DISCLAIMER: FFIX and all its related characters are the property of Squaresoft.
FFIX: Parasites Loste (Not Affiliated with the Futurama Episode Parasites Lost)
EXT. WORLD MAP - EVENING
The INVINCIBLE is flying through the dark sky towards Lindblum.
INT. INVINCIBLE - EVENING
ZIDANE, DAGGER, STEINER AND VIVI are all on the bridge of the ship. Dagger is at the main controls.
DAGGER
"Phew! Now that was some battle!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, I never thought we'd get away from that Grand Dragon in one piece!"
STEINER
"Ha! I didn't have any doubt in my mind at all! I knew we could destroy it!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, right! You were cryin' like a little baby through the entire event!"
STEINER
"Silence! Do not belittle me in front of Her Highness!"
DAGGER
(Looking at the control panel)
"Uh-oh... I think we need to stop off for some fuel. The Invincible can't run on the Mist, y'know?"
ZIDANE
"Damn! Uh, listen... Lindblum is not too far away. Let's dock in at the airship docks and get her tanked up."
INT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
The Invincible descends into the airship dock. ENGINEER ZEBOLT approaches the ship as the party emerge.
ZEBOLT
"Can I, uh, help you folks?"
ZIDANE
"Uh, yeah. We just need you to top up our fuel supply."
ZEBOLT
"Just a second..."
He walks off again.
DAGGER
"Hmm, I wonder how Uncle Cid is doing?"
VIVI
(To Dagger)
"C-Can I go visit Eiko?"
DAGGER
"I'm sorry, Vivi, but I think we should all wait here until the tank is filled. It shouldn't take long. Now, Zidane, if you could-"
She looks around, but Zidane has vanished.
DAGGER
(Sigh)
"Nevermind..."
EXT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
Zidane is wandering around the Business District. He stops near GRANDMA PICKLE'S pickle stand.
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Fresh gyshal pickles! They're delicious!"
ZIDANE
"Hey, do you have anything other than pickles at this stall?"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Why? You're not bored of my pickles, are you?"
ZIDANE
"Uh, I'm not the type of guy that goes around hurtin' peoples feelings. Especially old people. But your pickles really suck."
GRANDMA PICKLE
(Sheds a tear)
"I see..."
ZIDANE
"So, do you have anything else available?"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Let me see..."
She searches around her stall, and pulls out a sandwhich containing some sort of pickle.
GRANDMA PICKLE
"I call this... the Pickle, I mean, the Pinkle Sandwhich!"
ZIDANE
"Ew! What the hell is a Pinkle?!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Um, well, its sorta like a pickle-"
ZIDANE
(Interrupting)
"Boring!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
(Continued)
"But it tastes much, much better! In fact, it tastes more like a hamburger than a pickle."
ZIDANE
"Mmm... burger. Okay, I'll take one, please!"
She hands him the sandwhich, which he devours instantly.
ZIDANE
(Pants)
"Ergh! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted... and I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Pansy! I mean, would you like some water, sir?"
She hands Zidane a glass of water. He drinks it, but then spits it out.
ZIDANE
"Is this salt water?!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Its salt with water in it, if thats what you mean."
ZIDANE
"My visions fading. I think I'm gonna die!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose!"
ZIDANE
"Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds!"
INT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
Dagger, Steiner and Vivi are all waiting in the airship docks, outside the Invincible.
DAGGER
"Oh, where is Zidane? We don't have all night to wait for him!"
STEINER
"He should never have wandered off like that. How irresponsible of him."
VIVI
(Turns around)
"H-Hey, is that Zidane over there?"
They all turn around. Sure enough, Zidane is stumbling towards them, clutching his stomach.
DAGGER
"Zidane! Where have you been?! No, don't bother! Just hurry up and get back on the ship!"
ZIDANE
(Groaning)
"I-I'm comin'... my sweet Dagger..."
DAGGER
"Are you okay?"
ZIDANE
(Groaning)
"I-I'm fine... don't worry about me..."
DAGGER
"Alright, now hurry! We've been waiting here for about 20 minut-"
Suddenly, Zidane collapses on the floor. The party rush to his side.
DAGGER
"Zidane!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
The party have gathered in Garnet's bedroom. QUEEN BRAHNE, GENERAL BEATRIX AND DOCTOR TOT are also there. Zidane is lying on the bed.
TOT
(Examining Zidane)
"Hmm, it's just as I suspected."
DAGGER
"What is it, Doctor Tot?"
STEINER
"Is he going to be alright?"
TOT
"I'm afraid this young man has... parasites."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, my goodness! We must evacuate the castle! They may have spread!"
BEATRIX
"Yes, any of us could be carrying them!"
TOT
"There is no need to panic, Your Majesty. I believe he caught them fairly recently, possibly just a few hours ago. It's unlikely they could spread in this short amount of time."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Well, I still want him out of my castle. At least until you have gotten rid of them."
TOT
"I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple."
DAGGER
"What do you mean?"
TOT
"Princess, these are no ordinary parasites. They seem to be a highly intelligent race of little buggers, and getting rid of them isn't going to be easy."
STEINER
"How could you tell that from just looking at him?"
TOT
"...Trust me on this one, Captain Steiner."
DAGGER
"Alright, then so we just give Zidane some worm tablets. That'll flush 'em out, right?"
TOT
"That will not work either, Princess. I have a feeling that they will simply just burrow away even deeper inside his body."
DAGGER
"Oh, crap! Then, what do we do?"
TOT
"There is one alternative: you could find someone who's brave or stupid enough to shrink themselves and go inside the boy to destroy the parasites head on."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, dear God!"
STEINER
"Hmph! That is the most outrageous idea I have ever heard!"
DAGGER
"I think its a wonderful idea!"
STEINER
(Sweats)
"Uh, as I was saying, Master Vivi. That is the best idea I have ever heard!"
VIVI
"Stop kissing ass, Rusty."
DAGGER
(Angry)
"Vivi!"
VIVI
"I-I'm sorry, Princess. I was just trying to make up for Zidane's absence."
DAGGER
"Oh, very well."
TOT
"Princess, you have learnt the Mini spell, correct?"
DAGGER
"Yes, I learnt it during my first ever adventure with Zidane."
TOT
"Then there is no problem. All you need now is a small group of crazy people and some kind of transport to sustain the pressure of the human body."
DAGGER
"...The Invincible is much stronger than the Hilda Garde 3."
TOT
"Excellent choice! Now, the crew...?"
DAGGER
"...I shall go."
STEINER
"What?!"
VIVI
"What?!"
BEATRIX
"What?!"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"What?! I couldn't hear you then."
STEINER
"Princess! You know I always respect your decisions, but I cannot allow this! Do you know what kind of danger you could be letting yourself in for?!"
DAGGER
"But I'll be fine if you're there to protect me, right, Steiner?"
STEINER
"P-Princess..."
TOT
"I have to agree with Captain Steiner on this one, Princess. It is much too dangerous for a person of your standards to undertake such a mission."
STEINER
"Thank you, Doctor Tot."
DAGGER
"...I understand. But we have to do something! And fast!"
TOT
"Queen Brahne, would you mind if I borrowed your bravest, strongest knight for a while?"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"General Beatrix? Oh, alright! We were going to play Tetra Master together tonight, but I suppose I can let her have the evening off."
TOT
"...I was actually refering to your other bravest, strongest knight: Captain Steiner."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, that logger head! Very well!"
STEINER
"I am at your service, Doctor Tot."
TOT
"Good. Now go on outside and wait for me in the Invincible."
STEINER
"T-The Invincible?! D-Does that mean you need my assistance in the...?"
TOT
"Yes, you shall pilot the ship through Zidane's body."
STEINER
"W-What?! Y-You want me to...?!"
TOT
"Uh-huh."
DAGGER
"Oh, thank you so much, Steiner! I am eternally grateful!"
STEINER
"N-No need to thank me, Princess. It-It will be my pleasure."
Steiner leaves the room.
TOT
(Looking at Vivi)
"Then, shall we?"
VIVI
"M-Me?"
TOT
"Yes, I think you will be a valuable addition to the team, Vivi."
VIVI
"B-But I don't wanna go inside Zidane!"
TOT
"You'll be well looked after. Steiner and myself will be there too."
DAGGER
"Thank you, Vivi. Thank you, Doctor Tot."
TOT
"Let us go! Lead the way, Vivi!"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Wait a moment, please! I have a question: how on earth do you intend to get inside the boy?"
TOT
"That will be easy, Your Majesty. I shall need your help on this one, Princess."
DAGGER
"Certainly."
TOT
"Now, once the ship has been shrunk, I shall need you to carefully bring it into the castle and place it inside a glass of cold water."
DAGGER
"Yes, Doctor."
TOT
"Then you must give the glass of water to Zidane. Once he drinks it, the ship and its crew will be carried safely into his body. Captain Steiner will then take the ship to a safe place where we may work out our attack plan against the parasites."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"But won't the ship get swept away by the strong current of water?"
TOT
"If we can pull away from the current in time, then I see no problem. Ready when you are, Princess."
They leave the room.
QUEEN BRAHNE
"...Can't we just have at least one normal day in this kingdom?!"
BEATRIX
"I'll check the schedule, Your Majesty."
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi and Doctor Tot are all waiting on the bridge.
TOT
"Hmm, something is missing..."
STEINER
"What is it, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"A good party needs at least four people. This isn't Final Fantasy VIII, y'know?"
Steiner and Vivi look at him with confused looks on their faces.
TOT
"Now, we have a pilot; that's you, Steiner. We have a doctor; that'll be me. And we have a scared little boy who helps heighten the drama; that's you, Vivi. Aha! I know exactly what is missing!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
QUINA is sitting on the kitchen floor, eating the left-over food from inside the trash can.
QUINA
(Eating)
"Oh, these is good! I like so much!"
Doctor Tot walks into the room.
TOT
"Good evening, Quina. How are you tonight?"
QUINA
"I very well! You look for someone?"
TOT
"Yes, I was looking for you actually. How would you like to come on an adventure to a place that's full of all the yummy-yummies in the world?"
QUINA
"!?"
S/he jumps off the floor.
QUINA
"Place full of yummy-yummies?! You take me?!"
TOT
"Of course! Follow me!"
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The whole party (Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot) are assembled on the bridge.
TOT
"Excellent! Now we have our comic relief!"
QUINA
(To Tot)
"We eat food yet?!"
TOT
"Princess Garnet should be here soon. Then we may begin."
DAGGER (O.S)
"Doctor Tot!"
She runs onto the bridge.
TOT
"Ah, you're here. Did you find an empty glass?"
DAGGER
(Showing him the glass)
"Is this okay? I filled it with water."
TOT
"Very good! Now please go outside and cast it on the ship. Remember, once the ship has been shrunk, you must deposit it into the glass of water and take it to Zidane."
DAGGER
"Are you sure you all want to go through with this now?"
STEINER
"No!"
VIVI
"No!"
QUINA
"Yes!"
TOT
"Yes!"
DAGGER
"Okay, gimme a minute."
She runs back outside.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger is standing outside the ship. She gets into position and prepares to cast the Mini spell.
DAGGER
(Concentrating)
"Good luck, everyone."
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are looking out the window at Dagger. She casts the spell and a cloud of yellow dust covers the ship. It, and everything inside, begins to gradually shrink down in size.
STEINER
(Shrinking)
"W-What's happening?!"
VIVI
(Shrinking)
"I-I feel sick!"
QUINA
(Shrinking)
"H-Hungry! S-So hungry!"
TOT
(Shrinking)
"M-My nose hurts!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger has fallen over onto the cold ground. She picks herself up and looks around for the Invincible.
DAGGER
"Hurray! It worked!"
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are lying on the floor. They pick themselves up and brush themselves off.
STEINER
(Rubbing his head)
"Ergh! My bones feel all crooked. Doctor Tot, is this normal?"
TOT
"I believe its just temporarily."
VIVI
"D-Did it work?! A-Are we shrunk?"
TOT
"Let me check..."
He looks down his pants.
TOT
"Ho-ho! We've been shrunk alright!"
STEINER
"Well, let us get this over with."
TOT
"Yes! It's time to put Operation Zidane to work!"
STEINER
"Operation Zidane?!"
TOT
"Hey, I don't make these things up!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger notices the Invincible on the ground. She kneels down and puts it inside the glass of water.
DAGGER
"I have to get this to Zidane..."
She runs off into the castle.
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger enters her room with the glass in her hand. Zidane is sitting up on the bed.
DAGGER
"Zidane?! You're up!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, but my tummy hurts."
DAGGER
(Smiles)
"Aw, don't worry, my little Chocobo! I'll look after you!"
ZIDANE
"Hey, I told you not to call me a 'little Chocobo' before!"
DAGGER
(Laughs)
"I'm sorry, it's just your hair is so much like a Chocobo."
ZIDANE
"What are you tryin' to say?!"
DAGGER
(Laughs)
"Nothing! I brought you a glass of water."
ZIDANE
"Thanks, but, uh, I'm not thirsty."
DAGGER
"Now c'mon, Zidane. You have to drink something. You gave us quite a scare, y'know?"
ZIDANE
"Ergh, the last thing I remember was eating that awful pickle sandwhich. And I still feel like hell."
DAGGER
"Just drink this. It'll make you feel better."
She hands him the glass of water.
ZIDANE
(Looking in the glass)
"Hey, there's something in here!"
Garnet begins to sweat. Zidane squints and takes a closer look at the glass.
ZIDANE
"It-It kinda looks like a miniature version of the Invincible. Heh, if I squint real hard, then I can sorta make out these tiny little ants inside. Ha! That one looks like Rusty!"
DAGGER
"Okay, that does it!"
She grabs the glass from Zidane's hand and opens his mouth. She then pours the content of the glass into his mouth.
ZIDANE
(Coughing)
"Hey, what the hell was that for?!"
DAGGER
(Smirks)
"He-he! No reason!"
INT. ZIDANE'S MOUTH - NIGHT
A waterfall flows through Zidane's teeth. The miniature Invincible shoots out from the water and flies up into the back of Zidane's throat.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot are on the bridge. They stare out of the window.
VIVI
"O-Oh, my! T-That was scary!"
TOT
"A trifle! I knew Captain Steiner would not let us down!"
STEINER
"Where to now, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"Hmm, I believe we should find a place to land. Let's try that spot over there."
INT. ZIDANE'S THROAT - NIGHT
The miniature Invincible descends onto a small ledge in Zidane's throat.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are talking.
TOT
"Very good, everybody!"
VIVI
"D-Doctor Tot? C-Can we hurry up and do what we came to do, please? I don't like it here."
TOT
"On the contrary, Vivi! It is fantastic here! Just think of the things we could learn just by being here. The wonders of the human body; the heart, the lungs, the pancreas! The whole thorax is our oyster!"
STEINER
"Doctor Tot, please be remembering that we are here to destroy the parasitic worms inside Zidane's body."
TOT
"Oh, yes, right, the worms. I'd forgotten all about those poor sons-of-a-b-"
VIVI
(Interrupting)
"Doctor Tot! Look outside!"
INT. ZIDANE'S THROAT - NIGHT
Three parasitic worms surround the ship. Two more emerge from the sticky walls of the throat.
WORM
(Inspecting the ship)
"What is it?"
WORM #2
"It looks like an unidentified object of some kind. We must report this to the king at once!"
WORM #3
"Yes, I shall inform the king."
WORM #2
"Wait! Look!"
The party emerge from the mini Invincible. The worms watch in awe.
TOT
(To Steiner)
"Those must be our parasites."
STEINER
"Your orders, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"We must be very careful about how we approach them. They might get easily scared or frightened."
QUINA
"They look tasty! I try one!"
Quina runs towards the worms.
TOT
"Quina! Stop!"
The worms see Quina running towards them. They scream and flee through the walls of the throat.
QUINA
(Confused)
"Yummy-yummies go through this wall? I follow!"
TOT
"Stop at once, Quina! You don't know what you're letting yourself in for!"
Quina disappears through the walls of the throat.
TOT
"No! S/he's gone!"
STEINER
"What now?"
TOT
"We can't go after him. It's much too dangerous. We shall simply have to forget about him for now."
VIVI
"B-But we can't just leave him!"
TOT
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. We have to concentrate on our job. We'll find Quina later. Back to the Invincible everyone."
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane and Garnet are sitting on her bed. Zidane seems upset.
DAGGER
"Oh, Zidane! Quit being so moody!"
ZIDANE
"I'm not being moody! You are!"
DAGGER
"No, I'm not!"
ZIDANE
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Ow!"
DAGGER
"What?! What's wrong?!"
ZIDANE
(Clutching his stomach)
"I-It's... my... stomach! I-It feels like... its being ripped... apart! Argh!"
DAGGER
"Zidane! Be strong!"
INT. ZIDANE'S STOMACH - NIGHT
The Invincible is ripping a hole through the stomach wall. It flies inside with the headlights on.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi and Tot are standing on the bridge.
TOT
"Good work, Captain Steiner! We're inside the stomach!"
VIVI
"W-Why are we here?"
TOT
"The large intestine is just through that chamber. Think about it; the large intestine is where all the food is deposited after being digested here in the stomach. Therefore, the large intestine is the perfect breeding ground for parasites. We're taking them out right now! Captain Steiner, you know what to do! Take us down!"
STEINER
"But Doctor Tot, won't our ship just burn up in the stomach acids?"
TOT
"Do not fear! The Invincible is made of highly tough metal! It should have no trouble at all!"
STEINER
(To Vivi)
"I wish I could believe him!"
INT. ZIDANE'S STOMACH - NIGHT
The Invincible plunges deep into the wet, green acid. It travels slowly through the acid and disappears into a small hole near the stomach floor.
INT. ZIDANE'S INTESTINE - NIGHT
The Invincible lands on the soft, sticky, pink floor. The party emerge from the ship.
STEINER
"Ergh! This is the large intestine?!"
TOT
"Isn't it fabulous?! This is the portion of the digestive tract between the stomach and the anus!"
VIVI
"We're not going to your anus, are we?!"
STEINER
(Rolls his eyes)
"Very funny, Master Vivi."
TOT
"Wait! I-I hear something!"
QUINA (O.S)
"Aiya!"
Suddenly, Quina comes running towards them. His face is covered in food.
TOT
"Quina! You're okay!"
QUINA
"Yes! I follow crazy creatures through many sticky wall and eventually I find this place! This place full of delicious food! Is little mushy though, but still good!"
VIVI
(Barfs)
"Ew!"
STEINER
(Barfs)
"Good lord!"
VIVI
(Wiping his mouth)
"Perhaps one of us should tell Quina where we actually are."
QUINA
"You say something?"
VIVI
"...No."
QUINA
"As I say earlier; I eat yummy-yummies, but then lot of crazy creatures find me. They say I try to stop them from taking over. But I not know what they mean, so I run away."
TOT
"Did they come after you?"
QUINA
"I run too fast for them. They not so good at exercise."
STEINER
"Doctor Tot, you were right! This is where the parasites have made their home, right here in the intestines. We should destroy them now."
TOT
"Of course! Quina, lead the way."
QUINA
"You want to go back to crazy creatures? You even crazy than them!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane is sitting on the bed, alone in Garnet's bedroom. He suddenly begins to twitch.
ZIDANE
"Eep! Erp! Erp! Eep!"
Garnet enters the room.
DAGGER
"Zidane, are you alright?!"
ZIDANE
(Shaking)
"Eep! I'm fine! Erp!"
DAGGER
"Are you sure?!"
ZIDANE
"Erp! Don't worry about me! Eep!"
DAGGER
"Alright, if you insist."
He collapses on the floor. Dagger runs to his side.
DAGGER
"You're not fine at all! I'm taking you to Doctor Tot!"
She pauses.
DAGGER
"I mean, I'm gonna get you some medicine."
ZIDANE
(Climbing back onto the bed)
"I really appreciate what you are trying to do here, Garnet, but I am perfectly capable of getting my own medicine."
DAGGER
(Stunned)
"Z-Zidane? W-What did you just say?"
ZIDANE
"Oh, please do not make me repeat myself, Garnet."
DAGGER
"Y-You called me Garnet? Y-You've never called me Garnet before."
ZIDANE
"..."
DAGGER
"Z-Zidane?"
ZIDANE
(Hugging her)
"Hush, dear Garnet. I am here for you now."
DAGGER
(Nervous)
"Heh-heh! Okay!"
INT. ZIDANE'S INTESTINE - NIGHT
The party are wandering through the intestine.
TOT
"Watch your step, everyone."
STEINER
(To himself)
"I can't believe I'm doing this. Look at me. I'm walking around inside a thiefs intestine. My life cannot possibly get any stranger."
VIVI
(To himself)
"T-This place is gross. And they say that it's what's on the inside that counts. They obviously haven't been in here."
QUINA
(To himself)
"I hope I find more yummy-yummies!"
WORM (O.S)
"So, now we gotta be on call 24/7 just in case that group of bacteria comes back."
WORM #3 (O.S)
"Geez, this truly sucks big time! I was gonna go down to the liver tonight and pick me up a prostitute. I guess thats out now!"
WORM (O.S)
"I swear, if I see that group of bacteria..."
STEINER
"Dear God! It's the parasites! Doctor Tot, what should we do?!"
VIVI
"Y-You heard them, right?! T-They're gonna kill us!"
TOT
"Calm down, everyone! This is no time to panic!"
STEINER
"Its the perfect time to panic! We're going to be worm food for sure!"
TOT
(Slapping Steiner)
"Snap out of it, Steiner! You have to keep your guard up!"
STEINER
"Y-You're right."
TOT
"I have an idea! Follow me!"
The party disappear behind a pile of digested food. The parasites walk on by.
WORM #3
"You gonna watch the game this Saturday?"
WORM
"Who's playin'?"
WORM #3
"The Liver Broncos and the Pancreas Dolphins..."
WORM
"Ah, hell no! You know I've never liked the Dolphins!"
WORM #3
(Sniff)
"Hmm, I smell somethin' fishy..."
WORM
"Eh, the provider probably ate a ton of fish."
WORM #3
"Nah, it's somethin' else..."
Just then, the pile of digested food begins to move. Four slimy figures emerge from the pile. It is Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot, and they are all covered in Zidane's leftovers.
TOT
(To Steiner)
"Try to act worm like!"
STEINER
"Um, hi ho!"
WORM
"Who goes there?!"
STEINER
"J-Just some friendly parasites out for a midnight stroll."
WORM #3
"You guys see any sign of that evil group of bacteria?"
TOT
"Uh, yeah. They came through here 10 minutes ago."
WORM
"Idiot! Why didn't you stop them?!"
STEINER
"Um, they overpowered us! They're quite strong, y'know? Especially that big, shiny, metallic looking fellow."
WORM #3
(Laughs)
"Don't worry about it! They're wastin' their time! As long as the king still lives, they can't touch us!"
STEINER
"Pardon?"
WORM #3
"Don't tell me ya forgot?! As you know, we are not your average parasites; we're Super Intelligent Pickle Parasites."
STEINER
"M-Meaning?"
WORM #3
"Oh my God! Where have you been living these past few months?! Our race is dependant on the king! We can't just be destroyed like regular parasites. If ya kill us, then we just come back to life, kinda like zombies. But, on the other hand, if you kill our king, then our entire race will cease to exist."
STEINER
"Oh, yes!"
WORM #3
(To Steiner)
"D'uh!"
WORM
(To Steiner)
"D'uh!"
WORM #3
(To Tot)
"You guys need to attend some of our social meetings, y'know?!"
STEINER
"Yes, but with all this recent commotion..."
WORM #3
"I understand. Ya can't even walk the intestine safely at night without havin' to worry about that awful group of bacteria!"
WORM
"Damn, those bastards! Well, we'll take it from here. They went over there, ya said?"
VIVI
"Y-Yeah..."
WORM #3
"You better report this back to the king. He'll be most pleased."
The two parasites start to squirm off into the distance.
TOT
"So, we must destroy the king to kill the entire population of parasites..."
STEINER
"But how do we find the king? He could be anywhere!"
QUINA
"You look for king?! King live in big palace, yes?"
TOT
"They usually do."
VIVI
"Yeah, Queen Brahne is royalty and she lives in a palace."
QUINA
"I see big palace before I chased by crazy creatures! Is very big! Is like tower!"
TOT
"That must be the king's domain! Where did you see it, Quina?"
QUINA
"Is further down this tunnel."
TOT
"Quina, lead the way!"
They run off down the intestine.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane and Dagger are out on the balcony.
ZIDANE
"Isn't it beautiful, Garnet?"
DAGGER
"Y-Yes, it is very beautiful."
ZIDANE
"There is no place on earth I would rather live, than here in this wonderful city with you."
DAGGER
(To herself)
"What's the matter with Zidane? Ever since he flipped out earlier, he's been acting all... mature."
ZIDANE
"Ouch!"
DAGGER
"Is something wrong?! Are you hurt?!"
ZIDANE
"Oh, no. It is just a slight stomach cramp, that is all. It has been playing up all night, but I have remained silenced for your sake, Garnet. I did not want anything to spoil our evening."
DAGGER
"..."
ZIDANE
"Garnet, I must ask... Will you marry me?"
DAGGER
"Z-Zidane?!"
ZIDANE
"Please do not say no. I know I have not much money, but I know I can make you happy. What do you say, my pretty?"
DAGGER
"I-I say I have to think about it!"
She runs off.
INT. ZIDANE'S ANUS - NIGHT
The party arrive in the anus. There is a gigantic metal tower sticking out of the ground.
VIVI
"Is-Is that the king's palace?"
STEINER
"What kind of sick pervert makes his home inside a young man's anus...?"
TOT
"This does seem to be the largest area of Zidane's body."
VIVI
"I'd say something funny, but it would be way too out of character for me."
TOT
"Now, we must infiltrate the palace and assassinate the king of the parasites. Are you ready, everyone?"
STEINER
"I only protect Alexandria and the princess! But tonight, I shall serve my duty as a knight and protect Zidane! These parasites are going down, Doctor Tot!"
TOT
"That's the spirit! Lets go get them!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Garnet is sitting in her bedroom. Her door opens and Zidane walks in.
ZIDANE
"You never came back to the balcony. I was worried about you."
DAGGER
"I-I'm fine..."
ZIDANE
"Garnet, you know that I love you. I want to be with you forever. I proposed because I wanted to prove my love to you. It only seems to have backfired onto me."
DAGGER
"No, it's not that, Zidane. I was just a little shocked. But I have an answer for you now... Ask the question again..."
ZIDANE
"Very well... Garnet, will you marry me?"
DAGGER
"...Yes. Yes, I will."
ZIDANE
"R-Really?! Oh, this is simply marvellous! We must inform your mother straight away! You are not going to regret this, Garnet! We shall be so happy together!"
DAGGER
(Hugging him)
"I know! I know we will! I love you, Zidane!"
INT. ZIDANE'S ANUS - NIGHT
The party approach the tower in the anus. Two parasites step forward, but luckily, the party are still covered in mouldy old food.
WORM #2
"Halt! Be ye friend, or foe?!"
STEINER
"Friend, we be!"
WORM #4
"State your purpose?!"
TOT
"We wish to see the king, please."
WORM #2
"Granted! But first, you must give us the secret password!"
STEINER
"Aw, come on!"
WORM #2
"Don't get smart-assed with me! You know the rules!"
STEINER
"Okay, uh, can we talk it over with each other?"
WORM #4
"You may..."
The party huddle together.
STEINER
"What now?"
TOT
"We name the password."
STEINER
"But we don't know the password!"
TOT
"I trust you, Steiner. You can do it."
STEINER
"I'm not a miracle maker, Doctor Tot!"
WORM #2 (O.S)
"Time is up!"
The party break up.
STEINER
"The password is... MAKO?"
WORM #4
"..."
WORM #2
"..."
STEINER
(To himself)
"...Oh, dear."
WORM #2
"Correct!
INT. KING'S PALACE - NIGHT
The party enter the kings private chamber. The king himself is inside a tiny fish tank.
TOT
"...That is the king?!"
WORM KING
"...erp!..."
STEINER
"There's something very unsatisfying about having to kill it."
TOT
"Go ahead, Steiner."
He smashes the tank with his sword. The king dies.
VIVI
"Lets go home."
EXT. LINDBLUM - NEXT MORNING
Zidane is talking with Grandma Pickle at her stand.
ZIDANE
"Your old pickle sandwhich made me sick!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please accept 5lbs worth of frozen shrimp."
ZIDANE
(Takes the bucket of shrimp and sniffs it)
"Hey, this shrimp isn't frozen! And it smells funny!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Okay, 10lbs."
ZIDANE
"Woohoo!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FFIX: Parasites Loste (Not Affiliated with the Futurama Episode Parasites Lost)
EXT. WORLD MAP - EVENING
The INVINCIBLE is flying through the dark sky towards Lindblum.
INT. INVINCIBLE - EVENING
ZIDANE, DAGGER, STEINER AND VIVI are all on the bridge of the ship. Dagger is at the main controls.
DAGGER
"Phew! Now that was some battle!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, I never thought we'd get away from that Grand Dragon in one piece!"
STEINER
"Ha! I didn't have any doubt in my mind at all! I knew we could destroy it!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, right! You were cryin' like a little baby through the entire event!"
STEINER
"Silence! Do not belittle me in front of Her Highness!"
DAGGER
(Looking at the control panel)
"Uh-oh... I think we need to stop off for some fuel. The Invincible can't run on the Mist, y'know?"
ZIDANE
"Damn! Uh, listen... Lindblum is not too far away. Let's dock in at the airship docks and get her tanked up."
INT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
The Invincible descends into the airship dock. ENGINEER ZEBOLT approaches the ship as the party emerge.
ZEBOLT
"Can I, uh, help you folks?"
ZIDANE
"Uh, yeah. We just need you to top up our fuel supply."
ZEBOLT
"Just a second..."
He walks off again.
DAGGER
"Hmm, I wonder how Uncle Cid is doing?"
VIVI
(To Dagger)
"C-Can I go visit Eiko?"
DAGGER
"I'm sorry, Vivi, but I think we should all wait here until the tank is filled. It shouldn't take long. Now, Zidane, if you could-"
She looks around, but Zidane has vanished.
DAGGER
(Sigh)
"Nevermind..."
EXT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
Zidane is wandering around the Business District. He stops near GRANDMA PICKLE'S pickle stand.
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Fresh gyshal pickles! They're delicious!"
ZIDANE
"Hey, do you have anything other than pickles at this stall?"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Why? You're not bored of my pickles, are you?"
ZIDANE
"Uh, I'm not the type of guy that goes around hurtin' peoples feelings. Especially old people. But your pickles really suck."
GRANDMA PICKLE
(Sheds a tear)
"I see..."
ZIDANE
"So, do you have anything else available?"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Let me see..."
She searches around her stall, and pulls out a sandwhich containing some sort of pickle.
GRANDMA PICKLE
"I call this... the Pickle, I mean, the Pinkle Sandwhich!"
ZIDANE
"Ew! What the hell is a Pinkle?!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Um, well, its sorta like a pickle-"
ZIDANE
(Interrupting)
"Boring!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
(Continued)
"But it tastes much, much better! In fact, it tastes more like a hamburger than a pickle."
ZIDANE
"Mmm... burger. Okay, I'll take one, please!"
She hands him the sandwhich, which he devours instantly.
ZIDANE
(Pants)
"Ergh! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted... and I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Pansy! I mean, would you like some water, sir?"
She hands Zidane a glass of water. He drinks it, but then spits it out.
ZIDANE
"Is this salt water?!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Its salt with water in it, if thats what you mean."
ZIDANE
"My visions fading. I think I'm gonna die!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose!"
ZIDANE
"Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds!"
INT. LINDBLUM - EVENING
Dagger, Steiner and Vivi are all waiting in the airship docks, outside the Invincible.
DAGGER
"Oh, where is Zidane? We don't have all night to wait for him!"
STEINER
"He should never have wandered off like that. How irresponsible of him."
VIVI
(Turns around)
"H-Hey, is that Zidane over there?"
They all turn around. Sure enough, Zidane is stumbling towards them, clutching his stomach.
DAGGER
"Zidane! Where have you been?! No, don't bother! Just hurry up and get back on the ship!"
ZIDANE
(Groaning)
"I-I'm comin'... my sweet Dagger..."
DAGGER
"Are you okay?"
ZIDANE
(Groaning)
"I-I'm fine... don't worry about me..."
DAGGER
"Alright, now hurry! We've been waiting here for about 20 minut-"
Suddenly, Zidane collapses on the floor. The party rush to his side.
DAGGER
"Zidane!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
The party have gathered in Garnet's bedroom. QUEEN BRAHNE, GENERAL BEATRIX AND DOCTOR TOT are also there. Zidane is lying on the bed.
TOT
(Examining Zidane)
"Hmm, it's just as I suspected."
DAGGER
"What is it, Doctor Tot?"
STEINER
"Is he going to be alright?"
TOT
"I'm afraid this young man has... parasites."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, my goodness! We must evacuate the castle! They may have spread!"
BEATRIX
"Yes, any of us could be carrying them!"
TOT
"There is no need to panic, Your Majesty. I believe he caught them fairly recently, possibly just a few hours ago. It's unlikely they could spread in this short amount of time."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Well, I still want him out of my castle. At least until you have gotten rid of them."
TOT
"I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple."
DAGGER
"What do you mean?"
TOT
"Princess, these are no ordinary parasites. They seem to be a highly intelligent race of little buggers, and getting rid of them isn't going to be easy."
STEINER
"How could you tell that from just looking at him?"
TOT
"...Trust me on this one, Captain Steiner."
DAGGER
"Alright, then so we just give Zidane some worm tablets. That'll flush 'em out, right?"
TOT
"That will not work either, Princess. I have a feeling that they will simply just burrow away even deeper inside his body."
DAGGER
"Oh, crap! Then, what do we do?"
TOT
"There is one alternative: you could find someone who's brave or stupid enough to shrink themselves and go inside the boy to destroy the parasites head on."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, dear God!"
STEINER
"Hmph! That is the most outrageous idea I have ever heard!"
DAGGER
"I think its a wonderful idea!"
STEINER
(Sweats)
"Uh, as I was saying, Master Vivi. That is the best idea I have ever heard!"
VIVI
"Stop kissing ass, Rusty."
DAGGER
(Angry)
"Vivi!"
VIVI
"I-I'm sorry, Princess. I was just trying to make up for Zidane's absence."
DAGGER
"Oh, very well."
TOT
"Princess, you have learnt the Mini spell, correct?"
DAGGER
"Yes, I learnt it during my first ever adventure with Zidane."
TOT
"Then there is no problem. All you need now is a small group of crazy people and some kind of transport to sustain the pressure of the human body."
DAGGER
"...The Invincible is much stronger than the Hilda Garde 3."
TOT
"Excellent choice! Now, the crew...?"
DAGGER
"...I shall go."
STEINER
"What?!"
VIVI
"What?!"
BEATRIX
"What?!"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"What?! I couldn't hear you then."
STEINER
"Princess! You know I always respect your decisions, but I cannot allow this! Do you know what kind of danger you could be letting yourself in for?!"
DAGGER
"But I'll be fine if you're there to protect me, right, Steiner?"
STEINER
"P-Princess..."
TOT
"I have to agree with Captain Steiner on this one, Princess. It is much too dangerous for a person of your standards to undertake such a mission."
STEINER
"Thank you, Doctor Tot."
DAGGER
"...I understand. But we have to do something! And fast!"
TOT
"Queen Brahne, would you mind if I borrowed your bravest, strongest knight for a while?"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"General Beatrix? Oh, alright! We were going to play Tetra Master together tonight, but I suppose I can let her have the evening off."
TOT
"...I was actually refering to your other bravest, strongest knight: Captain Steiner."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Oh, that logger head! Very well!"
STEINER
"I am at your service, Doctor Tot."
TOT
"Good. Now go on outside and wait for me in the Invincible."
STEINER
"T-The Invincible?! D-Does that mean you need my assistance in the...?"
TOT
"Yes, you shall pilot the ship through Zidane's body."
STEINER
"W-What?! Y-You want me to...?!"
TOT
"Uh-huh."
DAGGER
"Oh, thank you so much, Steiner! I am eternally grateful!"
STEINER
"N-No need to thank me, Princess. It-It will be my pleasure."
Steiner leaves the room.
TOT
(Looking at Vivi)
"Then, shall we?"
VIVI
"M-Me?"
TOT
"Yes, I think you will be a valuable addition to the team, Vivi."
VIVI
"B-But I don't wanna go inside Zidane!"
TOT
"You'll be well looked after. Steiner and myself will be there too."
DAGGER
"Thank you, Vivi. Thank you, Doctor Tot."
TOT
"Let us go! Lead the way, Vivi!"
QUEEN BRAHNE
"Wait a moment, please! I have a question: how on earth do you intend to get inside the boy?"
TOT
"That will be easy, Your Majesty. I shall need your help on this one, Princess."
DAGGER
"Certainly."
TOT
"Now, once the ship has been shrunk, I shall need you to carefully bring it into the castle and place it inside a glass of cold water."
DAGGER
"Yes, Doctor."
TOT
"Then you must give the glass of water to Zidane. Once he drinks it, the ship and its crew will be carried safely into his body. Captain Steiner will then take the ship to a safe place where we may work out our attack plan against the parasites."
QUEEN BRAHNE
"But won't the ship get swept away by the strong current of water?"
TOT
"If we can pull away from the current in time, then I see no problem. Ready when you are, Princess."
They leave the room.
QUEEN BRAHNE
"...Can't we just have at least one normal day in this kingdom?!"
BEATRIX
"I'll check the schedule, Your Majesty."
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi and Doctor Tot are all waiting on the bridge.
TOT
"Hmm, something is missing..."
STEINER
"What is it, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"A good party needs at least four people. This isn't Final Fantasy VIII, y'know?"
Steiner and Vivi look at him with confused looks on their faces.
TOT
"Now, we have a pilot; that's you, Steiner. We have a doctor; that'll be me. And we have a scared little boy who helps heighten the drama; that's you, Vivi. Aha! I know exactly what is missing!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
QUINA is sitting on the kitchen floor, eating the left-over food from inside the trash can.
QUINA
(Eating)
"Oh, these is good! I like so much!"
Doctor Tot walks into the room.
TOT
"Good evening, Quina. How are you tonight?"
QUINA
"I very well! You look for someone?"
TOT
"Yes, I was looking for you actually. How would you like to come on an adventure to a place that's full of all the yummy-yummies in the world?"
QUINA
"!?"
S/he jumps off the floor.
QUINA
"Place full of yummy-yummies?! You take me?!"
TOT
"Of course! Follow me!"
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The whole party (Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot) are assembled on the bridge.
TOT
"Excellent! Now we have our comic relief!"
QUINA
(To Tot)
"We eat food yet?!"
TOT
"Princess Garnet should be here soon. Then we may begin."
DAGGER (O.S)
"Doctor Tot!"
She runs onto the bridge.
TOT
"Ah, you're here. Did you find an empty glass?"
DAGGER
(Showing him the glass)
"Is this okay? I filled it with water."
TOT
"Very good! Now please go outside and cast it on the ship. Remember, once the ship has been shrunk, you must deposit it into the glass of water and take it to Zidane."
DAGGER
"Are you sure you all want to go through with this now?"
STEINER
"No!"
VIVI
"No!"
QUINA
"Yes!"
TOT
"Yes!"
DAGGER
"Okay, gimme a minute."
She runs back outside.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger is standing outside the ship. She gets into position and prepares to cast the Mini spell.
DAGGER
(Concentrating)
"Good luck, everyone."
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are looking out the window at Dagger. She casts the spell and a cloud of yellow dust covers the ship. It, and everything inside, begins to gradually shrink down in size.
STEINER
(Shrinking)
"W-What's happening?!"
VIVI
(Shrinking)
"I-I feel sick!"
QUINA
(Shrinking)
"H-Hungry! S-So hungry!"
TOT
(Shrinking)
"M-My nose hurts!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger has fallen over onto the cold ground. She picks herself up and looks around for the Invincible.
DAGGER
"Hurray! It worked!"
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are lying on the floor. They pick themselves up and brush themselves off.
STEINER
(Rubbing his head)
"Ergh! My bones feel all crooked. Doctor Tot, is this normal?"
TOT
"I believe its just temporarily."
VIVI
"D-Did it work?! A-Are we shrunk?"
TOT
"Let me check..."
He looks down his pants.
TOT
"Ho-ho! We've been shrunk alright!"
STEINER
"Well, let us get this over with."
TOT
"Yes! It's time to put Operation Zidane to work!"
STEINER
"Operation Zidane?!"
TOT
"Hey, I don't make these things up!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger notices the Invincible on the ground. She kneels down and puts it inside the glass of water.
DAGGER
"I have to get this to Zidane..."
She runs off into the castle.
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Dagger enters her room with the glass in her hand. Zidane is sitting up on the bed.
DAGGER
"Zidane?! You're up!"
ZIDANE
"Yeah, but my tummy hurts."
DAGGER
(Smiles)
"Aw, don't worry, my little Chocobo! I'll look after you!"
ZIDANE
"Hey, I told you not to call me a 'little Chocobo' before!"
DAGGER
(Laughs)
"I'm sorry, it's just your hair is so much like a Chocobo."
ZIDANE
"What are you tryin' to say?!"
DAGGER
(Laughs)
"Nothing! I brought you a glass of water."
ZIDANE
"Thanks, but, uh, I'm not thirsty."
DAGGER
"Now c'mon, Zidane. You have to drink something. You gave us quite a scare, y'know?"
ZIDANE
"Ergh, the last thing I remember was eating that awful pickle sandwhich. And I still feel like hell."
DAGGER
"Just drink this. It'll make you feel better."
She hands him the glass of water.
ZIDANE
(Looking in the glass)
"Hey, there's something in here!"
Garnet begins to sweat. Zidane squints and takes a closer look at the glass.
ZIDANE
"It-It kinda looks like a miniature version of the Invincible. Heh, if I squint real hard, then I can sorta make out these tiny little ants inside. Ha! That one looks like Rusty!"
DAGGER
"Okay, that does it!"
She grabs the glass from Zidane's hand and opens his mouth. She then pours the content of the glass into his mouth.
ZIDANE
(Coughing)
"Hey, what the hell was that for?!"
DAGGER
(Smirks)
"He-he! No reason!"
INT. ZIDANE'S MOUTH - NIGHT
A waterfall flows through Zidane's teeth. The miniature Invincible shoots out from the water and flies up into the back of Zidane's throat.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot are on the bridge. They stare out of the window.
VIVI
"O-Oh, my! T-That was scary!"
TOT
"A trifle! I knew Captain Steiner would not let us down!"
STEINER
"Where to now, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"Hmm, I believe we should find a place to land. Let's try that spot over there."
INT. ZIDANE'S THROAT - NIGHT
The miniature Invincible descends onto a small ledge in Zidane's throat.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
The party are talking.
TOT
"Very good, everybody!"
VIVI
"D-Doctor Tot? C-Can we hurry up and do what we came to do, please? I don't like it here."
TOT
"On the contrary, Vivi! It is fantastic here! Just think of the things we could learn just by being here. The wonders of the human body; the heart, the lungs, the pancreas! The whole thorax is our oyster!"
STEINER
"Doctor Tot, please be remembering that we are here to destroy the parasitic worms inside Zidane's body."
TOT
"Oh, yes, right, the worms. I'd forgotten all about those poor sons-of-a-b-"
VIVI
(Interrupting)
"Doctor Tot! Look outside!"
INT. ZIDANE'S THROAT - NIGHT
Three parasitic worms surround the ship. Two more emerge from the sticky walls of the throat.
WORM
(Inspecting the ship)
"What is it?"
WORM #2
"It looks like an unidentified object of some kind. We must report this to the king at once!"
WORM #3
"Yes, I shall inform the king."
WORM #2
"Wait! Look!"
The party emerge from the mini Invincible. The worms watch in awe.
TOT
(To Steiner)
"Those must be our parasites."
STEINER
"Your orders, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"We must be very careful about how we approach them. They might get easily scared or frightened."
QUINA
"They look tasty! I try one!"
Quina runs towards the worms.
TOT
"Quina! Stop!"
The worms see Quina running towards them. They scream and flee through the walls of the throat.
QUINA
(Confused)
"Yummy-yummies go through this wall? I follow!"
TOT
"Stop at once, Quina! You don't know what you're letting yourself in for!"
Quina disappears through the walls of the throat.
TOT
"No! S/he's gone!"
STEINER
"What now?"
TOT
"We can't go after him. It's much too dangerous. We shall simply have to forget about him for now."
VIVI
"B-But we can't just leave him!"
TOT
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. We have to concentrate on our job. We'll find Quina later. Back to the Invincible everyone."
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane and Garnet are sitting on her bed. Zidane seems upset.
DAGGER
"Oh, Zidane! Quit being so moody!"
ZIDANE
"I'm not being moody! You are!"
DAGGER
"No, I'm not!"
ZIDANE
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Ow!"
DAGGER
"What?! What's wrong?!"
ZIDANE
(Clutching his stomach)
"I-It's... my... stomach! I-It feels like... its being ripped... apart! Argh!"
DAGGER
"Zidane! Be strong!"
INT. ZIDANE'S STOMACH - NIGHT
The Invincible is ripping a hole through the stomach wall. It flies inside with the headlights on.
INT. INVINCIBLE - NIGHT
Steiner, Vivi and Tot are standing on the bridge.
TOT
"Good work, Captain Steiner! We're inside the stomach!"
VIVI
"W-Why are we here?"
TOT
"The large intestine is just through that chamber. Think about it; the large intestine is where all the food is deposited after being digested here in the stomach. Therefore, the large intestine is the perfect breeding ground for parasites. We're taking them out right now! Captain Steiner, you know what to do! Take us down!"
STEINER
"But Doctor Tot, won't our ship just burn up in the stomach acids?"
TOT
"Do not fear! The Invincible is made of highly tough metal! It should have no trouble at all!"
STEINER
(To Vivi)
"I wish I could believe him!"
INT. ZIDANE'S STOMACH - NIGHT
The Invincible plunges deep into the wet, green acid. It travels slowly through the acid and disappears into a small hole near the stomach floor.
INT. ZIDANE'S INTESTINE - NIGHT
The Invincible lands on the soft, sticky, pink floor. The party emerge from the ship.
STEINER
"Ergh! This is the large intestine?!"
TOT
"Isn't it fabulous?! This is the portion of the digestive tract between the stomach and the anus!"
VIVI
"We're not going to your anus, are we?!"
STEINER
(Rolls his eyes)
"Very funny, Master Vivi."
TOT
"Wait! I-I hear something!"
QUINA (O.S)
"Aiya!"
Suddenly, Quina comes running towards them. His face is covered in food.
TOT
"Quina! You're okay!"
QUINA
"Yes! I follow crazy creatures through many sticky wall and eventually I find this place! This place full of delicious food! Is little mushy though, but still good!"
VIVI
(Barfs)
"Ew!"
STEINER
(Barfs)
"Good lord!"
VIVI
(Wiping his mouth)
"Perhaps one of us should tell Quina where we actually are."
QUINA
"You say something?"
VIVI
"...No."
QUINA
"As I say earlier; I eat yummy-yummies, but then lot of crazy creatures find me. They say I try to stop them from taking over. But I not know what they mean, so I run away."
TOT
"Did they come after you?"
QUINA
"I run too fast for them. They not so good at exercise."
STEINER
"Doctor Tot, you were right! This is where the parasites have made their home, right here in the intestines. We should destroy them now."
TOT
"Of course! Quina, lead the way."
QUINA
"You want to go back to crazy creatures? You even crazy than them!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane is sitting on the bed, alone in Garnet's bedroom. He suddenly begins to twitch.
ZIDANE
"Eep! Erp! Erp! Eep!"
Garnet enters the room.
DAGGER
"Zidane, are you alright?!"
ZIDANE
(Shaking)
"Eep! I'm fine! Erp!"
DAGGER
"Are you sure?!"
ZIDANE
"Erp! Don't worry about me! Eep!"
DAGGER
"Alright, if you insist."
He collapses on the floor. Dagger runs to his side.
DAGGER
"You're not fine at all! I'm taking you to Doctor Tot!"
She pauses.
DAGGER
"I mean, I'm gonna get you some medicine."
ZIDANE
(Climbing back onto the bed)
"I really appreciate what you are trying to do here, Garnet, but I am perfectly capable of getting my own medicine."
DAGGER
(Stunned)
"Z-Zidane? W-What did you just say?"
ZIDANE
"Oh, please do not make me repeat myself, Garnet."
DAGGER
"Y-You called me Garnet? Y-You've never called me Garnet before."
ZIDANE
"..."
DAGGER
"Z-Zidane?"
ZIDANE
(Hugging her)
"Hush, dear Garnet. I am here for you now."
DAGGER
(Nervous)
"Heh-heh! Okay!"
INT. ZIDANE'S INTESTINE - NIGHT
The party are wandering through the intestine.
TOT
"Watch your step, everyone."
STEINER
(To himself)
"I can't believe I'm doing this. Look at me. I'm walking around inside a thiefs intestine. My life cannot possibly get any stranger."
VIVI
(To himself)
"T-This place is gross. And they say that it's what's on the inside that counts. They obviously haven't been in here."
QUINA
(To himself)
"I hope I find more yummy-yummies!"
WORM (O.S)
"So, now we gotta be on call 24/7 just in case that group of bacteria comes back."
WORM #3 (O.S)
"Geez, this truly sucks big time! I was gonna go down to the liver tonight and pick me up a prostitute. I guess thats out now!"
WORM (O.S)
"I swear, if I see that group of bacteria..."
STEINER
"Dear God! It's the parasites! Doctor Tot, what should we do?!"
VIVI
"Y-You heard them, right?! T-They're gonna kill us!"
TOT
"Calm down, everyone! This is no time to panic!"
STEINER
"Its the perfect time to panic! We're going to be worm food for sure!"
TOT
(Slapping Steiner)
"Snap out of it, Steiner! You have to keep your guard up!"
STEINER
"Y-You're right."
TOT
"I have an idea! Follow me!"
The party disappear behind a pile of digested food. The parasites walk on by.
WORM #3
"You gonna watch the game this Saturday?"
WORM
"Who's playin'?"
WORM #3
"The Liver Broncos and the Pancreas Dolphins..."
WORM
"Ah, hell no! You know I've never liked the Dolphins!"
WORM #3
(Sniff)
"Hmm, I smell somethin' fishy..."
WORM
"Eh, the provider probably ate a ton of fish."
WORM #3
"Nah, it's somethin' else..."
Just then, the pile of digested food begins to move. Four slimy figures emerge from the pile. It is Steiner, Vivi, Quina and Tot, and they are all covered in Zidane's leftovers.
TOT
(To Steiner)
"Try to act worm like!"
STEINER
"Um, hi ho!"
WORM
"Who goes there?!"
STEINER
"J-Just some friendly parasites out for a midnight stroll."
WORM #3
"You guys see any sign of that evil group of bacteria?"
TOT
"Uh, yeah. They came through here 10 minutes ago."
WORM
"Idiot! Why didn't you stop them?!"
STEINER
"Um, they overpowered us! They're quite strong, y'know? Especially that big, shiny, metallic looking fellow."
WORM #3
(Laughs)
"Don't worry about it! They're wastin' their time! As long as the king still lives, they can't touch us!"
STEINER
"Pardon?"
WORM #3
"Don't tell me ya forgot?! As you know, we are not your average parasites; we're Super Intelligent Pickle Parasites."
STEINER
"M-Meaning?"
WORM #3
"Oh my God! Where have you been living these past few months?! Our race is dependant on the king! We can't just be destroyed like regular parasites. If ya kill us, then we just come back to life, kinda like zombies. But, on the other hand, if you kill our king, then our entire race will cease to exist."
STEINER
"Oh, yes!"
WORM #3
(To Steiner)
"D'uh!"
WORM
(To Steiner)
"D'uh!"
WORM #3
(To Tot)
"You guys need to attend some of our social meetings, y'know?!"
STEINER
"Yes, but with all this recent commotion..."
WORM #3
"I understand. Ya can't even walk the intestine safely at night without havin' to worry about that awful group of bacteria!"
WORM
"Damn, those bastards! Well, we'll take it from here. They went over there, ya said?"
VIVI
"Y-Yeah..."
WORM #3
"You better report this back to the king. He'll be most pleased."
The two parasites start to squirm off into the distance.
TOT
"So, we must destroy the king to kill the entire population of parasites..."
STEINER
"But how do we find the king? He could be anywhere!"
QUINA
"You look for king?! King live in big palace, yes?"
TOT
"They usually do."
VIVI
"Yeah, Queen Brahne is royalty and she lives in a palace."
QUINA
"I see big palace before I chased by crazy creatures! Is very big! Is like tower!"
TOT
"That must be the king's domain! Where did you see it, Quina?"
QUINA
"Is further down this tunnel."
TOT
"Quina, lead the way!"
They run off down the intestine.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Zidane and Dagger are out on the balcony.
ZIDANE
"Isn't it beautiful, Garnet?"
DAGGER
"Y-Yes, it is very beautiful."
ZIDANE
"There is no place on earth I would rather live, than here in this wonderful city with you."
DAGGER
(To herself)
"What's the matter with Zidane? Ever since he flipped out earlier, he's been acting all... mature."
ZIDANE
"Ouch!"
DAGGER
"Is something wrong?! Are you hurt?!"
ZIDANE
"Oh, no. It is just a slight stomach cramp, that is all. It has been playing up all night, but I have remained silenced for your sake, Garnet. I did not want anything to spoil our evening."
DAGGER
"..."
ZIDANE
"Garnet, I must ask... Will you marry me?"
DAGGER
"Z-Zidane?!"
ZIDANE
"Please do not say no. I know I have not much money, but I know I can make you happy. What do you say, my pretty?"
DAGGER
"I-I say I have to think about it!"
She runs off.
INT. ZIDANE'S ANUS - NIGHT
The party arrive in the anus. There is a gigantic metal tower sticking out of the ground.
VIVI
"Is-Is that the king's palace?"
STEINER
"What kind of sick pervert makes his home inside a young man's anus...?"
TOT
"This does seem to be the largest area of Zidane's body."
VIVI
"I'd say something funny, but it would be way too out of character for me."
TOT
"Now, we must infiltrate the palace and assassinate the king of the parasites. Are you ready, everyone?"
STEINER
"I only protect Alexandria and the princess! But tonight, I shall serve my duty as a knight and protect Zidane! These parasites are going down, Doctor Tot!"
TOT
"That's the spirit! Lets go get them!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NIGHT
Garnet is sitting in her bedroom. Her door opens and Zidane walks in.
ZIDANE
"You never came back to the balcony. I was worried about you."
DAGGER
"I-I'm fine..."
ZIDANE
"Garnet, you know that I love you. I want to be with you forever. I proposed because I wanted to prove my love to you. It only seems to have backfired onto me."
DAGGER
"No, it's not that, Zidane. I was just a little shocked. But I have an answer for you now... Ask the question again..."
ZIDANE
"Very well... Garnet, will you marry me?"
DAGGER
"...Yes. Yes, I will."
ZIDANE
"R-Really?! Oh, this is simply marvellous! We must inform your mother straight away! You are not going to regret this, Garnet! We shall be so happy together!"
DAGGER
(Hugging him)
"I know! I know we will! I love you, Zidane!"
INT. ZIDANE'S ANUS - NIGHT
The party approach the tower in the anus. Two parasites step forward, but luckily, the party are still covered in mouldy old food.
WORM #2
"Halt! Be ye friend, or foe?!"
STEINER
"Friend, we be!"
WORM #4
"State your purpose?!"
TOT
"We wish to see the king, please."
WORM #2
"Granted! But first, you must give us the secret password!"
STEINER
"Aw, come on!"
WORM #2
"Don't get smart-assed with me! You know the rules!"
STEINER
"Okay, uh, can we talk it over with each other?"
WORM #4
"You may..."
The party huddle together.
STEINER
"What now?"
TOT
"We name the password."
STEINER
"But we don't know the password!"
TOT
"I trust you, Steiner. You can do it."
STEINER
"I'm not a miracle maker, Doctor Tot!"
WORM #2 (O.S)
"Time is up!"
The party break up.
STEINER
"The password is... MAKO?"
WORM #4
"..."
WORM #2
"..."
STEINER
(To himself)
"...Oh, dear."
WORM #2
"Correct!
INT. KING'S PALACE - NIGHT
The party enter the kings private chamber. The king himself is inside a tiny fish tank.
TOT
"...That is the king?!"
WORM KING
"...erp!..."
STEINER
"There's something very unsatisfying about having to kill it."
TOT
"Go ahead, Steiner."
He smashes the tank with his sword. The king dies.
VIVI
"Lets go home."
EXT. LINDBLUM - NEXT MORNING
Zidane is talking with Grandma Pickle at her stand.
ZIDANE
"Your old pickle sandwhich made me sick!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please accept 5lbs worth of frozen shrimp."
ZIDANE
(Takes the bucket of shrimp and sniffs it)
"Hey, this shrimp isn't frozen! And it smells funny!"
GRANDMA PICKLE
"Okay, 10lbs."
ZIDANE
"Woohoo!"
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THE END
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