Chapter 4: Lost
(Group enters Mystery Town.)
BBR: What a dump.
Selphie: I dont remember anywhere this run down short of Trabia, but Trabia got all fixed up after the Ultemecia incident….
Squall: Lets go talk to some generic characters, they always seem to tell us what we need to know.
(Walks up and talks to generic guy.)
Rubbish Collector Generic Character, Gary: Get out of my way. I'm getting stuff here. (Walks around in his usual generic route in the town.)
Irvine: What a mean guy….
Moomba Mage: Let's see if I can cut down the cussing in here…..
Blubber god of Wutai, DaChao: Wimp, cussing makes it more interesting.
Moomba Mage: I can't the censorship people are forcing me.
DaChao: What censorship people?
Moomba Mage: Oh shut up….
Irvine: (Is feeling strange because of his choice of words.) That was …..weird……
(The Group walks around town asking generic characters what town this is but get bits of information useful and non-useful.)
Quistis: So as far as I can piece together is that a couple of months ago a comet was going to hit this earth but a group of heroes stopped the comet and the monster controlling the comet. (Smiles.) Also the guy up there and the girl at the end of town are having an affair, this town is run down because of a company called Shinra, the girl over there costs 60 gil if you want to have a good time….
Fujin: ENOUGH!
Rinoa: I think we already got the important information out of this town…
Zell: Let's go to bed for the day it's getting dark….. OH SHIT!!!! (Looks at BBR.) Ma is going to kill me.
BBR: Ha ha.
Squall: But we haven't even found out what the name of this frickin' town is yet!
Moomba: Are you guy's that dense???? (Points to sign's all over town.)
(Signs vary from "Welcome to North Corel" to "North Corel's Honey Bee Inn".)
Squall: (Says in dopey voice.) Signs?? What signs??? (Talks normal.) Just kidding, but I sure do feel stupid for not noticing those earlier.
Raijin: OK, people lets go to the inn, chop chop, ya know.
(Inn.)
Generic Old Man, Moe: Hey now, we got a big group today. It's a good thing I added some rooms to this place I only got 5 rooms so I guess the munchkin, the mutt, and the mutated cat can sleep in one room. Scarface and the black haired whore can sleep in one room, the cowboy and the pointy-haired girl can go to another room, the tattoo punk and the dumb blond in another room, and the pirate lady and the jiggalo get the last room, OK?
(Everyone looks shocked and is silent for a few moments?)
BBR: WTF! Calling me a munchkin you Ass Hole!!
(Rinoa lifts the old man that is very generic….y guy by his shirt.)
Squall: Uh oh, he got her mad, if you think a normal girl's pms is bad, you haven't seen nothing with a sorceress's pms.
Rinoa: (Says in devilish, deep voice.) I DON'T HAVE PMS!!!!
Squall: Whatever you say my little sugar-butt.
Rinoa: -_-* (whispers to Squall) you are going to die….. (Turns her attention back to Moe.) LOOK!, you had better just shut up or I'll knock out your teeth and have this "mutt" bite your wiener or what's left of it….
Angelo: Yip! Yap! Bark!…… (translation: MMMMMMM, wiener…….)
Generic Old Man, Moe: Yes sir, I mean ma'am….
Moomba: (Grumbles.) Calling me a mutated cat you damn old bastard….
(Everyone, in their minds, swear to make sure the old man is decapitated, except for Raijin.)
Raijin: Ha ha, I'm a jiggalo, where's all da honeys, ya know.
(Night has fallen and BBR, Angelo, and Moomba are asleep in their room. Raijin is snoring away in his room while Fujin is outside watching the stars and getting away from Raijin's sonic blast snores. Selphie is in a local restaurant and has some how made even the strongest and most ruthless men in there to sing "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain." Zell is back in the Ragnorak trying to figure out what happened and is thus far only managed to electrocute himself 50 times. Quistis is going around town gathering more gossip and information. Irvine, Squall, and Rinoa are talking with each other and trying to figure out there situation and where they are.)
(Squall and Irvine are on the floor and Rinoa is looking out the window.)
Squall: So from the looks of it we are pretty much lost in this out dated town.
Irvine: Tomorrow maybe we can get a map?
Rinoa: (Turns around.) Irvine, that's a good idea and probally one of your best ever but…… DON'T YOU THINK WE TRIED THAT ALREADY?
(Irvine tries to cuss her out but a magical force is not allowing any cuss words to come out.)
Irvine: Gosh darn it, I would sell my soul so that I could cuss again….
(Irvine is magically transported into a red orb and a man in black is there too.)
Hades: That can be arranged.
Irvine: eep…..
(Moomba Mage appears.)
Moomba Mage: Hades, put the cowboy back, you'll get his soul soon enough from the way this guy keeps on cussed.
Hades: Oh all right…..
(Hades is about to send him back.)
Irvine: (Gets down on his hands and knees.) Wait, please give me back the ability to cuss, its one of my one true joys in life. Well, that and Selphie in her bright yellow bikini. =)
Moomba Mage: Oh all right….. (Gives Irvine back his ability to cuss.) I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
(Irvine is transported back to his exact spot and is only a second after he disappeared.)
Irvine: Wow, did you guys see that?
(Rinoa is looking out the window and Squall is scoping out Rinoa's @$$.)
Squall: (Looks at Irvine.) Huh? What?
Irvine: Didn't you see me disappear?
Squall: No….. Irvine, have you been eating those Winhill mushrooms again?
Irvine: (Starts getting hysterical.) I did, I really did!
(Rinoa walks up and slaps Irvine.)
Irvine: Thanks, I needed that…..
Rinoa: I wasn't trying to help you, I just felt like slapping you.
(Meanwhile….)
(Zell, Selphie, and Quistis have met back up with each other and are just strolling through town.)
Zell: Wh-What are yo-you t-two u-up t-to?
Selphie: (Looks at Zell confused-like.) ummmm, nothing really……. Why are you stuttering like that?
Zell: I-I wa-was w-w-w-working on t-t-the air s-ship an-and g-got sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh….
(Gets knocked on the back of the head by Quistis.)
Zell: Shocked a l-lot.
Quistis: Mind if I try a little experiment, it might make you stop stuttering…
Zell: Y-Yes, any-anything…..
(Quistis tweaks Zell's GF's elemental defense junction so that he has all his earth spells running through him in his defense.)
Quistis: I set it up so that polarity electrons would be nullified by the unabsorbancy of the element of earth.
Selphie: OK, and in our language that means?
Quistis: Well, you know how electricity doesn't work as well on earth animals?
Selphie: Yea…..
Quistis: I just put earth into his defenses and so that should make the electricity not run through him.
Zell: Wow, I'm not stuttering anymore, where did you learn all this stuff?
Quistis: From Pokèmon….
Selphie: (Laughs.) You play that crap?
Zell: (Hides his gameboy with pokèmon blue version in it.) Yea, you play that crappy game?
Quistis: Yea, it's a fun game. Besides…. (Looks at Selphie.) at least I'm, not playing that ancient, stupid game that you try and feed a stupid little mog so it can fly. You got ripped off, I mean, how could you pay 20,000 gil and the game even isn't portable.
Selphie: Yea so, the little mog is cute and I find that game interesting.
Quistis: You would….
Zell: (Mumbles) Hoo boy, there's gonna be another cat fight. I had better get out of here before they drag me in.
(Quistis and Selphie are yelling and saying why and which game is better.)
Zell: You two, I'm gonna go to bed now, see ya in the morning.
Selphie: Ok, good night.
Quistis: Night.
(Zell walks towards the hotel while Quistis and Selphie go on walking through town. Zell stops and talks to the hotel manager.)
Zell: Um, hi, something's been bugging me, I was wondering why you were so mean to us when we first came here?
Generic Old Man, Moe: I dunno, I never really thought about it. Usually, in this town you got to be mean though. Also one of the guys who saved us from the comet came from this town and that's the way he acts so we act that way to try and be tough like him.
Zell: Oh, I've been hearing a lot about these people but, um, my friends and I were waiting in line for the new "Final Fantasy" movie so we've kinda missed the whole ordeal, can you tell me what happened?
Generic Old Man, Moe: I don't know everything that happened but, as far as I know the guy, Barret, and a bunch of other people saved the world from a comet and saved the world from an evil corporation called Shinra. Shinra is now been taken over by a relative of the family and he isn't quite as ruthless as the previous owner's of Shinra.
Zell: Hmmmm…… I don't remember anything like that ever happening.
Generic Old Man, Moe: What was that?
Zell: Oh, nothing, well, thanks for telling me, I'm going to bed now.
Generic Old Man, Moe: Don't wet the Bed!…… I mean, good night.
(Group enters Mystery Town.)
BBR: What a dump.
Selphie: I dont remember anywhere this run down short of Trabia, but Trabia got all fixed up after the Ultemecia incident….
Squall: Lets go talk to some generic characters, they always seem to tell us what we need to know.
(Walks up and talks to generic guy.)
Rubbish Collector Generic Character, Gary: Get out of my way. I'm getting stuff here. (Walks around in his usual generic route in the town.)
Irvine: What a mean guy….
Moomba Mage: Let's see if I can cut down the cussing in here…..
Blubber god of Wutai, DaChao: Wimp, cussing makes it more interesting.
Moomba Mage: I can't the censorship people are forcing me.
DaChao: What censorship people?
Moomba Mage: Oh shut up….
Irvine: (Is feeling strange because of his choice of words.) That was …..weird……
(The Group walks around town asking generic characters what town this is but get bits of information useful and non-useful.)
Quistis: So as far as I can piece together is that a couple of months ago a comet was going to hit this earth but a group of heroes stopped the comet and the monster controlling the comet. (Smiles.) Also the guy up there and the girl at the end of town are having an affair, this town is run down because of a company called Shinra, the girl over there costs 60 gil if you want to have a good time….
Fujin: ENOUGH!
Rinoa: I think we already got the important information out of this town…
Zell: Let's go to bed for the day it's getting dark….. OH SHIT!!!! (Looks at BBR.) Ma is going to kill me.
BBR: Ha ha.
Squall: But we haven't even found out what the name of this frickin' town is yet!
Moomba: Are you guy's that dense???? (Points to sign's all over town.)
(Signs vary from "Welcome to North Corel" to "North Corel's Honey Bee Inn".)
Squall: (Says in dopey voice.) Signs?? What signs??? (Talks normal.) Just kidding, but I sure do feel stupid for not noticing those earlier.
Raijin: OK, people lets go to the inn, chop chop, ya know.
(Inn.)
Generic Old Man, Moe: Hey now, we got a big group today. It's a good thing I added some rooms to this place I only got 5 rooms so I guess the munchkin, the mutt, and the mutated cat can sleep in one room. Scarface and the black haired whore can sleep in one room, the cowboy and the pointy-haired girl can go to another room, the tattoo punk and the dumb blond in another room, and the pirate lady and the jiggalo get the last room, OK?
(Everyone looks shocked and is silent for a few moments?)
BBR: WTF! Calling me a munchkin you Ass Hole!!
(Rinoa lifts the old man that is very generic….y guy by his shirt.)
Squall: Uh oh, he got her mad, if you think a normal girl's pms is bad, you haven't seen nothing with a sorceress's pms.
Rinoa: (Says in devilish, deep voice.) I DON'T HAVE PMS!!!!
Squall: Whatever you say my little sugar-butt.
Rinoa: -_-* (whispers to Squall) you are going to die….. (Turns her attention back to Moe.) LOOK!, you had better just shut up or I'll knock out your teeth and have this "mutt" bite your wiener or what's left of it….
Angelo: Yip! Yap! Bark!…… (translation: MMMMMMM, wiener…….)
Generic Old Man, Moe: Yes sir, I mean ma'am….
Moomba: (Grumbles.) Calling me a mutated cat you damn old bastard….
(Everyone, in their minds, swear to make sure the old man is decapitated, except for Raijin.)
Raijin: Ha ha, I'm a jiggalo, where's all da honeys, ya know.
(Night has fallen and BBR, Angelo, and Moomba are asleep in their room. Raijin is snoring away in his room while Fujin is outside watching the stars and getting away from Raijin's sonic blast snores. Selphie is in a local restaurant and has some how made even the strongest and most ruthless men in there to sing "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain." Zell is back in the Ragnorak trying to figure out what happened and is thus far only managed to electrocute himself 50 times. Quistis is going around town gathering more gossip and information. Irvine, Squall, and Rinoa are talking with each other and trying to figure out there situation and where they are.)
(Squall and Irvine are on the floor and Rinoa is looking out the window.)
Squall: So from the looks of it we are pretty much lost in this out dated town.
Irvine: Tomorrow maybe we can get a map?
Rinoa: (Turns around.) Irvine, that's a good idea and probally one of your best ever but…… DON'T YOU THINK WE TRIED THAT ALREADY?
(Irvine tries to cuss her out but a magical force is not allowing any cuss words to come out.)
Irvine: Gosh darn it, I would sell my soul so that I could cuss again….
(Irvine is magically transported into a red orb and a man in black is there too.)
Hades: That can be arranged.
Irvine: eep…..
(Moomba Mage appears.)
Moomba Mage: Hades, put the cowboy back, you'll get his soul soon enough from the way this guy keeps on cussed.
Hades: Oh all right…..
(Hades is about to send him back.)
Irvine: (Gets down on his hands and knees.) Wait, please give me back the ability to cuss, its one of my one true joys in life. Well, that and Selphie in her bright yellow bikini. =)
Moomba Mage: Oh all right….. (Gives Irvine back his ability to cuss.) I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
(Irvine is transported back to his exact spot and is only a second after he disappeared.)
Irvine: Wow, did you guys see that?
(Rinoa is looking out the window and Squall is scoping out Rinoa's @$$.)
Squall: (Looks at Irvine.) Huh? What?
Irvine: Didn't you see me disappear?
Squall: No….. Irvine, have you been eating those Winhill mushrooms again?
Irvine: (Starts getting hysterical.) I did, I really did!
(Rinoa walks up and slaps Irvine.)
Irvine: Thanks, I needed that…..
Rinoa: I wasn't trying to help you, I just felt like slapping you.
(Meanwhile….)
(Zell, Selphie, and Quistis have met back up with each other and are just strolling through town.)
Zell: Wh-What are yo-you t-two u-up t-to?
Selphie: (Looks at Zell confused-like.) ummmm, nothing really……. Why are you stuttering like that?
Zell: I-I wa-was w-w-w-working on t-t-the air s-ship an-and g-got sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh….
(Gets knocked on the back of the head by Quistis.)
Zell: Shocked a l-lot.
Quistis: Mind if I try a little experiment, it might make you stop stuttering…
Zell: Y-Yes, any-anything…..
(Quistis tweaks Zell's GF's elemental defense junction so that he has all his earth spells running through him in his defense.)
Quistis: I set it up so that polarity electrons would be nullified by the unabsorbancy of the element of earth.
Selphie: OK, and in our language that means?
Quistis: Well, you know how electricity doesn't work as well on earth animals?
Selphie: Yea…..
Quistis: I just put earth into his defenses and so that should make the electricity not run through him.
Zell: Wow, I'm not stuttering anymore, where did you learn all this stuff?
Quistis: From Pokèmon….
Selphie: (Laughs.) You play that crap?
Zell: (Hides his gameboy with pokèmon blue version in it.) Yea, you play that crappy game?
Quistis: Yea, it's a fun game. Besides…. (Looks at Selphie.) at least I'm, not playing that ancient, stupid game that you try and feed a stupid little mog so it can fly. You got ripped off, I mean, how could you pay 20,000 gil and the game even isn't portable.
Selphie: Yea so, the little mog is cute and I find that game interesting.
Quistis: You would….
Zell: (Mumbles) Hoo boy, there's gonna be another cat fight. I had better get out of here before they drag me in.
(Quistis and Selphie are yelling and saying why and which game is better.)
Zell: You two, I'm gonna go to bed now, see ya in the morning.
Selphie: Ok, good night.
Quistis: Night.
(Zell walks towards the hotel while Quistis and Selphie go on walking through town. Zell stops and talks to the hotel manager.)
Zell: Um, hi, something's been bugging me, I was wondering why you were so mean to us when we first came here?
Generic Old Man, Moe: I dunno, I never really thought about it. Usually, in this town you got to be mean though. Also one of the guys who saved us from the comet came from this town and that's the way he acts so we act that way to try and be tough like him.
Zell: Oh, I've been hearing a lot about these people but, um, my friends and I were waiting in line for the new "Final Fantasy" movie so we've kinda missed the whole ordeal, can you tell me what happened?
Generic Old Man, Moe: I don't know everything that happened but, as far as I know the guy, Barret, and a bunch of other people saved the world from a comet and saved the world from an evil corporation called Shinra. Shinra is now been taken over by a relative of the family and he isn't quite as ruthless as the previous owner's of Shinra.
Zell: Hmmmm…… I don't remember anything like that ever happening.
Generic Old Man, Moe: What was that?
Zell: Oh, nothing, well, thanks for telling me, I'm going to bed now.
Generic Old Man, Moe: Don't wet the Bed!…… I mean, good night.