AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: This is the first installment in my 'Letters' series. Each fic will consist of a letter from Buffy to Angel and from Angel to Buffy. Sometimes, probably more often than not, they won't make sense. Just thought I'd warn you.
SPOILER: City Of....and The Freshman
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG'
DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Joss & David (Greenwalt not Boreanaz). I love them both, but NOT the way I love Nicky g. The song is by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Don't ask. I'm embarressed to even admit to owning her CD.
//If we ever come close
If we ever discover
I will hold on and
Keep our faith in each other
The difference between us
Will keep us together\\
Dear Angel,
I know we all said we wouldn't write to each other, but Cordelia is weak. She wrote Xander and told him you're in LA. I don't know where, I don't even have an address to mail this letter to, but if I don't write this letter....
When you left, I swore I would move on.
And I got a good head start on the moving on thing, really, I did. I spent my summer Slaying at and at the Bronze. I met lots of guys. Didn't go out with a one of them though. I just couldn't. I'm not ready.
I never will be.
And today, I went by my house to see my mom and I realized something.
I can move away to go to school, and I can make new friends, but I can't move on.
I can't stop being the Slayer, or stop protecting my friends, or stop bickering with Xander.
And I can't stop loving you.
When I was at my mom's house today, the phone rang. I answered it but no one was there. My first thought was that you were the one calling me. I know that's not possible though, because you never were much for the phone. And you were the one who cut us off. No contact, remember? I deserve better, you said.
You wanna know something? I don't *want* better.
I know you're not ready to come home to me yet. And maybe I'll wind up having to come to you, wherever you are in the big, bright City of Angels.
I know though that someday, it'll happen.
For now, all I can do is wait.
Wait for you to come home to me, wait for my soul to stop aching, wait for my heart to stop beating. I'll take any of the three at this point.
I have to go. Kathy, my Hell-On-Wheels roommate, is back from her class and I want to bolt.
I love you forever.
Buffy
*****
Dear Buffy,
I don't know why I'm writing you this letter. No, scratch that. I know exactly why I'm writing it. I'm writing it because I need to feel close to you right now, and this is the best way I know how.
The thing is, I know in my heart, undead or not, that I'll never send it to you. I'll put it away with the others I've been writing all summer long and pretend it doesn't exist. But I'll know it's there, for the days when I need it.
I tried to call you yesterday. I feel like such a moron, I let the phone ring and I let you pick up, but I chickened out of saying anything. Hung up before you could hear me...well...not breathing.
Maybe I should talk to you, let you know how I'm doing. How I'm feeling without you.
I should've said, "Buffy, it's me. I miss you, I need you, I love you. We'll find a way, and I'm coming home."
I guess I'm just not strong enough to make that move yet.
I want you to at least try Buffy. Try to find someone else, to find happiness with a man who's not me. Someone who loves you a lot, and will take care of you. The thing that keeps at me is...no matter how much he loves you, he'll never love you the way that I do.
I need to go. Cordelia just came to work and she's about to wallpaper my bathroom.