Warner Brother Characters Against Defamation of Character
Written by: Janet Jongebloed
Notes: This is my first Roswell fanfic, and my first crossover fic. It's not beta read yet, this is just the first draft. Please tell me what you think, and what you think can be improved.
All seven of the surviving I-know-an-alien club were gathered in Liz's house, all for the same purpose, but of course with varied view points on the topic, because that's the way they usually worked. "Hearye, hearye, the WBCADOC will now come to order," Liz banged her gavel harshly on the dining room table.
"Hey, hey" Kyle grabbed the wooden mallet away from the determined girl, "Not so loud. You're giving me a headache."
"I'm the President, and if I want to bang the gavel, I can," She took the object in question back from Kyle and laid it to rest on the table. "Now, as the rest of you know, this is the first meeting of the WBCADOC."
"Remind me again," Maria but in, "What is the WBCADOC anyway?"
"Warner Brother Characters Against Defamation of Character," Liz answered proudly, it had been her idea in the first place. After what happened to Alex they had no other choice but to fight against the crazy people in charge of their destinies.
"You do realize it's only Roswell Characters Against yadda yadda…" Maria had already forgotten the rest.
"But in time others shall join us." Liz nodded, completely sure of herself, "So, Maria, what is your complaint against the WB script writers?"
"Oh, no complaint, really. I'm just here to make sure you don't do anything to get yourself in trouble."
"Oh," Liz frowned, and took a moment to compose her determination again, "Um… okay, then… Next, Kyle, what is your complaint against the WB script writers?"
"Okay, check this out," Kyle began his story, "The Prom: Me and Tess went to it, and she was looking so totally hot I just wanted to--"
"Hey, watch it Buddha Boy!" Tess snapped, alerting him that his mind was wandering to an off-limits zone.
Kyle shook his head, coming back to the story, "I just wanted to-- to--" He sighed, "Tell her I really liked having her around, making the house nice for me and my dad, cooking, and she's not that bad of an alien really, and-- and-- I love her and I just wanted her to know." He paused and looked up to see how well Tess was taking the news. To his pleasure, Tess was beaming with happiness.
He continued, "But then the script writers put in some garbage about me having 'sibling feelings' towards Tess. Only 'sibling feelings'! Do you know how upsetting that was? I only had one chance to tell her.. and they messed it up for me!" He punched the table roughly and then in despair banged his head softly against the wood.
Tess moved off Max's lap and sat next to Kyle, patting his back, "Oh… it's okay, and now that I know I… I feel the same."
Both Kyle and Max looked at her with shocked expressions on their faces, both relieved.
Tess kissed Kyle gently on the cheek, "I think I love you Kyle."
"I think I'm going to be sick," Michael groaned. The others felt pretty much the same, except Max who was grinning wildly.
Michael looked at him bewildered, "What's so funny?"
"If Tess is with Kyle, I don't have to go out with her!" Max practically shouted. "This is great!"
Tess was wounded, "Yeah, well, I wasn't that happy when the script writers hooked us up either!"
"Oh… no!" Max tried to control his pure delight, "I didn't mean it like that," He paused and looked deep into Liz's eyes as he is apt to do, "It's just that I love you Liz, not Tess. Even though the writers put us together, I never felt a thing for her. I was thinking of you the whole time."
Liz sighed, "I have something I have to tell you Max… I never slept with Kyle. I love you, Max. And I would never ever ever do anything to hurt you." She breathed more easily then she had in months. "'They' didn't want me to tell you, but I can't go by the scripts anymore. I want my life to be with you."
"Okay, so it's settled then," Michael was still nauseous from the displays of emotion. "Kyle and Tess are now a couple. Liz and Max are now together again. Is there any thing else we need to fix that the writer's screwed up?"
"Now that I have Max my life is complete." Liz happily sighed, but then with more determination she added, "But I'm still mad at the writers!"
Then a familiar voice entered the room from behind them, "Hey, okay, I'm dead. If anyone should be mad it should be me."
"Alex!" Everyone jumped up. Isabel's attention was suddenly brought into focus for the first time during the meeting. Liz and Maria leapt up from their seats and ran to Alex, throwing their arms around him. They both had tears in their eyes.
"Miss me?"
Maria punched his shoulder playfully, "Of course we missed you Alex."
"What kind of question is that?" Liz asked with a grin. And then reality seeped in, "Wait a minute! What are you doing here?! I thought you were dead... I went to your funeral and everything."
"Oh, I am. Very dead… I was murdered by those damn fucking script writers!" He kicked the wall.
Liz was taken back, they all were, Alex rarely showed this type of anger.
"Sorry," Alex said sheepishly. "But, anyway, I heard about your little brigade and thought I'd join."
"You certainly have reason to." Maria added.
"Oh, and I met some friends on the other side and they wanted to join too," He yelled out to the hallway, "Come on in guys!"
Buffy, Spike, Joyce, Harmony and the girls from Charmed came into the now crowed room.
Alex looked up at them from the extra chair he was now sitting in, "See, I met Joyce in Heaven, or what ever is considered heaven by our television audience, and we started talking. She tells the best stories!" Joyce smiled shyly. Alex grabbed a cookie from off the table and began munching away. "But anyways, the WB script writers killed her too. I mean, we got a serial killer on the loose." The Roswell gang looked at each other, suddenly worried. "But the WB has great alibis doesn't it? They covered her death up with some story about cancer, and I apparently 'got into an accident'… yeah, right" He mumbled.
"So, anyway, me and Joycie, we started talking about all the stuff that's going on in Sunnydale, and they have some complaints about the scripts they've been given too."
"See, I told you others would come Maria," Liz beamed with pride and hurried back to her pad of paper that was laid out so nicely on the table. "Okay, um, state your name and your complaint."
"Joyce. Well, like Alex said, I was killed off." Joyce looked over to the others, waiting for them to voice their objections.
Spike was leaning against the wall, "Spike also known as William the Bloody. I'm a vampire, and the WB apparently has it in for all vampires."
"Run that by me again," Michael laughed, "A 'vampire'?"
Spike morphed into his game face with the large fangs and everything, "Yeah, got a problem with that, mate?" He morphed back to his human visage.
"First aliens, now vampires. My life is messed up," Kyle groaned. Tess patted him on the back again.
"As I was saying, the WB has it in for all us vamp kind, letting Buffy slay us and all."
"And what's wrong with that, it's my job?" Buffy glared at him.
"And you do it too well. I mean, geez, the vamps could put up a fight once in a while, and what's with you killing demons and non-vamps? You got a franchise starting or something?" Spike smirked at her.
"Isn't this supposed to be about your complaint?" Buffy asked, smirking.
"Oh, right then. So the scripts say Spikey has to go to get captured by the government big heads and get a chip implanted that makes him go all catatonic when ever he tried to bite someone. So I end up a weak little poof, all because I can't get a decent meal."
Liz looked over her writing and nodded, unsure of weather to put that in the official list of complaints. It didn't seem like that bad of a thing.
"Then I have to go help Buffy… and then I had to go fall in love with her. I tell you, there's no end to what these WB goons can do to a person. No end. But, I realized that maybe the scripts weren't that bad… and maybe being in love with Buffy wouldn't be that bad… and then they go and deny my feelings and make me tie her up and stalk her and go all crazy on her so that she'll like me. I mean, come on, I'm not that type of wanker."
Liz finished copy down all he had said and nodded. "The WB does love to mess with relationships, don't they?"
"Way too much," Maria agreed, "I mean look how many times me and Michael broke up, got together, broke up again, got together again... I can't even keep track anymore."
"Who's next?" Liz asked.
"I'll go. I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Besides what Spike mentioned, the whole giving me way too much work to do, what with slaying vamps and demons, and crazy hell-bitches... there's also the fact that I really wanted to say yes to Spike. I mean, everyone knew that too, 'That girl protests too much' they said, and it was true. I mean, god, look at that body, all rippling with muscles, and that hair…"
"Oh, wonderful, we're back to the 'Let's Make Michael' sick portion of the meeting," Michael frowned.
Buffy composed herself, "Why can't the script writer's just give me a decent boyfriend? Why must they torture me? God, it's so unfair." She crossed her arms.
"Okay, Buffy, you had your turn, now it's mine." Harmony started, "Okay, so, um, I tried being good during a special super duper Angel episode, and so like, why am I so bad at being good? I mean, I can be good if I want to. See, just the other night I let a guy go without draining all the blood from him… but, like, maybe that was because he kept girly slapping me…"
"Wait! Xander got bit by you! You little tramp! I'm gonna slay you!" Buffy started at her, but her mother held her back.
"Buffy, it's not nice to interrupt when people are talking," Joyce scolded her, "Please, continue Harmony."
"Oh, yeah, so, like, what was I saying again? Um, oh yeah, so why can't I be good? I know I'm pretty bad at being good, but I'm pretty bad at being bad… and besides, Spike's good now." She grinned widely at her ex-boyfriend, in that 'please take me back, I really love you' way.
"Ugh. Get away from me you stupid bint!" Spike moved across the floor to stand behind Buffy.
Harmony crossed her arms and grimaced. And then a thought occurred to her, and since that rarely happens she decided to go with it, "Did you get all that, Liz?"
"Um… yeah," Liz nodded with a false smile gracing her lips. "Yeah, it's um, all written down. Um, Next… please."
"Oh, I guess we're next." One of the girls from Charmed said, "We're the girls from Charmed, but we're so interchangeable that we don't need names." Her voice turned to a low whine, "The WB made us look like we can't act!"
"But you can't." Michael stated the obvious.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot for a moment there," She said, "Okay, no complaint then... except that our show has like no budget and we have to rely on cardboard cutout monsters. Um, but that's it."
Liz had finally finished writing down all the complaints. Now that they had them written down, they could do something about it. "Okay, now what?"
"I say we bomb the place, use all the force we have, the vamps can launch a street attack, we'll use our alien powers and show them who's boss!"
"You always did like the subtle approach, didn't you, Michael?" Maria smirked at her on again, off again, on again, off again, on again, off again, on again, off again, boyfriend.
"How about we just choose to not go by the scripts anymore?" Max suggested.
"Yeah, like that will work Gandhi." Michael snapped at his commander.
"It's better than trying to bomb the place, Michael!"
"Guys, knock it off," Isabel interrupted, "You guys are supposed to be best friends, and just because the scripts writer's have had you at each others throats lately is no reason to continue it now."
"Speaking of not continuing stuff, Isabel," Alex told her, "I've come to a conclusion, either you give me the respect I deserve, or I'm leaving you. I'm not doing the crawl on the floor while Isabel makes up her mind that the writer's have been making me do for the past couple of months."
"Wow," Maria smiled, "Ouch."
"I'm sorry, Alex."
"Sorry will come, groveling now."
"Okay, back to the matter at hand," Liz brought them all to attention. "I think Max might be right. We should just choose our own destinies from now on. Throw out the scripts and start living our lives."
"Hear, hear."
"Agreed."
"Good idea."
"Good, see, now we're all in charge of our own destinies! Okay, meeting adjourned." Liz banged the gavel down again.
They started to file out of the room as Maria turned to her best friend. "You do realize that once the next episode that none of this will matter, right?"
"Sure, burst my bubble, Maria."
THE END