Title: Nothing Helps
Author: Jade Hunter
A.N: Well, I wasn't exactly planning a sequel, but, here it is. Forgive me if it stinks.
Disclaimer: None of the Dark Angel charactors belong to me, not even the ones I mention in this story. This is purely for fun, and I am not making any money off of this.
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It's hard not to notice that she likes him. You can see it in the way that she talks to him, not her words, but her tone. She's comfortable in his penthouse, and I know she spent a lot of time there.
Her scent was everywhere.
Well, not quite everywhere. It sort of fades away before it gets to the rooms in the back, the guestrooms and _his_ room. Which is good to know. I don't know why, but it is.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's uncomfortable for me, feeling this for someone I considered my sister back before I checked up on her for the first time. I mean, before I found those clippings, before I knew I had a lead on her, before I saw her in Jam Pony for the first time in nine years, I was fine. Now, most of my thoughts are of her; everytime I check my messages I start to panic, thinking maybe it's Max, and she's in trouble. Even though that's impossible, because I didn't give her the number, and I discontinued the old one. I did that partly because of her liability, and partly because of her effect on me.
But in a different way, the feeling is a blessing. It tells me that I _have_ feelings, that I'm not entirely the soldier I was going to be had I stayed in Manitcore. It makes me acknowledge that I do have a heart at the worst of times, and the times where everything is a blur. Sometimes, I think I can't take the responsibility of looking over twelve people, I think I can't handle bailing them when needed and giving them a new start if they screw up. At those times, I feel _that_ feeling again, and I remember my duties as their CO, I remember my duties as their older brother, and most importantly, I remember that they count on me to help them when help is needed.
I tried to ignore the feeling at first, especially because it wasn't healthy, not for us to survive in this world. But it was harder than I thought. When we escaped from Lydecker and his men the first time and I told her we would leave Seattle and split up, that was the hardest thing I had to say. It had never been a problem with any of the others, but with her, with Max, splitting up suddenly seemed way up there with the world gaining enough balance to be as it was before the Pulse. But I knew it had to be done, and my job as CO came first and foremost. Even then, it hit me hard when she refused to leave. The closest I could tell her of my developing feelings for her was telling her that she had grown up all right. As stupid as it may seem, soldiers were never meant to share feelings with others.
After I left Seattle, I went on a trip across the globe, checking up on the others and just driving around. I stayed a few days with all of them, which I knew they thought was unusual, because the longest I ever checked up on them was a day or two. It was a distraction from Max, making small talk about their lives since the last time I heard, and trying to bury my feelings by jumbling up my thoughts with irrelevant information.
It didn't help.
Our brains, our minds, were meant to process all kinds of different information at the same time. They were created so that every little detail was memorized. We literally had photographic memories. That, for the first time, was a hindrance rather than an advantage. I spent the next weeks being driven crazy with images of her, happy, sad, pissed off, insulting me, and all of it was enough to make me head in the general direction of Seattle. As I neared the city, I kept wondering how I was going to explain the fact that I was in town again.
Then Brin called.
I never expected to be ambushed by two trucks brimming with armed men and I sure as hell never expected Brin to be captured.
A testament of how much Max had distracted me from my duties.
Before, I would have crawled into hiding and waited until my wounds were healed. But I couldn't seem to give up this opportunity to see Max again, no matter how I tried to convince myself that it was tactically unwise. So I went to see her, and found out about Logan Cale. A 'friend'. As soon as I woke up, I knew, knew that she had been in that apartment a hundred times before. I could smell it. One of the perks of having animal DNA.
I didn't understand why she liked him. Still don't. He's weak, and can hardly take care of himself, much less her. I didn't like him. I didn't like the way he was so comfortable in her presence, I didn't like that he knew about us, and I especially hated the way he spoke in that condescending tone of voice. Still don't. If it weren't for all his money, he never would have survived in this world. I could see that after a few minutes with him. It was logical that she saw it too. Then why did she stay with him? Why did she protect him? Why did she put her life on the line doing little jobs for him? It soon occurred to me that she might feel for him what I felt for her.
And I couldn't help but hate him more.
She wanted to rescue Brin. If it had been anyone else, I would have ordered him or her to back down. But it wasn't anyone else. It was Max. Even when she grabbed Lydecker without warning, I didn't yell at her like I would with everyone else. If it had been Ben, Tinga, Andy, or even Elyssa who had done what she did, I would have beat them down with scathing words with no hesitation. Any CO would. But it was Max, and I did nothing more than ask her what she was doing, and why. It was as if suddenly, she was the CO, and I was the SIC. I thought that maybe she had been independent for so long that she forgot how to take orders. But that obviously wasn't it, because in the midst of battle, she followed my orders, and I was the CO again.
I left again, and drove around with no real destination in mind. Wandered around, thinking on my life and checking up on the others through phone. I spent a lot of time trying to forget Max again, and to forget what I felt about her.
First, I tried to distract myself with other women, blondes, red heads, but never brunettes.
That didn't help. It just got me thinking about why I wasn't feeling happy.
Then, I tried to swear off women.
That didn't help either. Her image just came back stronger and clearer than ever.
I also tried to imagine what would happen if she and Logan were to get together, like all my senses were implying.
That absolutely had no effect but to make me hate him more.
Which wasn't necessarily a _bad_ thing.
A month or so had passed, when I felt a disturbing feeling in my gut, and I knew that Max was in trouble. I hightailed it back to Seattle as fast as my bike could go, even though there was no way to be certain.
I'm glad I went, even if it eventually ended with me being tortured by my enemies in Manticore. I resisted as well as I could, but I'm not sure if Max could have. She's left her past behind her, and I'm not sure if she would have remembered those techniques they taught us. They almost got me with that last shot, though. I don't know how they thought to bring in a Max decoy. Maybe it was because Max was the only one Lydecker had spotted me with. In any case, it almost worked. Better than the psychoactives. I knew something was wrong though, the moment she started grilling me. Max was a bit headstrong, yes, but she would have known to get out of Manticore first. There was another factor, however, that made me realize that it hadn't been Max. With the decoy, I didn't get that feeling, the feeling of completeness, the feeling of absolute rightness. I didn't even try and delusion myself that I was over her; the only thing that had kept me alive at some points were the memories of Max.
Later, as I watched Logan stream out that Eyes Only bulletin, I knew I should feel grateful to him for warning the others.
But I didn't.
Instead, I hated him more than ever, for saving the other X-5s from the danger that _I_ put them in. I hated him because he was walking now, a real, true miracle. He was still weak, but he was walking, and I knew that Max wouldn't leave, not then, not ever. I hated him, because all my predator instincts were screaming out that he was a male not of my pride, moving in on my territory.
Too insignificant to challenge, yet too bold to ignore.
As we went to rescue Tinga, I comforted myself with the fact that at least I could fight better than he ever could, even in my injured state. A whirlwind of emotions sped through my mind, but I focused on one task. Getting Tinga to safety. That was top priority now.
I lifted up the hood of a car, and focused on hot-wiring it. I almost dropped the wires and went to deck Logan, however, when he made that comment of all of us being thieves. He was looking down on us, on our lives, because we lived by doing what he deemed was morally wrong, because we made our way through the world by stealing. Instead, I opted to shoot him a glare that could have combusted him, if looks could burn.
As if cable hacks were legal.
I got in the car when Tinga reported that there was enough gas to get us out of there. Since Tinga didn't know about Max's unique position, I assumed out loud that she wouldn't be coming, and prepared to drive off. When Tinga didn't take the hint at first, I barked at her not to bother. It was a direct order, and she crumpled. No matter what, I was the CO. To hide my pain, I gave a last warning to Max, and then drove off.
As soon as I could, I disconnected my VoiceMail, and set up a new one. After we passed the Canadian border, it only took me a few days more to get a new life for Tinga, a fresh start. I made sure Tinga got settled down, and gave her my new contact number. She seemed confused but accepted it; she didn't know I did it to keep Max from contacting the others or me. If she had, she would have been angry, so I purposefully kept it from her.
I'm back in the states now; I've been crossing that border so much, I'd be surprised if they don't know who I am. I have to hand out my new contact number . . .after tracking every last one of the X-5's down. It's a hard job, but they told me the area they were in, so it narrows the field down for me. And who knows? Maybe I'll get smart and forget about Max, or at least, my feelings for her.
Yeah right.
I've always been a fast learner, and this time's no exception. It's impossible to get over Max, believe me, I've tried.
Nothing helps.
Nothing.
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~~~~~Jade Hunter~~~~~
Author: Jade Hunter
A.N: Well, I wasn't exactly planning a sequel, but, here it is. Forgive me if it stinks.
Disclaimer: None of the Dark Angel charactors belong to me, not even the ones I mention in this story. This is purely for fun, and I am not making any money off of this.
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It's hard not to notice that she likes him. You can see it in the way that she talks to him, not her words, but her tone. She's comfortable in his penthouse, and I know she spent a lot of time there.
Her scent was everywhere.
Well, not quite everywhere. It sort of fades away before it gets to the rooms in the back, the guestrooms and _his_ room. Which is good to know. I don't know why, but it is.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. It's uncomfortable for me, feeling this for someone I considered my sister back before I checked up on her for the first time. I mean, before I found those clippings, before I knew I had a lead on her, before I saw her in Jam Pony for the first time in nine years, I was fine. Now, most of my thoughts are of her; everytime I check my messages I start to panic, thinking maybe it's Max, and she's in trouble. Even though that's impossible, because I didn't give her the number, and I discontinued the old one. I did that partly because of her liability, and partly because of her effect on me.
But in a different way, the feeling is a blessing. It tells me that I _have_ feelings, that I'm not entirely the soldier I was going to be had I stayed in Manitcore. It makes me acknowledge that I do have a heart at the worst of times, and the times where everything is a blur. Sometimes, I think I can't take the responsibility of looking over twelve people, I think I can't handle bailing them when needed and giving them a new start if they screw up. At those times, I feel _that_ feeling again, and I remember my duties as their CO, I remember my duties as their older brother, and most importantly, I remember that they count on me to help them when help is needed.
I tried to ignore the feeling at first, especially because it wasn't healthy, not for us to survive in this world. But it was harder than I thought. When we escaped from Lydecker and his men the first time and I told her we would leave Seattle and split up, that was the hardest thing I had to say. It had never been a problem with any of the others, but with her, with Max, splitting up suddenly seemed way up there with the world gaining enough balance to be as it was before the Pulse. But I knew it had to be done, and my job as CO came first and foremost. Even then, it hit me hard when she refused to leave. The closest I could tell her of my developing feelings for her was telling her that she had grown up all right. As stupid as it may seem, soldiers were never meant to share feelings with others.
After I left Seattle, I went on a trip across the globe, checking up on the others and just driving around. I stayed a few days with all of them, which I knew they thought was unusual, because the longest I ever checked up on them was a day or two. It was a distraction from Max, making small talk about their lives since the last time I heard, and trying to bury my feelings by jumbling up my thoughts with irrelevant information.
It didn't help.
Our brains, our minds, were meant to process all kinds of different information at the same time. They were created so that every little detail was memorized. We literally had photographic memories. That, for the first time, was a hindrance rather than an advantage. I spent the next weeks being driven crazy with images of her, happy, sad, pissed off, insulting me, and all of it was enough to make me head in the general direction of Seattle. As I neared the city, I kept wondering how I was going to explain the fact that I was in town again.
Then Brin called.
I never expected to be ambushed by two trucks brimming with armed men and I sure as hell never expected Brin to be captured.
A testament of how much Max had distracted me from my duties.
Before, I would have crawled into hiding and waited until my wounds were healed. But I couldn't seem to give up this opportunity to see Max again, no matter how I tried to convince myself that it was tactically unwise. So I went to see her, and found out about Logan Cale. A 'friend'. As soon as I woke up, I knew, knew that she had been in that apartment a hundred times before. I could smell it. One of the perks of having animal DNA.
I didn't understand why she liked him. Still don't. He's weak, and can hardly take care of himself, much less her. I didn't like him. I didn't like the way he was so comfortable in her presence, I didn't like that he knew about us, and I especially hated the way he spoke in that condescending tone of voice. Still don't. If it weren't for all his money, he never would have survived in this world. I could see that after a few minutes with him. It was logical that she saw it too. Then why did she stay with him? Why did she protect him? Why did she put her life on the line doing little jobs for him? It soon occurred to me that she might feel for him what I felt for her.
And I couldn't help but hate him more.
She wanted to rescue Brin. If it had been anyone else, I would have ordered him or her to back down. But it wasn't anyone else. It was Max. Even when she grabbed Lydecker without warning, I didn't yell at her like I would with everyone else. If it had been Ben, Tinga, Andy, or even Elyssa who had done what she did, I would have beat them down with scathing words with no hesitation. Any CO would. But it was Max, and I did nothing more than ask her what she was doing, and why. It was as if suddenly, she was the CO, and I was the SIC. I thought that maybe she had been independent for so long that she forgot how to take orders. But that obviously wasn't it, because in the midst of battle, she followed my orders, and I was the CO again.
I left again, and drove around with no real destination in mind. Wandered around, thinking on my life and checking up on the others through phone. I spent a lot of time trying to forget Max again, and to forget what I felt about her.
First, I tried to distract myself with other women, blondes, red heads, but never brunettes.
That didn't help. It just got me thinking about why I wasn't feeling happy.
Then, I tried to swear off women.
That didn't help either. Her image just came back stronger and clearer than ever.
I also tried to imagine what would happen if she and Logan were to get together, like all my senses were implying.
That absolutely had no effect but to make me hate him more.
Which wasn't necessarily a _bad_ thing.
A month or so had passed, when I felt a disturbing feeling in my gut, and I knew that Max was in trouble. I hightailed it back to Seattle as fast as my bike could go, even though there was no way to be certain.
I'm glad I went, even if it eventually ended with me being tortured by my enemies in Manticore. I resisted as well as I could, but I'm not sure if Max could have. She's left her past behind her, and I'm not sure if she would have remembered those techniques they taught us. They almost got me with that last shot, though. I don't know how they thought to bring in a Max decoy. Maybe it was because Max was the only one Lydecker had spotted me with. In any case, it almost worked. Better than the psychoactives. I knew something was wrong though, the moment she started grilling me. Max was a bit headstrong, yes, but she would have known to get out of Manticore first. There was another factor, however, that made me realize that it hadn't been Max. With the decoy, I didn't get that feeling, the feeling of completeness, the feeling of absolute rightness. I didn't even try and delusion myself that I was over her; the only thing that had kept me alive at some points were the memories of Max.
Later, as I watched Logan stream out that Eyes Only bulletin, I knew I should feel grateful to him for warning the others.
But I didn't.
Instead, I hated him more than ever, for saving the other X-5s from the danger that _I_ put them in. I hated him because he was walking now, a real, true miracle. He was still weak, but he was walking, and I knew that Max wouldn't leave, not then, not ever. I hated him, because all my predator instincts were screaming out that he was a male not of my pride, moving in on my territory.
Too insignificant to challenge, yet too bold to ignore.
As we went to rescue Tinga, I comforted myself with the fact that at least I could fight better than he ever could, even in my injured state. A whirlwind of emotions sped through my mind, but I focused on one task. Getting Tinga to safety. That was top priority now.
I lifted up the hood of a car, and focused on hot-wiring it. I almost dropped the wires and went to deck Logan, however, when he made that comment of all of us being thieves. He was looking down on us, on our lives, because we lived by doing what he deemed was morally wrong, because we made our way through the world by stealing. Instead, I opted to shoot him a glare that could have combusted him, if looks could burn.
As if cable hacks were legal.
I got in the car when Tinga reported that there was enough gas to get us out of there. Since Tinga didn't know about Max's unique position, I assumed out loud that she wouldn't be coming, and prepared to drive off. When Tinga didn't take the hint at first, I barked at her not to bother. It was a direct order, and she crumpled. No matter what, I was the CO. To hide my pain, I gave a last warning to Max, and then drove off.
As soon as I could, I disconnected my VoiceMail, and set up a new one. After we passed the Canadian border, it only took me a few days more to get a new life for Tinga, a fresh start. I made sure Tinga got settled down, and gave her my new contact number. She seemed confused but accepted it; she didn't know I did it to keep Max from contacting the others or me. If she had, she would have been angry, so I purposefully kept it from her.
I'm back in the states now; I've been crossing that border so much, I'd be surprised if they don't know who I am. I have to hand out my new contact number . . .after tracking every last one of the X-5's down. It's a hard job, but they told me the area they were in, so it narrows the field down for me. And who knows? Maybe I'll get smart and forget about Max, or at least, my feelings for her.
Yeah right.
I've always been a fast learner, and this time's no exception. It's impossible to get over Max, believe me, I've tried.
Nothing helps.
Nothing.
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~~~~~Jade Hunter~~~~~