"HEY! I can be kinky!! Just you wait until l change into my RuPaul
outfit!!" Aeris defended. "And what the hell has happened to you
Cloud?! Why are you so stupid?"
"Duh, uh, Cloud know how to think!"
"Ok ok, that's enough, time for your medicine Cloud." Callie insisted.
"Ok, family meeting!!" Tifa yelled. "NOT YOU REMLAP! Get out
of here!"
"Aww, come on! I don't have a family now! *sad music* I'm all alone in
this big wide world with no real fam-"
"Anyways, WHAT DO U GUYS THINK ABOUT AERIS BEING HERE?!" Tifa
questioned.
"I pity da fooet!" Barret taunted.
"Ooohhh...I can just TASTE all that energy surging around-"
Sephiroth was cut off by Cloud.
"Me think for long time, and have idea. Aeris duh um."
"Does she taste like cheese? Cuz I could eat her if no one wants
her." Matt said hungrily.
"It'sa me...Mario!" Said Mario.
There was a loooooong silence. Everyone was just staring at Mario.
Their glares alone could have turned Mario into one of them Italian
pizza pocket salads. Mario started to walk backwards...slowly
retreating from the intent stares laid upon him. After about an hour,
Mario was out of sight over a hill.
More silence...
"K...the writer of this fanfic is dead as soon as I find out who
it is." Cid said still shocked.
"Duh um, Cloud let no Mario get away! Cloud smash gnome called
Mario!"
Cloud summoned Knights of the Round. Off over the hill that Mario
retreated to, pizza was splattering everywhere. "Duh huh! That
probably hurt fat red guy!"
just then, a spikey blue ball of light zoomed pasted everyone and
grounded upon a high hill.
"NOW WHAT?!" Barret yelled.
"I am Sailor Chibimoon! Tsuki to Crystal Tokyo ni kawatte,
OSHIOKIYO!" said the pink-haired little girl, posing.
Matt shrieked.
Callie, quick as ever, yelled, "HEY! MAAAAAAATT!!! YOU KILLED
MARIO!!!"
"Tee hee duh!" said Aeris, Yuffie, Tifa, and Selphie.
"And I don't want Aer-head here! She's ruining my chances of
doing exceedingly naughty things to Cloud!" Callie added.
"Same here!" Tifa, Yuffie, Matt, and Sephiroth all said.
"Eeeeeeeeew." said Irvine. "I did NOT want to know that."
"Ummm...I don't like you!" yelled Cid.
Aeris started to cry. She cried and cried and cried. It was
very sad. For her. Then Chibiusa started crying. It was even sadder.
For everyone.
Sephiroth calmly picked them up and threw them into the core
of a Mako reactor. "Go ahead, everyone cry a whole lot."
"Naw, we really don't care." said Barret. "Damn ho never did
nuffin' but whine n' talk ta plants."
"But that's all Callie ever does!" said Sephiroth. Callie
smacked him over the head. "BAKA!"
"Owww!!! Don't fuck up my hair!" Sepphy-buns whined.
Callie muttered something obscene that won't be printed here.
Suffice it to say that Sephiroth looked scared afterwards.
"OH, WOW!" screamed Vincent in rapture. "LOOK AT THESE BUNS!"
"Where? WHERE AM BUNS?" asked Cloud, whipping his head from
side to side.
"In my...*grmph*...pocket! *Glumph* Mmmm...chocolate chip..."
Vincent said, gulping down half a scone in contentment.
"Durn." said Cloud.
"HEY HEY HEY! Since when is Cloud a pervert?" asked Remlap.
Matt snickered.
"Stop snickering!" said Yuffie
Matt chortled.
"STOOOOOOOOOOP!"
Matt giggled.
"Okay, now it's just plain DISTURBING."
All of a sudden, the whole group appeared in a dry, hot, vast desert
with nothing around for miles.
"Where are we????" Barret asked.
"Duh uh...me think we in my head." Said Cloud.
"YUeah! That would explain there being NOTHING around for years! I
mean uh, miles!" Matt thought.
"Uhhh foo..." Barret started..."y'all made a typo, Matt!"
"Oh, excuse me."
"HOW ARE WE GOING TO DEFEAT THIS X-BOX?!?!" asked Selphie
"NOT TO FEAR!!!!!" Matt yelled. "WATCH!"
"HEY X-BOX! OVER HERE!" Matt challenged the x-box personally.
"AH! Its too powerful for me!" Matt yelled after repeated attempts
to unplug its power cord.
"I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!! STARTING WITH MY MORTAL ENEMY MATT!"
Just then, a black and blue gaming system flew by the crew and entered
the X-box. What is this SUPERSYSTEM?! AND WHAT ARE ITS INTENTIONS?!?!
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON....DRAGON BALL Z!!!! I mean uh, DIGIMON!!! or uh
THIS INSANE FANFIC!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!
"Digimon?" asked Callie. "YAY! Matt!"
"What?"
"No, not you, numbnuts! On the SHOW, on the show!"
"Oh, look" said several random people blandly. "It is a
PlayStation 2."
"And there was much rejoicing." said Sephiroth dryly.
"Yay." added Callie.
"OOOH OHHH YOU GUYS I FOUND A PRETTY CACTUS IT'S A CACTUS AND
IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!" Selphie shrieked.
"Hey, we just got a plotline here, Selphie!' scolded Irvine. "'Don't
louse it up!"
"Sorry."
And the great and mighty and wonderful PlayStation2 faced them and
said, "Woe art thou that hast ventured here, for thou art going to get
really really thirsty." And they were much afraid. And then Cloud
remembered something.
"Duh...which clone am I?"
::SO! What does the PS2 have to do with anything? How did they get into
the desert? And which clone IS Cloud?::
THE PS2 JUMPED INTO THE AIR AND DID A BACKFLIP! YAY! "I am the
real Cloud!"
"NO YOU'RE NOT! I AM!"
"no me"
"no me"
"no me me me"
"ok you"
"no you"
"ENUF!!!!!!!!!!!! yelled Sephiroth "why are we in the desert??"
"because Clouds stupid! why couldn't he work at McDonalds! at least we
would get to eat!" Cid yelled
"ENOUGH! SILENCE ALL OF YOU! YOU WILL ALL DIE FOR YOUR TREACHERY!"
"Oh...our pasts, he knows..."
Callie gasped. "What pasts?"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes and began reciting. "I am Alpha and Omega-"
"You baka! That's from Xenogears!"
"Okay...ummm...Command to the Empire in particular?"
"FF6!"
Sephiroth sulked. 'Well, FF7 doesn't HAVE any especially quotable
moments. Except for anything I say, of course."
"We're not a clone...BARRET is the clone!" Cloud said, and pointed.
"Probably." agreed the PS2.
Then Selphie, in her endless mission to undermine the plotline,
announced, 'MY LIP SMACKERS TASTE LIKE WATERMELON!"
"WOW! MINE TASTES LIKE FIRECRACKERS!" Matt said excitedly.
Everyone looked at him.
"WHAT?! Stop looking at me! Come on guys!"
"Anyways," Callie interrupted, "What's this about Barret being a
drone?"
"Uh, that's CLONE Callie...and I STILL think Cloud is the clone."
Cid mentioned.
"Hey! Cloud is are am was were no clone!"
"Yeah!" Said the Clouds.
Selphie leaned over close to Sephiroth and whispered in his ear.
"Uh, how come no one questioned why the PS2 can talk?"
"I don't know. Don't worry about it though, we'll assassinate
it when it starts to get TOO annoying." Sephiroth responded.
"Duh huh huh! You said ass times double! Huh huh!"
"Okay...TRIPLE dose of medicine this time Cloudy!" Callie yelled.
"HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!" Remlap pointed. In the distance were 3
very beautiful girls. One was a fairy, one was a lifeguard, and one
was a McDonalds employee riding a llama.
"OVER HERE!" Remlap yelled"
/ Oh, no! \ Callie thought. How could any man resist a woman riding a
llama? Or a fairy chick? Or a lifeguard? Quickly, she thought of
something. 'HEY! EVERYONE, THOSE GIRLS AREN'T REAL!"
"They're not?" asked Remlap in disappointment.
"Phew!" said Tifa, Yuffie, Elena, and Selphie.
"No, uhhh...they're constructs! By the ShinRa!" Callie yelped.
"Yeah! That's it!"
"Liar!" said Matt.
"No, she's right. Those are robotic blow-up dolls Rufus had
Hojo make for him for his twenty-first birthday." said Sephiroth.
"Pervert."
"Duhh, boobies no real?" asked Cloud sadly.
"Nope!"
"DAMN!" every man yelled.
"ANYWAYS!" said Tifa very loudly. "I AM STILL PRETTIER."
"No, Aeris is prettier than you." said Vincent. The other FF7 guys
nodded.
Tifa glared. "That's it! I'm going! And when I come back,
you'll think I'm so sexy...that...that..."
"That's nice." Sephiroth finished her sentence. "Soo...what
happens now?"
"I don't know, let's ask scooby doo.
"RHI UUNNNOOOOO!!!!"
"I think he means he doesn't know"
"RHAAAT?"
"Uh, he's getting annoying now."
"RHO RHYM RHOT!"
"Uh yeah, you are" Barret responded.
"RHAT RHA RUCK?! RHI RHAM RHOT RHORHOYING RHU RHUPID RHAGGOT
RHEAKIN RHONOFA RHITCH! RHAT RHA RUCK RHU RHINK RHI RHAM, RHUM RHIND
RHUF RA RHANIMAL RHOR RHA RHOG RHOR RHOMETHING! RHI RHAM RHOOBY RHOO
RHITCH!!!!"
"Ok...THAT'S IT...I'm taking Scooby out of here as soon as I can
erase when no one is watching" Matt said.
"RHU RHA RHIGHT RHERYRHING RHU RHA RHEI RHOFLE RHAP RHUP RHWINK
RHHUMP RHUP RHU RHA RHE!!!"
All of a sudden, scooby doo was gone. Callie saw Matt erase the
Scooby, but no one else did.
"So uh, now that I'm done thinking of what to do now, I think
I'll think some more!" Sephiroth said.
"Yeah. I WANT BOOBIES!" Cloud protested.
"my hair smells like fish gills" Remlap pointed out.
-=BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM booM BOOM=-
"what was that?!?!|" everyone asked.
"'S'cuse me! I farted!" said Remlap.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW." everyone said.
Then the booming started again. Callie climbed up Sephiroth
and stood on his head so she could see better.
"HEY, YOU GUYS! SCARLET BUILT ANOTHER MECHA!" she screamed.
(And there was much rejoicing. Yay.)
Everyone ran towards the mecha. It was huge and large and big a
nd gigantic and humongous and really really not small. It was also blue.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!" said Scarlet.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAA!!!!" said Heidegger.
"MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" said Sephiroth
"TEE HEEE HEEE!" said Selphie
"Duh huh huh huh!" said Cloud.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAKyakhyuckhahahahahaahbeahhhaaaaa!!!!!" said
Callie, thereby ending it all.
"Thank you." said Matt.
"DEAR GOD! IT'S A GIGANTIC SMURF!" cried Laguna in fear.
Callie screamed, fell off Sephiroth, and started crying.
"There, there." soothed Sephiroth. "There, there..."
"WHERE??? WHERE???" asked Cid.
And the mecha kept coming closer...