Chapter 5, to Cledus T. Judds 'Goodbye Squirrel.' Read and review, kay?
Heero grabbed the guns and ammunition for him and Duo. "Heero? Um... Do you know what we're supposed to be hunting for?" Heero shook his head and told Duo to ask Heythere. "Hey there, Heythere. What are we supposed to be hunting, exactly?" Heythere handed Duo a grenade. "A deer. Take this grenade, just in case." Duo walked back to Heero with a puzzled look on his face. "He gave me a grenade." Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere led them out the door to a large forest.
// (Be vewy, vewy quiet.
We'we hunting... Something.)
Me and Harold Mudford were outdoors men
set in our backwoods ways.
Both members of the huntin' club,
both active in the NRA.
(National Redneck Association)//
"Well, you boys have fun. Remember, whether you eat or not tonight depends on what you kill." Heythere called to them as he walked off into the distance towards his house. "Well, let's set up a stand in one of these trees where we can hide until a deer comes by." Heero suggested, and Duo ran around looking for a good tree. "Found one!" He shouted, pointing up at the tree in front of him. "Okay, we'll set it up in that tree. Then all we have to do is wait for a deer to come by, and then one of us'll shoot it. Simple, right?" Duo nodded his head in agreement. "Don't you think we'd have better luck in town? That's where I usually get my food..." Duo asked. "We're hunting, not grocery shopping, Duo. Wild animals only live in forests. Except for maybe squirrels and some occasional wild dogs and cats or something."
//We scouted a location
where we had no doubt
we'd kill the biggest buck in the world.
(I thought 34th corner)//
When they had finished building the stand, Heero got into a position from which he could comfortably see a fairly large amount of the forest and shoot just about anything in that area quite accurately. Duo, on the other hand, went to scratch his nose, forgetting he had the grenade in his hand, and the pin fell out. "DUO! THROW THE DAMN GRENADE!" Heero yelled as he saw the pinless thing in Duos hand. "Oh, crap!" Duo said, and then tossed the grenade down to the ground. When it blew up, a squirrel caught the edge of the explosion and flew up into the tree above Heero and Duo, somehow completely unharmed. "Wow, that's a lucky squirrel. And fuzzy, too! Heero, can I climb up there and get the squirrel?" "Why would you want a squirrel, Duo?" "Well, I could keep it as a pet." Heero frowned slightly. "Duo, what if it has rabies or something?" Duo sighed. "Fine, I'll leave the squirrel alone."
//Harold waited in his tree stand,
but all he seen was a squirrel.
Dang near two weeks since the season started
and neither one of us was amused.
We had on real-tree camo,
high pyred ammo,
but no big game to shoot.//
Heero spotted something moving out of the corner of his eye. "Duo! Look at that! That deer is about as big as a horse!" Duo followed Heeros finger and saw it. "Wow! It's huge! We could make a lot of cheeseburgers out of that thing. SHOOT IT!" Heero took careful aim, and was about to shoot the deer, when the squirrel jumped down from whereever it had landed above them and landed in Heeros hair. "Ah, crap! Get this thing off of me!" Heero yelled, shaking his head, trying to knock the squirrel off, and then he fell off the tree and landed on his head. "OW! CRAP!" Duo climbed down the tree and picked Heero up. "You okay, or do I need to take you to the emergency room or something?" Heero shook his head. "I'm okay."
//Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse,
Harold had him in his crosshairs.
(Shoot it!)
But that squirrel jumped off a
branch above us
and landed in Harolds hair.
Harold fell off the stand
on his head he landed,
like a wimp he layed there cryin'.
'Til I climbed on down,
picked him up off the ground//
"It's that squirrels fault you fell off the tree, and that you missed the deer. I hate that squirrel... I'm gonna kill it!" "Good idea. That squirrel has to die!"
//And it didn't take us long to decide,
that squirrel had to die!//
Duo set Heero down, and Heero grabbed Duo by the hand and started running. "Where are we going, Heero?" Duo asked as he was being pulled along through the trees. "We're going to town. We're going to get some new supplies." "Well, what's wrong with the stuff we have? Other than the fact that that squirrel seems to like to stop us from using it." Heero gave an evil grin. "Well, that squirrel has to die." Heero took Duo to the surplus store in town, and bought a few items. "Uh, Heero, don't you think a keg of dynamite, two baseball bats, and a case of M-80s is a bit much?"
//Goodbye, squirrel!
With black eyed peas!
You're gonna taste good to me, squirrel.
Come on out of that tree, squirrel.
Hey guess what?
You've eaten your last nut, squirrel!//
"Nope. I'm gonna make that squirrel earn the right to keep me from shooting that deer. If it manages to survive all of this, he wins, and we leave. If not, we get a deer and a squirrel out of the deal." Heero smiled evilly and led Duo back to the forest.
//Me and Harold went down to the surplus store,
bought a keg of dynamite!
Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s,
we were in for one heck of a fight.//
Up in the tree stand, Heero and Duo patiently waited for the squirrel to appear. They finally saw the squirrel, and it was running in circles around the gun Heero had dropped, occasionally jumping on it. "Okay, Duo. This is our chance. Let's climb down there and kill that little bastard." Heero and Duo silently went down the tree, and crept up behind the squirrel. Duo lit the dynamite and dropped it down to the ground. "HOLY CRAP! DUO, THAT FUSE IS WAY TOO SHORT!" Duo and Heero ran as fast as they could, but were cuaght in the blast. Luckily they weren't killed, but they had been shoved forward by the blast into a tree. Once the dynamite had finished blowing up, Heero and Duo fell down from the tree to the ground.
//When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber
somethin's surely bound to go wrong.
(Now be careful!)
And when Harold lit that real short fuse
I knew it wouldn't be long.
When the dynamite blew
Harolds foot did too
and fingers began to fly.
We were barely alive
when the game warden 'rived,
and much to our surprise,
that squirrel didn't die!//
A man approached the two fallen hunters and asked "What are you two doing out here? Did you light that dynamite?" Heero gathered anough energy to nod, and the game warden laughed. "Well, I hope you weren't trying to kill that squirrel, because... Well, it's alive." Duos eyes flew open. "WHAT?!?" The squirrel ran across Heero face and onto Duos crotch, where it bit down. HARD. "OOOWWWWWWW!!!" Duo shrieked in pain. "Well, you know, squirrels do like nuts a lot..." The game warden said, attempting to make a humorous remark, but he winced imagining what kind of pain Duo must be in at the moment. The squirrel ran off into the woods in terror after it saw the way Heero was looking at it. "I'm going to kill that damn squirrel... Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I'm gonna get it."
//Goodbye, squirrel.
Just one more shot!
You'll be in my crockpot, squirrel!
You'll make a lunch!
You overgrown chipmunk, squirrel.
I'll skin yer hide,
and make a hat when it's dry, squirrel//
Back at Heytheres house, Heero and Duo went over to a conveniently placed couch and lay down in it, falling asleep soon after. After a while, Heythere woke them up. "Where's the deer, Heero?" Heeros face got bright red in anger. "That squirrel interfered... You go out there and shoot a deer! We almost got killed trying to kill the damn thing..." Heythere sighed and grabbed a gun. He left the house and the phone rang immediately afterwards. The ringing stopped, and after a few seconds Qyarter took the phone to Duo (It's cordless.) "Here, Duo. It's for you." Duo talked into the phone for a while, and the person on the other end talked back, and after several minutes, Duo gave the phone back to Quarter. "Heero, that was some guy who says he's my grandpa. He wants me to visit him. He said to bring, er, well... He said to bring my girlfriend and some of my close friends, to go on a camping trip." Heero looked hurt. "He called me a girl? Why'd he do that?" Duo managed a weak laugh. "Well, apparently he doesn't know about my... Er, preferences." Heero nodded his head knowingly. "Well, another call from a family member nobody knew existed. It could be some kind of elaborate plot of Oz's, but nobody tried to kill us or anything here, so I'd say it's safe. Let's go tell the others." Duo stood up. "He said we should go tomorrow. Another interesting coincidence, eh, Heero?"
To be continued...
Well, did you like it? If so, write a review and tell me to write more, and tell me how great I am, and stuff. If not, write a review and tell me I suck. Erm... BYE!
//Dadblame, Harold.
My gosh, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you.
Gim-Gimme I said gimme, gimme that gun!
Look out!
.....I think I killed somethin'...//
Heero grabbed the guns and ammunition for him and Duo. "Heero? Um... Do you know what we're supposed to be hunting for?" Heero shook his head and told Duo to ask Heythere. "Hey there, Heythere. What are we supposed to be hunting, exactly?" Heythere handed Duo a grenade. "A deer. Take this grenade, just in case." Duo walked back to Heero with a puzzled look on his face. "He gave me a grenade." Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere led them out the door to a large forest.
// (Be vewy, vewy quiet.
We'we hunting... Something.)
Me and Harold Mudford were outdoors men
set in our backwoods ways.
Both members of the huntin' club,
both active in the NRA.
(National Redneck Association)//
"Well, you boys have fun. Remember, whether you eat or not tonight depends on what you kill." Heythere called to them as he walked off into the distance towards his house. "Well, let's set up a stand in one of these trees where we can hide until a deer comes by." Heero suggested, and Duo ran around looking for a good tree. "Found one!" He shouted, pointing up at the tree in front of him. "Okay, we'll set it up in that tree. Then all we have to do is wait for a deer to come by, and then one of us'll shoot it. Simple, right?" Duo nodded his head in agreement. "Don't you think we'd have better luck in town? That's where I usually get my food..." Duo asked. "We're hunting, not grocery shopping, Duo. Wild animals only live in forests. Except for maybe squirrels and some occasional wild dogs and cats or something."
//We scouted a location
where we had no doubt
we'd kill the biggest buck in the world.
(I thought 34th corner)//
When they had finished building the stand, Heero got into a position from which he could comfortably see a fairly large amount of the forest and shoot just about anything in that area quite accurately. Duo, on the other hand, went to scratch his nose, forgetting he had the grenade in his hand, and the pin fell out. "DUO! THROW THE DAMN GRENADE!" Heero yelled as he saw the pinless thing in Duos hand. "Oh, crap!" Duo said, and then tossed the grenade down to the ground. When it blew up, a squirrel caught the edge of the explosion and flew up into the tree above Heero and Duo, somehow completely unharmed. "Wow, that's a lucky squirrel. And fuzzy, too! Heero, can I climb up there and get the squirrel?" "Why would you want a squirrel, Duo?" "Well, I could keep it as a pet." Heero frowned slightly. "Duo, what if it has rabies or something?" Duo sighed. "Fine, I'll leave the squirrel alone."
//Harold waited in his tree stand,
but all he seen was a squirrel.
Dang near two weeks since the season started
and neither one of us was amused.
We had on real-tree camo,
high pyred ammo,
but no big game to shoot.//
Heero spotted something moving out of the corner of his eye. "Duo! Look at that! That deer is about as big as a horse!" Duo followed Heeros finger and saw it. "Wow! It's huge! We could make a lot of cheeseburgers out of that thing. SHOOT IT!" Heero took careful aim, and was about to shoot the deer, when the squirrel jumped down from whereever it had landed above them and landed in Heeros hair. "Ah, crap! Get this thing off of me!" Heero yelled, shaking his head, trying to knock the squirrel off, and then he fell off the tree and landed on his head. "OW! CRAP!" Duo climbed down the tree and picked Heero up. "You okay, or do I need to take you to the emergency room or something?" Heero shook his head. "I'm okay."
//Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse,
Harold had him in his crosshairs.
(Shoot it!)
But that squirrel jumped off a
branch above us
and landed in Harolds hair.
Harold fell off the stand
on his head he landed,
like a wimp he layed there cryin'.
'Til I climbed on down,
picked him up off the ground//
"It's that squirrels fault you fell off the tree, and that you missed the deer. I hate that squirrel... I'm gonna kill it!" "Good idea. That squirrel has to die!"
//And it didn't take us long to decide,
that squirrel had to die!//
Duo set Heero down, and Heero grabbed Duo by the hand and started running. "Where are we going, Heero?" Duo asked as he was being pulled along through the trees. "We're going to town. We're going to get some new supplies." "Well, what's wrong with the stuff we have? Other than the fact that that squirrel seems to like to stop us from using it." Heero gave an evil grin. "Well, that squirrel has to die." Heero took Duo to the surplus store in town, and bought a few items. "Uh, Heero, don't you think a keg of dynamite, two baseball bats, and a case of M-80s is a bit much?"
//Goodbye, squirrel!
With black eyed peas!
You're gonna taste good to me, squirrel.
Come on out of that tree, squirrel.
Hey guess what?
You've eaten your last nut, squirrel!//
"Nope. I'm gonna make that squirrel earn the right to keep me from shooting that deer. If it manages to survive all of this, he wins, and we leave. If not, we get a deer and a squirrel out of the deal." Heero smiled evilly and led Duo back to the forest.
//Me and Harold went down to the surplus store,
bought a keg of dynamite!
Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s,
we were in for one heck of a fight.//
Up in the tree stand, Heero and Duo patiently waited for the squirrel to appear. They finally saw the squirrel, and it was running in circles around the gun Heero had dropped, occasionally jumping on it. "Okay, Duo. This is our chance. Let's climb down there and kill that little bastard." Heero and Duo silently went down the tree, and crept up behind the squirrel. Duo lit the dynamite and dropped it down to the ground. "HOLY CRAP! DUO, THAT FUSE IS WAY TOO SHORT!" Duo and Heero ran as fast as they could, but were cuaght in the blast. Luckily they weren't killed, but they had been shoved forward by the blast into a tree. Once the dynamite had finished blowing up, Heero and Duo fell down from the tree to the ground.
//When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber
somethin's surely bound to go wrong.
(Now be careful!)
And when Harold lit that real short fuse
I knew it wouldn't be long.
When the dynamite blew
Harolds foot did too
and fingers began to fly.
We were barely alive
when the game warden 'rived,
and much to our surprise,
that squirrel didn't die!//
A man approached the two fallen hunters and asked "What are you two doing out here? Did you light that dynamite?" Heero gathered anough energy to nod, and the game warden laughed. "Well, I hope you weren't trying to kill that squirrel, because... Well, it's alive." Duos eyes flew open. "WHAT?!?" The squirrel ran across Heero face and onto Duos crotch, where it bit down. HARD. "OOOWWWWWWW!!!" Duo shrieked in pain. "Well, you know, squirrels do like nuts a lot..." The game warden said, attempting to make a humorous remark, but he winced imagining what kind of pain Duo must be in at the moment. The squirrel ran off into the woods in terror after it saw the way Heero was looking at it. "I'm going to kill that damn squirrel... Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I'm gonna get it."
//Goodbye, squirrel.
Just one more shot!
You'll be in my crockpot, squirrel!
You'll make a lunch!
You overgrown chipmunk, squirrel.
I'll skin yer hide,
and make a hat when it's dry, squirrel//
Back at Heytheres house, Heero and Duo went over to a conveniently placed couch and lay down in it, falling asleep soon after. After a while, Heythere woke them up. "Where's the deer, Heero?" Heeros face got bright red in anger. "That squirrel interfered... You go out there and shoot a deer! We almost got killed trying to kill the damn thing..." Heythere sighed and grabbed a gun. He left the house and the phone rang immediately afterwards. The ringing stopped, and after a few seconds Qyarter took the phone to Duo (It's cordless.) "Here, Duo. It's for you." Duo talked into the phone for a while, and the person on the other end talked back, and after several minutes, Duo gave the phone back to Quarter. "Heero, that was some guy who says he's my grandpa. He wants me to visit him. He said to bring, er, well... He said to bring my girlfriend and some of my close friends, to go on a camping trip." Heero looked hurt. "He called me a girl? Why'd he do that?" Duo managed a weak laugh. "Well, apparently he doesn't know about my... Er, preferences." Heero nodded his head knowingly. "Well, another call from a family member nobody knew existed. It could be some kind of elaborate plot of Oz's, but nobody tried to kill us or anything here, so I'd say it's safe. Let's go tell the others." Duo stood up. "He said we should go tomorrow. Another interesting coincidence, eh, Heero?"
To be continued...
Well, did you like it? If so, write a review and tell me to write more, and tell me how great I am, and stuff. If not, write a review and tell me I suck. Erm... BYE!
//Dadblame, Harold.
My gosh, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you.
Gim-Gimme I said gimme, gimme that gun!
Look out!
.....I think I killed somethin'...//