Note: this story is a bit messy, and I kind of wrote it in a stream of consciousness kind of way, editing only as I type. ( and anudda t'ing, I really don't remember if the newsies lodging house has a ledge or not. I have several scenes that take place on the ledge.) oh, and by the way, to all destiny's child fans, my apologies, I kinda used their name here, as an "archival" reference. I have nothing against this group, but I hope fans won't be too offended if I used the name as a...well, you'll find out.

Interlude:

" would it be all right for me to ask about jack?" zoe asked later in the day. Since the name had been brought up earlier, pagan had become distracted, as if she'd drifted off to some private flicker show in her head that she played over and over.

Was he still so much in her system after all this time?

" I have told you about him before, haven't I?" she asked innocently.

" yeah, but it seems like there's more to him than just being your bunkmate, pagan," zoe pointed out.

Pagan reached into her pocket for a fresh cigarette. " okay, zoe." She said. " got a light?"

2.
" a night like any other
lying in the darkness
the clock tickin time
to your breathing
you turn your back to me
you must be dreaming
ruby, lemon and blue
tangerine, green
purple psychedelic
dream in universal color
while I lie awake with I-N-S-O-M-nia..."
- "insomnia", Cynthia Alexander


it wasn't because pagan wasn't tired- that couldn't be it. She'd been walking all day in the hot sun selling papes, of course she was tired. Her feet ached, her throat felt torn, her arms felt like blocks of cement. It was past midnight, and yet, she couldn't fall asleep.

Around her, her newsie pals slept soundly. If most of them snored, (mush in fact was one of the loudest snorers in history), well, they certainly deserved to snore if they wanted. Hell, it wasn't the snoring even that was keeping her awake. She was used to that. Ever since she realized that...no! she wouldn't even allow herself to think it.

Something close to guilt seized her throat, making it harder for her to breathe. She found the darkness suddenly stifling. Guilt is, has always been and probably always be my weakness, she thought. She toyed with the little gold crucifix she wore around her neck on a chain, a reminder from years ago. This is why I left, she thought.. Because I don't deserve to feel such guilt.

But here she was again, feeling guilty just for wanting something...somebody actually.

She heard his footsteps come up the stairs. In the darkness, she followed his shady figure move across the room. He was humming softly to himself, even as he approached the bunk above hers. Hoisting himself up, the bunk shook gently. His weight shifted the mattress over her. Holding her breath, pagan realized that she could feel him breathing. She swallowed.

" pagan?" jack whispered all of a sudden, cutting into her thoughts, an intrusion into her sheltering darkness. She felt singled out, but was pleased he called out to her. " youse asleep?"

debating with herself over whether to answer, or to pretend being asleep, pagan turned on her back. Jack's head suddenly appeared from the side of the bed down to hers, just to make sure. "youse asleep?" he asked again.

She feigned grumpiness. " not anymore, t'anks tah you!"

" you're welcome!" jack whispered back. "' ey, I ain't seen yah awl day. Where yah been?"

" oh, me and race were coverin' midtown, " pagan answered. " how'd you make out today?"

"not bad, " he said. " hoid yah brought in a hundred."

" yeah, I did," pagan said.

" nice!" jack said, maybe a little too loudly.

"SHHH! Ya bums!" came kid blink's unmistakable voice. " get some sleep a'ready!"

"don't pay any attention to him, " pagan said. "rough day."

" well, we awl had a rough day, pag'," jack whispered back. Silence. Then, "hey, what do yah say we sell tahgedah tamorrah?"

for lack of a wittier comeback, pagan could only be honest. " you and me?" she said dumbly.

Jack hardly noticed. " yeah. You, me and davy," he said. " I bet between us we could move 400. so how 'bout it, pag' ?"

" sure thing cowboy," pagan said, pretending to be all casual, like.

" swell, " he said, retreating to his own mattress.

Pagan covered her face with her pillow, as if the other newsies could see her blush in the dark.





Almost every night, pagan, racetrack and skittery could be found sitting on the ledge of the newsies lodging house having a smoke. Racetrack couldn't get to sleep without one last cigar. Pagan and skittery preferred cigarettes, but like race, practically got the shakes if they didn't have at least one before bed. There weren't really any rules at the lodging house about smoking ( except of course the one about not burning the building down) - some of the other newsies smoked right in their beds. However, these three preferred the ledge, where they could smoke, talk and look up the stars at the same time.


Race puffed on his cigar and unfolded his tote sheet. " ey, who yah t'ink I oughta bet on dis time," he began, perusing his list of " sure things". " true love or destiny's child?"

Why should they even bother answering? No matter which horse racetrack bet on, he was most likely to lose all his earnings at the end of the day. But after a while, pagan answered, "true love," but I won't be surprised if she ain't gonna come through!

Skittery said nothing. Race nodded, without taking his eyes off the sheet.

"man I'm beat!" skittery announced. Yawning, he stubbed out his cigarette with his shoe. " I'm toinin' in or I'm gonna fawl off dis ledge." He stood up to leave. "see youse two in da maw'nin." He said as he ducked back in through the window.

Racetrack folded back his tote sheet. " I know somet'in about you," he said, mysteriously.

Pagan rolled her eyes. " care tah wager me on dat?" she cracked.

" why not?" race shrugged. " If I'm right, you spot me my papes tahmarrah,"

dis is nuts, pagan thought, what could race possibly have on me? unless...nah, come on! This is racetrack! He never wins any bets. " okay, " she said. " I'll bite."

" no lyin' now, " he said. Pagan shrugged, still playing it cool. To make sure, racetrack spat in his palm. Dammit, pagan thought. What is this? Still, they spit-shook.

" so what is dis t'ing yah know about me?" pagan asked, knowing for sure she'd painted herself into a tight corner.

" youse in love wit' jack, aintcha?"

pagan choked on her cigarette. "what?" she said, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "race!"

Racetrack cautiously looked through the window behind him to make sure none of the other newsies came out to check on them. " youse in love wit' him, aintcha?"

Pagan said nothing. She could feel blood rising to her cheeks.

Racetrack was giving her a smug grin. " I knew it," he said. " I could read youse like a tote sheet, pag'."

Pagan's arm suddenly struck forward and hit racetrack squarely on the arm. It must have hurt, because racetrack's face contorted in pain, but no sound came out. She didn't mean to punch him that hard, really. She only meant to punch him in that little sister pissed off at a pesky brother sort of way. " now dat hoit," he finally said.

" but how..." She began. Then it hit her. If race knew, then did everybody know too? She panicked. " aw...race! Who else...?"

"relax, kid," race said. " nobody's tawkin' about it. Dat's good sign, I t'ink."

"sweah tah me yah won't tell no one," pagan said.

" well dat depends," he started. " how much can yah pay me tah keep me mouth shut?"

the last remark earned him another sock in the arm.

" I was only kiddin!" he said.

" well don't a'right, it's makin' me noivous!" pagan said. She looked away. Shame washed over her.

Racetrack gulped. Did he go too far?

" ya wanna know somethn' else though?" he said after a few moments, in a more serious tone.

" youse gonna tell me anyway," pagan said. " it ain't like I got a choice race, knowin' youse!"

" da trooth is..." he started. "I t'ink you two are poifect fah each udda."

Despite herself, pagan was glad to hear this. She looked at racetrack. To be sure he wasn't lying, she spat in her palm. " no lyin' now."

Racetrack smiled. Getting up to leave, he said, "yup ,tahmarrah's gonna be a good day, " he said. " free papes coitesy a' pagan, ladies and gentlemen! Got a hot tip, what more could a newsie want huh?" he started to duck throught he window. Halfway through, he stopped. " true love, 'ey, pagan? Always lets yah down, but yah nevah stop believin' in it."

( to be continued)