AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: This is the second in my 'Letters' series. The first was called 'Separation'. It's at my page if you haven't read it.
SPOILER: Lonely Hearts & Living Conditions
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) Of course, all my work is at my page - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com& also my ANGEL page - http://planetangelus.homestead.com
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG'
DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Joss & David (Greenwalt not Boreanaz). I love them both, but NOT the way I love Nicky g. Mariah Carey owns the fab song from her first CD, Mariah Carey. Buy it if you don't already own it g
//Swept me away but now I'm
Lost in the dark
Set me on fire but now
I'm left with the spark
Alone
You got behind the haze and
I'm lost inside the maze
I guess I'm all alone in love
I look into your eyes
You turn the other way
And now I realize
It's all a game you play
I've figured out your story
To quickly drift apart
You held me for awhile
Planned it from the start
All alone in love\\
Dear Buffy,
Here I am, right on schedule. I don't waste any time, do I?
God, I don't even know where to start. I have to say though, tonight is the first time in like four days that I've had time to just sit in the dark and think of you. We had this demon, it skipped from body to body and eviscerated as it did so. Giles would've been quite interested in it, I think. More bizarre than what we usually see in Sunnydale.
Doyle and Cordelia were supposed to go home, but I think they went out together instead. Though I could be wrong. Cordelia's got a mind of her own, as you well know, and she's pretty oblivious to the fact that Doyle has the major hots for her. She also has a huge problem with demons, and Doyle's only half human, which I'm sure will not thrill her. If she finds out.
Did I even tell you about Doyle? I know I must have, but just in case, a recap. He says The Powers That Be sent him down to help me help others. He's a clairvoyant, he gets visions. I think that freaks Cordelia out a bit, but she'll get used to it. That's what life is all about, right? Adjustments?
I think about you, wonder if you're all right. I want to ask Cordelia to ask Xander how you are, but I know she'll try to set us up for a meeting then and I think something like that would just cause us more hurt than good. I can't take anymore hurt right now, I've got enough on my own.
I'm worried about my future. I don't know how long I can go on helping people, especially since LA is such a high-profile crime scene. There's only like one city with more murder than LA, it's Detroit, if I'm not mistaken. Never pictured Michigan that way, but then again, I haven't been there in what, thirty years?
I almost got arrested the other night. This detective, Kate, she was on the trail of the demon I told you about. She thought I was the killer, but she came around when she saw me save her ass from him more than once. She's too weak-willed for the job though, she'll never know the truth and I guess that puts me - and Cordelia and Doyle - in danger. No different than the past, right?
I can't believe I still sit here every night - well, I missed two there on that demon's trail but other than that - every night and write you letters I'll never let you read. Even if we did find our way back together, and for your sake I hope we don't, but even if we did, I wouldn't want you to read them. They'd just depress you.
What I wouldn't give to get the aspect of that scaly demon so I could read your mind from Los Angeles....
Angel
*****
Dear Angel,
Here I go again. So much to tell you, so little time to do it in.
Kathy *was* from Hell. Literally. She was some ugly kind of demon, and her own people summoned her back. It was sort of a strange occurrence, I'll tell you about it more in-depth later. I warn you though, you're gonna wanna kick Xander and Oz and Giles' asses the next time you see them and they'll definitely deserve it.
Will's gonna be my roommate now, and that's cool. We have some of the same classes, we like the same music, oh, yeah, and I forgot....she knows I'm the Slayer!!
It's one thing making excuses with someone you run into down the hall from your first class, but living with Kathy made patrolling nearly impossible. Not that I found so many vampires those last few nights, but you know, that coulda been her fault.
Last night was sorta a trip though. When Oz and I (don't ask) were patrolling the other night, I broke a bench. I know, it sounds irrational and very.....Faith-like, but I was just so fed up with Kathy you can't even imagine. So I broke a bench. The funny thing is, Will and I went on patrol last night and I used the pieces of broken wood from the bench to stake two of the three vampires we dusted. Willow said it was Slayer Recycling. I say it was irony.
I guess I'm still getting used to doing things on my own. Well, not on my own, but, without you. When you told me you were leaving....I spent hours on my roof just thinking. I hope the vampires didn't kill too many people that night, because I didn't go on patrol for the first time in I can't remember when. I just sat there, hugging my knees, pretending it wasn't real. And now....I don't know. My old life was so simple. Or at least it seems simple to me now. It wasn't of course, but I guess a part of me wishes it had been. Or that the present could be like the past. Happy, enjoyable. Life is never simple, but at least then, I had you. Creature-Of-The-Night, I know, but it didn't bother me. There was more feeling in one of your fingers than in all the boys at UC Sunnydale put together. They'll never be you, and that's why I'm swearing them off. Will says I'm still adjusting to life without you, and that much I know, but she seems to think I'll wake up one day and want the guy across the hall with the purple boots or something. (And no, I won't, the boots squeak.) This isn't an episode of Felicity where my heart can change overnight. I'm not gonna bounce back and forth between you and Xander (God, that's a scary thought. Enough to give us both nightmares!) until you both dump me and I have to sleep with Simon Rex (though actually....KIDDING!!!). I won't *ever* want anyone but you. If everyone, you included, could just accept that, my life would be easy.
Will knows about the letters. She even thinks they're a good thing. I think they're my lifeline. The one connection I still have to you.
And before I forget....I dreamt of you last night. We were patrolling and you just grabbed me and kissed me. It was so sweet, so.....so you. I miss patrolling with you, the way our hands would brush as we walked, the way we worked in sync with each other to kill all the undead who would dare go after us.
I'm rambling now, and the tears are pouring down my cheeks. Great, I'll have raccoon eyes for my next class. Cordelia would know what to do to avoid smearing the rest of my makeup. Ask her for me, would ya?
Missing you terribly, even in my dreams,
Buffy