The 8th chapter. This is the farthest I've managed to get writing a
fanfic... One of the others stopped at 6, the other at 5. Which reminds me,
I should probably write more chapters for that sometime soon. Anyways,
this chapter is to Cledus T. Judds 'Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere'. And so here it is...
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
"Are we there yet?" Trace asked. "NO, DAMMIT! STOP ASKING! You're worse than Duo..." Quarter finally yelled in frustration. "Hey, I'm not doing anything, so how can you even compare him to me?" Duo whined. "Duo, you're whining. Stop it. It's annoying me." Gufei informed him. "Damn you all! Except Heero, of course. He remains undamned, and shall remain so forever. I laminated him, so all damns just slide off his smooth, shiny, really... Cute... Skin..." Duo began to drool, staring at Heero. "Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo?" Heero turned off the CD player. "The CD is scratched. Um... Duo? You just gonna stare at me and drool the whole way to your grandpas house?" A string of drool fell from Duos mouth. "DUO! Snap out of it!" Heero yelled. Duo sat up straight, and wiped the drool from his mouth. "Oops. Sorry... Uh, Heero? I got a really great idea for tonight... Seeing as how we're in a car with four other people, I wont tell you right now. Maybe later." Heero handed Duo a comic book. "Here, read this." He said, and then turned his attention back to the CD player, trying to think of a way to repair the scratch. "Damn... It isn't possible to repair this thing, is it? Ah, who cares, I'm going to fix it anyways."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe!//
Duo opened up the comic, and instead of the usual thing you find in comic books, (You know, like pages and stuff) he found two condoms and several interesting suggestions for things to do in bed (Other than sleep). "Wow, I never thought of that." Duo mumbled. "What did you say, Duo?" Gufei, who was sitting right next to Duo, asked, looking at the 'comic'. "WOW! That's a great idea! I wonder why that never occured to me... Hehehe... Um, Duo, could I borrow that after you're done?" Gufei pleaded. "Ask Heero, it's his." Gufei looked at Heero in surprise. "Heero? Wow, I never really pictured you looking through one of those... Um, can I borrow it after you and Duo are done?" Heero shook his head. "Nope." Gufei slammed his fists on the headrest of Heeros seat. "Dammit! Why not? Come on, I could use a few new ideas, too, you know." Heero gave a slight smile. "Well, buy one then. They aren't THAT expensive. Only about 30 dollars..." Gufei glanced at the 'comic', then right back at Heero. "30 dollars just for that?" Heero laughed. "Well, there were a few other things that came with it..."
//He'd been a guzzlin' ol' Jack Daniels
and smokin' that wacky weed.//
"Holy crap! That looks like fun!!!" Duo suddenly screamed, seeming just a bit too happy for Gufeis comfort. "Uh, Duo, you're getting a bit... Excited. And I don't necessarily mean emotionally." He said, pointing at the lump in Duos pants. "Erm... Well, who cares? I really wanna try this one..." Duo stared at the 'comic' in front of him, and Heero asked "You're on number 23, aren't you?" Duo nodded his head. "Yup. Lemme guess, you liked that one too, didn't ya?" "Maybe... Maybe not." Quarter was beginning to get irritated. "Could you stop talking about that stuff, alrea..." Duo shoved 'number 23' in front of Quarters face. "HOLY!! Um, Heero? Could you, maybe, you know, um, let Trowel and I, uh, er, borrow that, you know, like, later?" Heero laughed at the, erm, excited Quarter. "Sure, you can borrow it." Gufei leaned forward and looked Heero in the eyes. "Heero. Why are you letting Quarter borrow it, and not me?" "Well, if you were a bit nicer to Duo, I might just let you borrow it." (By the way, just to make things nice and clear, Quarter is driving, Heero is in the front passenger seat next to Quarter, Duo was behind Quarter, Gufei next to Duo, and Trace was squeezed in between Gufei and Trowel, who was behind Heero. Nice and clear now, right?)
//He mixed it with his medication
and run off with some bleach blond named Bernese.//
"Duo, if you tell your boyfriend I've been nice to you, I'll give you... A hundred bucks." Gufei whispered in Duos ear. "Nope." "A hundred dollars and a few CDs." "Nope." "The hundred, the CDs, a candy bar and a bag of chips." Duo hesitated, but then said "Nope." Gufei was quite frustrated, and looked through his pack for something else he could bribe Duo with. "Aha! Okay, the hundred, the CDs, the candy bar, the chips, and a porno movie." Duo was about to refuse the offer, but then paused. "A gay porno movie, right?" Gufei nodded. "Um... Well... Okay, fine. You win." Duo replied. Then, louder, so Heero could hear him, he said "Heero, Gufei has been very nice, kind, polite, curteous, and I don't have a thesaurus, so I'm gonna stop now. The point is, could you let him borrow this, er, 'comic' after we're done with it? And after Quarter and Trowel are done, of course." Heero thought it over for a moment and then nodded his head. "Okay. He can borrow it."
//When we found him Christmas mornin'
we thought he'd had a heart attack.//
"Gufei, gimme the stuff, now." Gufei handed Duo a hundred dollar bill, several CDs, a candy bar, a bag of potato chips, and a video tape. Duo reached into his backpack and pulled out a television about the size of a computer monitor, with a built in VCR. "What the hell? You brought a tv?" Gufei asked, unable to believe Duo had managed to fit it in his backpack. "Yup." Duo popped the video into the VCR and turned the tv so he, Gufei, Trace and Trowel could see the screen. Gufei looked all around the car, trying to keep his eyes away from the screen, Trace stared at the screen, and then at Gufei every once in a while, occasionally asking "Gufei, are we going to do THAT tonight?" Followed by Gufei blushing and slightly nodding his head. Trowel stared at the screen in shock for a while before comfortably positioning himself and watching it with a good sized lump in his pants (Not as big as Duos, though). Afer a while, Heero looked back to see what everyone was staring at (Or in Gufeis case, avoiding staring at). "Wow. Hey, Duo, is that your tape?" Heero asked. "Well, it is now." "Good, we might be able to use it for ideas..."
//But he had tire prints on his forehead
and incriminating hickeys on his neck.//
(Okay, I've been dwelling on this for quite a while, don't you think? Well... Hey, what the hell, I'm having fun! More, more, more I tell you! There's gonna be more!) Gufei absent-mindedly slipped his hand into his pants. "Gufei. Your hand." Duo said, pointing. "Oh, um, I just had an itch..." He replied, his face bright red, and then he removed his hand. "Yeah, right." Duo grinned as he got a brilliant idea. "hehehe... Here ya go, Gufei... Trace.... Trowel... Quarter..." Duo said, handing each of them a lollipop. Trowel was the first to inspect his closely. "Um, Gufei? Trace? Quarter? I suggest you examine those very carefully." Quarter was the first to figure out what Trowel had meant. "These aren't lollipops! They're... Cherry flavored condoms?!?" Duo smiled. "A gift from my heart to yours." He began to giggle, but stopped when Gufei glared at him. (Okay, now I think I'm done. For now, anyways.)
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
Quarter pulled up at a normal looking house on a normal looking street and turned off the engine. "We're here. Finally. That was getting a bit weird." This time Duo wasn't able to keep from giggling insanely. "Well, I noticed you kept the condom." He managed to get out before he fell to the ground, rolling around, laughing. "Well... I couldn't refuse a gift, could I?" Quarter asked, blushing. Duo controlled his laughter and stood up. "Okay, let's go knock on the door." "He's your relative. You knock." Heero said. "Oh yeah? Well, you just brought up a way to do this I can't quite resist. Heero..." Duo began, and pulled a ring out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?" Heero looked stunned, and then blushed slightly. "Well, uh... Yes?" "Is that a question or a statement, Heero?" Duo asked. Heero cleared his throat nervously and then said, with more confidence, "Yes. You bet I will." Duo grinned. "Good, now he's your relative-in-law, so you knock." Heero stuck out his tongue at Duo, and Duo wrapped his lips around the extended tongue. "Hey, leh go uh my huung!" Heero attempted to say, and Duo complied. Heero smiled. "Okay, fine, I'll knock." Heero knocked on the door, and when an old man opened the door, he wrapped his arms around him and said "Hi, grandpa! How are you?" The man stared at him in confusion. "You don't look like Duo..." Then he spotted Duo. "Grandson, who the hell is this guy? And where's your girlfriend? I told you to bring your girl, so why didn't you? You're supposed to respect your elders and do as they say."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//
Duo gave a large smile and said "I did." Duos grandfather, who introduced himself as Zero Maxwell, looked around at the small group. "Well, where is she then? I want to meet the pretty young thing." Duo grinned even wider. "'She' just hugged you." Zero turned around and looked closely at Heero. "Unless I'm mistaken, this young man is not a girl." "That's right. He's not. He's a boy. That's why he's my boyfriend, and not my girlfriend. Well, actually we got engaged, so he's my fiance now." Zero blinked. "When did you get engaged?" "About 10, 20 seconds ago. Somewhere around there." Zero scratched his head in confusion. "You're an odd boy. You must take after your father." Duo looked rather uncomfortable. "I wouldn't know. He died when I was really little." Zero began dancing around on the lawn. "Grandma got run over by a reindeer..." He sang. "Oh, sorry. I'll stop now. Your father is not dead." Zero said mysteriously. A man wearing a black costume and helmet came out of the house and walked up to Duo. He just stood there breathing heavily for a few moments before taking off the helmet and lifting a small canister to his mouth. "Sorry, I have asthma. Duo, I am your father, Uno Maxwell."
//Now we're all ashamed of Grandpa.
He took Grandmas death too well.
He started watching porno movies
and engaging in phone sex with cousin Nell.//
A woman ran out of the house and hugged Duo tightly. "Oh, Duo, you're finally here! I was waiting for forever! Oh, I'm so happy!!! Um. Duo, your grandfather said you were bringing your girlfriend. So, where is she? I'd like to meet my future daughter-in-law." Duo pointed to Heero, and his mother turned around. "I don't see her...Is she hiding behind this boy?" She asked, looking behind Heero. "Hmmm... Well, she isn't behind him, but his behind is cute..." Heero laughed. "Like mother, like son, I guess." Duos mother, who said she was Emma, (Maxwell, of course, though before she married Mr. Maxwell, her name was Emma Lesbo.) seemed quite confused.
//It's a better Christmas without Grandpa.
Last year in church he mooned the choire//
"What do you mean by that?" She asked Heero. Duo answered for him. "Well, ya see, I don't exactly have a girlfriend. Just Heero. I guess I probably could have done better, but he was all I could get on such short notice." Heero glared at Duo once again. "Hey, I'm just kidding! Come on, you know I love you." Emma slowly made her way over to Heero. "AAAHHH!!!" Heero yelled. "Jeez, everybodys been pinching my ass lately..." Duo gasped in disbelief. "MOM! Back off, he's mine! Besides, you're already married. So leave Heero alone." An old woman walked out the front door. "Wow, seems like my whole family lives here." Duo mused. His grandmother (Her name is Heesa. Before she got married, her name was Heesa Homo. I'm sorry, I just can't resist funny word twists! And I'd like to have some rhymes, but I just don't have the time.) walked over to Heero and put her arm around his shoulder. "So, you seeing anyone, or can you pick me up tonight at eight?"
//At first we thought it was Alzheimers
but looking back we realised he was wired.//
"Uh... I'm seeing someone." Heesa looked upset. "Who? Tell me!" Heero pointed at Duo, but Heesa seemed to think he was pointing to Emma. "What?!? Emma, you've been cheating on Uno?!?" She asked in disbelief. "No, he wasn't pointing to me, mom." Emma said, and stepped aside. Heesa was quite confused. "He's Duos boyfriend, mom." Emma said, trying not to laugh at the puzzled look on Heesas face. "Ah... Okay..."
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
but after suin' John Deere I believe//
After everything had been explained so Heesa was no longer confused, Zero reminded the boys of the camping trip he had planned. Hmmm... Why does he all of a sudden call me up and say he wants to take me camping? Odd... Oh well. Unfortunately, they never got to go on that camping trip. For, at that very moment, the squirrel that had almost gotten Heero and Duo killed was climbing around on Zeros tractor. The squirrel jumped onto a lever, and the tractor rolled downhill, headed right for Zero. Before anyone saw it, it was too late to stop it. The John Deere ran right over Zero, and the squirrel jumped off onto Duos head. "Duo! That squirrel! That squirrel killed Zero!" Heero said, grabbing a brick conveniently located on the ground next to him to throw at the squirrel. "Heero, the squirrel is on my head. You are not throwing a brick at it."
//Yeah I filed myself a lawsuit
and they awarded me two mil.
You know grandpa didn't leave me nothin'
but thanks to that ol' John Deere he got killed.//
"Okay, fine. But it's trying to cut off your braid now." "THROW THE BRICK! KILL THE LITTLE BASTARD!" Duo raged. "I WANT IT DEAD!" I figured that'd get him to let me throw a brick at it. Heero threw the brick, and it would have it the squirrel, too, but the squirrel jumped up, holding onto Duos braid. The brick hit his braid and fell straight down onto his head. "Wow, that's a smart squirrel." Heero admitted. "Heero, when I wake up, I'm gonna kill you..." Duo said before becoming completely unconcious.
//Funny, all my friends and neighbors turned up on the grand jury.
I bribed 'em just like Johnny (Something or another, don't have a damn clue what the guys name is)
when they set O'J' Simpson free.
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
When Duo finally woke up, the first thing he did was look around for a clock. He found one, and saw that it was almost midnight, about 6 1/2 hours after they had gotten there. "Huh? Heero? Where are you?" Was the next thing he said when he realised Heero wasn't sleeping beside him. "Right here, Duo. You started waking up, so I figured I should bring some food." Duo turned his attention towards his stomache and realised he was starving. "Good thinking. I'm absolutely starving. So, uh, just what kind of food did you bring?" He asked. "I brought the exact same thing you ordered at McDonalds on the way to my uncles. So, here you go."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//
"Heero... Grandpa... Died, didn't he? That wasn't a dream, was it?" Heero sighed and confirmed it. "Yes, he died. That damn squirrel ran him over with a John Deere. And then it jumped on your head and I... Oh, crap." Duo remembered why had had been knocked out. "And you threw that brick at me." "Hey, I threw it at the squirrel. The squirrel pulled your braid up and the brick bounced off it and hit you on the head. It wasn't my fault!" Heero sat down on the bed next to Duo (I didnt mention the fact that Duo was in a bed, did I? Oh, well. I just like to leave the surroundings to the readers imagination. Makes it more fun, I guess.) Duo hugged Heero, but before they could go any further than a simple hug, there was an earth-shaking sneeze. "What the hell was that?!?"
To be continued...
Well, another chapter gone... Next is chapter nine. IF I get more good reviews. Or reviews containing constructive criticism. Either one works. Hell, you can even give me bad reviews. At your own risk, of course. And for those of you who have already reviewed this fanfic... Review it again. Kay? Well, now I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep. BYE!!!
this chapter is to Cledus T. Judds 'Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere'. And so here it is...
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
"Are we there yet?" Trace asked. "NO, DAMMIT! STOP ASKING! You're worse than Duo..." Quarter finally yelled in frustration. "Hey, I'm not doing anything, so how can you even compare him to me?" Duo whined. "Duo, you're whining. Stop it. It's annoying me." Gufei informed him. "Damn you all! Except Heero, of course. He remains undamned, and shall remain so forever. I laminated him, so all damns just slide off his smooth, shiny, really... Cute... Skin..." Duo began to drool, staring at Heero. "Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo?" Heero turned off the CD player. "The CD is scratched. Um... Duo? You just gonna stare at me and drool the whole way to your grandpas house?" A string of drool fell from Duos mouth. "DUO! Snap out of it!" Heero yelled. Duo sat up straight, and wiped the drool from his mouth. "Oops. Sorry... Uh, Heero? I got a really great idea for tonight... Seeing as how we're in a car with four other people, I wont tell you right now. Maybe later." Heero handed Duo a comic book. "Here, read this." He said, and then turned his attention back to the CD player, trying to think of a way to repair the scratch. "Damn... It isn't possible to repair this thing, is it? Ah, who cares, I'm going to fix it anyways."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe!//
Duo opened up the comic, and instead of the usual thing you find in comic books, (You know, like pages and stuff) he found two condoms and several interesting suggestions for things to do in bed (Other than sleep). "Wow, I never thought of that." Duo mumbled. "What did you say, Duo?" Gufei, who was sitting right next to Duo, asked, looking at the 'comic'. "WOW! That's a great idea! I wonder why that never occured to me... Hehehe... Um, Duo, could I borrow that after you're done?" Gufei pleaded. "Ask Heero, it's his." Gufei looked at Heero in surprise. "Heero? Wow, I never really pictured you looking through one of those... Um, can I borrow it after you and Duo are done?" Heero shook his head. "Nope." Gufei slammed his fists on the headrest of Heeros seat. "Dammit! Why not? Come on, I could use a few new ideas, too, you know." Heero gave a slight smile. "Well, buy one then. They aren't THAT expensive. Only about 30 dollars..." Gufei glanced at the 'comic', then right back at Heero. "30 dollars just for that?" Heero laughed. "Well, there were a few other things that came with it..."
//He'd been a guzzlin' ol' Jack Daniels
and smokin' that wacky weed.//
"Holy crap! That looks like fun!!!" Duo suddenly screamed, seeming just a bit too happy for Gufeis comfort. "Uh, Duo, you're getting a bit... Excited. And I don't necessarily mean emotionally." He said, pointing at the lump in Duos pants. "Erm... Well, who cares? I really wanna try this one..." Duo stared at the 'comic' in front of him, and Heero asked "You're on number 23, aren't you?" Duo nodded his head. "Yup. Lemme guess, you liked that one too, didn't ya?" "Maybe... Maybe not." Quarter was beginning to get irritated. "Could you stop talking about that stuff, alrea..." Duo shoved 'number 23' in front of Quarters face. "HOLY!! Um, Heero? Could you, maybe, you know, um, let Trowel and I, uh, er, borrow that, you know, like, later?" Heero laughed at the, erm, excited Quarter. "Sure, you can borrow it." Gufei leaned forward and looked Heero in the eyes. "Heero. Why are you letting Quarter borrow it, and not me?" "Well, if you were a bit nicer to Duo, I might just let you borrow it." (By the way, just to make things nice and clear, Quarter is driving, Heero is in the front passenger seat next to Quarter, Duo was behind Quarter, Gufei next to Duo, and Trace was squeezed in between Gufei and Trowel, who was behind Heero. Nice and clear now, right?)
//He mixed it with his medication
and run off with some bleach blond named Bernese.//
"Duo, if you tell your boyfriend I've been nice to you, I'll give you... A hundred bucks." Gufei whispered in Duos ear. "Nope." "A hundred dollars and a few CDs." "Nope." "The hundred, the CDs, a candy bar and a bag of chips." Duo hesitated, but then said "Nope." Gufei was quite frustrated, and looked through his pack for something else he could bribe Duo with. "Aha! Okay, the hundred, the CDs, the candy bar, the chips, and a porno movie." Duo was about to refuse the offer, but then paused. "A gay porno movie, right?" Gufei nodded. "Um... Well... Okay, fine. You win." Duo replied. Then, louder, so Heero could hear him, he said "Heero, Gufei has been very nice, kind, polite, curteous, and I don't have a thesaurus, so I'm gonna stop now. The point is, could you let him borrow this, er, 'comic' after we're done with it? And after Quarter and Trowel are done, of course." Heero thought it over for a moment and then nodded his head. "Okay. He can borrow it."
//When we found him Christmas mornin'
we thought he'd had a heart attack.//
"Gufei, gimme the stuff, now." Gufei handed Duo a hundred dollar bill, several CDs, a candy bar, a bag of potato chips, and a video tape. Duo reached into his backpack and pulled out a television about the size of a computer monitor, with a built in VCR. "What the hell? You brought a tv?" Gufei asked, unable to believe Duo had managed to fit it in his backpack. "Yup." Duo popped the video into the VCR and turned the tv so he, Gufei, Trace and Trowel could see the screen. Gufei looked all around the car, trying to keep his eyes away from the screen, Trace stared at the screen, and then at Gufei every once in a while, occasionally asking "Gufei, are we going to do THAT tonight?" Followed by Gufei blushing and slightly nodding his head. Trowel stared at the screen in shock for a while before comfortably positioning himself and watching it with a good sized lump in his pants (Not as big as Duos, though). Afer a while, Heero looked back to see what everyone was staring at (Or in Gufeis case, avoiding staring at). "Wow. Hey, Duo, is that your tape?" Heero asked. "Well, it is now." "Good, we might be able to use it for ideas..."
//But he had tire prints on his forehead
and incriminating hickeys on his neck.//
(Okay, I've been dwelling on this for quite a while, don't you think? Well... Hey, what the hell, I'm having fun! More, more, more I tell you! There's gonna be more!) Gufei absent-mindedly slipped his hand into his pants. "Gufei. Your hand." Duo said, pointing. "Oh, um, I just had an itch..." He replied, his face bright red, and then he removed his hand. "Yeah, right." Duo grinned as he got a brilliant idea. "hehehe... Here ya go, Gufei... Trace.... Trowel... Quarter..." Duo said, handing each of them a lollipop. Trowel was the first to inspect his closely. "Um, Gufei? Trace? Quarter? I suggest you examine those very carefully." Quarter was the first to figure out what Trowel had meant. "These aren't lollipops! They're... Cherry flavored condoms?!?" Duo smiled. "A gift from my heart to yours." He began to giggle, but stopped when Gufei glared at him. (Okay, now I think I'm done. For now, anyways.)
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
Quarter pulled up at a normal looking house on a normal looking street and turned off the engine. "We're here. Finally. That was getting a bit weird." This time Duo wasn't able to keep from giggling insanely. "Well, I noticed you kept the condom." He managed to get out before he fell to the ground, rolling around, laughing. "Well... I couldn't refuse a gift, could I?" Quarter asked, blushing. Duo controlled his laughter and stood up. "Okay, let's go knock on the door." "He's your relative. You knock." Heero said. "Oh yeah? Well, you just brought up a way to do this I can't quite resist. Heero..." Duo began, and pulled a ring out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?" Heero looked stunned, and then blushed slightly. "Well, uh... Yes?" "Is that a question or a statement, Heero?" Duo asked. Heero cleared his throat nervously and then said, with more confidence, "Yes. You bet I will." Duo grinned. "Good, now he's your relative-in-law, so you knock." Heero stuck out his tongue at Duo, and Duo wrapped his lips around the extended tongue. "Hey, leh go uh my huung!" Heero attempted to say, and Duo complied. Heero smiled. "Okay, fine, I'll knock." Heero knocked on the door, and when an old man opened the door, he wrapped his arms around him and said "Hi, grandpa! How are you?" The man stared at him in confusion. "You don't look like Duo..." Then he spotted Duo. "Grandson, who the hell is this guy? And where's your girlfriend? I told you to bring your girl, so why didn't you? You're supposed to respect your elders and do as they say."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//
Duo gave a large smile and said "I did." Duos grandfather, who introduced himself as Zero Maxwell, looked around at the small group. "Well, where is she then? I want to meet the pretty young thing." Duo grinned even wider. "'She' just hugged you." Zero turned around and looked closely at Heero. "Unless I'm mistaken, this young man is not a girl." "That's right. He's not. He's a boy. That's why he's my boyfriend, and not my girlfriend. Well, actually we got engaged, so he's my fiance now." Zero blinked. "When did you get engaged?" "About 10, 20 seconds ago. Somewhere around there." Zero scratched his head in confusion. "You're an odd boy. You must take after your father." Duo looked rather uncomfortable. "I wouldn't know. He died when I was really little." Zero began dancing around on the lawn. "Grandma got run over by a reindeer..." He sang. "Oh, sorry. I'll stop now. Your father is not dead." Zero said mysteriously. A man wearing a black costume and helmet came out of the house and walked up to Duo. He just stood there breathing heavily for a few moments before taking off the helmet and lifting a small canister to his mouth. "Sorry, I have asthma. Duo, I am your father, Uno Maxwell."
//Now we're all ashamed of Grandpa.
He took Grandmas death too well.
He started watching porno movies
and engaging in phone sex with cousin Nell.//
A woman ran out of the house and hugged Duo tightly. "Oh, Duo, you're finally here! I was waiting for forever! Oh, I'm so happy!!! Um. Duo, your grandfather said you were bringing your girlfriend. So, where is she? I'd like to meet my future daughter-in-law." Duo pointed to Heero, and his mother turned around. "I don't see her...Is she hiding behind this boy?" She asked, looking behind Heero. "Hmmm... Well, she isn't behind him, but his behind is cute..." Heero laughed. "Like mother, like son, I guess." Duos mother, who said she was Emma, (Maxwell, of course, though before she married Mr. Maxwell, her name was Emma Lesbo.) seemed quite confused.
//It's a better Christmas without Grandpa.
Last year in church he mooned the choire//
"What do you mean by that?" She asked Heero. Duo answered for him. "Well, ya see, I don't exactly have a girlfriend. Just Heero. I guess I probably could have done better, but he was all I could get on such short notice." Heero glared at Duo once again. "Hey, I'm just kidding! Come on, you know I love you." Emma slowly made her way over to Heero. "AAAHHH!!!" Heero yelled. "Jeez, everybodys been pinching my ass lately..." Duo gasped in disbelief. "MOM! Back off, he's mine! Besides, you're already married. So leave Heero alone." An old woman walked out the front door. "Wow, seems like my whole family lives here." Duo mused. His grandmother (Her name is Heesa. Before she got married, her name was Heesa Homo. I'm sorry, I just can't resist funny word twists! And I'd like to have some rhymes, but I just don't have the time.) walked over to Heero and put her arm around his shoulder. "So, you seeing anyone, or can you pick me up tonight at eight?"
//At first we thought it was Alzheimers
but looking back we realised he was wired.//
"Uh... I'm seeing someone." Heesa looked upset. "Who? Tell me!" Heero pointed at Duo, but Heesa seemed to think he was pointing to Emma. "What?!? Emma, you've been cheating on Uno?!?" She asked in disbelief. "No, he wasn't pointing to me, mom." Emma said, and stepped aside. Heesa was quite confused. "He's Duos boyfriend, mom." Emma said, trying not to laugh at the puzzled look on Heesas face. "Ah... Okay..."
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
but after suin' John Deere I believe//
After everything had been explained so Heesa was no longer confused, Zero reminded the boys of the camping trip he had planned. Hmmm... Why does he all of a sudden call me up and say he wants to take me camping? Odd... Oh well. Unfortunately, they never got to go on that camping trip. For, at that very moment, the squirrel that had almost gotten Heero and Duo killed was climbing around on Zeros tractor. The squirrel jumped onto a lever, and the tractor rolled downhill, headed right for Zero. Before anyone saw it, it was too late to stop it. The John Deere ran right over Zero, and the squirrel jumped off onto Duos head. "Duo! That squirrel! That squirrel killed Zero!" Heero said, grabbing a brick conveniently located on the ground next to him to throw at the squirrel. "Heero, the squirrel is on my head. You are not throwing a brick at it."
//Yeah I filed myself a lawsuit
and they awarded me two mil.
You know grandpa didn't leave me nothin'
but thanks to that ol' John Deere he got killed.//
"Okay, fine. But it's trying to cut off your braid now." "THROW THE BRICK! KILL THE LITTLE BASTARD!" Duo raged. "I WANT IT DEAD!" I figured that'd get him to let me throw a brick at it. Heero threw the brick, and it would have it the squirrel, too, but the squirrel jumped up, holding onto Duos braid. The brick hit his braid and fell straight down onto his head. "Wow, that's a smart squirrel." Heero admitted. "Heero, when I wake up, I'm gonna kill you..." Duo said before becoming completely unconcious.
//Funny, all my friends and neighbors turned up on the grand jury.
I bribed 'em just like Johnny (Something or another, don't have a damn clue what the guys name is)
when they set O'J' Simpson free.
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//
When Duo finally woke up, the first thing he did was look around for a clock. He found one, and saw that it was almost midnight, about 6 1/2 hours after they had gotten there. "Huh? Heero? Where are you?" Was the next thing he said when he realised Heero wasn't sleeping beside him. "Right here, Duo. You started waking up, so I figured I should bring some food." Duo turned his attention towards his stomache and realised he was starving. "Good thinking. I'm absolutely starving. So, uh, just what kind of food did you bring?" He asked. "I brought the exact same thing you ordered at McDonalds on the way to my uncles. So, here you go."
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//
"Heero... Grandpa... Died, didn't he? That wasn't a dream, was it?" Heero sighed and confirmed it. "Yes, he died. That damn squirrel ran him over with a John Deere. And then it jumped on your head and I... Oh, crap." Duo remembered why had had been knocked out. "And you threw that brick at me." "Hey, I threw it at the squirrel. The squirrel pulled your braid up and the brick bounced off it and hit you on the head. It wasn't my fault!" Heero sat down on the bed next to Duo (I didnt mention the fact that Duo was in a bed, did I? Oh, well. I just like to leave the surroundings to the readers imagination. Makes it more fun, I guess.) Duo hugged Heero, but before they could go any further than a simple hug, there was an earth-shaking sneeze. "What the hell was that?!?"
To be continued...
Well, another chapter gone... Next is chapter nine. IF I get more good reviews. Or reviews containing constructive criticism. Either one works. Hell, you can even give me bad reviews. At your own risk, of course. And for those of you who have already reviewed this fanfic... Review it again. Kay? Well, now I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep. BYE!!!