The next chapter, chapter 4... Set to Cledus T. Judds 'How do You Milk a
Cow?' I can't help it, I like the guys songs. They're funny. If you want to
disagree, I'll put you in my next chapter. If you agree, you might end up
in it anyways... Only nothing bad will happen to ya. Then again, that's
probably a dumb idea. READ AND REVIEW, GOT IT?!?
"Heeeeeeeeroooooo. Are we there yet?" Duo whined. "The answer is the same it was five seconds ago. NO!" Duo sulked silently. "Heeeeeeeeroooooo." "What is it now, Duo?" "Heero, this kids bugging the crap out of me. He keeps taking my gameboy and hitting me with it. I finally convinced Quarter to trade me a Mew for my Chansey, and he pulled the link cable out before Quarter could trade me..." Heero frowned. "Duo, that's not a very fair trade." "Heero! He doesn't know that... Well, now he does, thanks to you." Trowel hit Duo with his spade. "Shut up!" "OWWWW! Heero, Trowel hit me!" Heero took off one of his shoes and threw it at Trowel. "Augh... Heero, take your shoe back and put it on! Quick!" Trowel said between gasps. Duo hit Trowel. "Hey, his feet aren't nearly as bad as yours." Heero turned around and glared at Duo. "Are you saying my feet smell bad?" Duo cowered in fear. "No, nonono! Now turn around and watch the road!" Heero did as Duo said, and just barely missed hitting an old lady. "Heero? Could we stop somewhere and get something to eat, please? I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast, since Duo ate my food..." Quarter stated. "Sure, there's a McDonalds over there."
//Yeah, I was always a lazy one, a Southern Californian,
but I've got some kinfolk on the Mason Dixon line.//
The five gundam pilots (And Trace, too.) walked into the McDonalds, and they went to place their orders. Heero went first. "I'll just have a Big Mac and a medium order of fries. And a coke. Not a cocaine cola, a coca cola. Got it?" Quarter was about to order (It rhymes!) but Duo pushed him aside and ordered 15 double cheeseburgers, 3 big macs, 7 large orders of fries, five 9 piece chicken mcnuggets, and 10 mcflurries. "So there are more than just you five?" The woman that was taking their order asked. "No, that's just for me." The woman looked at him as if he had grown another head. "Um... Okay." Quarter placed his order, and Trowel, Wufei and Trace after him. "Duo, was it really necessary to order all that?" Heero questioned him as they sat down in a booth. "I'm hungry..." Duo complained. "I only ordered those other 5 cheeseburgers in case I needed a snack later on." Heero rolled his eyes. The lady called out their number, and Heero went to get the food. He looked at the large pile of food, and before he could try to carry it by himself, Duo got up to help him. "Thanks, Duo." "Mrrr Felfcrm" Duo said, his mouth full of cheeseburger.
//So this summer just for fun, hopped in my Deloriun,
and headed for my uncles farm for a short time.//
By the time Heero had finished half of his big mac, most of his fries, and about a fourth of his coke, Duo was down to 7 double cheeseburgers, 3 fries (Single fries, not 3 orders of them), and two mcflurries. Trace was as far from Duo as he could. "The one with the braid scares me, Gufei. He's a maniac." Gufei comforted his new boyfriend, and after they had all finished their food (Except for Duos emergency supply of 5 cheeseburgers), they all got back into the car and Heero continued the drive to his uncles farm.
//I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin',
I misunderstood him somehow.
so far there's nothin' but chores here to mention,
I didn't mind feedin' the sows.
But how do you milk a cow?//
"Gufei, the braided boy keeps hitting me." Trace whined. "His name's Duo. Duo... LEAVE TRACE ALONE!" Gufei pulled out his katana and held it up to Duos throat. "Okay, okay... Jeez, I'll stop! Get that thing away from me." Gufei pulled his katana back. "No, not that thing, this one." Duo said, pointing at Trace. "Don't push it, Maxwell." Duo handed Gufei a cup of coffee. "Here. It's Maxwell House coffee. Or, in other words, it's made by my company. Or, in other other words, it's the best coffee there is." Gufei took the coffee reluctantly, knowing Heero would beat the crap out of him if he didn't. "Um... Heero? You wouldn't happen to have an estimate on how much longer 'til we're there, would you? I have to pee..." Quarter asked. "Well, if my calculations are correct, it will take exactly... .000002 seconds." Heero slammed his foot down on the brakes, and Duo, who was sitting in the front next to Heero, fell forward and to the left, and he ended up getting a mouthful of spandex. "Wow, Duo, you seem pretty anxious." Trowel remarked, grinning.
//This cow must think I'm crazy, a bunderin' this way.
I'm sittin' here a pullin' but there ain't nothin' comin' out.
Oh mi I e I o, how do you milk a cow?//
"Well, who wouldn't be, with a guy as cute as this for his boyfriend? Of course, since all Quarter's got is you, that explains why he isn't quite as eager." Trowel became silent, not able to think of a come back. Everyone got out of the car and carried everything into the house before them. Duo was about to knock on the door when a man yanked it open and aimed a gun right at him. "Yup, all of Heeros relatives are just as bad. Or at least his uncle is." Trowel grinned. "Hmmm... Hey, you. The guy with the weird hair. You're cute. What's your name?" Heeros uncle asked, pointing at Trowel. "Uh... My names Trowel. Trowel Carton." Heeros uncle then introduced himself as Heythere Yuy. "Right then. Trowel, you can sleep in my bed tonight, if you want." Trowel shifted his weight uneasily, and was trying to think of a way to politely decline Heytheres offer when Quarter got him out of it for him. "Trowels my boyf... Well, actually, he's my fiance. The point is, he's sleeping with me." Heythere nodded his head and thought for a moment. "Well, you can come too, if you want." "That's not what I meant! I mean he isn't sleeping with you. Got it?"
//Yeah I love it here in Tennessee,
but these farmers all make fun of me.
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car.//
Heythere led the gundam pilots to the five bedrooms he had ready. "Looks like there's six of you, so two of you'll have to share a bedroom. Oh yeah, you two said you were going to." Heero tapped his uncle on the shoulder and said "Actually, we'll only need three rooms... Trowel and Quarter aren't the only ones that are going to be sharing a bed. Gufei and Trace will probably be quite willing to share a bed. And then Duo and I will be perfectly fine sharing one, too." Heythere nodded. "So you're all gay, hmmm? Well, the kid takes after his uncle." Trowel laughed. "A bit more than you know. He does the guns and death threat thing, too."
Duo, who had gone to pick out a room, grabbed Heero by the arm and said "Heero! I found a room. Let's unpack!" Heero and Duo went and unpacked in their room while Trowel and Quarter picked out a room. Gufei and Trace hadn't wasted any time and had had been unpacked by the time Duo picked out a room. Gufei led Trace outside and they wandered off somewhere.
//So I got myself a fourwheel drive,
learned to spotlight deer at night,
and I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art.//
Heythere led Heero and Duo to the cow pasture. He pointed at Duo and said "You first, baka." Duo looked at Heero, silently asking him what he was supposed to do. Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere said "Forget it. Heero, you can milk the cow." Heero fell backwards in surprise and landed on his ass. "You want me to... Milk a cow?" Heythere affirmed that. "Milk the damn cow already." Heero approached the heifer and prodded at the udders. "What the hell do I do?" He asked, not loud enough for anyone to hear. He grabbed one of the teets and pulled towards him. A stream of milk shot out and landed on his face. "Ah, that's what you do." He said, wiping his face. Heero sat down on the stool in front of him and began to milk the cow, only no milk came out. "What's wrong now?" He asked. Heero stood up, grabbed the cows tail, and began pumping it up and down, hoping something would happen. All that happened, however, was the cow decided then would be a good idea to excrete its feces (Or, in laymans terms, it crapped on Heeros shoes). Heero stared at his shoe in disgust and sat back down. "Um... Heero? Lemme try." Heero got off the stool and Duo sat down. Duo began to milk the cow, and milk even came out. "See? That's how you do it, Heero. Now you try." Duo stood up, and watched as Heero sat down and began milking the cow again. This time he was able to do it, and soon he had completed his task.
//One things for sure,
I hate shovelin' manure,
it gets all over my overalls.//
Heythere grinned. "Now it's your turn, you braided imbecile." "Can I hit him or something?" Duo whispered in Heeros ear. "Probably not a good idea, Duo." He answered. "You get the fun job. You get to shovel manure. All of it. From the cow pastures, the horse pastures, the chicken coops, the pig styes, and everything else, too." Duo looked around at all the places Heythere had indicated that he clean. "I can't do that! That'll take forever, and it's dark! And I'm huuuuungryyyyyy!" Heythere gave an evil grin and went back to the house. Hehehe... I really don't like that boy. I'll give him enough work to keep him busy for weeks, but he only has one week to do it in. Maybe I'll take him hunting with me some time or another, just so I can accidentally shoot him or something. Well, that's a bit violent. And he is Heeros boyfriend after all, so I guess I shouldn't do that. But I can blame him for every time I miss.
//Them horses need shoein'
I hear Bessie mooin'
so I thought maybe I'd ask you all
how do you milk a cow?//
"I can help you, Duo. We still wont get done anytime soon, but it wont take as long." Heero offered. "Thanks... Is it just me, or does your uncle really seem to not like me?" "I... Don't think he's all that fond of you." Trowel and Quarter walked by around then, and they asked what was going on. "His uncle says I have to shovel all the manure. Everywhere." "Everywhere? Wow... That would take a long time. It wouldn't take quite as long if we helped, though, would it, Trowel?" Quarter said, looking up at Trowel. "Oh, okay... I'll help too." Quarter smiled. "Okay, let's get started." Gufei and Trace ran down the hill behind the other four and Trace said "We heard what you said, and we would like to help the braided one as well." "His name's Duo, Trace." Heero informed Gufeis boyfriend.
//How do you milk a cow? I think it's safe to say
a man could get arrested for this in L.A.
This heifer must be empty, 'cause she ain't puttin' out.
Oh me I e I o, tell me how do you milk a cow?
(This song is absolutely an udder disaster)
(I hope I don't get mad cow disease)//
Not Too Long After The Sun set...
"That took forever..." Trowel wearily pointed out to the others. "We were already aware of that, Trowel." Gufei replied. "Well, it would have taken a lot longer if you guys hadn't helped me. Thanks." Duo opened the backdoor and they all stepped inside the house. "So, Heythere, what's for dinner?" Duo asked. "All the food that's left. Tomorrw you and I are going hunting so we'll have food." Duo looked at Heythere confusedly. "Hunting? For food? Couldn't you just buy some cheeseburgers or something?" Heythere laughed. "We could make some cheeseburgers, but the cows aren't quite ready to be slaughtered yet." Duos face became pale. "Cows? You kill poor defenseless cows to make hamburgers?" He asked. "Well, yes, everybody does. You didn't know that?" Heythere asked, surprised that Duo was unaware of that. "Well, McDonalds doesn't have any cow meat in their hamburgers. They just use rats or something." Quarter ran to Heythere and asked "Where's the bathroom?" Heythere told him, and Quarter ran out of the room. "I knew that'd get 'im. Of course I knew hamburgers consist of cow meat. I just said that for Quarters benefit."
//How do you milk a cow?
I no longer care.
I'm gettin' sick and tired
of smellin' derriere.
I'm headin' back to county
and I'm turnin' in my plow.
Oh me I e I o,
how do you milk a cow?//
The Next Day.....
"DUO! WAKE UP! TIME TO HUNT!" Heythere shouted into Duos ear. A startled Duo jumped out of bed (Wearing nothing) and asked "OW, crap! Why the hell'd you do that?" Heero had also been roused by the loud shout, and said "Um... Duo, are you aware of the fact that you aren't wearing anything?" Duo looked down. "Damn!" Duo got back under the sheets and Heero put his arm around him. "Why does he have to hunt with you? You can hunt just fine by yourself. Or are you going to shoot him or something?" Heero asked. "Well, he's going, no matter what. Just because I said so. And if you're worried that I'm going to shoot him, you can go with him instead of me." Heero rolled Duo over until they were facing each other. "I'll go if you're going, Duo. Unless you don't want me to." "Okay, looks like it's me and Heero." Heythere left the room while Heero and Duo got dressed, and gathered the guns and ammunition for them.
"Heeeeeeeeroooooo. Are we there yet?" Duo whined. "The answer is the same it was five seconds ago. NO!" Duo sulked silently. "Heeeeeeeeroooooo." "What is it now, Duo?" "Heero, this kids bugging the crap out of me. He keeps taking my gameboy and hitting me with it. I finally convinced Quarter to trade me a Mew for my Chansey, and he pulled the link cable out before Quarter could trade me..." Heero frowned. "Duo, that's not a very fair trade." "Heero! He doesn't know that... Well, now he does, thanks to you." Trowel hit Duo with his spade. "Shut up!" "OWWWW! Heero, Trowel hit me!" Heero took off one of his shoes and threw it at Trowel. "Augh... Heero, take your shoe back and put it on! Quick!" Trowel said between gasps. Duo hit Trowel. "Hey, his feet aren't nearly as bad as yours." Heero turned around and glared at Duo. "Are you saying my feet smell bad?" Duo cowered in fear. "No, nonono! Now turn around and watch the road!" Heero did as Duo said, and just barely missed hitting an old lady. "Heero? Could we stop somewhere and get something to eat, please? I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast, since Duo ate my food..." Quarter stated. "Sure, there's a McDonalds over there."
//Yeah, I was always a lazy one, a Southern Californian,
but I've got some kinfolk on the Mason Dixon line.//
The five gundam pilots (And Trace, too.) walked into the McDonalds, and they went to place their orders. Heero went first. "I'll just have a Big Mac and a medium order of fries. And a coke. Not a cocaine cola, a coca cola. Got it?" Quarter was about to order (It rhymes!) but Duo pushed him aside and ordered 15 double cheeseburgers, 3 big macs, 7 large orders of fries, five 9 piece chicken mcnuggets, and 10 mcflurries. "So there are more than just you five?" The woman that was taking their order asked. "No, that's just for me." The woman looked at him as if he had grown another head. "Um... Okay." Quarter placed his order, and Trowel, Wufei and Trace after him. "Duo, was it really necessary to order all that?" Heero questioned him as they sat down in a booth. "I'm hungry..." Duo complained. "I only ordered those other 5 cheeseburgers in case I needed a snack later on." Heero rolled his eyes. The lady called out their number, and Heero went to get the food. He looked at the large pile of food, and before he could try to carry it by himself, Duo got up to help him. "Thanks, Duo." "Mrrr Felfcrm" Duo said, his mouth full of cheeseburger.
//So this summer just for fun, hopped in my Deloriun,
and headed for my uncles farm for a short time.//
By the time Heero had finished half of his big mac, most of his fries, and about a fourth of his coke, Duo was down to 7 double cheeseburgers, 3 fries (Single fries, not 3 orders of them), and two mcflurries. Trace was as far from Duo as he could. "The one with the braid scares me, Gufei. He's a maniac." Gufei comforted his new boyfriend, and after they had all finished their food (Except for Duos emergency supply of 5 cheeseburgers), they all got back into the car and Heero continued the drive to his uncles farm.
//I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin',
I misunderstood him somehow.
so far there's nothin' but chores here to mention,
I didn't mind feedin' the sows.
But how do you milk a cow?//
"Gufei, the braided boy keeps hitting me." Trace whined. "His name's Duo. Duo... LEAVE TRACE ALONE!" Gufei pulled out his katana and held it up to Duos throat. "Okay, okay... Jeez, I'll stop! Get that thing away from me." Gufei pulled his katana back. "No, not that thing, this one." Duo said, pointing at Trace. "Don't push it, Maxwell." Duo handed Gufei a cup of coffee. "Here. It's Maxwell House coffee. Or, in other words, it's made by my company. Or, in other other words, it's the best coffee there is." Gufei took the coffee reluctantly, knowing Heero would beat the crap out of him if he didn't. "Um... Heero? You wouldn't happen to have an estimate on how much longer 'til we're there, would you? I have to pee..." Quarter asked. "Well, if my calculations are correct, it will take exactly... .000002 seconds." Heero slammed his foot down on the brakes, and Duo, who was sitting in the front next to Heero, fell forward and to the left, and he ended up getting a mouthful of spandex. "Wow, Duo, you seem pretty anxious." Trowel remarked, grinning.
//This cow must think I'm crazy, a bunderin' this way.
I'm sittin' here a pullin' but there ain't nothin' comin' out.
Oh mi I e I o, how do you milk a cow?//
"Well, who wouldn't be, with a guy as cute as this for his boyfriend? Of course, since all Quarter's got is you, that explains why he isn't quite as eager." Trowel became silent, not able to think of a come back. Everyone got out of the car and carried everything into the house before them. Duo was about to knock on the door when a man yanked it open and aimed a gun right at him. "Yup, all of Heeros relatives are just as bad. Or at least his uncle is." Trowel grinned. "Hmmm... Hey, you. The guy with the weird hair. You're cute. What's your name?" Heeros uncle asked, pointing at Trowel. "Uh... My names Trowel. Trowel Carton." Heeros uncle then introduced himself as Heythere Yuy. "Right then. Trowel, you can sleep in my bed tonight, if you want." Trowel shifted his weight uneasily, and was trying to think of a way to politely decline Heytheres offer when Quarter got him out of it for him. "Trowels my boyf... Well, actually, he's my fiance. The point is, he's sleeping with me." Heythere nodded his head and thought for a moment. "Well, you can come too, if you want." "That's not what I meant! I mean he isn't sleeping with you. Got it?"
//Yeah I love it here in Tennessee,
but these farmers all make fun of me.
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car.//
Heythere led the gundam pilots to the five bedrooms he had ready. "Looks like there's six of you, so two of you'll have to share a bedroom. Oh yeah, you two said you were going to." Heero tapped his uncle on the shoulder and said "Actually, we'll only need three rooms... Trowel and Quarter aren't the only ones that are going to be sharing a bed. Gufei and Trace will probably be quite willing to share a bed. And then Duo and I will be perfectly fine sharing one, too." Heythere nodded. "So you're all gay, hmmm? Well, the kid takes after his uncle." Trowel laughed. "A bit more than you know. He does the guns and death threat thing, too."
Duo, who had gone to pick out a room, grabbed Heero by the arm and said "Heero! I found a room. Let's unpack!" Heero and Duo went and unpacked in their room while Trowel and Quarter picked out a room. Gufei and Trace hadn't wasted any time and had had been unpacked by the time Duo picked out a room. Gufei led Trace outside and they wandered off somewhere.
//So I got myself a fourwheel drive,
learned to spotlight deer at night,
and I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art.//
Heythere led Heero and Duo to the cow pasture. He pointed at Duo and said "You first, baka." Duo looked at Heero, silently asking him what he was supposed to do. Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere said "Forget it. Heero, you can milk the cow." Heero fell backwards in surprise and landed on his ass. "You want me to... Milk a cow?" Heythere affirmed that. "Milk the damn cow already." Heero approached the heifer and prodded at the udders. "What the hell do I do?" He asked, not loud enough for anyone to hear. He grabbed one of the teets and pulled towards him. A stream of milk shot out and landed on his face. "Ah, that's what you do." He said, wiping his face. Heero sat down on the stool in front of him and began to milk the cow, only no milk came out. "What's wrong now?" He asked. Heero stood up, grabbed the cows tail, and began pumping it up and down, hoping something would happen. All that happened, however, was the cow decided then would be a good idea to excrete its feces (Or, in laymans terms, it crapped on Heeros shoes). Heero stared at his shoe in disgust and sat back down. "Um... Heero? Lemme try." Heero got off the stool and Duo sat down. Duo began to milk the cow, and milk even came out. "See? That's how you do it, Heero. Now you try." Duo stood up, and watched as Heero sat down and began milking the cow again. This time he was able to do it, and soon he had completed his task.
//One things for sure,
I hate shovelin' manure,
it gets all over my overalls.//
Heythere grinned. "Now it's your turn, you braided imbecile." "Can I hit him or something?" Duo whispered in Heeros ear. "Probably not a good idea, Duo." He answered. "You get the fun job. You get to shovel manure. All of it. From the cow pastures, the horse pastures, the chicken coops, the pig styes, and everything else, too." Duo looked around at all the places Heythere had indicated that he clean. "I can't do that! That'll take forever, and it's dark! And I'm huuuuungryyyyyy!" Heythere gave an evil grin and went back to the house. Hehehe... I really don't like that boy. I'll give him enough work to keep him busy for weeks, but he only has one week to do it in. Maybe I'll take him hunting with me some time or another, just so I can accidentally shoot him or something. Well, that's a bit violent. And he is Heeros boyfriend after all, so I guess I shouldn't do that. But I can blame him for every time I miss.
//Them horses need shoein'
I hear Bessie mooin'
so I thought maybe I'd ask you all
how do you milk a cow?//
"I can help you, Duo. We still wont get done anytime soon, but it wont take as long." Heero offered. "Thanks... Is it just me, or does your uncle really seem to not like me?" "I... Don't think he's all that fond of you." Trowel and Quarter walked by around then, and they asked what was going on. "His uncle says I have to shovel all the manure. Everywhere." "Everywhere? Wow... That would take a long time. It wouldn't take quite as long if we helped, though, would it, Trowel?" Quarter said, looking up at Trowel. "Oh, okay... I'll help too." Quarter smiled. "Okay, let's get started." Gufei and Trace ran down the hill behind the other four and Trace said "We heard what you said, and we would like to help the braided one as well." "His name's Duo, Trace." Heero informed Gufeis boyfriend.
//How do you milk a cow? I think it's safe to say
a man could get arrested for this in L.A.
This heifer must be empty, 'cause she ain't puttin' out.
Oh me I e I o, tell me how do you milk a cow?
(This song is absolutely an udder disaster)
(I hope I don't get mad cow disease)//
Not Too Long After The Sun set...
"That took forever..." Trowel wearily pointed out to the others. "We were already aware of that, Trowel." Gufei replied. "Well, it would have taken a lot longer if you guys hadn't helped me. Thanks." Duo opened the backdoor and they all stepped inside the house. "So, Heythere, what's for dinner?" Duo asked. "All the food that's left. Tomorrw you and I are going hunting so we'll have food." Duo looked at Heythere confusedly. "Hunting? For food? Couldn't you just buy some cheeseburgers or something?" Heythere laughed. "We could make some cheeseburgers, but the cows aren't quite ready to be slaughtered yet." Duos face became pale. "Cows? You kill poor defenseless cows to make hamburgers?" He asked. "Well, yes, everybody does. You didn't know that?" Heythere asked, surprised that Duo was unaware of that. "Well, McDonalds doesn't have any cow meat in their hamburgers. They just use rats or something." Quarter ran to Heythere and asked "Where's the bathroom?" Heythere told him, and Quarter ran out of the room. "I knew that'd get 'im. Of course I knew hamburgers consist of cow meat. I just said that for Quarters benefit."
//How do you milk a cow?
I no longer care.
I'm gettin' sick and tired
of smellin' derriere.
I'm headin' back to county
and I'm turnin' in my plow.
Oh me I e I o,
how do you milk a cow?//
The Next Day.....
"DUO! WAKE UP! TIME TO HUNT!" Heythere shouted into Duos ear. A startled Duo jumped out of bed (Wearing nothing) and asked "OW, crap! Why the hell'd you do that?" Heero had also been roused by the loud shout, and said "Um... Duo, are you aware of the fact that you aren't wearing anything?" Duo looked down. "Damn!" Duo got back under the sheets and Heero put his arm around him. "Why does he have to hunt with you? You can hunt just fine by yourself. Or are you going to shoot him or something?" Heero asked. "Well, he's going, no matter what. Just because I said so. And if you're worried that I'm going to shoot him, you can go with him instead of me." Heero rolled Duo over until they were facing each other. "I'll go if you're going, Duo. Unless you don't want me to." "Okay, looks like it's me and Heero." Heythere left the room while Heero and Duo got dressed, and gathered the guns and ammunition for them.