...and then Cloud kicked Matt in the head. 'Duh, stupid Matt! Don't
have dreams like that!"
"Yeah!" said Barret, removing a pair of D cups from his skull.
"I pity da foo' who throw this!"
"What the hell are you doing with my bra?" Tifa asked
"YOUR BRA???"
"Okay, my training bra from when I was twelve and a lot less
'special', if you get my drift."
Cloud tied the bra around his head and started making
'tbbbpthhppth" noises with his tongue.
"An EGG?" Sephiroth asked. Matt shrugged.
"This is odd." said Mana.
"Why am I here? Why are any of us here? What is our purpose?
Where can we find the Puppet Master? Why am I naked all the time?
What was Mamoru Oshii smoking when he made this flick? And wasn't I
cooler in the manga? Or is it just me?" asked Kusanagi while removing
cybernetic jacks from her neck and altering her physiology to
counteract the effects of alcohol.
"You am here because Matt am drooling fanboy, We am here
because we am in fanfic, nobody knows, at a puppet show, because they
wanted movie to sell good, I don't know but me wants some, yep, nope."
Cloud answered, more coherently than he ever had before.
"Why are you guarding the spiders, topless lady huh huh huh?" S
elphie asked.
"Because I'm getting paid enough cash to make Bill Gates
scream for his mommy, you stupid little bitch!" Kusanagi said, quite
OOC-ly.
"I LOVE YOU!" said Matt.
"O-kayyyy..."
Callie stood up. "HEY, YOU GUYS! SEPHIROTH AND CLOUD AND
VINCENT AND MANA AND LAGUNA JUST PROPOSED TO ME AND I ACCEPTED ALL OF
THEIR PROPOSALS!"
"What?" asked Sephiroth. "Mommy...where's my mommy..."
"Me did? Now Cloud have easy access to boobies!"
"Great, another sin has been heaped upon my soul. I'm not
picking out flowers."
"..."
"But...but, you're not Julia!"
Callie just laughed insanely.
"HEY!" Matt yelled loudly. He had everyones attention as there was a
silence. "Well...uh...welll I didn't really expect anyone to actually
LISTEN to me! Go on eating your pie's and grooming yourselves and
building legos!"
Everyone continued eating their pie's and grooming themselves and
building legos.
"OH NO! ITS JIN KAZAMA!" Yelled Cid.
Just then Jin kazama walked by eating chicken and saying "CHICKEN"
"WHOA! It's that new STORY MODE that everyones been talking about!" Selphie said amazed.
"You think we should try it out guys?"
"Hell yeah!" Matt said excitedly.
Just then, Rufus stumbled by, cursing and carrying a bottle in his
left hand.
"What Rufus doing?" Cloud asked.
"Waell, rufuis ais drunked as haell!"
"hERE Vincent, HAVE SOME!" Rufus shook the bottle of whiskey at
Vincent, and a single drop came out and landed in his mouth.
"WHOA HO HO HOOO This es good stufffs!" Suddenly Vincent started
juggling materia and shotguns.
"WOW!" Said Callie amazed.
1 minute after that, Vincent was already having a hang over.
"WHOA OW head hurt!"
"so what about the story mode?" Asked Matt
"Screw the story mode, lets all go get drunk!" Squall ordered.
"woohoo" said the gumbo.
"yes!" said everyone else.
"WAIT!" Sephiroth screamed. "YOU'RE GOING TO LET CALLIE AND CLOUD
DRINK?"
"Heh heh ." said Callie.
"Drink what?" asked Cloud.
"Good point! They can have Dr. Pepper." said Matt. Callie and
Cloud chugged 655658 bottles of Dr. Pepper.
Everyone else had a sip of beer and tried to pretend that they l
iked it.
They failed.
"GROOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!!" Selphie screamed, spitting it out. 'Callie,
give me some Dr. Pepper!" Callie and Selphie happily drank their sodas.
"Uh...ick." said Sephiroth. "I prefer a nice Bordeaux, slightly
chilled, a 1978 vintage, preferably with red grapes."
Everyone stared at him.
"You have no idea what you are talking about." said Callie.
"I know." said Sephiroth, taking a Dr. Pepper.
"Well THAT'S the end of THAT chapter!" Said Homer.
"What are chapter?" Cloud asksed.
"Hey lets go to the Dairy Queen!" Vincent yelled.
"Sounds like fun!" Selphie added.
They arrived at the Dairy Queen 15 minutes before they started
traveling.
"Hey uh, how many people will we have if we keep adding fanfic
people, but not disposing of them?"
"dunno, lets get rid of some, huh?"
"Okay!! Kusanagi, Squall, Remlap, the Turks, Mana, and Sam should all
leave." Callie said.
"Fine with me. I've got to have the 'children' of the Puppet Master
anyways." said Kusanagi, hopping into a convenient fuchikoma and
driving off.
"Bye, Motoko-sama!" Matt said.
"Fine. I hate you all anyways." said Squall. He walked away.
"Awww! That's not fair! *sniffle*!" cried Remlap. Selphie kicked
him down a hill and he rolled away.
"TEAM ROCKET BLASTING OFF AGAIN!' the Turks all yelled in unison, and
then mysteriously did in fact grow little rocket launchers on the bottoms of
their feet and literally blast off.
"...." said Mana. Kozi flew down from the sky, picked him up, and carried
him off.
"HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" yelled Matt. 'I didn't want Kusanagi and Remlap to
leave!"
"Shut up, biatch, befores I knocks you down!" Barret said.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Matt.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRSSSS!!!!" Yuffie screamed.
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSEEBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!" Callie
said, appropriately.
Then Cloud found a hooker.
"So uh, who does that leave us with anyways?" Matt asked.
"Well let's see..." Callie started thinking. "Um...Cid, Selphie,
Cloud, Yuffie, Tifa, Sephy, MEEEEE of course, you, and Barret's ugly
ass."
"Oh yeah."
"HEY FOOS! I VOTE TO GETS RID OF SOME OTHER PEEPS TOO!" Barret
yelled.
"Ok, you're gone Barret." Matt said.
"HEY WAIT IM NOT-"
Barret disappearred in a puff of smoke and gold jewelry.
"Duh, Cloud know nots lots people left."
"What?" Everyone asked.
"Think before u talk Cloudy." Callie suggested.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, Cloud...Know...Nots...Lots...People-"
"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!" Matt yelled.
"IT AM MATT FAULT CLOUD IS STUPTID!" Cloud yelled angrily.
"Oh yeah...Sorry."
"It ok...Do Matt want make-up sex?"
"AHHHHHUHHHHH ITS OK." Matt said, backing away from Cloud slowly.
"Just uh, go have fun with your hooker."
"OK!" Cloud ran off with his 'hooker' to the nearest Best Buy
store and came back with a baby and a couple cds.
"WHAT THE DREAMCAST?! WHOS KID IS THAT?!" Callie asked, demanding
an answer.
"Duh huh, Dunno. Just took baby from box with wheels.
"YOU MEAN A STROLLER?!" Matt asked.
"Yah that box!"
"Jeesus, Cloud." Matt sighed. "I feel REALLY bad about the stupid
thing now...AND WHHHYYY THE HELL DID YOU GET SO MANY GEORGE STRAIGHT
CDS?!?!
"Ouch...My head! Stop pleaaase!"
"Ok ok...But we ARE going to return those cds for something better!"
"LETS GET SOUNDS FROM AIRPLANES VOLUME 4!!!" Cid insisted.
"NO WAY! WERE GETTING TRAINS, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOTRAINS! THE
DERAILMENT SPECIAL!" Selphie argued.
"Ok, you are ALL wrong once again!" Callie said. "We're getting
the new single from Foo AND THAT'S FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone huddled up into a tiny ball except Cloud who was busy
eating everyone's easter candy.
"ONWARD TO THE SUPERSTORE!" Matt chanted. "MY SECRET PLAN THAT NO
ONE MUST KNOW ABOUT IS IN PHASE 1! BWAHAHAH!"
No one cared.
"Come on guys! its a SECRET PLAN! AWW COME ON!"
'What's the secret plan?" asked Callie, who was busy spanking Cloud for
not picking out any Nine Inch Nails.
"Uhhh...I'll tell you later."
"When?"
"Sooooooon!"
"Well, how sooooooon???"
"Probably too soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon for my taste." said
Sephiroth disgustedly. "Matt, you putz!"
"Hhuh? I don't play golf." Matt replied, confused.
"Ohh, nevermind."
Suddenly, hide walked in. Everyone said hello to hide. hide said hello
back. Then hide left.
"Cloud's butt hurts."
"SHut up, Cloud." said Cid.
"hey, we're still here!" Laguna yelled, pointing to Irvine.
((sorry this sucked so much, but I didn't know what your big funky plan was.))
have dreams like that!"
"Yeah!" said Barret, removing a pair of D cups from his skull.
"I pity da foo' who throw this!"
"What the hell are you doing with my bra?" Tifa asked
"YOUR BRA???"
"Okay, my training bra from when I was twelve and a lot less
'special', if you get my drift."
Cloud tied the bra around his head and started making
'tbbbpthhppth" noises with his tongue.
"An EGG?" Sephiroth asked. Matt shrugged.
"This is odd." said Mana.
"Why am I here? Why are any of us here? What is our purpose?
Where can we find the Puppet Master? Why am I naked all the time?
What was Mamoru Oshii smoking when he made this flick? And wasn't I
cooler in the manga? Or is it just me?" asked Kusanagi while removing
cybernetic jacks from her neck and altering her physiology to
counteract the effects of alcohol.
"You am here because Matt am drooling fanboy, We am here
because we am in fanfic, nobody knows, at a puppet show, because they
wanted movie to sell good, I don't know but me wants some, yep, nope."
Cloud answered, more coherently than he ever had before.
"Why are you guarding the spiders, topless lady huh huh huh?" S
elphie asked.
"Because I'm getting paid enough cash to make Bill Gates
scream for his mommy, you stupid little bitch!" Kusanagi said, quite
OOC-ly.
"I LOVE YOU!" said Matt.
"O-kayyyy..."
Callie stood up. "HEY, YOU GUYS! SEPHIROTH AND CLOUD AND
VINCENT AND MANA AND LAGUNA JUST PROPOSED TO ME AND I ACCEPTED ALL OF
THEIR PROPOSALS!"
"What?" asked Sephiroth. "Mommy...where's my mommy..."
"Me did? Now Cloud have easy access to boobies!"
"Great, another sin has been heaped upon my soul. I'm not
picking out flowers."
"..."
"But...but, you're not Julia!"
Callie just laughed insanely.
"HEY!" Matt yelled loudly. He had everyones attention as there was a
silence. "Well...uh...welll I didn't really expect anyone to actually
LISTEN to me! Go on eating your pie's and grooming yourselves and
building legos!"
Everyone continued eating their pie's and grooming themselves and
building legos.
"OH NO! ITS JIN KAZAMA!" Yelled Cid.
Just then Jin kazama walked by eating chicken and saying "CHICKEN"
"WHOA! It's that new STORY MODE that everyones been talking about!" Selphie said amazed.
"You think we should try it out guys?"
"Hell yeah!" Matt said excitedly.
Just then, Rufus stumbled by, cursing and carrying a bottle in his
left hand.
"What Rufus doing?" Cloud asked.
"Waell, rufuis ais drunked as haell!"
"hERE Vincent, HAVE SOME!" Rufus shook the bottle of whiskey at
Vincent, and a single drop came out and landed in his mouth.
"WHOA HO HO HOOO This es good stufffs!" Suddenly Vincent started
juggling materia and shotguns.
"WOW!" Said Callie amazed.
1 minute after that, Vincent was already having a hang over.
"WHOA OW head hurt!"
"so what about the story mode?" Asked Matt
"Screw the story mode, lets all go get drunk!" Squall ordered.
"woohoo" said the gumbo.
"yes!" said everyone else.
"WAIT!" Sephiroth screamed. "YOU'RE GOING TO LET CALLIE AND CLOUD
DRINK?"
"Heh heh ." said Callie.
"Drink what?" asked Cloud.
"Good point! They can have Dr. Pepper." said Matt. Callie and
Cloud chugged 655658 bottles of Dr. Pepper.
Everyone else had a sip of beer and tried to pretend that they l
iked it.
They failed.
"GROOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!!" Selphie screamed, spitting it out. 'Callie,
give me some Dr. Pepper!" Callie and Selphie happily drank their sodas.
"Uh...ick." said Sephiroth. "I prefer a nice Bordeaux, slightly
chilled, a 1978 vintage, preferably with red grapes."
Everyone stared at him.
"You have no idea what you are talking about." said Callie.
"I know." said Sephiroth, taking a Dr. Pepper.
"Well THAT'S the end of THAT chapter!" Said Homer.
"What are chapter?" Cloud asksed.
"Hey lets go to the Dairy Queen!" Vincent yelled.
"Sounds like fun!" Selphie added.
They arrived at the Dairy Queen 15 minutes before they started
traveling.
"Hey uh, how many people will we have if we keep adding fanfic
people, but not disposing of them?"
"dunno, lets get rid of some, huh?"
"Okay!! Kusanagi, Squall, Remlap, the Turks, Mana, and Sam should all
leave." Callie said.
"Fine with me. I've got to have the 'children' of the Puppet Master
anyways." said Kusanagi, hopping into a convenient fuchikoma and
driving off.
"Bye, Motoko-sama!" Matt said.
"Fine. I hate you all anyways." said Squall. He walked away.
"Awww! That's not fair! *sniffle*!" cried Remlap. Selphie kicked
him down a hill and he rolled away.
"TEAM ROCKET BLASTING OFF AGAIN!' the Turks all yelled in unison, and
then mysteriously did in fact grow little rocket launchers on the bottoms of
their feet and literally blast off.
"...." said Mana. Kozi flew down from the sky, picked him up, and carried
him off.
"HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" yelled Matt. 'I didn't want Kusanagi and Remlap to
leave!"
"Shut up, biatch, befores I knocks you down!" Barret said.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Matt.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRSSSS!!!!" Yuffie screamed.
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSEEBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!" Callie
said, appropriately.
Then Cloud found a hooker.
"So uh, who does that leave us with anyways?" Matt asked.
"Well let's see..." Callie started thinking. "Um...Cid, Selphie,
Cloud, Yuffie, Tifa, Sephy, MEEEEE of course, you, and Barret's ugly
ass."
"Oh yeah."
"HEY FOOS! I VOTE TO GETS RID OF SOME OTHER PEEPS TOO!" Barret
yelled.
"Ok, you're gone Barret." Matt said.
"HEY WAIT IM NOT-"
Barret disappearred in a puff of smoke and gold jewelry.
"Duh, Cloud know nots lots people left."
"What?" Everyone asked.
"Think before u talk Cloudy." Callie suggested.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, Cloud...Know...Nots...Lots...People-"
"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!" Matt yelled.
"IT AM MATT FAULT CLOUD IS STUPTID!" Cloud yelled angrily.
"Oh yeah...Sorry."
"It ok...Do Matt want make-up sex?"
"AHHHHHUHHHHH ITS OK." Matt said, backing away from Cloud slowly.
"Just uh, go have fun with your hooker."
"OK!" Cloud ran off with his 'hooker' to the nearest Best Buy
store and came back with a baby and a couple cds.
"WHAT THE DREAMCAST?! WHOS KID IS THAT?!" Callie asked, demanding
an answer.
"Duh huh, Dunno. Just took baby from box with wheels.
"YOU MEAN A STROLLER?!" Matt asked.
"Yah that box!"
"Jeesus, Cloud." Matt sighed. "I feel REALLY bad about the stupid
thing now...AND WHHHYYY THE HELL DID YOU GET SO MANY GEORGE STRAIGHT
CDS?!?!
"Ouch...My head! Stop pleaaase!"
"Ok ok...But we ARE going to return those cds for something better!"
"LETS GET SOUNDS FROM AIRPLANES VOLUME 4!!!" Cid insisted.
"NO WAY! WERE GETTING TRAINS, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOTRAINS! THE
DERAILMENT SPECIAL!" Selphie argued.
"Ok, you are ALL wrong once again!" Callie said. "We're getting
the new single from Foo AND THAT'S FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone huddled up into a tiny ball except Cloud who was busy
eating everyone's easter candy.
"ONWARD TO THE SUPERSTORE!" Matt chanted. "MY SECRET PLAN THAT NO
ONE MUST KNOW ABOUT IS IN PHASE 1! BWAHAHAH!"
No one cared.
"Come on guys! its a SECRET PLAN! AWW COME ON!"
'What's the secret plan?" asked Callie, who was busy spanking Cloud for
not picking out any Nine Inch Nails.
"Uhhh...I'll tell you later."
"When?"
"Sooooooon!"
"Well, how sooooooon???"
"Probably too soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon for my taste." said
Sephiroth disgustedly. "Matt, you putz!"
"Hhuh? I don't play golf." Matt replied, confused.
"Ohh, nevermind."
Suddenly, hide walked in. Everyone said hello to hide. hide said hello
back. Then hide left.
"Cloud's butt hurts."
"SHut up, Cloud." said Cid.
"hey, we're still here!" Laguna yelled, pointing to Irvine.
((sorry this sucked so much, but I didn't know what your big funky plan was.))