needed. They all decided to go in together, even their minions, and between them, they dragged Link.
Akiko, who hadn't been the same since being flung into a wall by a rabid monkey, was acting strangely.... If that could be possible.
The group finally reached the boss door and stopped to rest. Akiko sat down in the midst of her bunny slippers and said, "hey MalonHunter, do you have some scissors or other type of pointy object?"
"Are you kidding? I mean, come on, this is me we are talking about here..... Well, it looks like most of my, ahem, 'utensils' got rusted over from all of that swimming, but my battery powered electric shaver- watchamacallit still works," she replied with a grin.
"Why..... nevermind, I don't think I even want to know," Sage said while edging away from MalonHunter.
"Don't worry, it was a steal!" MalonHunter replied.
"You stole it.... Might I ask why?" TommyGirl asked confusedly.
"Well, they didn't have the human sized blender I wanted, so-OH MY GOD!!!! Akiko, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ARE YO DOING?" she cried while laughing hysterically.
Akiko had shaved off her bunny-slippers' fuzz and was now shaving her own head.
"Uhhhhhhhh.... Akiko..... You DO know that you are shaving your head.... Right?" Link said slowly.
"Why..... would...... you..... do....... Zat?" TommyGirl asked between laughs.
"Well, monkey say that I shave de bunny, but bunny isn't shaved, so I shave them.... Yes, I did... I shave me to 'cause I'm a bunny too, aren't I?" she said with difficulty.
Suddenly, Link shoved a bomb down her throat and headed for the hills, closely followed by the rest of them. The bomb went off, with some minor damage to Akiko's stomach, but temporarily brought her mind back from the Bahamas.
"WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, HOW-WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY HAIR?" she screamed.
"Akiko, dear, you shaved it off... along with your bunny slippers' fuzz.... Your hair will grow back..." MalonHunter said.
"Oh, well, now I will never have another bad hair day..." Akiko said, in a depressed sorta voice.
"Don't you think we might as well go in there... we have been procrastinating way to long," Tatl said huffily.
"Dontcha think you should tell us what that means? Not to be rude, oh no, anything but that.... But it would kinda help!" Sage yelled at her.
"Well, why not, we can just warp back to, well, anywhere if we want to... which is more than I can say for Linky-boy here!" TommyGirl said reasonably.
Suddenly, Akiko broke out in song, "There were 5, 5 constapated men in the bible, in the bible. There were 5, 5 constapated men in the holy book of moses. Now the 1st, 1st constipated man, his name was Cane, he wasn't able. The 1st, 1st constipated man, his name was Cane, he wasn't able..." she squaked.
"Shaddap!!!! If you are gonna sing, take lessons!" Sage yelled at her.
TO BE CONTINUED............
Ok, that wore off some extra energy....... I hope that you liked it....