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Chapter 8: Ties that Bind
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"So ..."
"So."
This conversation was beginning to feel frighteningly familiar. Willow was lying in her hospital bed, on doctor's orders. Buffy, Giles and Xander were taking shifts near the ICU, promising to come retrieve the new parents if there was any change in Aijou's condition.
"I ..." They both spoke at once.
"You first," Oz insisted.
Willow sighed and shifted in her bed, turning on her side so she could see Oz more easily. "I've been thinking. A lot. I mean, everything's different now, you know?"
"I do. That's why I'll be staying in Sunnydale."
Willow's eyes widened. "You're ... you're staying?"
Oz nodded slowly. "Aijou deserves a family. And I'm not saying you and Tara can't be that family, but ... I mean, I'm her dad. I need to be in the same city ... the same continent."
"Oh."
A pained look crossed Willow's face, and Oz knew what she was thinking. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took this for me to realize that this is where I belong. I was selfish when I left before."
"No!" Willow shook her head and tried to reassure him. "You ... you had to go. I mean, you'd taken a life and that changes things. It changed you. And you needed to deal with that. I understand. And you learned so much while you were gone."
"I didn't deal with killing any better than Faith did," Oz said quietly. "I ran. Buffy, Giles, Xander ... you were all here for me. But I decided I could fix this on my own. That's just being selfish."
Oz could see the wheels turning in Willow's head as she tried to process all this new information. He attempted to make things as clear as possible for her. "Just so you know, I'm getting rid of the chanting and charms and stuff. Giles thinks that if I do, I'll just go back on the lunar cycle, which is the way it's supposed to be. That way you won't be in danger. Neither will Tara. Because I don't want to interfere with that. It's not why I'm staying. I mean, I still ..." he took a deep breath. "I love you. And I'm not sure that's ever going to change. But you have a life now, and I don't want to disrupt that."
"Well I think this whole day pretty much disrupted my life," Willow said softly, hoping that she wasn't blushing. "But thanks. I just ... we kissed, Oz. What does that mean?"
"It means what you want it to mean. You know how I feel. Now you need to decide about you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Willow?" Tara cracked open the hospital door and stuck her head through.
"Tara! Come in."
The blond woman rushed to her girlfriend's bedside and wrapped her arms around her. "Oh, I'm so glad you're ok. When I didn't see you at all yesterday ... and then Xander called and told me you were here. I was so worried."
"Yeah. Sorry. I just ... it was a long night," Willow struggled to find the right words to explain her situation. "I asked Xander to call you, but um, did he tell you why?"
Tara looked down, her long hair covering her eyes. "Kinda. Yeah. I mean, plus you're in obstetrics. I probably w-would have figured it out anyway."
"Oh, yeah." She had forgotten about that. "Well, they say I can probably go home tomorrow. But I think I'd kinda rather be here. Closer to Aijou."
"Is that what you named her? It's ... it's really pretty."
"Thanks." Willow was silent for a moment. "Tara, I'm really sorry. I should have told you. It's just ... I didn't know how, and ..."
Tara raised her head. "No. I m-m-mean, I understand. This is something that's difficult for you. And there are some things I haven't been completely open about either. Some things are just really h-hard to talk about."
"But is that the way things should be? I mean, if two people love each other, shouldn't they be able to share everything?" As soon as the words were out, Willow began to regret them. It felt so hypocritical. After all, she had lied to Oz about Xander, Oz had hidden the truth about Veruca. But there was something about this that felt different.
"You're right. I was just so afraid that you wouldn't understand." Once again, Tara was finding the floor more interesting than anything else in the room.
And there was the difference. Although there had been some lies and mistruths when she was with Oz, there was never the fear of misunderstanding. However misguided, everything had been in hopes of protecting each other from harm or hurt. "So was I. We can't build a relationship on fear."
"No. I guess we can't." Tara's voice was so soft Willow barely heard her.
"So."
"So ..."
"Can I call you in a few days? We could do some spells."
Tara shook her head. "You'll probably be b-busy with mom stuff. You shouldn't worry about me."
Willow took the girl's hand. "I'm never too busy for my friends."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Oz was busy pacing the hall outside of Willow's room. He just wished he knew what was going on in there. Not that pacing would change the outcome any, but it made him feel better, so he continued.
Finally, Tara came out of the room. Oz walked up to her. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to ... that had never happened before."
"I know. Willow explained the whole thing. It w-w-wasn't your fault." Tara looked at the boy through strands of blond hair.
"I'm still sorry."
Tara started to walk toward the stairs, then turned. "Take good care of her?"
Oz smiled slightly. "Always."
Chapter 8: Ties that Bind
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So ..."
"So."
This conversation was beginning to feel frighteningly familiar. Willow was lying in her hospital bed, on doctor's orders. Buffy, Giles and Xander were taking shifts near the ICU, promising to come retrieve the new parents if there was any change in Aijou's condition.
"I ..." They both spoke at once.
"You first," Oz insisted.
Willow sighed and shifted in her bed, turning on her side so she could see Oz more easily. "I've been thinking. A lot. I mean, everything's different now, you know?"
"I do. That's why I'll be staying in Sunnydale."
Willow's eyes widened. "You're ... you're staying?"
Oz nodded slowly. "Aijou deserves a family. And I'm not saying you and Tara can't be that family, but ... I mean, I'm her dad. I need to be in the same city ... the same continent."
"Oh."
A pained look crossed Willow's face, and Oz knew what she was thinking. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took this for me to realize that this is where I belong. I was selfish when I left before."
"No!" Willow shook her head and tried to reassure him. "You ... you had to go. I mean, you'd taken a life and that changes things. It changed you. And you needed to deal with that. I understand. And you learned so much while you were gone."
"I didn't deal with killing any better than Faith did," Oz said quietly. "I ran. Buffy, Giles, Xander ... you were all here for me. But I decided I could fix this on my own. That's just being selfish."
Oz could see the wheels turning in Willow's head as she tried to process all this new information. He attempted to make things as clear as possible for her. "Just so you know, I'm getting rid of the chanting and charms and stuff. Giles thinks that if I do, I'll just go back on the lunar cycle, which is the way it's supposed to be. That way you won't be in danger. Neither will Tara. Because I don't want to interfere with that. It's not why I'm staying. I mean, I still ..." he took a deep breath. "I love you. And I'm not sure that's ever going to change. But you have a life now, and I don't want to disrupt that."
"Well I think this whole day pretty much disrupted my life," Willow said softly, hoping that she wasn't blushing. "But thanks. I just ... we kissed, Oz. What does that mean?"
"It means what you want it to mean. You know how I feel. Now you need to decide about you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Willow?" Tara cracked open the hospital door and stuck her head through.
"Tara! Come in."
The blond woman rushed to her girlfriend's bedside and wrapped her arms around her. "Oh, I'm so glad you're ok. When I didn't see you at all yesterday ... and then Xander called and told me you were here. I was so worried."
"Yeah. Sorry. I just ... it was a long night," Willow struggled to find the right words to explain her situation. "I asked Xander to call you, but um, did he tell you why?"
Tara looked down, her long hair covering her eyes. "Kinda. Yeah. I mean, plus you're in obstetrics. I probably w-would have figured it out anyway."
"Oh, yeah." She had forgotten about that. "Well, they say I can probably go home tomorrow. But I think I'd kinda rather be here. Closer to Aijou."
"Is that what you named her? It's ... it's really pretty."
"Thanks." Willow was silent for a moment. "Tara, I'm really sorry. I should have told you. It's just ... I didn't know how, and ..."
Tara raised her head. "No. I m-m-mean, I understand. This is something that's difficult for you. And there are some things I haven't been completely open about either. Some things are just really h-hard to talk about."
"But is that the way things should be? I mean, if two people love each other, shouldn't they be able to share everything?" As soon as the words were out, Willow began to regret them. It felt so hypocritical. After all, she had lied to Oz about Xander, Oz had hidden the truth about Veruca. But there was something about this that felt different.
"You're right. I was just so afraid that you wouldn't understand." Once again, Tara was finding the floor more interesting than anything else in the room.
And there was the difference. Although there had been some lies and mistruths when she was with Oz, there was never the fear of misunderstanding. However misguided, everything had been in hopes of protecting each other from harm or hurt. "So was I. We can't build a relationship on fear."
"No. I guess we can't." Tara's voice was so soft Willow barely heard her.
"So."
"So ..."
"Can I call you in a few days? We could do some spells."
Tara shook her head. "You'll probably be b-busy with mom stuff. You shouldn't worry about me."
Willow took the girl's hand. "I'm never too busy for my friends."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Oz was busy pacing the hall outside of Willow's room. He just wished he knew what was going on in there. Not that pacing would change the outcome any, but it made him feel better, so he continued.
Finally, Tara came out of the room. Oz walked up to her. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to ... that had never happened before."
"I know. Willow explained the whole thing. It w-w-wasn't your fault." Tara looked at the boy through strands of blond hair.
"I'm still sorry."
Tara started to walk toward the stairs, then turned. "Take good care of her?"
Oz smiled slightly. "Always."