Part 3
"You really started to worry me when Dru showed up again, you know." I play with the Ho-Ho that I brought with, peeling off the waxy chocolate coating and unrolling the cake. Licking a finger full of white creamy goodness, I gaze up at William. He is staring at the opposite wall with a look of uncertainty on his face. "Buth, loo weely came frew fo me budy!" Cream of the Gods, I must say.
He finally breaks from his meditation and wearily focuses his eyes on me. "Why?"
"Hey. You told Harmony that you were 'back', and I thought I had lost you for sure. As much as I like to say I know you inside and out, there are times when you surprise me. I thought you had chosen to renounce all your changes for the better. Whew! Can't tell you how glad I am I was wrong." I finish off the cake. It doesn't get any better than this.
"No. I mean, why me? Why are you watching me?"
I get it now. "Oh! Well, I was told that when you were turned…you know…to a vampire, that you were kind of shoved off your predestined course. It's my responsibility to shove you back." I nod my head in agreement with myself and dig out the second snack treat from the package and proceed to down it in one bite.
"Then why is it I've never seen you before?"
"Weww," I'm trying so hard to clear my mouth. "Yu nod supost ta." I take one last swallow.
"Will you please stop that disgusting chomping?!" He's so darn cute when he gets all animated like this.
I look up sheepishly. "I can't help it. I eat when I'm nervous." He sits on the edge of the concrete coffin with a look of amusement mixed with concern. It's just a matter of time before I start chewing my fingers again now that my snack is gone. "Look. I'm not supposed to…" I stop for a moment to gather my thoughts.
"You are never supposed to know that I am here. I cheated and let you see me." I must look pretty pathetic because that may just be a look of pity on his chiseled face.
"Well, ducks…keep going."
"This was the third time you've tried to dust yourself and I had run out of options. If you die before you fulfill your destiny, then I've failed and let a good man die." My last five words strike him as strongly as a fist would. His body sits up straight and stiffens. "I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. You are not all Mister Big Bad Evil. You never were. I would have thought you could have figured that out by now."
I sigh and slump a bit. "You are unique, William. Or, at least as far as I know. You retained your soul when you were turned. You were that strong of a man." His eyes are wide pools of sapphire. "I know you look back on your human days and wince at your weakness and think you were wretched, but you weren't. You took care of your sisters and mum when your dad died, still managing to complete your studies. William was a tough and virtuous man." Spike lowers his head, finally knowing that what I say is the truth. He spent over a century trying to convince Angelus, Dru, Darla, and himself, that his vampire self was infinitely more worthy than the man that preceded it. But now, sitting essentially alone with himself, he can allow himself to admit reality. "You've always been able to control the demon in you and preserve your humanity. Unfortunately, I had never been able to convince you of that. You preferred to see it as the demon struggling to control the man." I can't stand sitting any longer. I take to pacing the cold crypt, dodging the mess left from Valentines Day.
Spike does not utter a sound. He is lost in contemplation. Maybe I'll finally get through to him this time. I better, with what I'm sacrificing here.
"You have to help me out here, Will. You were doing so well, helping out Buffy and her gang. You may have told yourself lies about why you were doing it: insisting you needed the cash, or that you wanted to be there when the Slayer died. The truth is…you're one of the good guys." I choose to leave my lecture end there for a moment. Give my charge time to mull it over.
He has pulled his legs up into himself and is taking a good long time to think, ignoring the fact that a woman he's never met in his life and claims to have all the answers is pacing restlessly in front of him.
Well, I think it's time I go. He has enough to dwell on at the present. I really don't know how much time I have before they find out what I'm doing and drag me off kicking and screaming, but I know William enough not to push any harder. He's got a strong head on his shoulders. "I'll be back tonight. You can probably do with some time alone." I start to head out but swiftly turn back to face him. "But, hey. No funny stuff, okay? No fire, wood or sunlight." He is not looking at me. "Spike!"
His head suddenly pops up and he asks, "Yeah?"
"I said no funny stuff. And no not-so-funny stuff either."
Absentmindedly, he nods his head, continuing to stare at something in his lap.
I turn to leave again, but feel a heaviness radiate off of him. It is very much like the feeling given off by mourners at a funeral. (Which reminds me, I have something to tell him this evening.) "What do you want to ask me?"
That face has always been so expressive. When he's not trying to be the bad ass, he really wears his heart on his sleeve. At the moment, his features tell me he is surprised that I can read him so well. "I told you, luv. I've been with you for over a century." Acknowledgement crosses his face.
"What about Buffy? Are…are…" I can't bear to let
him
finish, not with his being so embarrassed to even be bringing it up.
"Yes, William. She is in your destiny. Just how you want her.
But let's talk about that later, alright?" I flash him that same
reassuring smile. This time it actually works. I walk out into
the sunlight, actually happy for the first time in, oh, 125 years.
When I turn back and peek in the crypt's window, the smile
on his glorious face warms me so. He lies down on his bed, arms over
his head. I doubt he'll sleep today. I know I won't.