Part Two--Dude looks like a lady!
"Well, Zoisite, you're not sick," the nurse said, as if enjoying some private joke.
"Whaddaya mean, I'm not sick? I can't keep down water!"
"There's a reason for that, Zoisite."
"Then stop beating around the bush and tell us!" Malachite said.
"Zoisite, you're pregnant."
Zoisite turned pale and gulped. "How?"
The nurse sat down on a chair and took on a primary teacherish tone. "You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much..."
"I know about that," Zoisite snapped. "But I mean, I'm a man!"
Malachite giggled--and believe you me, Malachite giggling is a funny sight. "No you're not. This is the North American version."
"Oh. Oh yeah." Now Zoisite was blushing.
"So, uh, does this mean we can leave now?" Malachite asked.
"One more thing. Here are some pamphlets--"
"HOLD ON FOR A MOMENT!" cried the ominous voice of a DiC executive.
"THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE WHOLESOME FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT," added another.
"Yeah, and whaddaya mean by that?" asked Malachite, putting his hands on his hips.
"ZOISITE CAN'T BE PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK!" a third voice put in. Then all three began chanting "Re-DUB! Re-DUB! Re-DUB!"
"But how could we have gotten married when the Negaverse doesn't have weddings?" Zoisite wondered.
"WE DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!"
"Can you give us one more chance?" Malachite said.
"HMM..." The voices conferred. "ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU MUST BE MARRIED BEFORE 24 HOURS HAVE PASSED!" There was a huge thunder-clap, and Malachite and Zoisite were alone. The nurse had fled sometime during the conversation, leaving a trail of pamphlets with titles like "Raising a Happy, Healthy Child" and "Parenthood for Dummies."
"Oh, Malachite, how are we gonna get married in less than 24 hours? Who'd marry anyone in that short of notice?"
A lightbulb went on over Malachite's head. "C'mon, Zoey," he said. "We're catching the next plane for Las Vegas."
Meanwhile, at a club in Las Vegas . . .
"What do you call a chicken with two heads?" A man . . . well, it could have been a woman, was telling jokes. "Give up? I don't know either!" A tomato hit him squarely on the stomach. "Man, whoever threw that really needs to catch up! Get it? Catch up? Ketchup?" The audience groaned.
"How much more of this do we have to sit through?" a woman said. The comedian--his name was Klaus-- looked out the window and saw a man in a cape and the nicest hair he had ever seen.
"Wow, he looks just like my old boyfriend . . ." Klaus sighed. He dashed out the door and ran to Malachite. The audience cheered when Klaus left.
"Oh, Malachite, where's a chapel? There's supposed to be tons, but it don't see any! Hey, here comes someone we can ask!" Zoisite was referring to Klaus.
"Excuse me, miss, do you know where we could find a chapel?" Malachite asked. Klaus had hearts in his eyes.
"You mean you want to marry me, too?" Klaus asked. He jumped into Malachite's arms.
"Hey, he's mine!" Zoisite cried, knocking Klaus out of Malachite's arms and jumping in herself.
"Why do you want her when you can have me?" Klaus asked, striking a "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" pose. Malachite snickered.
"Because . . . .(the background became pink and mushy music played) because I love her . . ." Malachite whispered.
"HEY! YOU!" a voice from above called. It was the DiC dubbers.
"Yes?" Klaus asked.
"I THOUGHT WE TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE, KLAUS!" the voice said. Klaus argued about how he had to get a job, and how he needed to pay his rent, so he couldn't leave right away.
"THIS IS UNWHOLESOME FOR OUR VIEWERS! THIS WAS YOUR LAST WARNING!" Klaus was kicked into the sky, straight toward the Negaverse.
Back in Tokyo, Ami, Lita, Rei, and Mina were at the arcade. Lita was gazing at Andrew, very depressed. Mina was, ironically, playing the new Sailor V game. Rei and Ami were watching her. Serena and Darien were on a date. Rini was at her friend's house, so they had taken advantage of it. Little did any of them know that the evil Mellotron was watching them.
"I think we've found the remainder of Serenity's army," he sneered. He had multiple personalities, so he always refereed to himself as we.
"Yes!" Mellotron replied. "And they're all a bunch of little girls! None of them have any idea of the power of the dark--I mean, the Mellotron!"
"Be careful," he warned himself. "They're probably using this trick to fool us. They may be very powerful!" This started an argument between his selves. It stopped when he slapped his own face and fell over unconscious. When his personalities worked together, they were very powerful, but that seldom happened. That was how Serenity had managed to defeat him in the first place. But now, they were back...
Jadeite was blow-drying his hair and singing the theme to "the Beverly Hillbillies." "Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed..."
Then he heard a scream and a crash. He turned his hair dryer on louder and continued singing. "Poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed."
Another crash. "Then one day he was shooting at some food..."
Footsteps. "When out of the ground came the bubbling crude." He turned to the doorway. "Oil, that is--Oh! Nephlyte! I didn't see you there!"
"Someone just landed in Beryl's grand hall, and she is not pleased..."
"Whaddaya mean, someone just landed in the Queen's hall? I thought the Negaverse wasn't accessible by anyone but us!"
"It's not the stars that know everything, it's the DiC dubbers."
"You mean..."
"I'm afraid so."
"Love me tender..." The Elvis impersonator paused to change chords and strummed again. "Love me true." He changed his hand again. "Never..." The chord was wrong, so he fixed his hand and cleared his throat. "Never let me..." Chord change, strum. "Go."
BLAST!!!!! He flew backwards into the wall. Malachite turned back to the minister.
"Uh, Zoisite, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the minister asked.
"Of course! Why else would we come here?"
"Uh...yeah. And Malachite, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Yeah."
"Then I pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
"Wait a second! I thought you said he was my husband!" Zoisite said.
"He is."
"But you just pronounced us man and wife," Malachite said. "I'm not getting it."
"Okay, okay," sighed the minister. "I now pronounce you husband and wife."
"That's much better." Zoisite and Malachite kissed and left the chapel.
"I picked something up at the airport, darling," Malachite said, pulling a bag out of his cape and handing it to Zoisite. She opened it and gasped. Inside was a book, Field Guide to Rocks and Minerals.
"Thank you, Malachite!" She began to flip through. "Molybdenite if it's a boy, or perhaps Alexandrite..."
"You're getting ahead of yourself, Zoey."
"I don't care, Mally, I'm just so excited!" She hugged him. "Now, what do you think of Zincite? Or Staurolite might be nice..."
"Darien, I'm home!!!" Rini yelled. Darien sighed. He shouldn't get used to freedom.
"Hi, Rini," he sighed. Rini came in and expected a kiss from Darien.
"You don't kiss me like you kiss Serena!" Rini complained. Darien sighed again. This was not the first time she had made this objection. "I made some cookies for you!" Rini held up a paper plate with foil over it. Darien opened the foil and saw little heart-shaped sugar cookies with pale blue frosting and rainbow sprinkles.
"Who helped you make these?" he asked. Rini frowned.
"Lita," she mumbled. Then Serena came in.
"There you are, Rini! I've been looking all over for you, and Lita said you were here. I should have known the little brat would be here."
"Little brat? Where?" Rini asked. Serena gave her a look.
Then, Darien said the wrong thing. "You know, you two are so much alike, it's hilarious!" Darien got glares from both girls and a big sweatdrop as they told him off.
Back in the Negaverse . . .
"Can any of you explain why that is here?" asked Queen Beryl, pointing to an unconscious Klaus.
"Who is she--she's beautiful!" Jadeite gasped.
"I was hoping one of you would know. Have either of you seen Zoisite or Malachite? They're always off cavorting when I need them."
"I think Zoisite was sick, and Malachite was waiting on her," Nephlyte said.
"Then why aren't they in their house?!?" Beryl yelled.
"Actually, I think they went to the doctor..." Nephlyte added.
"Well, they'd better get back soon."
Meanwhile, Klaus began to come to. "Where am I?"
"You're in the Negaverse," Jadeite replied. Klaus looked from Nephlyte to Jadeite and thought I must be in heaven! "Are you all right?"
"I think I'll be okay," Klaus sighed.
"What's your name?"
"It's Klaus...Klaus McKee."
"What are you doing here?" demanded Queen Beryl. Klaus turned over onto his back and began to make swimming motions.
"The backstroke!" he replied.
"You're beautiful," Jadeite whispered. They stared into each others eyes for a moment, then Jadeite's vision wandered. "You've...got stubble! Oh, how disgusting! I was falling in love with a man! Oh, how embarrassing!"
Klaus looked heartbroken. Beryl looked him over and nodded. "Get him fitted for a uniform. If Zoisite and Malachite don't return by midnight, Klaus will be my newest general."
Things were looking up for Klaus. "Do I get to wear a skirt?"
Beryl only laughed and sent them to the tailor's.
There was a Sailor Scout meeting at the Temple, and Rei got an ominous feeling.
"I have an ominous feeling," Rei told her friends.
"Really? What do you mean?" asked Serena.
Mellotron appeared.
"Oh, that. Moon prism power," Serena said in a monotone. They transformed.
"I'm Sailor Venus!"
"I'm Sailor Mercury!"
"I'm Sailor Mars!"
"I'm Sailor Jupiter!"
"I'm Sailor Moon!"
"And we're the Spice Girls!" they said in unison.
"And we'll punish you!" Rini tacked on.
"Ooh, we're scared," taunted Mellotron.
"What does he mean by we're?" wondered Sailor Venus.
"Mars . . . Fire . . . IGNITE!!!" Mars screamed. Unfortunately, she forgot to do her poses and nothing happened. "Oops," she muttered.
"Mercury Bubbles . . . BLAST!!!" Sailor Mercury, smart girl she is, did her motions and her yell, and the bubbles . . . well, they blasted. This did nothing to Mellotron.
"Ha! We're Bubble Immune!" he yelled.
"Let's see if you're immune to this! Jupiter Thunder CRASH!!!!" Jupiter yelled.
"Hey! No fair! We're not ready!" he ran away hurriedly.
"Scouts! CHARGE!!!" Sailor Moon yelled. The six went running after Mellotron. Rini jumped up onto Lita's shoulders so they could go faster.
"This is all your fault! No, it's your fault!" Mellotron argued. He slapped himself in the face. Then he remembered that he could disappear.
A bell began to toll in the Negafortress. One...Two...Three...Four...Beryl smiled grimly. Klaus knelt before her, ready for the initiation to begin. Her two strongest warriors would have to work pretty fast to get back in time.
"Where is Malachite? It's getting awfully late..." Zoisite realised. Her watch said it was nearly midnight.
"Look!" Malachite exclaimed, holding a bucket full of quarters. "Maybe we should quit the Negaverse and use our powers to get rich!"
"The Negaverse!" gasped Zoisite. "Oh, god, we've been gone all day! Beryl will never forgive us unless we come up with a good excuse!"
"Isn't our kid a good enough excuse? She's always saying the more members of the Negaverse, the better!" Malachite suggested. A bell somewhere began to toll the hour. One...Two...Three...
"Malachite, don't. If Beryl knows--well, we're her two most powerful warriors. Our child--with both our powers--could either destroy her, or be her greatest power. Either way, we're probably going to end up dead. Don't tell anyone--not even Nephlyte and Jadeite. Please, Malachite," Zoisite whispered. Seven...Eight...Nine...
Malachite patted her head. "You're right, Zoey. I'll try to think of something better. Hmm...I was taking you to the hospital, and we thought we had found a sixth Sailor Scout?" Ten...
"I can work with that," Zoisite murmured. Eleven... They transported to the Negafortress.
Will Zoisite and Malachite get back in time? Will Mellotron ever stop arguing with himself? Have the Spice Girls now started calling themselves the Sailor Scouts? Does Klaus get to wear a skirt? Find out in the next episodic episode, Wannabe!
