center.:memory:.
p
/center
Quatre rubbed a glass dry and placed it in the cupboard above the sink. It hadn't taken long for him to get accustomed to the boy's kitchen and now it seemed a second home to him. Despite Duo's relentless pleas to "just let him do something to help", Quatre had sent him away to have fun, get out of the house. Duo would be Duo though. Stubborn and hard headed. If he couldn't help in the house, he'd help in the yard. Quatre watched through the kitchen window as the braided boy pulled out an equally stubborn weed and was thrown back into the grass by his efforts. He laughed at himself, holding his prize high in the air before discarding it into the basket he had brought out with him. By the looks of it, the weeds had the advantage in this struggle, outrageously outnumbering the American. Duo smiled evilly and grabbed hold of his gardening shovel. p
"Shinigami has come to thresh the fields. Beware his trusty scythe!" he shouted, swinging the hand held tool and plunging it deeply into the root system of yet another weed, "Ha, the God of Death has claimed yet another victim!" He pushed down on the handle of the small shovel, sending the green plant into the sky, raining dirt over him and landing promptly into the basket. His eyes widened and he cast his gaze to the window looking into the house from which he knew his friend was watching him. p
"Ya see that, Quatre? What are the odds of that happening?" he shouted, wiping at his face and unconsciously smearing only more dirt onto the smooth skin. p
Quatre smiled and nodded, "I don't know but I guarantee you can't do it again." p
Duo laughed at the challenge, "You're on!" p
The smile on Quatre's lips faded, ITake it easy, Duo. You'll wear yourself out if you keep this up./I he sighed, rinsing off more dishes, IThen again, make use of the time you've got./I His gaze fell to the counter top and from there, the picture frame sitting there. He'd moved it out of his room and into the kitchen to brighten up the black room, the yellow frame acting as the sun to the star painted surroundings. It was his favorite picture by far of any he'd seen taken with his friends, despite being black and white. It had been a candid shot, taken by some wide-eyed girl for the school yearbook. Heero, being Heero, had of course threatened her with an effective, "Omae o korosu" and received the whole roll of film. Quatre hadn't ever really thought about what had happened to it, but having seen it on the wall a few days ago, brought back so many happy memories. They had been relaxing on the school roof, unoccupied with extracurricular work and just meeting together for old time's sake. For the heir to the Winner enterprises though, there was no free time. He'd of course brought a book to read while the others spoke of daily rituals and girls they had met since enrollment. He remembered Trowa leaning over slightly, reading over his shoulder some of the words on the page. p
"Physics?" p
Quatre nodded, "My sister said it would help me better understand the mechanics of the business." p
"Mechanics? Hell, you work a Gundam! What more do you need to know that can't be learned from its systems?" Duo shouted, leaning out over the railing. p
Heero gripped him by the shoulder and pulled him away from the edge, "You want to fall off the roof?" p
A stupid question. Duo smiled, "Yea, sure, why not. Always wanted to test the rules and see if the great Shinigami could fly." p
Heero grunted scornfully and turned away from the pilot, "Grow up." p
Wufei smirked at this, "Perhaps it is you, Yuy, who need to change. " p
"That's what I'm saying!" Duo remarked before Heero could reprimand the Chinese boy, "You're way to mature for your own good! Ya need to loosen up! I tell ya what, pal, one of these days you're going to be sorry you grew up so fast." He leaned one arm against his friend's shoulder, "But the day that happens, remember you've always got me to remind ya how to be a kid again." p
Heero turned his face away, just in time to see the shutter close on a camera, it's flash lost in the daylight. Quatre smiled at the picture. There they stood, locked forever in a single moment in time. It wasn't posed or practiced like the other photos on the walls, it wasn't the best photography either but it captured each and every one of them at peace, relaxed and natural. This is how he wanted to remember them. Trowa with his expressive eyes looking off into nothing yet deliberate and sure. Wufei looking calm and in control, an inner peace settled across his features. Duo.. well… there never was a moment he didn't look happy, but a look of importance almost hung above him, evident in his stance and boldness to lean so on the stern Heero. Ah, now there was a face unlike any of the others. If Quatre didn't know better, he could have sworn that was regret in those prussian beauties as a small, almost invisible smile laced itself across his face. p
"Hey, Quatre!" p
The Arabian jumped, not expecting to hear his name shouted across the room. He turned slowly and chuckled at the sight of Duo, drenched and dirty, standing in the kitchen with a puddle forming at his feet. p
"Oh, Duo. I hadn't realized it was raining again." p
"I wasn't," Duo blushed slightly, an embarrassed look on his heart-shaped face, "I, uh, had some trouble with the hose." p
Quatre shook his head in dismay, "Only you could accomplish that, Duo. Only you, " he turned back to his neglected dish work, "Now hurry up and get out of the wet things before you catch your death." He remarked absently. At hearing his own words, he gasped, turning back with a furry of crimson at his own cheeks. p
Duo merely smiled at him, disregarding any unintended cruelty, "You're a funny man," he remarked, waving good-bye as he headed off towards his room, squishing and squashing down the hall. p
hr/hrp
I"About a month… please, don't leave me… I don't want to die alone… will you always remember me this way? Happy and fun?… please, Heero! Heero! /Ip
Sweat clung to his body as Heero tossed in his sleep, sheets twisting about his legs as he struggled to free himself from those bright cobalt eyes' stare. IDying/I. pDuo leaned against a tall dark tree, one arm clutching the golden cross that hung from his pale neck and glistened in the evening light. His eyes acted as mirrors, reflecting everything his smiling face would not betray. Fear, sadness, regret. Heero blinked and turned his head but the eyes still bore into him, impressed upon the inner lids of his own. With his free hand, Duo reached out to him, "Please Heero.. don't leave me to die alone. Please. Promise me." p
As if on its own accord, Heero's hand raised to touch, to grasp the pale fingers stretched out before him. Duo's smile brightened, faith and hope radiating from him, then faded as Heero drew away again. p
"No, Duo. I can't make you any more promises. I don't want to hurt you when I can't keep true to them. I don't want you to hate me but I don't want you to care either. I'm not your friend. Forget me." p
Duo fell back against the tree, "You will always be my friend. I can't forget. Never. I ask for nothing from you. You and the others were always my friends, unconditionally. But.I guess… I guess I shouldn't have hoped. Why would anyone want to be friends with Shinigami. Death has no friends. It only keeps company." His mouth fell into a thin line, an uncharacteristically serious face befalling him. Heero remained standing above him, one hand almost daring to touch the lost boy's shoulder, to add reassurance to the situation. p IUnconditionaly. There is no such thing. Humans are greedy beings who want only for themselves. Your hope was a lie. You've given your life and love to everyone without return with the false hope that someone would do for you what you had bestowed upon them. The world doesn't work that way, not the real world. So what did you get in return, Shinigami? Even your so-called friends have left you to die. Neither concern nor duty bring them back, so why do you wait? Why do you stand there still, looking at me with those eyes? Because you still have faith in us. No matter how many times we kick you out, you get back up and wait at the door. Damn you. Why can't you just turn your back to us? What makes us so deserving? Damn you, /IHeero paused, eyes closed in thought, I…and Damn me for caring. /Ip
"Duo, I-" Terror. He's gone. Heero walked once around the tree and scanned the foliage above to no avail. Gone. A soft clink, like that of a chain, turned his attention to the ground. There, pooled at the base of the tree, was the golden cross Duo loved so dearly. Where was that braided fool? How reckless to just leave such a treasure behind for any beggar to find and pawn off. Heero knelt down and tried to grasp it but it didn't budge, it's light mass clinging on to the ground below. Prussian eyes focused on the cross as it changed, almost instantly, into a stone pillar, its shape the only constant. A tombstone. Heero's hands began to shake as the brushed against the cold surface. Engraved on its face was a simple message, no more elaborate than that of any other Heero had ever encountered on the battlefield. p
"In memory of the Gundam pilot Zero-Two who fought for our standing peace" p
INo name. /IHeero noticed, his eyes transfixed on the marker. IIt's as if all he existed for was the war. No mention of friends, that devil-may-care personality and smile, not even a name for God's sake. Just a number. Is that all he was? A number? A pilot? A soldier? /IHe stood, unable to see any more. At the very least, he deserved a name, his name. Duo Maxwell. Anything but the faceless title Zero-Two. As Heero stood, he noticed another marker. He didn't need to get closer to read its inscription. The chill originating in his chest traveled down his spine like a parade of ants. p
"In memory of the Gundam pilot Zero-Three who fought for our standing peace" p
IWhat?!/I Heero stepped back, his legs threatening to tumble out from beneath him. Then suddenly, they did. Heero found himself falling, backwards over yet another stone pillar, the same shape and size as the others. His eyes fixed on the headstone and froze. IIn memory of.. Zero-One…/I Five tombstones, single file and chronologically ordered, One through Five, each no different from the next. IWhat… what dose this all mean?/I p
With a short gasp, Heero launched himself forward in bed, assuming a sitting position immediately. His hands clawed at the fabric about him, eyes wide with understanding and fear. IThat dream… I understand…/I. He threw his legs off the side of the bed and stood, marching immediately to his desk and turning on his laptop. Soon, the soft green glow engulfed the blackness in his room, shedding an eerie light over everything contained in it. It had been nearly two weeks since he had left the house of the hill and it's cheerful occupant. The dreams, or rather dream, had begun soon after. It never changed but it never ceased to surprise him. No matter how many times Duo disappeared, no matter how many times his crucifix became his tombstone, no mater how many times he read that cursed inscription, it still surprised him, leaving him wide awake and curious as to it's meanings. Part of him wanted to believe it was a sign of Duo's failing health and the urgency of his return to him. The stronger whole though cast it away, believing more in the mission at hand than dreams and signs. For the first time since the dreams had begun though, it made sense. Frightening sense. p II know what you're trying to tell me now. It's us. The whole damn universe knows of us but the only ones who really know us are ourselves. We are all we have. That's why Duo cares so much, why he waits for us unconditionally. We are all he's got and he knows it's the same for us./I pHeero gazed at the monitor of his laptop, eyes squinting against morning vision. Thee words were blurry and illegible. He turned his head and viewed the small digital clock on the bedside table. Too early for work and too late for sleep. Not that he was in any hurry to revisit his dream world. He looked at his left palm and traced the thin scar there with his eyes. IOur dream../I. With few hours of darkness left, Heero rested his head against his arms and thought back to a happier time when such dreams did not exist. A single day from his memories came back, everything about it so vivid and perfect. He would always remember how on this day, the rain had sounded like laughter and tasted of tears.
IHeero... I'm dying./I the words echoed through the stillness, there meaning lost to the Japanese ex-pilot who lay in the grass, "What are you talking about?" he asked, passing the statement off as a bad joke. p
"I'm sick and I'm not going to get better. I'm dying, Heero." p
Heero rolled onto his side and glared at him, "Your not funny." p
"I'm not trying to be." Duo took a deep breath, "It's the real reason why Quatre is coming here to visit me. I called him a few weeks ago to pass along the news I got from my doctors. We both tried to locate you and the others but you were always on duty somewhere and God only knows where Trowa and Wufei have gone off. I wanted to see you all again, ya know, one last time. You're the only family I've got." p
IThis can't be real. Duo can't die. He has so much life in him. Death can't die./I Heero's thoughts blanketed his mind in shadows, a frantic terror held deep behind his cold and unmoving eyes, "How long do you have?" the voice was detached, almost machine like. p
Duo opened his eyes and rolled his head to the side, looking at his friend with red eyes, "They say a month at most. I don't by that thought. What they really mean is that I've got two to three weeks of living, and one or two of lying in bed, waiting to die. What a lousy way to go, ne? No blaze of glory as Deathscythe and I self-destruct and take a sector of mobile dolls with us, no heroics, just drifting off into an endless slumber." he stood up, shaking he droplets of water from his bangs, "We should probably be heading back. I've still got chores to do and lunch is in no way ready. Unless you want to be eating cereal, I suggest you get up too." p
The change in attitude was astounding. One minute the braided boy was telling him he was going to die and in the next, he was worried about chores and meals. p
"Are you lying to me?" p
"I'm dead serious. You don't get off your soaking wet ass and get up to the house your going to be eating Captain Crunch." p
Heero stood, his prussian eyes narrowed into a scornful glare, "You know what I mean. Are you just telling me this as an excuse to keep me here longer?" p
Duo took off up the hill with short strides, watching out for patches of mud on which he might sip, "I learned a long time ago the difference between an excuse and a reason. I want you to stay here, Heero. I don't want to die alone in that house, have my last days pass without a memory to share with anyone. You know that philosophical question about the tree falling in the woods, right?" p
Heero shook his head, "What about it?" p
"It goes like this; If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound." p
"Yes." p
"But how can you be sure?" p
"Duo-" p
"Listen to me, Heero!" Duo interrupted neither stopping nor slowing in his incline towards the house, "Forget about hearing the tree an just listen to me. What I was trying to get at was that if between now and my death, if no one is around to see me live, whose to say I did? I don't mean live as in to be alive, but to have made the best of my time, to have not just given in to the inevitable and carried on. I don't want to fade away into nothing. I want to have meant something to somebody. Like now. With you." p
Heero listened, his senses numb, "I thought that was why Quatre was coming here." p
Duo shook his head, "It's different with Quatre." p
"How so?" p
A kind smile crept upon the heart shaped face, "Quatre's coming here out of concern. He feels a need to be here because he is my friend. But you.. you came here on you own, without an excuse.. just to see me." he sighed and kicked at a rock buried deep in the mud, "With you, I know I can make a difference too. There are so many things in life that you havn't learned to appreciate and I know I'm just the guy to remind you what it's like to live." He turned his head to smile at his friend but stopped suddenly, and stared out behind him. p
"Duo?" p
The American reached out for Heero's shoulders and turned him around to face the hill. A long ribbon of colored light hung in the sky, radiant against the grey-blue background, "For instance, bet you never sat back and enjoyed a rainbow before." p
Heero stared in awe, "No... not in a long time." p
Duo smiled, quite pleased with himself, "You know, a rainbow is the symbol of one of Gods greatest promises." p
"Really," Heero turned back and started towards the house once more, "Your just full of useless information, aren't you." p
"Heero?" p
He turned his head at the sound of his name, "Hm?" p
"Promise me you'll stay. I'll do anything." p
IAnything? Then don't die../I."Duo, I...." he sighed, "I'll stay as long as I can. I can't promise any more than that." p
Duo caught up with him and laid a warm hand on his shoulder, "I can accept that. Thank you, buddy. It really does mean a lot to me. So, tomato soup or chicken?" p
IYou just told me you were dying... are you completely insane or are you just trying to make me feel better with that smile of yours? /Ip
"I don't want to be an inconvenience. I'll make lunch if you want." p
"Whoa, hold it, Yuy" Duo stood in front of the door, his arms pushing against the frame, "Let's get one thing straight before we put this all behind us, okay? I don't want you to treat me differently, you got that? No special treatment. I may be dying but I'm not incapable of doing things for myself or others. I'm no different from the Duo Maxwell you were playing in the rain with a few minutes ago. So don't treat me that way." p
Heero raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "No special treatment?" with that, he grabbed Duo by his arms and tossed him over his back and into the lawn behind him. The grass and mud broke his fall but the sheer surprise of the event cause the air to be forced from the young mans lungs, "Oi -cough- Heero! That doesn't mean -cough- you -cough- can pull that shit!" p
Heero sneered and pulled the door open, walking immediately towards the bathroom, "I need a hot shower. Call me when lunch is ready." p
"Hai, Heero. Just put your wet -cough- cloths in the hamper outside the door so I can put the in laundry." p
Heero nodded and closed the bathroom door. He turned the water on and watched the slow currents bead against the cold porcelain surface of the tub. Heero stripped down to nothing and placed his soaked clothing in the hamper by the door as he'd been instructed to do. IDuo can't be dying./I The thought raced through his mind, leaving painful pressure throughout his scull. It just wasn't possible though. Duo was only in his twenties, the war was over, they had all survived… barely. They'd fought side by side and in some cases even fought each other. But they had still survived. How could one of them die now? Let alone the one of them who truly knew what it was like to live. The warm steam fogged the mirrors and filled his lungs with soothing vapor. The warm water felt wonderful, a dividing contrast between the icy chill in his heart.I At least in the shower, no one can tell the dampness on your cheeks are tears. /I
p
hr/hr
p
Quatre arrived a few days later, bags of gifts and luggage seeming to sprout from his body. He put down the heavy bags and knocked at the door, trying to keep back tears he promised himself he wouldn't shed. The door opened but instead of the bright and cheerful American he had expected, a dark and brooding Heero Yuy stood before him. p
"Heero! It's great to see you! Where's Duo? Is he well?" The words flowed like a train from his lips, each one following the other in rapid succession. Heero gathered what he could from it and helped Quatre inside, "Duo's fine. He's watching TV right now. We weren't expecting you till tomorrow." p
"I couldn't wait any longer. I've been so worried." p
Heero nodded, "I bet you have." He took the bags and heaved them into the guestroom across the hall from his own, the bags sagging deeply into the worn matrices, "Duo said he wanted you to have this room." p
Quatre looked around the room with surprise written all over his face. It was beautiful. Every wall was littered with pictures of the five of them, hang out like normal kids would, having fun. p
"He thought you might appreciate this room more than others." p
Quatre felt his crystal eyes well up, "It's wonderful." He reached out with trembling hands and took from the wall a framed picture, smiling down at the image. Duo was always such a ham. As always and as could be expected, Heero stood beside him, a scornful look on his face. What an unlikely pair of friends, Quatre thought. He was there too, of course. Right along Trowa, his best friend. Funny how they'd all grown apart. Wufei stood in the back, almost lost and separated from the group. Quatre remembered this picture. It was the last time they had all been together, and if something didn't happen fast, maybe the last. Whether by play of imagination or the glare from the lights, the image of Duo suddenly vanished from the scene. It was devastating to see only the four, subdued faces of himself and friends behind the glass in the frame. Somehow, without Duo's cheeky smile, it just wasn't complete. He placed the photo back on the wall, pleased to note it had returned to its original form. He turned to see Heero still standing in the room, a forlorn look in his eyes that betrayed this stony expression. p
"Where's Duo?" Quatre asked again, forcing himself to smile. p
Heero gestured down the hall with his hand, eyes transfixed on the faces on the walls. Quatre nodded in appreciation and stepped quickly from the room, "Duo? Oi, Duo? I'm here!" p
"Quatre!" came a cheery reply. Duo sprang from his seat at the couch, his fingers quickly finding the mute button on the remote, "I'm over here, buddy!" p
The small blonde jogged joyfully into the room and wrapped his arms around his friend, "Duo! You look great! I thought.. I feared… I-" p
Duo noticed the red tint to his friends eyes and gave him a reassuring squeeze, "Hey, Quatre, don't look so down!" he pulled away from the embrace and smiled winningly, "I'm fine. I'm glad you made it here all right. I wasn't planning on seeing you till tomorrow though! I would have cleaned up." p
"So Heero told me. How have thing been sense we last spoke?" p
Duo seemed to come alive with renewed interest, "Man, you wouldn't believe it! We've had so much fun over these past few days." p
"Did you tell him?" p
"Yea. I got to thinking about what you said. You're right. If I didn't tell him, he'd probably hate me for it, especially knowing that he'd just seen me a few weeks prior. It's better he knows. This way, I at least have two of my best pals to keep me company!" p
Quatre's crystal eyes watered, "Still can't find the other, huh?" p
Duo shook his head, plopping back down onto his favorite seat, "I've all but given up on them. I've traced just about every circus rout from here to earth and back and my search for a freelance Chinese mercenary hasn't come up with much either." p
Quatre nodded, seating himself down on one of the bright blue chairs, "So… you and Heero been having a good time?" p
"The best!" Duo practically leapt from his seat, "Have you ever heard him laugh? I mean, really laugh? Not that twisted battle laugh but a real genuine one?" p
The Arabian shook his head. p
"It's amazing to think such a cold person could make such a beautiful sound! I never thought I'd live to see the day." p
IYou wouldn't have if Heero hadn't shown up that day./I Quatre thought, fighting his tears once again, "If Heero showed up unexpectedly, then maybe the others will too." p
"We can hope," Duo folded his arms behind his head and starred at the starry ceiling above, "And we can pray." p
Heero stepped into the room, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the room, "Duo, I have to go now." p
Duo sat up straight, betrayal written across his face, "Your… your leaving? Now?" p
Heero nodded, a slow incline of his head, "I promised you I would stay as long as I could and I have." p
"I know.. but I thought that maybe… that…" p
"I'm sorry, Duo," The Japanese man shook his head, his dark brown hair falling before his eyes like the curtain of a stage, "I have to go." Having brought nothing with him, Heero walked immediately to the door. Duo quickly followed him, "You'll be back though, won't you?" p
IBack for what? To watch you die? To watch you as that light in your eyes dims and fades away? /I"We'll see." p
"Heero! Please, promise me you'll be back!" p
Heero kept his back to his friend, fearing he may loose his courage if he turned and looked into those hurt filled eyes, "I can't do that. Gomen ne, Duo. We'll see." p
"Wait, Heero! Heero!" p
The man walked on, not bothering to turn nor reply. Duo watched his back as he left him again. IHow long will you be gone this time, Heero? Will I be here when you return? /Ip
Quatre pulled at Duo's arm, beckoning him to come back within the house, "Come on, Duo. He'll be back. I know it. You look like crap, let me make you some soup or something, all right?" p
Duo nodded, absently fiddling with the end of his braid, his gaze still transfixed on the form of his friend traveling into the distance, II have faith in you, Heero Yuy. You'll be back. I know it. You'll come back. With no better purpose than to just be with me. /I
p
/center
Quatre rubbed a glass dry and placed it in the cupboard above the sink. It hadn't taken long for him to get accustomed to the boy's kitchen and now it seemed a second home to him. Despite Duo's relentless pleas to "just let him do something to help", Quatre had sent him away to have fun, get out of the house. Duo would be Duo though. Stubborn and hard headed. If he couldn't help in the house, he'd help in the yard. Quatre watched through the kitchen window as the braided boy pulled out an equally stubborn weed and was thrown back into the grass by his efforts. He laughed at himself, holding his prize high in the air before discarding it into the basket he had brought out with him. By the looks of it, the weeds had the advantage in this struggle, outrageously outnumbering the American. Duo smiled evilly and grabbed hold of his gardening shovel. p
"Shinigami has come to thresh the fields. Beware his trusty scythe!" he shouted, swinging the hand held tool and plunging it deeply into the root system of yet another weed, "Ha, the God of Death has claimed yet another victim!" He pushed down on the handle of the small shovel, sending the green plant into the sky, raining dirt over him and landing promptly into the basket. His eyes widened and he cast his gaze to the window looking into the house from which he knew his friend was watching him. p
"Ya see that, Quatre? What are the odds of that happening?" he shouted, wiping at his face and unconsciously smearing only more dirt onto the smooth skin. p
Quatre smiled and nodded, "I don't know but I guarantee you can't do it again." p
Duo laughed at the challenge, "You're on!" p
The smile on Quatre's lips faded, ITake it easy, Duo. You'll wear yourself out if you keep this up./I he sighed, rinsing off more dishes, IThen again, make use of the time you've got./I His gaze fell to the counter top and from there, the picture frame sitting there. He'd moved it out of his room and into the kitchen to brighten up the black room, the yellow frame acting as the sun to the star painted surroundings. It was his favorite picture by far of any he'd seen taken with his friends, despite being black and white. It had been a candid shot, taken by some wide-eyed girl for the school yearbook. Heero, being Heero, had of course threatened her with an effective, "Omae o korosu" and received the whole roll of film. Quatre hadn't ever really thought about what had happened to it, but having seen it on the wall a few days ago, brought back so many happy memories. They had been relaxing on the school roof, unoccupied with extracurricular work and just meeting together for old time's sake. For the heir to the Winner enterprises though, there was no free time. He'd of course brought a book to read while the others spoke of daily rituals and girls they had met since enrollment. He remembered Trowa leaning over slightly, reading over his shoulder some of the words on the page. p
"Physics?" p
Quatre nodded, "My sister said it would help me better understand the mechanics of the business." p
"Mechanics? Hell, you work a Gundam! What more do you need to know that can't be learned from its systems?" Duo shouted, leaning out over the railing. p
Heero gripped him by the shoulder and pulled him away from the edge, "You want to fall off the roof?" p
A stupid question. Duo smiled, "Yea, sure, why not. Always wanted to test the rules and see if the great Shinigami could fly." p
Heero grunted scornfully and turned away from the pilot, "Grow up." p
Wufei smirked at this, "Perhaps it is you, Yuy, who need to change. " p
"That's what I'm saying!" Duo remarked before Heero could reprimand the Chinese boy, "You're way to mature for your own good! Ya need to loosen up! I tell ya what, pal, one of these days you're going to be sorry you grew up so fast." He leaned one arm against his friend's shoulder, "But the day that happens, remember you've always got me to remind ya how to be a kid again." p
Heero turned his face away, just in time to see the shutter close on a camera, it's flash lost in the daylight. Quatre smiled at the picture. There they stood, locked forever in a single moment in time. It wasn't posed or practiced like the other photos on the walls, it wasn't the best photography either but it captured each and every one of them at peace, relaxed and natural. This is how he wanted to remember them. Trowa with his expressive eyes looking off into nothing yet deliberate and sure. Wufei looking calm and in control, an inner peace settled across his features. Duo.. well… there never was a moment he didn't look happy, but a look of importance almost hung above him, evident in his stance and boldness to lean so on the stern Heero. Ah, now there was a face unlike any of the others. If Quatre didn't know better, he could have sworn that was regret in those prussian beauties as a small, almost invisible smile laced itself across his face. p
"Hey, Quatre!" p
The Arabian jumped, not expecting to hear his name shouted across the room. He turned slowly and chuckled at the sight of Duo, drenched and dirty, standing in the kitchen with a puddle forming at his feet. p
"Oh, Duo. I hadn't realized it was raining again." p
"I wasn't," Duo blushed slightly, an embarrassed look on his heart-shaped face, "I, uh, had some trouble with the hose." p
Quatre shook his head in dismay, "Only you could accomplish that, Duo. Only you, " he turned back to his neglected dish work, "Now hurry up and get out of the wet things before you catch your death." He remarked absently. At hearing his own words, he gasped, turning back with a furry of crimson at his own cheeks. p
Duo merely smiled at him, disregarding any unintended cruelty, "You're a funny man," he remarked, waving good-bye as he headed off towards his room, squishing and squashing down the hall. p
hr/hrp
I"About a month… please, don't leave me… I don't want to die alone… will you always remember me this way? Happy and fun?… please, Heero! Heero! /Ip
Sweat clung to his body as Heero tossed in his sleep, sheets twisting about his legs as he struggled to free himself from those bright cobalt eyes' stare. IDying/I. pDuo leaned against a tall dark tree, one arm clutching the golden cross that hung from his pale neck and glistened in the evening light. His eyes acted as mirrors, reflecting everything his smiling face would not betray. Fear, sadness, regret. Heero blinked and turned his head but the eyes still bore into him, impressed upon the inner lids of his own. With his free hand, Duo reached out to him, "Please Heero.. don't leave me to die alone. Please. Promise me." p
As if on its own accord, Heero's hand raised to touch, to grasp the pale fingers stretched out before him. Duo's smile brightened, faith and hope radiating from him, then faded as Heero drew away again. p
"No, Duo. I can't make you any more promises. I don't want to hurt you when I can't keep true to them. I don't want you to hate me but I don't want you to care either. I'm not your friend. Forget me." p
Duo fell back against the tree, "You will always be my friend. I can't forget. Never. I ask for nothing from you. You and the others were always my friends, unconditionally. But.I guess… I guess I shouldn't have hoped. Why would anyone want to be friends with Shinigami. Death has no friends. It only keeps company." His mouth fell into a thin line, an uncharacteristically serious face befalling him. Heero remained standing above him, one hand almost daring to touch the lost boy's shoulder, to add reassurance to the situation. p IUnconditionaly. There is no such thing. Humans are greedy beings who want only for themselves. Your hope was a lie. You've given your life and love to everyone without return with the false hope that someone would do for you what you had bestowed upon them. The world doesn't work that way, not the real world. So what did you get in return, Shinigami? Even your so-called friends have left you to die. Neither concern nor duty bring them back, so why do you wait? Why do you stand there still, looking at me with those eyes? Because you still have faith in us. No matter how many times we kick you out, you get back up and wait at the door. Damn you. Why can't you just turn your back to us? What makes us so deserving? Damn you, /IHeero paused, eyes closed in thought, I…and Damn me for caring. /Ip
"Duo, I-" Terror. He's gone. Heero walked once around the tree and scanned the foliage above to no avail. Gone. A soft clink, like that of a chain, turned his attention to the ground. There, pooled at the base of the tree, was the golden cross Duo loved so dearly. Where was that braided fool? How reckless to just leave such a treasure behind for any beggar to find and pawn off. Heero knelt down and tried to grasp it but it didn't budge, it's light mass clinging on to the ground below. Prussian eyes focused on the cross as it changed, almost instantly, into a stone pillar, its shape the only constant. A tombstone. Heero's hands began to shake as the brushed against the cold surface. Engraved on its face was a simple message, no more elaborate than that of any other Heero had ever encountered on the battlefield. p
"In memory of the Gundam pilot Zero-Two who fought for our standing peace" p
INo name. /IHeero noticed, his eyes transfixed on the marker. IIt's as if all he existed for was the war. No mention of friends, that devil-may-care personality and smile, not even a name for God's sake. Just a number. Is that all he was? A number? A pilot? A soldier? /IHe stood, unable to see any more. At the very least, he deserved a name, his name. Duo Maxwell. Anything but the faceless title Zero-Two. As Heero stood, he noticed another marker. He didn't need to get closer to read its inscription. The chill originating in his chest traveled down his spine like a parade of ants. p
"In memory of the Gundam pilot Zero-Three who fought for our standing peace" p
IWhat?!/I Heero stepped back, his legs threatening to tumble out from beneath him. Then suddenly, they did. Heero found himself falling, backwards over yet another stone pillar, the same shape and size as the others. His eyes fixed on the headstone and froze. IIn memory of.. Zero-One…/I Five tombstones, single file and chronologically ordered, One through Five, each no different from the next. IWhat… what dose this all mean?/I p
With a short gasp, Heero launched himself forward in bed, assuming a sitting position immediately. His hands clawed at the fabric about him, eyes wide with understanding and fear. IThat dream… I understand…/I. He threw his legs off the side of the bed and stood, marching immediately to his desk and turning on his laptop. Soon, the soft green glow engulfed the blackness in his room, shedding an eerie light over everything contained in it. It had been nearly two weeks since he had left the house of the hill and it's cheerful occupant. The dreams, or rather dream, had begun soon after. It never changed but it never ceased to surprise him. No matter how many times Duo disappeared, no matter how many times his crucifix became his tombstone, no mater how many times he read that cursed inscription, it still surprised him, leaving him wide awake and curious as to it's meanings. Part of him wanted to believe it was a sign of Duo's failing health and the urgency of his return to him. The stronger whole though cast it away, believing more in the mission at hand than dreams and signs. For the first time since the dreams had begun though, it made sense. Frightening sense. p II know what you're trying to tell me now. It's us. The whole damn universe knows of us but the only ones who really know us are ourselves. We are all we have. That's why Duo cares so much, why he waits for us unconditionally. We are all he's got and he knows it's the same for us./I pHeero gazed at the monitor of his laptop, eyes squinting against morning vision. Thee words were blurry and illegible. He turned his head and viewed the small digital clock on the bedside table. Too early for work and too late for sleep. Not that he was in any hurry to revisit his dream world. He looked at his left palm and traced the thin scar there with his eyes. IOur dream../I. With few hours of darkness left, Heero rested his head against his arms and thought back to a happier time when such dreams did not exist. A single day from his memories came back, everything about it so vivid and perfect. He would always remember how on this day, the rain had sounded like laughter and tasted of tears.
IHeero... I'm dying./I the words echoed through the stillness, there meaning lost to the Japanese ex-pilot who lay in the grass, "What are you talking about?" he asked, passing the statement off as a bad joke. p
"I'm sick and I'm not going to get better. I'm dying, Heero." p
Heero rolled onto his side and glared at him, "Your not funny." p
"I'm not trying to be." Duo took a deep breath, "It's the real reason why Quatre is coming here to visit me. I called him a few weeks ago to pass along the news I got from my doctors. We both tried to locate you and the others but you were always on duty somewhere and God only knows where Trowa and Wufei have gone off. I wanted to see you all again, ya know, one last time. You're the only family I've got." p
IThis can't be real. Duo can't die. He has so much life in him. Death can't die./I Heero's thoughts blanketed his mind in shadows, a frantic terror held deep behind his cold and unmoving eyes, "How long do you have?" the voice was detached, almost machine like. p
Duo opened his eyes and rolled his head to the side, looking at his friend with red eyes, "They say a month at most. I don't by that thought. What they really mean is that I've got two to three weeks of living, and one or two of lying in bed, waiting to die. What a lousy way to go, ne? No blaze of glory as Deathscythe and I self-destruct and take a sector of mobile dolls with us, no heroics, just drifting off into an endless slumber." he stood up, shaking he droplets of water from his bangs, "We should probably be heading back. I've still got chores to do and lunch is in no way ready. Unless you want to be eating cereal, I suggest you get up too." p
The change in attitude was astounding. One minute the braided boy was telling him he was going to die and in the next, he was worried about chores and meals. p
"Are you lying to me?" p
"I'm dead serious. You don't get off your soaking wet ass and get up to the house your going to be eating Captain Crunch." p
Heero stood, his prussian eyes narrowed into a scornful glare, "You know what I mean. Are you just telling me this as an excuse to keep me here longer?" p
Duo took off up the hill with short strides, watching out for patches of mud on which he might sip, "I learned a long time ago the difference between an excuse and a reason. I want you to stay here, Heero. I don't want to die alone in that house, have my last days pass without a memory to share with anyone. You know that philosophical question about the tree falling in the woods, right?" p
Heero shook his head, "What about it?" p
"It goes like this; If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound." p
"Yes." p
"But how can you be sure?" p
"Duo-" p
"Listen to me, Heero!" Duo interrupted neither stopping nor slowing in his incline towards the house, "Forget about hearing the tree an just listen to me. What I was trying to get at was that if between now and my death, if no one is around to see me live, whose to say I did? I don't mean live as in to be alive, but to have made the best of my time, to have not just given in to the inevitable and carried on. I don't want to fade away into nothing. I want to have meant something to somebody. Like now. With you." p
Heero listened, his senses numb, "I thought that was why Quatre was coming here." p
Duo shook his head, "It's different with Quatre." p
"How so?" p
A kind smile crept upon the heart shaped face, "Quatre's coming here out of concern. He feels a need to be here because he is my friend. But you.. you came here on you own, without an excuse.. just to see me." he sighed and kicked at a rock buried deep in the mud, "With you, I know I can make a difference too. There are so many things in life that you havn't learned to appreciate and I know I'm just the guy to remind you what it's like to live." He turned his head to smile at his friend but stopped suddenly, and stared out behind him. p
"Duo?" p
The American reached out for Heero's shoulders and turned him around to face the hill. A long ribbon of colored light hung in the sky, radiant against the grey-blue background, "For instance, bet you never sat back and enjoyed a rainbow before." p
Heero stared in awe, "No... not in a long time." p
Duo smiled, quite pleased with himself, "You know, a rainbow is the symbol of one of Gods greatest promises." p
"Really," Heero turned back and started towards the house once more, "Your just full of useless information, aren't you." p
"Heero?" p
He turned his head at the sound of his name, "Hm?" p
"Promise me you'll stay. I'll do anything." p
IAnything? Then don't die../I."Duo, I...." he sighed, "I'll stay as long as I can. I can't promise any more than that." p
Duo caught up with him and laid a warm hand on his shoulder, "I can accept that. Thank you, buddy. It really does mean a lot to me. So, tomato soup or chicken?" p
IYou just told me you were dying... are you completely insane or are you just trying to make me feel better with that smile of yours? /Ip
"I don't want to be an inconvenience. I'll make lunch if you want." p
"Whoa, hold it, Yuy" Duo stood in front of the door, his arms pushing against the frame, "Let's get one thing straight before we put this all behind us, okay? I don't want you to treat me differently, you got that? No special treatment. I may be dying but I'm not incapable of doing things for myself or others. I'm no different from the Duo Maxwell you were playing in the rain with a few minutes ago. So don't treat me that way." p
Heero raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "No special treatment?" with that, he grabbed Duo by his arms and tossed him over his back and into the lawn behind him. The grass and mud broke his fall but the sheer surprise of the event cause the air to be forced from the young mans lungs, "Oi -cough- Heero! That doesn't mean -cough- you -cough- can pull that shit!" p
Heero sneered and pulled the door open, walking immediately towards the bathroom, "I need a hot shower. Call me when lunch is ready." p
"Hai, Heero. Just put your wet -cough- cloths in the hamper outside the door so I can put the in laundry." p
Heero nodded and closed the bathroom door. He turned the water on and watched the slow currents bead against the cold porcelain surface of the tub. Heero stripped down to nothing and placed his soaked clothing in the hamper by the door as he'd been instructed to do. IDuo can't be dying./I The thought raced through his mind, leaving painful pressure throughout his scull. It just wasn't possible though. Duo was only in his twenties, the war was over, they had all survived… barely. They'd fought side by side and in some cases even fought each other. But they had still survived. How could one of them die now? Let alone the one of them who truly knew what it was like to live. The warm steam fogged the mirrors and filled his lungs with soothing vapor. The warm water felt wonderful, a dividing contrast between the icy chill in his heart.I At least in the shower, no one can tell the dampness on your cheeks are tears. /I
p
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p
Quatre arrived a few days later, bags of gifts and luggage seeming to sprout from his body. He put down the heavy bags and knocked at the door, trying to keep back tears he promised himself he wouldn't shed. The door opened but instead of the bright and cheerful American he had expected, a dark and brooding Heero Yuy stood before him. p
"Heero! It's great to see you! Where's Duo? Is he well?" The words flowed like a train from his lips, each one following the other in rapid succession. Heero gathered what he could from it and helped Quatre inside, "Duo's fine. He's watching TV right now. We weren't expecting you till tomorrow." p
"I couldn't wait any longer. I've been so worried." p
Heero nodded, "I bet you have." He took the bags and heaved them into the guestroom across the hall from his own, the bags sagging deeply into the worn matrices, "Duo said he wanted you to have this room." p
Quatre looked around the room with surprise written all over his face. It was beautiful. Every wall was littered with pictures of the five of them, hang out like normal kids would, having fun. p
"He thought you might appreciate this room more than others." p
Quatre felt his crystal eyes well up, "It's wonderful." He reached out with trembling hands and took from the wall a framed picture, smiling down at the image. Duo was always such a ham. As always and as could be expected, Heero stood beside him, a scornful look on his face. What an unlikely pair of friends, Quatre thought. He was there too, of course. Right along Trowa, his best friend. Funny how they'd all grown apart. Wufei stood in the back, almost lost and separated from the group. Quatre remembered this picture. It was the last time they had all been together, and if something didn't happen fast, maybe the last. Whether by play of imagination or the glare from the lights, the image of Duo suddenly vanished from the scene. It was devastating to see only the four, subdued faces of himself and friends behind the glass in the frame. Somehow, without Duo's cheeky smile, it just wasn't complete. He placed the photo back on the wall, pleased to note it had returned to its original form. He turned to see Heero still standing in the room, a forlorn look in his eyes that betrayed this stony expression. p
"Where's Duo?" Quatre asked again, forcing himself to smile. p
Heero gestured down the hall with his hand, eyes transfixed on the faces on the walls. Quatre nodded in appreciation and stepped quickly from the room, "Duo? Oi, Duo? I'm here!" p
"Quatre!" came a cheery reply. Duo sprang from his seat at the couch, his fingers quickly finding the mute button on the remote, "I'm over here, buddy!" p
The small blonde jogged joyfully into the room and wrapped his arms around his friend, "Duo! You look great! I thought.. I feared… I-" p
Duo noticed the red tint to his friends eyes and gave him a reassuring squeeze, "Hey, Quatre, don't look so down!" he pulled away from the embrace and smiled winningly, "I'm fine. I'm glad you made it here all right. I wasn't planning on seeing you till tomorrow though! I would have cleaned up." p
"So Heero told me. How have thing been sense we last spoke?" p
Duo seemed to come alive with renewed interest, "Man, you wouldn't believe it! We've had so much fun over these past few days." p
"Did you tell him?" p
"Yea. I got to thinking about what you said. You're right. If I didn't tell him, he'd probably hate me for it, especially knowing that he'd just seen me a few weeks prior. It's better he knows. This way, I at least have two of my best pals to keep me company!" p
Quatre's crystal eyes watered, "Still can't find the other, huh?" p
Duo shook his head, plopping back down onto his favorite seat, "I've all but given up on them. I've traced just about every circus rout from here to earth and back and my search for a freelance Chinese mercenary hasn't come up with much either." p
Quatre nodded, seating himself down on one of the bright blue chairs, "So… you and Heero been having a good time?" p
"The best!" Duo practically leapt from his seat, "Have you ever heard him laugh? I mean, really laugh? Not that twisted battle laugh but a real genuine one?" p
The Arabian shook his head. p
"It's amazing to think such a cold person could make such a beautiful sound! I never thought I'd live to see the day." p
IYou wouldn't have if Heero hadn't shown up that day./I Quatre thought, fighting his tears once again, "If Heero showed up unexpectedly, then maybe the others will too." p
"We can hope," Duo folded his arms behind his head and starred at the starry ceiling above, "And we can pray." p
Heero stepped into the room, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the room, "Duo, I have to go now." p
Duo sat up straight, betrayal written across his face, "Your… your leaving? Now?" p
Heero nodded, a slow incline of his head, "I promised you I would stay as long as I could and I have." p
"I know.. but I thought that maybe… that…" p
"I'm sorry, Duo," The Japanese man shook his head, his dark brown hair falling before his eyes like the curtain of a stage, "I have to go." Having brought nothing with him, Heero walked immediately to the door. Duo quickly followed him, "You'll be back though, won't you?" p
IBack for what? To watch you die? To watch you as that light in your eyes dims and fades away? /I"We'll see." p
"Heero! Please, promise me you'll be back!" p
Heero kept his back to his friend, fearing he may loose his courage if he turned and looked into those hurt filled eyes, "I can't do that. Gomen ne, Duo. We'll see." p
"Wait, Heero! Heero!" p
The man walked on, not bothering to turn nor reply. Duo watched his back as he left him again. IHow long will you be gone this time, Heero? Will I be here when you return? /Ip
Quatre pulled at Duo's arm, beckoning him to come back within the house, "Come on, Duo. He'll be back. I know it. You look like crap, let me make you some soup or something, all right?" p
Duo nodded, absently fiddling with the end of his braid, his gaze still transfixed on the form of his friend traveling into the distance, II have faith in you, Heero Yuy. You'll be back. I know it. You'll come back. With no better purpose than to just be with me. /I