AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: I'm a woman of many annoying habits, and one of them is that I'm never satisfied. So I rewrote the ending of IWRY. I mean, what was that? No song, they're so cruel. This is draft one. Two and three should be out eventually.
SPOILER: Pangs, I Will Remember You
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns these characters, but since he didn't write IWRY, he didn't do this. David Greenwalt and a woman named Jeannine Renshaw are totally responsible and we are very, very, VERY angry with them. They're cruel! Just plain evil. I wonder if they have souls. The beautiful and one hundred percent perfect song is by Sophie Zelmani, Third Goddess of WB tear-inducing scenes. (Not that you care, but Goddess #1 is Sarah McLachlin and Goddess #2 is Heather Nova.)
//It's daybreak, and you are asleep
I can hear you breathe now
Your breath is deep\\
Buffy looked up at Angel with wonder, confusing and adoration when he entered the apartment she hoped to soon be able to call "theirs" and not just "his". He wasn't smiling, which casued her to swallow a lump in her throat the size of Texas. "I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli."
He sighed, and she knew. As the truth poured out of his lips, she stared at him, wondering how she could really be hearing these words. How could something that just five minutes ago was so wonderful now be so horrible?
//But before I go
I'll look at you one last time
I can hear a heart beat
Is it yours or is it mine?\\
She did the thing that made Angel cringe, the one she usually did when Giles was trying to make her give up something, or someone, for the cause of Slaying. She pouted and tears filled her beautiful hazel eyes. Angel wanted to turn away so badly, knowing that once her tears started to flow, his would follow.
She swallowed so her voice wouldn't break and stared at him, wanting so badly to hate him and knowing it was completely impossible. "So, what, you just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a super hero?"
Her voice was full of ice, and it chilled his blood more than it had ever been during his life as an undead vampire. "You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life or the lives of others?"
"You're so full of bullshit!" she yelled. "How can you even say such stupid things? Do you realize? Do you even know what you mean to me? Do you know I'd rather die right now then go back to the way things were? You weren't in Sunnydale Angel! You weren't there. You didn't call when I needed you to and hold me when I cried and you didn't even say goodbye to me when you left and now you're killing me again."
"Don't," he said quietly. "Don't ruin the last few minutes."
"Why not?" she threw her arms up in the air. "You ruined eternity!"
He knew it, but he didn't want to argue with her, not now. "Buffy, please."
"Please what?" she snarled. The tears were flowing down her cheeks now.
"One last kiss," he begged. "Maybe, if we're kissing, it won't hurt as much."
"It'll never stop hurting," she told him. "Never."
//I look at your lips
I know how soft they can be
Did they know what they wanted
The times they kissed me?\\
Their lips met softly, sweetly. She was ready to give herself into the kiss, to let it end this way, but she just couldn't. She jumped away.
"How can this be happening?" she demanded. She placed a hand over his heart and a tear from his eye slid down and landed on her skin. "I felt your heart beat." she whispered barely loud enough for him to hear.
//And your hands
That I've held in mine
Now they're reposing on the pillow
Will they ever miss me sometime?\\
"I'm never gonna stop loving you," Angel promised. "You have to know that I did this for you."
"It would be easier to tell yourself that," she muttered. "I want to hate you so badly right now and I can't. I can't! Don't you know that no matter what happens I'm going to love you and want you?"
"I do know," he whispered. He'd known it since their first kiss, but he'd never let himself believe it until that very moment.
"Then how can you do this to us?"
"I'm doing it for you," he reminded her. "I'm doing this so you can live."
"I *won't* live. There's no normal for me Angel, I'm a Slayer! The rules don't apply to me! I'm gonna die young probably soon! Why can't you just let us have this time? I'd gladly die tomorrow to be with you tonight."
He knew it was true, but he couldn't let it happen. The clock was ticking, and all he could do was hold her and pray.
//I'll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I'll remember you
But that is all that I can do
But I'll remember\\
"How much longer?" she asked, her voice shaky.
"A minute."
"Oh God." she wouldn't let her eyes leave his, wanting to forever remember the way they looked the night before, the way his arms felt around her, the way his heart seemed to beat in tune with hers.
//Your eyes
That always make me shiver
Now they are closed
They just sometimes twitch a little\\
"Kiss me," she said softly. "I don't wanna feel it."
He nodded and pulled her close. The kiss was filled with passion and regret. Buffy knew she would never feel this way for anyone ever again. And she was happy about that, if nothing else.
//And your body
I could hold for an hour
It sent me to Heaven
With its strength and power\\
They pulled away and Angel glanced at the clock while she caught her breath. Thirteen seconds and she'd be gone again. This time forever. He kissed her one last time, the tears pouring down. Her hand still rested on his heart, trying to capture the feel of its light beat to take with her back to wherever they were sending her.
//I'll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I'll remember you
But that is all that I can do
But I'll remember\\
Angel felt the change, though he was sure Buffy did not. He wasn't sure if he was still trying to kiss her when he arrived back in his office, but as she walked away, he promised himself he wouldn't run after her. He was sorry for all the hurt he'd caused, and he knew that even though she wouldn't, he'd always remember enough for the both of them.