Part 6
"Nice job!" I hold the heavy door open for the sprinting vampire, clad in the latest in sun-proof gear. "You make your angel proud." William strips off the cumbersome garments and I expect to see his smiling face greet me.
"This…this is just," he begins with a scowl, as he throws the cloak to the ground, "PATHETIC!" I can tell immediately that he is headed for a bottle of whiskey.
"What are you talking about? You were brilliant!" I feel almost betrayed. We had done a good thing today. Not only had he braved the deadly sun to deliver a message of good will and remorse, but he had been there and not Angel. It makes him the honorable one. The one worthy of forgiveness. I remain still, staring at him with wide eyes.
He starts shaking his head. "You know, your little speech yesterday really had me thinking. It made me actually want, if for only a moment, to be the man you fancy me to be." The bottle cap flies across the room and he downs a quarter of its contents in one swig.
"What?" Now my lower lip is quivering. I'm so much better at this when no one knows I'm here.
"I'm a bloody vampire, girl! Did you not read the owner's manual when they gave you this job?" He produces a cigarette and quickly lights it. I think if he could drink and smoke simultaneously, he would have found a way to do so today.
I stand silent, staring at him with my big, doe eyes.
"I mean, that's what vampires are for, pet. Doing Evil. Not this pansy ass, nancyboy, poofter crap you want me to do."
I remain silent.
He continues, with his eyes affixed to mine, and taking another drag off the fag. "Yeah, sure, I've got a thing for the bloody Slayer. So what?! That doesn't mean I have to go all soft, for Christ sake. And this friggin' chip. I've managed to stir up a spot of trouble despite it!"
I haven't even taken a single breath.
"This is just wrong. I don't have a bloody soul! I don't have a bloody destiny. That is unless you consider killing as many God damn fucking humans as I can before I'm dust a destiny!"
He takes another swallow. "Buffy and her little cult followers will never accept me as one of their own. Can't you see that? I don't belong with them. I belong with my own kind! I belong sucking their asses dry, is what I belong doing!"
He has finally calmed down a bit, slumped into his chair and continuing to drink himself into oblivion. While I don't move, I involuntarily break my silence as my thoughts spew forth. Not quite what I would have chosen to say at that particular moment, mind you. "Right. Then I guess that's it. I'll be on my merry way now. Take care not to get skewered by the Slayer. Watch out for that nasty sunlight. Oh, and, you can burn in hell for all I care!" The last sound I make in the crypt is sniffling as the door slams.
I can't remember ever being so…so…wounded. Over a century of painstaking planning and guidance, down the frelling toilet. Why did I have to yell at him like a hurt child? How could I have misjudged him so poorly? Why would I have even been given this assignment if it were hopeless? Why couldn't I have just died of Cholera, been buried, mourned then forgotten? It would have been so much more fruitful than this! That's how it was meant to be. Not this damn fairy tale godmother crap.
In the decades of service she had given toward the realization of the final goal, Danielle had never had an abode of her own…until now. She morosely entered the small, cramped apartment, drenched in tears of frustration, sadness and regret. Sleep overtook her easily as she lay curled up in the fetal position on the floor. The finger in her mouth slowly dropped to her side.
There was a knock at the door. Spike wearily looked up at the window, noticing that it was not yet dark out. "Yeah? Who the bloody hell is it?" The door inched open and a small, dark haired Niblette peeked in. He assumed it was Danielle and shouted without moving a muscle, "Well, come in an' close that blasted door. You're lettin' the sun in." Spike did not look well. If Dawn had known better, she would have realized that the vampire sprawled out on the floor before her had one hell of a buzz.
"Spike?"
"Oh, bloody, bloody hell!" On hearing Dawn's voice instead of Danielle's, he scrambled to his feet trying his best not to look incapacitated. His hands brushed back through his hair, trying to make himself presentable. "What are you doin' here, then?"
"I want to apologize…for the other day…at the Magic Box." Her voice was soft and small.
All the blinding anger and confusion from this afternoon melted away. "You do?" He leaned in a bit closer.
"What Buffy told us about what you did to her scared me. But, I figure, I've never listened to her before, so why should I start now, right?" A small smile escaped to her lips. "I mean, how bad can you really be if you came today to… Well, I just think that Buffy's wrong about you."
A very odd, foreign feeling pumped through his cold body. Forgiveness. Forgiveness! She forgave him for his stupid bondage games with her sister. She forgave him for being a vampire and actually still liked him. No one had ever done that before. "You do?"
Dawn smacked him in the chest playfully. "You're like a stuck CD. You got any more words in your vocab, dead boy?"
"You hang around Xander far too much."
"That I do."
With that, they exchanged glowing smiles and Spike involuntarily embraced her. "What was that for?"
"Saving me."
Dawn had returned home, leaving Spike's heart with a feeling of completeness. He felt calm and right. He had finally come full circle and realized that he was the man that Danielle had taken him for. For a second, he let a smile overtake his lips. He extended his arms over his head and leaned back into the well worn chair. But then it hit him. 'What the hell did I just do?!' His face slowly melted into a frown and the pain of his actions struck him like a bolt of lightning. 'Dawn isn't the first person to forgive me for my actions. That was Danielle. She stood by, watching each violent, evil thing I did and still never gave up on me. And I…I…oh God.' He was right about her forgiving him. But what he didn't realize was that she had been the first to ever really love him.
Spike quickly looked over at the shaded windows. He noticed that it was almost dark. Thankfully, he would be able to leave to find her soon. Then he remembered that he had no clue where it was she ran off to. Afterall, he hadn't cared at the time. All he was thinking of was his own sorry self…not unlike the last 125 years of his unlife.
"I can't believe you burned it! It looks like a crispy critter." Willow stared down at the hot cookie sheet, waving her hand over the smoking item. "Cough! I guess it's another Mickey D night, huh?" The slight girl unceremoniously dumped the charred eggplant into the sink.
"W-what? I couldn't hear you over the smoke alarm." As soon as Tara entered the area, she stopped and giggled. "Oh."
"That's the last time you cook, young lady."
"R-really? I should have done this long ago then."
The laughter was just quiet enough to render the door bell audible. The giddy witches looked at each other. "You don't think the Goddess sent us pizza, do you?"
"Har, har." Tara coughed herself, then carelessly opened the door.
Before her stood a pathetic being. His eyes were desperate and pleading. "Don't close the door, please!" Spike had anticipated the girl's reaction quite well. He was lucky she hadn't let out with a scream, or at least a girly squeal. She at least would have immediately slammed the door, but she didn't recognize the brown haired man before her at first.
Back in the kitchen, Willow, shrouded in smoke, asked who it was. "Not pizza! It's n-n-nothing," Tara replied.
Tara's body faced the vampire again. "S-spike. I can't talk to you, and you certainly can't come in. Y-you're not w-w-welcome here..."
Spike interrupted quickly knowing that his time was short. "I don't want to come in. In fact, I ask that you please don't invite me. I don't want to know anything about Buffy. I'm not here for anything having to do with Buffy. I just need your help."
"You're sure you're talking to nobody?" Willow's curiosity drew her near the door.
Tara froze like a deer caught in headlights. She was uncertain what to do. Then, suddenly, she gave the vampire a strange wink and shut the door. "We don't want a set of encyclopedias, do we?"
The red head laughed. "No, I think Giles' collection far surpasses anything that we could buy from whoever that was." Thankfully, Willow bought the lame explanation and started cleaning up the charcoal in the sink.
"Hey, Wills? I m-made the mess. Why don't you let me c-clean it up while you go and pick up some dinner? I'll set us up a nice romantic table for two…" Although Tara was acting strange and nearly yelling to her, Willow agreed without hesitation. No sooner was she gone and out of earshot, than Tara opened the door and peeked out. "Spike!" she whispered.
"You're really going to help me?"
"Yes, but you still can't come in. I-if I let you in, she'll kill me."
"I don't know about that. Willow's pretty nonviolent." The vampire flashed a dashing smile.
"I meant Buffy."
"Oh." Spike looked down at his shoes, his smile completely washed away.
"W-w-w-well?" Tara had to force herself to get the word out.
"Well, why don't you have a seat. This is going to take a while."
Tara reluctantly sat, making certain to keep fully inside the invisible force field at all times.
"I need a spell. Something to locate a, um, person."
Tara rose, her anxiety brightly apparent. "I-I don't think I can help…" Her mind flashed back to the story she was told about Spike kidnapping Willow for the same purpose.
Spike fiercely fought his desire to grab her by the wrist and force her to listen. But he knew it would only serve to worsen the situation. Besides, the girl was keeping herself well behind the entry way.
"Tara, please." She had never heard him use her name before, and it struck something deep inside. The timid girl suddenly saw something, residing there behind those deep blue eyes. It was nothing that she could put her finger on at the moment. All she could tell for certain was that this formerly bleached blonde bloodsucker sitting before her was no threat to her or hers. Another thing she knew without a doubt was that he truly needed her help.
Without removing her eyes from his, she asked, "Who do you need to find?"
Through the brightest smile he could muster, he requested that she sit again as this was really an odd story.
"Well, why don't you just come…"
"Ah!! Don't do it, witch. I don't need them hating me any more than they already do. Just sit." She did.
"I-I didn't e-e-even think."
His head cocked to the side with some amusement. "It's okay."
After a moment, tensions finally drifted away and the vampire continued.
"Well, I met up with…kind of an old friend the other day. I said some things I shouldn't have and she ran off. Now I have no way to find her."
"Th-that's no problem. All I need to do is a little scrying. But I have to know something about her. Maybe handle a personal item of hers."
"Oh, I just met her. I don't have anything of hers, and I doubt she even has any possessions."
Tara eyes him curiously. "I thought you said she was an old friend?"
He sighed, resigning himself to telling the whole story. "Oh, bloody hell. Her name is Danielle. She tells me she's some sort of 'guardian angel'. Supposedly, she died the day I was turned and was assigned to me." He stopped, not sure how the girl before him was taking his story. It would take a leap of faith for anyone to believe him, let alone with a story like this.
"A-assigned?"
"Danielle told me that it wasn't my destiny to become a vampire. She's been watching after me ever since." He paused once again, feeling a bit ridiculous saying this aloud. "Can't say I believed any of it…at first." He looked at her and she motioned for him to continue. "In the end, I, being the magnificent pillock that I am, told her she was full of shit. I mean, it's rather hard to believe that I still have a soul, you know."
At that, Tara's eyes grew wide and her jaw nearly dropped. "But. B-but, you're a killer."
"That was my argument. But when was the last time you saw me kill anyone…with a pulse, I mean?"
Her silence was answer enough.
"I have to find her, Tara. She's been with me nearly forever and I don't know if I can live without her. You're the only one likely to help me."
That being the honest truth, Tara stood and started back inside. Turning her head toward the vampire slightly, she mumbled, "I think I can do this!" Once across the room, she kneeled down and opened an antique, wooden box. It was decorated with tarnished brass figures and showed many years of usage. He strained to see what all was contained within, but only saw the chained crystal that she lifted up. Tara carefully reorganized the various mystical items, then closed and relatched the vessel.
"Here we are." She stared at the crystal on her way back to the doorway, her gaze frozen by its reflection and refraction of the incandescent light. "What, if you don't mind me asking, was she doing for the last 125 years while she watched you?"
Spike stared off anywhere to keep his stare form the young witch's own. "Oh, just, you know...assuring I fulfill my destiny and that rot."
For the first time in probably her whole life, Tara managed to conceal her emotions behind a nonchalant mask. "So, what lies in your destiny, Spike?" She took out a map of Sunnydale, setting up to locate the vampire's seraph. All the while, she marveled at how her life had definitely changed since meeting Willow and her friends. In the last months alone, she had met a real practicing witch, a Slayer, an ensouled vampire…make that two ensouled vampires, a werewolf, a Watcher, an ex-vengeance demon, a Goddess, and numerous baddies. 'Uneventful' certainly could not describe her life any longer.
"She never really said. I do know that she had a big part in getting this soddin' chip in my head." He then muttered under his 'breath', "I'm still bloody pissed about that."
Spike watched the witch dangle the crystal over the map as he continued to talk. He was mesmerized. "I asked her if every one has a guardian, and she said I'm one of few. Never really thought I was special enough for something like that. I always felt like I was on my own all those years. My human family eventually died, and my vampire family was more of a hindrance than true kin." His thoughts drifted away to the years he spent with Angelus and Darla. Never good enough, always struggling to be worthy of living. He wished he had known about Danielle back then. Things would have been so much easier and less lonely.
He was snapped out of his trance by the little voice. "And, there she is!"
"Really?" Spike looked down at the map, but Tara hurriedly folded it up. "What are you doing?!" He fought the demon face about to erupt.
"This help comes with a condition. You have to let me talk with her first. I want to be sure you have honorable intentions."
That demon face was still bubbling up toward the surface, but he managed to control himself a bit longer. "But, then you have to promise not to tell anyone I was here."
Tara smiled, "Deal!" She absentmindedly reached
over the threshold to shake his hand. He gently took it and then
left. The little witch added to Dawn's impression on his heart.
She may have said with her mouth that she did not trust him, but with her
actions, she proved that she did.