Part Three--Wannabe
"Darien, will you marry me?" Rini asked. She held out a ring pop. Darien pondered the tough decision It was cherry, his favorite flavor...
"I...uh...." he stuttered.
"I got two of the cherry ones!" she said, waving them in front of his face. By now Darien was drooling.
"Must...be...strong..."
Serena ran in. "A whole bag of cherry ring pops for you, Darien!" she panted.
"Oh, Serena, you're just in time!" Darien ran to hug her. He then knelt down to kiss her feet before tearing open the bag of ring pops.
"This is SOOOOO not fair..." Rini pouted.
"You think it's not fair?" whispered Serena to Rini. "I bought that bag for me! Have you ever stopped to think, Rini, that if you got Darien, you would cease to exist?"
Rini looked Serena in the eyes. "No!" she said sweetly, then skipped away.
"Serena, for once, you saved my life!" Darien said around a ring pop. "As a token of my eternal gratitude, you can have one of my ring pops."
"Oh, Darien! You don't know what this means to me!" She scrutinized the pack for the one that was the biggest, and selected carefully. Darien knew well that Serena was easier to deal with when she had junk food.
Malachite and Zoisite appeared just as the twelfth bell began to sound. At this exact moment, Beryl began the initiation of Klaus--or, now, Klausite--as a General. Beryl tried to stop the ceremony, but it was out of her control.
Instead, she turned to Malachite and Zoisite. "You have a lot of explaining to do."
"My deepest apologies, majesty," Malachite said. "Zoisite and I were almost positive we had located a sixth Sailor Scout. We would have contacted you, but that would have broken our cover and she might have discovered us."
"But you did not?"
"No, majesty. Her powers turned out to be another type of superhero, called a 'power ranger'." Zoisite coughed to hide a snicker. Malachite could bullsh*t with the best of 'em. "Her fight is not our own, and not worth getting involved in."
"Very well, Malachite," Beryl said. It was obvious she had been hoping for a reason to blast the two generals, and now she wasn't going to get it. But she should have some sense. Unless this new initiate was much stronger than Malachite and Zoisite put together, which he sincerely doubted.
"Malachite," Zoisite whispered nervously. "Malachite, it's Klaus. I don't know how, or why, but it's Klaus."
"You're seeing things, darling," Malachite whispered back.
"Jadeite! Nephlyte! Come and witness the creation of the newest Negaverse General!" snapped Beryl. The two generals appeared.
"Here's the story...of a lovely lady! Who was bringing up three very lovely girls..." Jadeite sang as he appeared. Nephlyte appeared and joined in.
"All three had hair of gold, like their mother...the youngest one in curls!" they sang in unison.
"Silence!" Beryl shouted. Zoisite had to hold in a laugh.
As they watched, Klausite stood. The top of his uniform was the same of the rest of theirs, except with pink edging. However, his gray miniskirt--complete with bright pink seams--was tight enough to show the Nega Generals more than they wanted to know. Let's just say, there wasn't much doubt that Klaus was a man.
"Hey!" Nephlyte whispered to the other Generals. "Why don't the DiC dubbers come and take care of that?"
"Nephlyte, you idiot!" Malachite said. "Speak of the devil and they shall--"
"DO YOU NEVER STOP MAKING TROUBLE, KLAUS?" asked a voice. The skirt was immediatly pleated and came down past his knees.
"MAYBE WE SHOULD REDUB HIM AS A WOMAN, TOO," another voice suggested.
"Would you really?" Klaus asked, pleading in his eyes.
"NO. HE'D ENJOY IT TOO MUCH. OUR WORK HERE IS DONE...FOR NOW." Malachite and Zoisite got the uncanny feeling of being glared at. The feeling was so creepy that Zoisite dropped her book. She tried to pick it up, but Jadeite beat her to it.
"The Field Guide to Rocks and Minerals?" he read.
"You know how I love to collect rocks," Malachite replied, laughing sheepishly. Jadeite handed him the book, sensing that those two were hiding something.
Mellotron shook his head. His other selves had made a fool of him again. "You made a fool of me!" he bickered with himself. "No, dimwit, you made a fool of me!"
"Enough of this," he told himself. "We need to defeat those sailor girls." He paused. "But we cannot do it alone..." he realised. "We must find help."
"Who'd help us? We're evil!" Then Mellotron had an idea. He remembered something the Sailor Scouts had said, and decided to hitch the next plane to England.
"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!" sang five out-of-tune voices. They pressed a button on a big machine and the voices came out perfectly, including harmonization. The one with frizzy blackish-brown hair zapped a pile of CDs and they were seeping with evil energy. She cackled, sort of like Zoisite's laugh, but less charming. The other four girls joined in. It sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West in stereo.
"Hay! Somewan's at the door!" The one with long red hair cried. They formed a Conga line and sang "Somewan's at the door! Somewan's at the door!" All five stood together as they answered.
"Hello?" asked Mellotron.
"I'm Mel B!"
"I'm Mel C!"
"I'm Geri!"
"I'm Victoria!"
"I'm Emma!"
"And we're the Spice Girls!!!" they finished together.
"Great! You're just who we're looking for. Let me tell you about my evil plot,"
Mellotron explained.
"Shouldn't we transform first? I think we should transform first. Scary Prism POWER!" Mel B said. The background music to "Say You'll Be There" played.
"Sporty POWER!"
"Sexy POWER!" A DiC executive cleared their throat. "Ginger POWER!"
"Posh POWER!"
"Baby POWER!! Geez, that sounds pathetic. Why can't I have a better name? And why am I always last?" Emma whined.
"We're the Spice Scouts! Here to . . . uh . . . keep wrongs wrong and triumph over good. In the name of Spice, we'll eat you!!!" they said together.
"Great! Now, we'll have the Sailors out-numbered!" Mellotron cried.
"Ooh, we get to be part of an evil plan!" Mel C cried. They all rubbed their hands together vigorously, as if warming them up.
"Yes, girls, come with me. We shall see how the Sailor Scouts can handle this!"
"That store clerk . . . see the dreamy one? He looks just like my old boyfriend . . ." Lita sighed. She and Mina were at the mall.
"But I thought the guy at Foot Locker looked just like your old boyfriend! Or was it the guy at the GAP?" Mina pondered this for a moment, but Rei came running up to them.
"I sense evil, but very far away! We have to call a Sailor meeting right away!" The three girls got out their communicators and called Ami, Serena, and Rini, even though Rini doesn't add anything useful to Sailor meetings.
Soon, they were all at Rei's grandfather's temple. Serena was eating a ring pop with a triumphant look on her face, and Rini was pouting.
"I swear, this is the best ring pop I've ever tasted!"
"Stupid Serena stole my Darien," Rini said, ignoring Serena.
"YOUR Darien?" Serena yelled. "He never was your Darien. He's mine! Mine! Mine mine mine mine mine!"
"Hey, guys, this is Sailor business," Lita said.
"What's more important that Darien?" Rini and Serena asked at once.
"Guys, even though that Mellotron ran away, there's no telling when he may return..." said Ami.
"Oh, yeah, him. Is that this evil you're sensing, Rei?" asked Serena.
"I don't think so. It's too strong." Rei answered. Suddenly, 5 females and a male appeared. Or maybe six males.
The Sailor Scouts transformed.
"Oh, Malachite," Zoisite called, sticking her head out of the bathroom. Malachite pulled a pillow over his head. "Now would be a good time to buy me some Evian..."
"Please, Zoisite, I'm trying to sleep..."
"BUY ME SOME EVIAN OR I'LL ZOI YOU, MALACHITE!!!" Zoisite yelled.
"C'mon, dear, you wouldn't want your baby to grow up without a father!" Malachite replied.
"Then you'd better go get it, huh, Malachite?"
Malachite got up, grumbling about how Zoisite never used to be like this. He got dressed and put on his best cape. He decided to get her back, if only in a little way. "See if I ever come back!" he yelled.
"Bad music blast!" shouted Sailor Baby.
"Mercury bubbles blast!" Ami countered, and the Bad Music stopped.
"Hey, what's going on?" demanded Mellotron.
"Billboard top one hundred!" screamed Sailor Posh. "SMASH!!"
"Venus Crescent Beam Smash!" Another Spice Scout rendered harmless.
"C'mon, Sailor Sporty!" Sailor Scary yelled.
"Broken Records CRASH!" Sailor Sporty cried.
"Jupiter Thunder!" shouted Sailor Jupiter. "CRASH!" The broken records that had been flying at her were engulfed in lightning and fell to the ground, harmless.
"Ugly shoes IGNITE!" shouted Sailor Ginger. Rei sent the flaming shoes back at their sender with her Mars fire.
Sailor Scary's tongue ring began to glow. "Tongue piercing..." She took it out if her mouth and it floated above her hand.
"MOON TIARA!" Sailor Moon added quickly.
"MAGIC!!!!" They finished at once. The moon tiara and tongue ring collided, and there was a blinding flash of light. When their eyes cleared, the Sailor Scouts were alone.
Zoisite dried her hair with a towel, trying to convince herself that Malachite would come back. He wouldn't just abandon her...would he? She would just be strong until he came back and apologized...should be soon...any minute now, he'd come through that door and everything would be all right...
"Hey, have you seen Malachite?" asked Jadeite.
Zoisite threw herself at him, tears streaming from her eyes. "Oh, Jadeite, he's left me and he hates me and he's never coming back..."
"Calm down, Zoisite. You may've had a little spat but Malachite loves you. He'll come back," Jadeite said soothingly. He picked up a ponytail holder off the counter and handed it to Zoisite, who tied her hair back silently.
"I miss him so much..." she whispered, wailing over to his closet and pulling out one of his capes to wrap around herself. Something pricked her back. She reached into a hidden pocket in the cape, and found a rose. "Malachite..." she began to say, then started bawling like Serena.
Serena was late--again. Not to school, not to a sailor meeting, but to her brother Sammy's little league game. She carried Luna in one arm and a donut in her other hand as she bounded towards the bleachers.
"Now, Serena, you're getting powder in my nose!" Luna sneezed a kitty sneeze to emphasize her point.
"But it's the championship game and I promised Sammy I'd be there for him," Serena said.
"You could at least keep your donut out of my face," Luna sighed, getting a big sweatdrop.
"Oh, good. I'm just in time to see Sammy up to bat!" Serena said happily. Sammy approached the plate.
Malachite was already planning his apology for Zoisite. She had been getting annoying, but it really was too harsh of him to say that he was leaving her. He hoped that the rose and the case of Evian would make it up to her.
He walked home from the supermarket quickly. Some kids were playing baseball, across the field from the sidewalk he walked on. He heard the crack of a ball meeting a bat, just as a gust blew his cape in his face.
"Hey, watch out!" voices were yelling. But when he finally managed to disentangle himself from his cape, it was too late. The baseball connected solidly with his head.
"Yeah Sammy!" Serena jumped up, clapping. "A home run!"
"Serena!" Luna yelled. "That ball is headed right for the man out there!"
"Oh my gosh, you're right!" Serena stuffed the remainder of her donut into her mouth and grabbed Luna under her arm again, then took off at a run towards the guy. "HEY!" she yelled. "WATCH OUT!" She was too late. The man appeared to be tangled up in a cape, and was heading right into the path of the baseball. He only saw it too late, and fell as the ball collided with his head.
Serena got to where he lay in the grass. "Gotta get home," he whispered, and his eyes closed. Serena shook him.
"Hey, Wintergreen head!" she yelled. "Wake up! Are you okay?" she asked.
His eyes opened again, and he looked terrified. "I--I can't remember. Who am I?"
"You got hit on the head with a baseball," Serena said gently. "D'you remember?" He shook his head. By now people had come to see if he was all right.
"He's got a bump on his head and total amnesia," Serena told them. Her brother pushed through.
"Hey, Mr., I'm really sorry I hit that baseball--"
"You couldn't have meant to." Malachite said. He put his hand to his head, sighed. "That's gonna be a bruise." He sat up.
"Wait a second." Serena plucked a crushed rose off the ground where Malachite had been lying. A few petals fell back into the grass. It made her think of Darien and how she'd feel if he forgot about her. Did this guy have a girlfriend somewhere? "Was this yours?" she asked.
"I...I think." Malachite twisted the rose in his hands, and it glowed and began to bloom again Amazingly, no one but Serena and Luna seemed to notice.
Music began playing. The boys on Sammy's baseball team's eyes lit up. Serena was practically drooling. It was the ice cream truck!
"Ice cream on the house!" yelled the cheery driver. (The Negaverse music begins to play.) He started to hand out ice cream cones. "Two for a handsome little boy like you," the driver said.
Jadeite, hiding behind a rack of popsicles, blew a wisp of hair out of his eyes. "I don't believe you talked me into this, Klausite."
"C'mon, Jed, this is fun!" Klausite replied. "Look at all the hot guys!"
"I prefer to stay back here," Jadeite sighed.
"Oh, c'mon. Is Zoisite rubbing off on you?" Klausite asked.
"It's not like Malachite to be gone like this," Jadeite said.
"What are you worrying about him for? He's taken!" Klausite said cheerfully.
"Klausite, I never thought I'd say this, but...." For a moment the ice cream truck disappeared and Jadeite stood against a heroic background. A flag flapped in the breeze. "You have no comphrehension of friendship, do you Klausite? You could never understand what it takes to have a friend, not because you want a favor but because you believe in them and they believe in you. You help them out, not because you want them to owe you, but because you know that they'd do the same for you, and when they're sad or in trouble, you feel the same way. That's what friendship is all about." The ice cream truck reappeared.
"Oh, Jadeite, I love it when you talk morals," Klaus gushed, fluttering his eyelashes. Jadeite shook his head. It was so sad that he had to waste such a good speech on a guy like Klaus. He should've known better.
"Serena, don't eat the ice cream!" Luna said quickly. "It's a trap from the Negaverse! Call the scouts right away!" Serena pulled out her communicator. "Rei, Ami, Lita, Mina, Rini!" she said. "I need you at the baseball field right away!"
"I'm on my way, Serena!" Mina said, hopping onto her bike with Artemis in the basket. Soon all the scouts were there--and Darien, who had sensed the Negaverse.
"Hey, Serena. Who's the guy in the cape?" Darien asked.
"I don't know. Sammy accidentally hit him on the head with a baseball and he has total amnesia!"
"Well, I'm an expert about amnesia. Got that Star Locket with you, Serena?" Darien asked.
"Darien, that's our Star Locket, significant of what we've shared. Anyways, I've never seen Wintergreen Head before in my life! And he did something weird, too. He made this rose start glowing--"
"That's it! First the cape, now the rose? Next it'll be a mask! I'm gonna go give Spearmint Man over there a piece of my mind!"
"Darien, no! You can't just tell him who you are!" Serena yelled. Darien put his hands on his hips.
"And why not?" he replied.
"Why d'you think they call them, 'secret identities'?" Serena wondered. Darien blushed and got a sweatdrop.
"Oh. Oh yeah." As he spoke, the members of Sammy's baseball team were falling over, unconscious.
"What's causing it?" Serena asked Luna.
"It's the Negaverse," Luna replied.
"That man in the truck is their newest General!"
"Here we go again. Moon prism power."
"Mercury Power!"
"Mars Power!"
"Venus Power!"
"Jupiter Power!"
Darien did his little-known transformation scene and hopped on top of a lamppost, waiting for the moment when there seemed to be no hope left.
"Now look what you've done! You're so self confident that you don't even plan for if the Sailor Scouts appear!" Jadeite shouted at Klausite. "You're gonna have to fend for yourself on this one." Jadeite disappeared.
Klausite gulped, then jumped out the window of the Truck. "Uh...Sailor Scouts beware! In the name of the Negaverse, I will--oh my god, it's Tuxedo Mask! You are so hot!"
Tux decided it looked like the Sailor Scouts would not be needing his help and left.
"Mercury Bubbles!" Sailor Mercury shouted.
"Ooh, look at all the pretty bubbles!" Klaus said. At first the Sailors thought he was being sarcastic, but he really was looking at the bubbles.
"Mars...Fire...IGNITE!" Sailor Mars yelled.
"Ack! Eek! Hot, hot!" Klaus ran to a puddle and doused himself in it. "I'll get you yet, my pretties! You, and your little cats too! And maybe even Tux!" Klaus disappeared.
Jadeite bowed to his queen. "I can work with Klaus no longer, majesty," Jadeite said.
"Why not, Jadeite?"
"He loses his concentration whenever he sees another man. His plans are thin and have flaws a child would see, when he makes them at all."
"You should teach him!"
"You cannot teach one who has no desire to learn."
"JADEITE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! You're fired!" Queen Beryl shouted.
"FIRE me? You CAN'T fire me! I quit!" Jadeite disappeared.
"Well, what nerve! Nephlyte, get your butt up here NOW!"
Nephlyte appeared and bowed. "You screamed, Majesty?" he said.
"Yes. I want you to train Klausite in the ways of the Negaverse. I trust you will not fail me, as Jadeite did."
Nephlyte gulped. "I will not fail you, your majesty."
Klausite appeared. "Where's Jadeite?" he panted. "I need help!"
"Jadeite is...gone. Your new teacher will be Nephlyte." Klausite smiled.
"I have a girlfriend," Nephlyte whispered to Klausite.
Klausite frowned. All of a sudden they heard a huge sob, then a long wail.
"What the heck was that?" Queen Beryl demanded.
"I would think Zoisite would be dehydrated by now," Nephlyte sighed.
Are the Spice Girls completely vanquished? Will Darien and Malachite resolve their differences? Will Zoisite ever stop crying? Find out in the next thrilling installment, Where's the love?
