"HI, MR. PRETTY SEPHIROTH AND MR. PRETTY CLOUD AND MR. PRETTY CID!"
Callie screamed as she attacked all three men.
"CALLIE!" Sephiroth screamed back. "HI!!!!!"
"Duh, hi Callie!" Cloud said.
"What the &*^&*(^&^**&??????????" asked Cid.
Meanwhile, Matt was clinging to Barret's leg.
"Let go, kid."
"No!"
"Let GO!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Dammit, you got cheddar all over my shorts!"
"Ooooh, that doesn't sound good." said Selphie from the middle
of the Cid/Callie/Cloud/Sephiroth pileup.
Irvine walked over to them. 'MAH NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIII--"
Laguna kicked Irvine in the head.
"Hey...how come no one said hi to me?" Matt questioned the whole group.
"uh, for one, you got cheese all over mah shorts!" Barret explained.
"Number TWO, NO ONE LOVES YOU!!!!, and number THREE, your MATT!"
"Oh...ok, well that explains it." Matt walked away slowly,
never to be seen again by the bunch until the next time he's seen.
"Anyways, uh, what's the point of this?" Sephiroth asked.
"Point of what?" Selphie asked him
"Us being here...doing nothing at all."
"Are you kiiiiiddiiiiiiing?!" Callie said. "OBVIOUSLY we're
here to salivate over hot guys that wield big swords and are hot!...or
wait, I think that's just me."
"mmhmm..."
"So what happens next?" Cid asked.
"I don't know, why don't we wait for the writers of this piece of crap
FANFIC to make it good." Remlap said.
"UHH...I gotta go....like...do somethin'..." Callie said.
She ran off into the distance, jumping and screaming and yelling.
"Duh, uh, so um uh well uhhh ahem uhhhhhhhh um er."
"Nicely put, Cloud"
"heeheehee duh"
"Wait a minute!" said Tifa suddenly. "This is a fanfic, and
nobody's tried to resurrect Aeris yet! What's wrong with you people?"
"You're right!" Cid said, astonished. "Cloud, quick! Get
Sephiroth into the Lifestream and use your subconscious desire for
Aeris, your lost love, to bring them both back to life in a tale of
madcap romance and dramatic fighting!"
Everyone stared at Cid.
"Okay, I've been smoking weed again. The point is, we're going to
run out of vowels soon if the Yankees don't bring us nachos!" Cid said.
Everyone kept staring.
"What?"
"You've got, um, something white and gooey on your face." Sephiroth
replied uneasily.
"Oh, yeah" Cid wiped at his ugly mug. "I had mayonnaise and rubber
cement for lunch. Pretty good on cinnamon toast, actually."
"I did not hear that" announced Yuffie.
Suddenly, the Turks appeared on the horizon.
"Ooh, look" Barret said in a bored tone. 'Them lousy ^^&^ing Turks
have appeared on yonder horizon. We is gonna smack deir punky white
bitch asses in."
"Uhhh...me hero. Me big and strong." Cloud said, sounding even
duller.
"Screw you, Mr. T!" Reno yelled.
"RENO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" yelled Yuffie all of a sudden. She
jumped into the red-haired man's arms and kissed him fully on the lips.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN, YOU BITCH!!!!!" Tseng yelled back at her,
smashing her on the head with a convenient rock.
"OH, TSENG, YOU'RE SO STRONG AND MANLY!!!" screamed Elena, glomping
Tseng, who turned bright purple.
"WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?" shrieked Reno at the top of his lungs.
"..." said Rude.
"I LOVE YOU!!!!" Laguna screamed at Irvine.
Irvine turned bright pink and, simpering, cooed, "Why, Laguny-poo! I
never knew you cared!"
"Tee hee. Duh!" said several people for no apparent reason.
"I'm still the sexy one!" Sephiroth announced for no reason at all.
Cloud started crying.
"OOooooOOoOOHHH....yellow birdies..." said Yuffie, dazed.
"Uh FOO! What da ^*&# is goin' on here?!" Barret said puzzled.
"Thems is all going nuts!"
"Yeaaahhh, but whattaya gonna do." Matt said
"Hey! I thought I told you to go away!"
"no, uhhhh.....that was Remlap"
"OH! You #$%#^ *&$567 45&$^&$!!!! I'm gonna Beat ya Senseless!"
Barret started to chase after Remlap.
"OH MAN! THIS IS CHAOS!" Cid yelled.
All of a sudden......bill gates showed up in the middle of
it all. "HEY ALL YOU UM PEOPLE! STOP FIGHTING!"
"Get him!!!!!" Barret yelled. Everyone including Sam who no
one has introduced yet rushed toward Bill Gates.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE WONT BE AN X BOX IF IM DEAD!!!!"
"EXACTLY!!!" Matt thought to himself. My plans will be complete
once we assassinate the head guy from Sega, and Nintendo.
"MWAHAHHAHAHAHAH"
Callie reappeared. 'HEY, Y'ALL!"
"HEY, CALLIE!" everyone yelled back, then went back to rushing Bill
Gates. Barret stomped on him and Cloud chopped him up and Sephiroth
skewered him and Cid clubbed him with his spear and Selphie beat him
with nunchuks and Irvine shot him even more and so did Laguna and
Squall put him down with nasty glares and Yuffie threw origami at him
and Matt dumped Velveeta on his head and Callie kicked him really hard
in the crotch and the Turks stuck nightsticks where the sun don't shine.
"He's going to feel that in the morning." said Sephiroth obliquely.
"Wow, what a pretty shade of red!" Callie said, affixing herself
to Sephiroth, who looked scared.
Cloud drooled.
"OKAY OKAY EVERYBODY!" Boomed a loud echoing voice from high above.
"THIS FANFIC IS GOING TO GO SOMEWHERE! BECAUSE RIGHT NOW...IT IS GOING
NOWHERE!"
"Who da hell is dat foo?" Barret wondered.
"WHO CARES! HE'S GONNA MAKE THIS FANFIC MOVE! PRAISE THE LORD!"
Selphie jumped around and prepared for the Fanfic to start making sense,
as did everyone else.
.
....
........
.............
Nothing happened.
"WELL ILL BE A CHEESEMONKEY NAMED PROVOLONE'S UNCLE!" Matt yelled.
Barret was pretty pissed too, and we all know how Barret talks when
he's pissed. And if you don't, you're about to find out...
"WHAT THE (*))&(^% IS GOIN' ON HERE WITH THIS *%%*^%?! I WANTED SOME
MOTHER ^*(^#$^ SATI'FACKSHUN SONOFA %(*#$ PIECE OF &*%*(% &(^*&^
%^#$ )(*&&* %#!!!!!!!"
"Calm down Barret." Tifa tried to reason with him. "We have to
find out who that is up there, and THEN get mad at him for not moving
this stupid Fanfic along!"
"HEY! WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ABOut the uh fanfic" Matt lowered his
voice some, as not to incriminate himself too much.
"What do YOU care about the Fanfic, HUH?" Tifa asked.
"It's just uh...I think whoever's doing it is doing a pretty good
job if you ask me!!"
"Weell no one asked ya, kid!"
"Uhhh...Barret...if you call me kid one more time, just ONE
MORE, IM GOING TO SHOVE THAT GUN ARM SO FAR UP YOUR /\55 THAT YOU WILL
BE ABLE TO SHOOT OUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU OVERSIZED CHICKEN
SKINNED FLATASS HAIRCUTTED BIG MOUTHED ^%&&^$&^%*&^%(*&^(*&^%*^%$^%#@^
%(*&^(*&%&$!!!!!!!!!"
Barret sat down and whimpered in the corner like a scared puppy.
"HAHA!" Sephiroth laughed at Barret.
Just then...
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY
EVEEEEEWYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Everyone looked at Callie. She shrugged. 'It wasn't me!"
Everyone looked at Selphie. She shrugged. "It wasn't me!"
Everyone looked at Jenova. Jenova shrugged. "I'm dead."
"MOMMY!" Sephiroth yelled, running towards Jenova. Callie made
a disgusted face and started kissing Cloud. Cloud didn't notice.
"It's...SAM!" Laguna said wonderingly.
Sam didn't say anything. because Sam was a hypothetical character.
Tifa said, "I hate this! This sucks!"
Suddenly, Tifa was wearing nothing but a chainmail bra and a
pair of latex undies. "WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Duh, boobies!" said several unidentified males, who then
tried to look as if someone else had said it.
Vincent appeared. "Hey, have you seen my Brillo pads?"
"No!" Barret yelled, cheerfully assaulting Matt with a
mozzarella stick. Matt was in a painful-looking ecstasy.
Suddenly, there was a mysterious green glow. Inside the
mysterious green glow was a mysterious brown-haired girl in a
mysterious pink dress.
"Well, this is &%&*ing mysterious." said Cid.
"EW!!! IT'S AERIS!!!" Callie screamed. She started crying and
ran over to Sephiroth and buried her face in his pretty pretty pretty
silvery hair. Sephiroth was halfway between leering and running.
Jenova just kinda floated.
"Oh, CLOUD!" said Aeris.
"Duh, Aeris no kinky! Cloud likey kinky!"
Callie screamed as she attacked all three men.
"CALLIE!" Sephiroth screamed back. "HI!!!!!"
"Duh, hi Callie!" Cloud said.
"What the &*^&*(^&^**&??????????" asked Cid.
Meanwhile, Matt was clinging to Barret's leg.
"Let go, kid."
"No!"
"Let GO!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Dammit, you got cheddar all over my shorts!"
"Ooooh, that doesn't sound good." said Selphie from the middle
of the Cid/Callie/Cloud/Sephiroth pileup.
Irvine walked over to them. 'MAH NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIII--"
Laguna kicked Irvine in the head.
"Hey...how come no one said hi to me?" Matt questioned the whole group.
"uh, for one, you got cheese all over mah shorts!" Barret explained.
"Number TWO, NO ONE LOVES YOU!!!!, and number THREE, your MATT!"
"Oh...ok, well that explains it." Matt walked away slowly,
never to be seen again by the bunch until the next time he's seen.
"Anyways, uh, what's the point of this?" Sephiroth asked.
"Point of what?" Selphie asked him
"Us being here...doing nothing at all."
"Are you kiiiiiddiiiiiiing?!" Callie said. "OBVIOUSLY we're
here to salivate over hot guys that wield big swords and are hot!...or
wait, I think that's just me."
"mmhmm..."
"So what happens next?" Cid asked.
"I don't know, why don't we wait for the writers of this piece of crap
FANFIC to make it good." Remlap said.
"UHH...I gotta go....like...do somethin'..." Callie said.
She ran off into the distance, jumping and screaming and yelling.
"Duh, uh, so um uh well uhhh ahem uhhhhhhhh um er."
"Nicely put, Cloud"
"heeheehee duh"
"Wait a minute!" said Tifa suddenly. "This is a fanfic, and
nobody's tried to resurrect Aeris yet! What's wrong with you people?"
"You're right!" Cid said, astonished. "Cloud, quick! Get
Sephiroth into the Lifestream and use your subconscious desire for
Aeris, your lost love, to bring them both back to life in a tale of
madcap romance and dramatic fighting!"
Everyone stared at Cid.
"Okay, I've been smoking weed again. The point is, we're going to
run out of vowels soon if the Yankees don't bring us nachos!" Cid said.
Everyone kept staring.
"What?"
"You've got, um, something white and gooey on your face." Sephiroth
replied uneasily.
"Oh, yeah" Cid wiped at his ugly mug. "I had mayonnaise and rubber
cement for lunch. Pretty good on cinnamon toast, actually."
"I did not hear that" announced Yuffie.
Suddenly, the Turks appeared on the horizon.
"Ooh, look" Barret said in a bored tone. 'Them lousy ^^&^ing Turks
have appeared on yonder horizon. We is gonna smack deir punky white
bitch asses in."
"Uhhh...me hero. Me big and strong." Cloud said, sounding even
duller.
"Screw you, Mr. T!" Reno yelled.
"RENO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" yelled Yuffie all of a sudden. She
jumped into the red-haired man's arms and kissed him fully on the lips.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN, YOU BITCH!!!!!" Tseng yelled back at her,
smashing her on the head with a convenient rock.
"OH, TSENG, YOU'RE SO STRONG AND MANLY!!!" screamed Elena, glomping
Tseng, who turned bright purple.
"WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?" shrieked Reno at the top of his lungs.
"..." said Rude.
"I LOVE YOU!!!!" Laguna screamed at Irvine.
Irvine turned bright pink and, simpering, cooed, "Why, Laguny-poo! I
never knew you cared!"
"Tee hee. Duh!" said several people for no apparent reason.
"I'm still the sexy one!" Sephiroth announced for no reason at all.
Cloud started crying.
"OOooooOOoOOHHH....yellow birdies..." said Yuffie, dazed.
"Uh FOO! What da ^*&# is goin' on here?!" Barret said puzzled.
"Thems is all going nuts!"
"Yeaaahhh, but whattaya gonna do." Matt said
"Hey! I thought I told you to go away!"
"no, uhhhh.....that was Remlap"
"OH! You #$%#^ *&$567 45&$^&$!!!! I'm gonna Beat ya Senseless!"
Barret started to chase after Remlap.
"OH MAN! THIS IS CHAOS!" Cid yelled.
All of a sudden......bill gates showed up in the middle of
it all. "HEY ALL YOU UM PEOPLE! STOP FIGHTING!"
"Get him!!!!!" Barret yelled. Everyone including Sam who no
one has introduced yet rushed toward Bill Gates.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE WONT BE AN X BOX IF IM DEAD!!!!"
"EXACTLY!!!" Matt thought to himself. My plans will be complete
once we assassinate the head guy from Sega, and Nintendo.
"MWAHAHHAHAHAHAH"
Callie reappeared. 'HEY, Y'ALL!"
"HEY, CALLIE!" everyone yelled back, then went back to rushing Bill
Gates. Barret stomped on him and Cloud chopped him up and Sephiroth
skewered him and Cid clubbed him with his spear and Selphie beat him
with nunchuks and Irvine shot him even more and so did Laguna and
Squall put him down with nasty glares and Yuffie threw origami at him
and Matt dumped Velveeta on his head and Callie kicked him really hard
in the crotch and the Turks stuck nightsticks where the sun don't shine.
"He's going to feel that in the morning." said Sephiroth obliquely.
"Wow, what a pretty shade of red!" Callie said, affixing herself
to Sephiroth, who looked scared.
Cloud drooled.
"OKAY OKAY EVERYBODY!" Boomed a loud echoing voice from high above.
"THIS FANFIC IS GOING TO GO SOMEWHERE! BECAUSE RIGHT NOW...IT IS GOING
NOWHERE!"
"Who da hell is dat foo?" Barret wondered.
"WHO CARES! HE'S GONNA MAKE THIS FANFIC MOVE! PRAISE THE LORD!"
Selphie jumped around and prepared for the Fanfic to start making sense,
as did everyone else.
.
....
........
.............
Nothing happened.
"WELL ILL BE A CHEESEMONKEY NAMED PROVOLONE'S UNCLE!" Matt yelled.
Barret was pretty pissed too, and we all know how Barret talks when
he's pissed. And if you don't, you're about to find out...
"WHAT THE (*))&(^% IS GOIN' ON HERE WITH THIS *%%*^%?! I WANTED SOME
MOTHER ^*(^#$^ SATI'FACKSHUN SONOFA %(*#$ PIECE OF &*%*(% &(^*&^
%^#$ )(*&&* %#!!!!!!!"
"Calm down Barret." Tifa tried to reason with him. "We have to
find out who that is up there, and THEN get mad at him for not moving
this stupid Fanfic along!"
"HEY! WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ABOut the uh fanfic" Matt lowered his
voice some, as not to incriminate himself too much.
"What do YOU care about the Fanfic, HUH?" Tifa asked.
"It's just uh...I think whoever's doing it is doing a pretty good
job if you ask me!!"
"Weell no one asked ya, kid!"
"Uhhh...Barret...if you call me kid one more time, just ONE
MORE, IM GOING TO SHOVE THAT GUN ARM SO FAR UP YOUR /\55 THAT YOU WILL
BE ABLE TO SHOOT OUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU OVERSIZED CHICKEN
SKINNED FLATASS HAIRCUTTED BIG MOUTHED ^%&&^$&^%*&^%(*&^(*&^%*^%$^%#@^
%(*&^(*&%&$!!!!!!!!!"
Barret sat down and whimpered in the corner like a scared puppy.
"HAHA!" Sephiroth laughed at Barret.
Just then...
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY
EVEEEEEWYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Everyone looked at Callie. She shrugged. 'It wasn't me!"
Everyone looked at Selphie. She shrugged. "It wasn't me!"
Everyone looked at Jenova. Jenova shrugged. "I'm dead."
"MOMMY!" Sephiroth yelled, running towards Jenova. Callie made
a disgusted face and started kissing Cloud. Cloud didn't notice.
"It's...SAM!" Laguna said wonderingly.
Sam didn't say anything. because Sam was a hypothetical character.
Tifa said, "I hate this! This sucks!"
Suddenly, Tifa was wearing nothing but a chainmail bra and a
pair of latex undies. "WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Duh, boobies!" said several unidentified males, who then
tried to look as if someone else had said it.
Vincent appeared. "Hey, have you seen my Brillo pads?"
"No!" Barret yelled, cheerfully assaulting Matt with a
mozzarella stick. Matt was in a painful-looking ecstasy.
Suddenly, there was a mysterious green glow. Inside the
mysterious green glow was a mysterious brown-haired girl in a
mysterious pink dress.
"Well, this is &%&*ing mysterious." said Cid.
"EW!!! IT'S AERIS!!!" Callie screamed. She started crying and
ran over to Sephiroth and buried her face in his pretty pretty pretty
silvery hair. Sephiroth was halfway between leering and running.
Jenova just kinda floated.
"Oh, CLOUD!" said Aeris.
"Duh, Aeris no kinky! Cloud likey kinky!"