If Only
Daisy sat at an outside table at the coffee shop waiting for Ezra to arrive. It was good to see him again after so long. When they graduated from Horizon he went off to New York where Kat had gone and the rest of the group settled in San Francisco. Her cell phone rang and she reached into her purse to answer it.
" Hello" Daisy answered.
" Hey it's me Jules" Juliet said. " You're still coming over later right?"
" Ya as soon as I finish lunch with Ezra and I run to David's real quick, I should be there at like 4ish." Daisy explained.
" Ok good. Shelby is a mess all she does is cry and cry, she wont come out of her room unless its to get another box of tissues, it's awful, I wish he could see what he's done to her" Julie sighed.
" Well we will just have to convince her that he isn't the god she is making him out to be, I don know what she sees in the prick any way, but hey I see Ezra coming I gotta go, I'll see ya later." Daisy said and put her cell back into her purse.
***
Juliet hung up the phone and heard the microwave beep. She pulled out the large mug of soup and went into Shelby's room. As she had been for the past two days she lay crumpled up in a ball, tissue in hand crying over a picture next to her bed she was starring at of her and Scott.
" I brought you some soup." Juliet said hopeful she would actually eat it. " I'll leave it over here" She said and put it directly infront of the picture so she could no longer look at it.
" Thanks." Shelby said and sat up against the headboard.
" Shelby sweetie you gotta stop this, you can't keep doing this to your self." Juliet whispered. Shelby shook her head and the tears began to stream down her face again.
" But I can't live without him either." She said.
" Yes you can Shelby, as horrible as it sounds he is just another boy." Juliet smiled.
" No." Shelby shook her head. " If this were you and Auggie, would you listen to me if I said he's just another boy?"
" I guess your right." Juliet laughed a little.
" I'm always right." Shelby smirked.
***
Ezra and Daisy laughed reminiscing over there times at Horizon. Daisy looked at her watch impatiently.
" Is there somewhere you have to be?" Ezra asked.
" Well no not really, it's just well Scott and Shelby are having another one of there "breakups" so she is all depressed, Juliet organized a girls night" Daisy laughed.
" Oh I see" Ezra laughed with her. " Well you better be going then."
" Yea, I better. But it was so great to see you again. Will you please keep in touch this time?" Daisy smiled.
" I'll try." Ezra agreed. He pulled something out of his backpack and handed it to her.
" Heres to the past" he said and walked off. Daisy waved and looked down at the large yellow envelope infront of her. She opened it and pulled out about ten large black and white photos. Daisy gasped as she stared down at them. Pictures of them the day the body was uncovered, pictures of the body being pulled out of the lake, pictures of the moment Scott was telling them to never speak of it again.
***
As Auggie looked through the Photos he sighed uncomfortably.
" Damn it." Scott yelled. He looked around the room realizing Shelby wasn't there.
" Where is he staying?" David asked. " I say we go fuck him up."
" Yea." Auggie said.
" NO!" Jules called out.
" I don't know where he is staying any way he didn't say." Daisy explained. As everyone began to get there things Scott motioned Juliet into the kitchen.
" Where is Shelby?" He asked calmly.
" In her room. Probably crying because that's about all she has been doing for the past two days." Juliet said angrily.
" I never meant to hurt her." Scott said looking down at the ground, he had tears in his eyes and Jules realized there was something going on with him that he couldn't be with Shelby as much as he wanted to.
" Scott whatever it is that's going on with you, you need to talk to her about it, it will make both of you feel better. She can help you, you know she can." Juliet said and walked back out into the living room. Scott knew she was right and walked through the living room and into Shelby's bedroom.
She lay on her bed curled up in a ball the tissues next to her. " Hey there" Scott said breaking the silence. Shelby rolled over quickly.
" What are you doing here?" Shelby whispered whipping the tears off of her face.
" I need to talk to you. Is that ok?" Scott asked.
" Yea ofcoarse." Shelby smiled a little and sat up.
" I'm sorry for doing what I did and giving you no explanation. So I want to talk to you about everything" Scott said taking her hand in his. Shelby nodded her head understandingly. " You know how much I love you sweetie."
Shelby smiled at him and shook her head. " I thought I did"
" I never meant to hurt you the way I did" Scott began " It's just some things happened and I need to be able to keep things from you right now, I need to figure some things out, that's why we have to be apart."
" Scott just tell me what's happening with you" Shelby pleaded
" I got a call from my dad today." Scott explained. " He wanted me to know that Elaine is in jail"
" What?" Shelby asked confused.
" She did it to somebody else, and finally got caught." Scott said. " I don't know, its just making me think about the past a lot"
" Scott." Shelby said lifting his chin so she could look him in the eye. " The past is the past and I have learned that if you don't leave it there, that there is no way you can ever have a life." Shelby explained.
" I know and the last thing I want is for you to have to put up with me right now while I'm trying to do this." Scott said holding onto her.
" Scott isn't what that girlfriends are supposed to do?" Shelby laughed.
" Well you have had to do it enough" Scott sighed. " I just wish we could be normal and have a normal relationship . . . and be happy."
" I was happy." Shelby said pulling away from him. " Now I'm not."
" Shelby I love you" Scott pleaded with her. " I just can't do this right now it's too much"
" I see" Shelby said stubbornly.
" How can you not understand this Shelby I killed a man, and maybe that is easy for you to deal with but not me, I love you and I don't regret doing what I did because I know that if I hadn't you might not be here right now" Scott yelled
" That's what this is about!" Shelby yelled. Everyone could hear them fighting now and stood outside Shelby's door listening.
" Yes that's what this is about, for a six months now I have been trying to forget about it and move on but its not working Shelby I'm sorry for hurting you this way im sorry, im sorry for everything I have done" Scott said breaking down slowly. " But I can't be with someone who constantly reminds me that I killed a man."
" Is that how I make you feel?" Shelby said crying.
" No. God Shelby I love you so much, but when we are together there is always this shadow looming over us, I am a murderer Shelby" Scott said
" NO YOUR NOT! You were protecting me! If you hadn't shot him he would have done what he had been doing for years all over again. Maybe it makes me some kind of horrible person but I am glad you shot him 12 times in the chest I am glad that we threw him in the lake and I'm glad that he is dead and never coming back!!" She screamed. " Walt deserved to die!"
The room was silent that was the first time in 6 months that anyone had uttered that name. Shelby walked out of the room to find the rest of them huddled around the door. She looked at them sternly grabbed her coat and ran out the door.