Part
Three
~**~
"Goood-bye,
Earl…" I was singing happily at the top of my lungs. I don't have a great
singing voice, but I can carry a tune, and even harmonized a little with the
Dixie Chicks. It was sign that I'd really become Emily – Buffy would rather die
than listen to country music, but here I was singing along. I even knew all the
words. The tune switched to some new Travis Tritt song I didn't know the words
to yet, and I turned it down. Good God – I even knew all the artist's names.
"That
song always gives me the creeps," my husband said from the driver's seat.
"'Goodbye
Earl?' Why? It's funny."
"Yeah,
right. A funny little song about spousal abuse and murder."
"Ewww
– when you put it that way, it makes me think of Pete and Debbie, back in high
school."
He
studied me for a moment, his face serious. "Emily didn't know Pete and Debbie."
It
was raining buckets. We were on the highway, coming back from a day in
Jefferson City. I don't know why we even went – we had a day off, picked a
direction, and drove. We were starting to feel at home here, and wanted to see
more of the surrounding area, I guess. We went past the site Alan's crew had
just finished work on, and he pointed it out to me proudly. Looked like all the
rest of the highway to me, but I pretended to be impressed.
I
pouted. "What's that crack supposed to mean?" Maybe he was unhappy with Emily.
I liked her, myself. She was normal, and happy, and all the things I'd always
wanted to be. "You don't like Emily? You created her."
"No.
You did. And I love her. Because she's you." He'd pulled over underneath an
overpass. It was raining pretty hard, and visibility was poor, but I think it
was also so we could have this talk. I was a little nervous. "You see, the
thing is, I love you. I always have, since the first time I saw you. I, Xander,
love you, Buffy. And I, Alan, love you Emily. No matter who you are, you're
still you, and I love you. Hell, I think Alan probably loves Buffy and Xander
loves Emily. But Emily loves Alan. Period. And I think it started as an act,
but it's taken over. You don't love me, you love this picture of me that goes
with this fake you that you've created. I'm not sure I can live with that." He
sighed. I could see him thinking, hard. "Although if it's the only way, I will.
You, this baby – if Alan's the only one who can have them, then I'll be Alan
with all my heart." The windows were getting all steamed up. I could see tears
on his face.
I
scooted over to the middle of the bench seat. "Hey," I said, softly, wiping his
face. Then I froze. I was behaving like Emily, not Buffy. I was going to cajole
him, and sweet talk him, the way Emily and Alan did when they fought. But he
was right, it wasn't really me. Buffy and Xander always talked it out –
sometimes, they yelled it out. I hadn't been Buffy for a while, and wasn't sure
I wanted to remember how, but I'd do it for him.
"Alan's
a whole lot more Xander than Emily is Buffy," I admitted, pulling away a
little. "You've always been strong, no matter what your name is. But as Emily,
I was allowed to finally fully lean on someone else, to be weak once in a
while. I had a normal life – things I thought I'd never have. A husband, a baby
on the way," I patted my belly. "I got to sleep nights and work days. I could
live, and love, and laugh and cry, and the world's future didn't depend on the
outcome. I could have you." I stopped and smiled through the tears I was
beginning to form when I saw his shocked face.
"The
first time I saw you, I thought you were a doll. But Willow wanted you, and I
wanted to fit in with you guys more than I wanted a new boyfriend. Then you
belonged to Cordy, then Anya. And in between I had Angel and Riley. All I ever
wanted was this nice, normal life, with a nice normal guy. You were always one
of the best candidates, but never available when I needed you." I was crying by
now, too. "And I got scared a few times, when it might have been possible, and
pushed you away. This was a chance to start fresh – with Alan. But I was Emily,
so I gave Emily and Alan the storybook romance I'd always wanted for you and
me." I was sure some of this stuff would never have been said aloud if we
weren't in this position. "I do love you. But it'll never work for Buffy and
Xander. There's too much Chosen One and prophecy stuff to get in the way."
"What
kind of storybooks did you read as a kid? We're practically starving, and we live in the worst part of town. Your
clothes are ragged, and we hold this truck together with chewing gum and
prayer. I would never subject you to this, as Buffy *or* as Emily, if I had any
control. Even *I* wasn't this poor back in Sunnydale."
"And
you know, I woulda thought that mattered, before we left. It hasn't even
bothered me. When I had it all, I was missing all the really good stuff. I
wouldn't trade what Alan and Emily have together for all the stuff Cordelia had
when her dad was on top. Wouldn't be worth the sacrifice required." I was
scooting back over towards him, and he was scooting towards me. His arms
wrapped around me.
"You
know, if we ever make it back, we're gonna make it work as Buffy and Xander. We
have to. I can't give this, you, up. I love you so much." He kissed me, first
gently, then with more passion. Now, that was a much better way to steam up the
windows.
"I
love you, too, Xander."
~**~
It
was going to be soon, I knew that much. I could feel it – the baby had dropped,
and I was starting to have some new and interesting pains now and then. We'd
gone downtown for ice cream, a special treat. We'd been saving our money like
crazy, because the secondhand store (a step up from Salvation Army) had a
beautiful crib we wanted desperately. Afterwards, I wished we'd just stayed
home and watched TV. Maybe we could've gotten a Popsicle from the Good Humor
man.
Anyway,
we were sharing a double scoop of chocolate fudge swirl when we heard it. The
sound of people scuffling with vampires is one you never forget – the desperate
thrashing, the muffled cries. Xander dropped the cup on the sidewalk, and we
both dashed into the alleyway.
The
guy they were after wasn't much older than we were, but nowhere near as strong
as Xander was, and the leader was just about to start draining him. Xander's
fist to his nose distracted him from that task. "Emmy, find a stake!" he
commanded, blocking a punch from the angry vamp, who hadn't expected an
interruption to his meal.
The
two others there dismissed me as harmless; to be eaten after my husband was
disposed of. I started looking desperately, my eyes lighting quickly on a
broken old packing crate. I tore two rough stakes loose – one for me, one for
Xander. "Al," I hollered, and when he looked over, I tossed it. "Here."
Unfortunately, the three vampires now surrounded him, and one stake wasn't
going to be all that much help. The guy we saved was passed out by the other
wall. No help there, either. I had to wade in.
The
first one was easy – he didn't expect anything coming from behind him, and I
sank the stake into his heart from the rear like a hot knife into butter. The
swoosh of a demon turning to dust was music to my ears. But that drew attention
to me from the other two, which was a bad thing. I still seemed to have Slayer
strength and reflexes, but they were packed into a body that was days away from
delivering a baby, and protecting that baby was my primary concern.
Their
loss of focus was Xander's gain. He got the other sidekick easily when he
stopped paying attention. Gotta love dumb vamps. Unfortunately, that left the
toughest one still one to one with the only other person that mattered to me as
much as my baby. And there really wasn't much I could do.
"Back
off, Em. I have him." I knew he could do it, but he hadn't in months. Still, my
body chose that moment to have a massive contraction. Nice timing. I had no
choice but to back off, like he'd said to. I moved awkwardly and leaned against
the wall next to the still unconscious original victim.
The
big guy knew how to block a stake, and was doing so, getting in some nasty
strikes in between blocks. But Xander wasn't doing too bad with his own kicks
and even landed a couple of punches. I'd really never been able to watch him
fight before – I was always a bit busy at the same time. He was darn good. I
decided that if and when we got back I was gonna make Giles train Xand too.
He'd learned a lot already just from watching and doing.
The
contraction must have been a fluke – one of those Braxton-Hix things the doctor
had mentioned I might have way before real labor started. I was feeling
stronger, and my knight in shining armor was starting to look a bit weaker. He
had a nasty bruise on his cheek, and there was blood running from his hairline
into one eye. He was holding his own, but I didn't want him hurt any further,
and the vamp seemed to have forgotten me. I moved as quietly as I could into
position to stake him again from behind, but at this point, I was about as
graceful as a baby elephant. He heard me.
Without
even looking back, he swung his big old arm around and caught me across the
chest. I went flying through the air and slammed into the wall I had recently
been leaning against. Whew. For a moment, I thought Xander was fighting two
more vampires, until I realized I was seeing two more Xanders as well.
All
three of them lost it at that point, and really began whaling on the big guys.
"That," he screamed, coming back into my focus as an single individual, "was my
WIFE you just backhanded." He threw a sucker punch into the big vamp's stomach,
doubling him over. "She's carrying my BABY." He landed a solid roundhouse, and
I heard the distinctive sound of a breaking jaw. The vampire fell backwards,
and Xander's knee was in his solar plexus before he knew what hit him. Kneeling
atop him, my husband spit out, "My first." Then he staked him, and collapsed
into a heap when the guy beneath him turned to dust.
"Xander!"
I screamed, running to him and pulling his head into my lap. He looked up at me
woozily.
"Don't
you mean Alan?"
"Oh,
God, you had me so scared. Are you okay? You were wonderful. I love you, you
know. I'm so proud you're my baby's daddy." I was smoothing his hair and
peppering his face with kisses as I babbled. Then I started crying. "I wanted
our baby to be born here, and now we have to leave," I wailed, finally
realizing what we'd just done.
"No,
you don't," another voice assured me. I looked at the other guy in the alley,
but he was still unconscious. "I can pull some strings, and fix it so nobody
knows what happened. Vamps do die without Slayers on occasion." I turned my
head, and managed to make out a figure in the shadows. He stepped out, and I
recognized him. "You'll have to go home after she's born, though. Faith's
driving the librarian up a wall."
"Whistler,"
I said. He bowed. "We can't go home. The demons that wanted our baby dead won't
stop just because she's little and cute."
"But
they will stop when they realize she doesn't quite fulfill the prophecy," he
answered. I scowled at him, knowing that couldn't be true.
"The
baby in the prophecy was to born of a Slayer, not a Slayer and a normal guy,"
he went on.
"But
there was no guy involved," I insisted.
The
demon waved his hand at Xander, who was showing signs of being pretty alert by
this time. "Him."
"No,"
Xander protested, "We just *call* it our baby. I had nothing to do with it.
Trust me, I would have remembered."
"Ah,
but you did. In fact, you're affectionately known now by TPTB as 'the guy who
screws up prophecies.' The child was to be born of the Slayer and the
life-power of a god. Glory, to be exact. But you threw yourself into the mix,
and the child now has your genetics, too. She'll still be a Slayer – probably
an invincible one, with the whole god-power thing in the deal. But she won't be
the Finality. She might be the one to carry it, but that would still be a long
way off, and I'm not gonna worry about it now. I'd suggest you two don't, either.
You're gonna have enough to do – soon." He looked at his watch. "REAL soon."
Another
contraction seized my body, bringing tears to my eyes. So much for the
Braxton-Hix theory. "Can I drive you to the hospital?" the demon asked us. "As
long as that damn truck isn't stick-shift."
Xander
had that stunned look on his face again. "She really IS my baby," he was
muttering. "Poor kid probably *does* have my nose." I fished the keys out of
his pocket and tossed them to Whistler. "Rolla Medical Center," I said, helping
the father of my baby to his feet. "Mine," he grinned, patting my belly.
~**~
Well,
Xander and I make beautiful babies together. Now that her skin isn't so red and
that funny shape her head had at first seems to be flattening out, she's perfectly
gorgeous. He bought a disposable camera and has been running around here like a
Japanese tourist, snapping pictures constantly. Actually, I think he must have
bought a couple of those cameras. I'm pretty sure he's already used up all the
pictures on the one I threatened to destroy in the delivery room, so this has
to be a new one. I do kinda wish I had a shot of the color green he turned
right after I delivered the placenta, though.
Next
time, I plan to take drugs. Lots of them. Natural childbirth is highly
overrated. Although I was glad I wasn't asleep when they put her into my arms
for the first time. Her little eyes were all scrunched closed from the bright
lights, and both Xand and I were amazed at those tiny little fingers. I can
tell he's in love already. I'm just tired. Oh, and I'm in love, too. I'm just
too tired to do much about it.
Emily
Elaine Harper. Eight pounds, 6 ounces. Twenty-one inches long. The most perfect
baby ever. We'll have to name the next one after Willow. Unless of course it's
a boy. Willow's a funny name for a boy. But once we get home, Willow will love
her no matter what her name is, and I wanted to remember both of those women,
Emily and Elaine. I don't want to forget my life here. Ever.
We've
already decided there will be a next one. Maybe a couple more. And I've
promised Xander he'll have a more active role in the conception next time, too.
He didn't seem to object to that. The labor nurse was laughing at us, talking
about the next one in the delivery room. She said most women are swearing he'll
never touch her again. I couldn't very well say he hadn't really touched me
*yet*, now could I?
I'm
really tired. They're gonna let me sleep for a few hours before we have to
leave. We do have insurance, but it only covers about half a day after
delivery. Geez. I've already fed little Em, and the nurse has warned me to
sleep whenever I could for the next couple of years or more, so I'll continue
this later.
~**~
Home.
I can't believe we're back. It's been a really long day.
I
didn't have much time to write after Emmy was born. We had a lot to do. We
called Giles, collect, from the hospital – he'd been worried about us, but
wasn't surprised to hear the baby had been born. He *was* surprised to hear
what Whistler had told us about her genetic makeup, though. He echoed the demon
in the demand that we return to Sunnydale.. I could hear his frustration with
Faith in his voice. He put her on the phone next.
"Hey,
B! I knew you couldn't be dead – you're too tough. Things aren't as much fun
around here without you to run with. When you comin' home?"
"Faith,
I just had a baby. I won't be running with anyone for a long time. You're going
to have to cover for me for a while longer."
"So
I take it you finally found out about Xander there firsthand, huh?"
"Actually,
he is the father, but, no, we still haven't actually slept together."
"Turkey
baster?" God, Faith hadn't gotten over 'crude' while in the slammer.
"I'm
sure if you don't embarrass him too much, Giles can explain it to you. Would
you put him back on? Xander needs to talk to him."
I
only half listened while Xander made arrangements with my Watcher to reclaim
our real identities. I was packing my few things, and Emmy's stuff. She was in
the bassinette, and Elaine was bouncing a little toy over her head, trying to
get her attention. I could tell I'd have another long explanation to go through
with her after Xander got off the phone. But then he said something that caught
my attention fully. "Dawnie? It's okay, baby. Stop crying. Yeah, we're still
alive. I know, I'm sorry. It was the only way. I know. Yeah. Yeah, she's right
here, hold on."
By
that time I was right beside him, about to snatch the phone out of his hand
anyway. "Dawn?"
She
was still bawling. "Oh, God, Buffy, I thought you were dead. First mom, then
you. It was awful."
"I
know. Like Xander said, we're sorry. But if I hadn't done it this way, I might
really have ended up dead. As it is, I have a brand new niece for you to take
care of."
"So
you really had a baby? You and Xander? That's – well, it's kind of cool." She
was just sniffling now. "Didja name her after me?"
"No,
but we had good reason. The next one will be after you and Willow."
"You're
pregnant again already?"
"Did
you have to scream that?" I could hear Giles and Faith making incredulous
noises in the background. "No, you twit. We're just making plans." I heard her
cover the receiver and calm the others down. When she came back, I told her,
"We've gotta go now, the hospital wants my room. I'll call you again soon. Love
you."
"Love
you. Hey, Buffy?"
"What?"
"What
*is* her name?"
~**~
Elaine
insisted on buying us that crib we wanted. We gave her a highly edited version
of who we really were and what was going on, which made me wonder why Xander
hadn't gotten a better grade in creative writing in school. We promised to
write her, and I intend to.
"Alan"
went and resigned from his job, explaining that I was homesick for my family
now the baby was here. A perfectly reasonable excuse to leave, and they bought it.
They even gave him a nice envelope of money they'd collected as a baby gift.
We
paid out the week on the apartment, and gave notice. We closed our bank account
and packed the coffeemaker and the crib in the back of the truck. Saying our
traditional "dear God let this truck make it there" prayer before we left, we
headed towards California.
This
time we traveled in style. Giles had sent us a credit card along with the
papers verifying us as once again Buffy Anne Summers and Alexander LaVelle
Harris, and we stayed in the lap of luxury for us – clean, national chain
hotels. Most even had their own coffeemakers in the rooms. None of them were
actually fancy, but we never spent long in any of the places we stayed, anyway.
Now that we were going home, we were in a hurry to get there.
Xander
leaned on the horn when we crossed the California state line, waking Emmy in
her car seat between us and making her cry. But I was whooping and cheering,
too, and she soon started looking at Mommy like she'd never seen anything so
silly. Before long, Xander was making faces at her, and she was giggling. He
could always make her laugh, just like he always did me.
He'd
called Willow before we left Missouri, and there were many tears on both ends
of the line. She was a little angry at both of us, but soon forgave us, with
Willow-typical grace. He'd shaved, for the first time in almost a year. I'd had
my hair cut back up to my shoulders, although it was still brown. We felt we'd
done all we could to be ready, but I think we both had butterflies in our
stomachs when we pulled up in front of the Magic Box.
Xander
jumped out of the cab and came around to my side. I unstrapped Emmy and handed
her to daddy, then climbed out uncertainly. Looking up into his face, I saw the
same hesitation there. We'd been through so much; we'd changed. We were
parents. We'd been on our own. Did we even still belong here? Pressing Emmy
between us, we hugged, sharing our strength. Then we turned and went inside.
They
swarmed all over us, like ants on a jellybean melting on the sidewalk. Giles
was there, and Faith, Willow and Tara. Dawn, of course. I was really surprised
to see Angel, Cordelia and Wesley, though. And – "Amy!" Xander said. "You're
you again!" She smiled and waved, but I could tell she thought it was a story
for later. Right now was about us. Us, and Emmy.
I
was shocked when Faith swooped in and took the baby from Xander's arms first.
She tickled her tummy, making her giggle. "You guys do great work," she said
happily. Maybe the slammer had changed Faith some. "She's beautiful."
"We
think so, but we are a bit biased," Xander agreed. Emmy rolled her navy blue
eyes at her father's comment, and Faith laughed like a child, leaving me
speechless.
"She's
smart, too." Moving to hand the baby back, she was intercepted by both Willow
and Dawn at the same time, and Faith left it to them to fight it out over who
got her next. "Take good care of her – of both of them," she warned, leaving
Xander as stunned as I'd been by her laugh.
It
appeared Willow had won, but Dawn wasn't going to move far from her new niece.
I was heading over to talk to her when the front door blew open, and another
surprise breezed in. "Oz," I gasped. He strode across the room and kissed –
well, a different witch than I would have expected.
"Oh
yeah," Willow offered, "I forgot to tell you Oz is back. He was actually
instrumental in de-ratting Amy, and they're dating now." Wow – and we hadn't
even been gone a year.
We
did know not to expect to see Anya – after Xander's "death" she'd had a hard
time dealing, and finally had found comfort in the strangest of places.
Apparently, she and Spike had moved to Europe together.
It
was good to be back. We talked to everyone, and invited them all to our
wedding. We'd already decided that the first possible chance we were getting
married – for real, this time. We'd called long distance and made arrangements
with the minister before we left Missouri. I didn't have a dress, but I'd
scrape something up. It was too important to wait.
~**~
Well,
this is it. Actually, since I'm officially back now, Giles is keeping his
Watcher's Diary on both me and Faith again, but this just wouldn't be complete
without the wedding, so this will be my last entry.
I
found a really nice dress on such short notice. It's tea-length, and pretty
simple. Dawn's my maid of honor, and she found a pretty burgundy dress in a
similar fabric, which is great. We even found a similar little white dress for
Emmy. It was meant to be.
Angel
offered us the mansion gardens for the ceremony, but that place is full of
unpleasant memories, so we're doing this in the college chapel. I suppose they
think we're crazy to get married at nine o'clock at night, but Angel really
wanted to attend.
He
and Cordelia are so cute together. Yeah – another change that's taken place
while we were gone. They seem happy – right now, they're hard at work looking
for a way around his curse. I hope they find it, too. He deserves to be happy,
for once. Now that I am, I think the world should share the joy.
Xander
looks incredibly hot in his tux. I now know what caused Willow to fall those
years ago. I can't wait to get my hands on him tonight. Yeah – we still haven't
slept together yet. We figured we were so close to the wedding at this point,
we'd just wait. Kind of uncharacteristically traditional.
Giles
came and got me for the ceremony, and I couldn't help but look over my friends
as we stood at the back of the chapel. Most of them were couples now – Willow
and Tara, Oz and Amy, Angel and Cordy. Xander and me. Oh, God, I love that man.
Dawn
stood at the front of the chapel, having entered already with Emmy in her arms
instead of flowers. Willow was on the other side, acting as Xander's best maid.
He just couldn't think of anyone else he wanted as his best man, and since she
was gay, he figured it worked, in a warped way. She refused to wear a tux,
though. Her dress was identical to Dawn's.
People
keep telling me it was a beautiful ceremony. I don't remember a damned thing.
Music – I remember pretty music. Emmy cried somewhere in the middle of the
vows, but Dawn got her to calm down. And Xander kissed me, I remember that. We
have real rings now, not the cheap things we wore as Emily and Alan. He's
finally really mine.
Elaine
came, all the way from Missouri. I think it may have been a wedding present
from Giles. I also think she kind of likes him – maybe we could add a new
couple to the list soon. Our other wedding present from him was a paper
declaring Emmy to be legally named Emily Elaine Harris.
I have
to go now – we have a suite waiting at the Sunnydale Hilton. A wedding present
from the L.A. gang. Our wedding present from Dawn is a week's babysitting. From
Tara and Willow, another week. Faith gave me a filmy negligee – trust Faith to
have sex on the brain. Not that I don't, right now.
My
only regret is that mom missed this. She always liked Xander, and would
probably be thrilled for us. She probably is, wherever she's watching us from.
I
will be forever grateful that I got to know Alan Leonard Harper. If I hadn't, I
would never have gotten to really know Alexander LaVelle Harris. My lover, my
friend, my husband. The father of my child. The best thing that ever happened
to me.
The
rest of my story is up to Giles to tell. But my life has gone so far beyond the
Slayer thing, I may never see myself the same again. I came home, and found it
was a person, not a place. I found new purpose to my life, as a mother, a wife,
a friend. I am, and will forever remain,
Buffy
Anne Harris
~**~