Over and over
again
asking the same
question
never answering
with the same
answer
"Was I worth it?"
No?
Yes?
then why
am I sitting here
beside you
shaking
uncontrollably
as blood seeps out
of your numerous
wounds
it was me
not you
not you
I was the one
He was after
not you
not you
why go
and throw everything
away
all you've worked for
your whole life
is like a trash can
except
instead of filled
with trash
the can
is filled
with you
and your perservence
how can you be
so careless with
your life
knowing all around
you
more important people
exist than me
people
who deserve their
life
more than me
so, why me?
why me?
I never once
said anything right
always awkward
and never said
the words
those three small
words
which of,
you graced me with
every day
and now
how I wish
I could turn back
the hands of time
as everyone does
when someone dear
to them
will be gone
soon,
in a matter of hours
a matter of minutes
a matter of seconds
if I ask
just one more deed
of yours
I'd say
'Hold on,
hold on
for me,
for everybody,
this isn't the time
to see your parents
again
not the time
you're
too young
to die,
so hold on
hold on,
is my last
request'
but I cannot
ask you for something
as I have done so
many times before
I cannot ask you to
hold me
and tell me
everything will be alright
becaues it won't
nothing ever will be
again
I do not speak
instead you do for me
whispering hoarsly
a Christina Rosetti
poem
"Remember me when I
am gone away
Gone far away into
the silent land
When you can no more
hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go
yet turning to stay.
Remember me when no
more day by day
You tell me of our
future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you
understand
It will be late to
counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should
forget me for a while
And afterwards
remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness
and corruption leave
A vestige of the
thoughts that once I had
Better by far you
should forget and smile
Than that you should
remember and be sad"
Unable to stop
the tears
rush out
kept inside
for much too long
and now released
at this sight
slowly
I open my mouth
to try
and say words
which should have
been
murmmered before this
time
"I've always loved
you
and we'll be
together,
together forever,
in memories,
if not in this world,
but one promise
from you
please,
please,
never leave me
alone
because I'll always
love you
no matter what
you'll always be
somewhere in my heart"
You smile
a smile that has
made me go weak in
the knees
plenty of times
and you chuckle
noticing the
disbelieving look
of myself and others
around us
"I promise,"
you say
"Always and forever"
slightly weeping
I take you closer
in my arms
and hold you
feeling your steady,
slowing breathing
and then
in one second
it ends
and you're left
hanging like a limp
rag doll
in my arms
with my tear stains
on your robes
never once again
to tousle my hair
after all
it's the little
things
we always take for
granted
and it's the little
things
we always miss the
most
