The Same Coin

by MissAndrony

R breakup--Esmeraude's new plan was foolproof before Mamoru intervened. But could the results of that battle still destroy Mamoru and Usagi?

2. Part II

Well, I'm happy about the buzz around the story (even though my mailbox
seems strangely lonely...then again, that may be because I just changed
addresses)...I'm pleased people like my work. Even though I like writing
because the more I do the better I get, feedback really is a good way to make
a girl sit down and write.

But from here on in, contact me at:

tennyo@home.com

I'm happy...it means I finally have a mail client.

Anyways, yes, this part was written a while back but I needed to rework
a few extremely crucial scenes. But between two history projects, an English
paper, a Chem project (evil, sadistic Chem teacher...), Choir auditions, Junior
Prom, and realizing I've been in love with my best guy friend since I met him
last year (this is an extremely unpleasant situation to be in, by the way), I've
been, er, busy. And don't ask about the last part unless you want to hear the
hour-long rant on my sheer stupidity over the matter. But at least Prom was fun.
And I looked damn good.

But since I'm bitter, we have a bitter disclaimer for you today:

Yet Another Stupid Disclaimer So The Poor, Broke Author Doesn't Get Her
Butt Sued By A Bunch Of Psychos With Rabid Lawyers: Sailormoon does not belong
to me. But if you haven't figured that out by now...well, I'll let it slide if
you're from Florida (J/K).

Oooh, here's an idea: story!

* * * * * * * * *

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."
--Blaise Pascal

* * * * * * * * *

"You said to me,
'Baby don't you cry,'
Put your arms around me child,
And live with me tonight..."

--Weezer, "You Gave Your Love To
Me Softly"

* * * * * * * * *

*Ding-dong!*

Usagi groaned. It had been a miserable, exhausting day, and she was NOT
up for company. What kind of crazy people called at midnight, anyways? Besides,
it was probably a bad idea to open her door to a complete stranger...

But what if it wasn't a stranger? It could be one of the senshi, or Naru,
or...well, who knew? With a sigh, she grabbed her robe and headed towards the door.

Ding-dong!

"All right, I'm coming already!" Her pace quickened. Why did her heart beat
faster with each step she took? Where did the pounding sense of urgency in her head
mean?

By the time she actually *reached* the door, she looked more like she had
travelled a thousand miles than a hundred yards. Without even looking in the peephole
she yanked the door open, completely throwing caution to the wind.

On her doorstep stood a drenched Mamoru, eyes completely empty and impervious to
the miserable cold rain that had soaked him.

"Mamo--"

In a single movement he pulled her into his arms and kissed her harder than
she'd ever been kissed before. Grabbing her tightly, he molded her against him as
best he possibly could, frantically reaching a hand to the back of her head so he
could gain greater access. The sheer passion in the kiss blew Usagi and her
meager experience with sweeter and gentler pecks away.

He cast me aside pretty easily. Isn't real love supposed to be stronger than
that? The words from her 'chat' with Shinji this afternoon suddenly rang in her mind.

She was aware of the hot, salty liquid that mingled with the cold rain. Usagi
heard him half-murmur, half-sob something under his breath, but she was too lost in
the kiss to understand what he was trying to say. She made a feeble attempt to pull
away but he just held her closer to him.

If he had really loved me, wouldn't he have come to me and just...I don't
know... and she still didn't. The emotion in the kiss was doing strange things to
her insides; she finally realized it was a lost cause. Melting all over the floor,
she leaned in, both trying to comprehend the sledgehammer of passion and matching his
with her own. How long had she prayed and wept and beseeched the gods for this?

After that, any and all thinking just shut down. He pulled her in even tighter,
closer than she thought humanly possible, trying to make her understand. Because he
didn't have the words or the skill to do it any other way.

Ironically, it was he, not her, who broke away first--not that he wanted to.
Mamoru turned his head to the side and proceeded to have a very violent coughing fit.
But he didn't let go, didn't dare.

For Usagi, who was still in a half-conscious state, this was a rude awakening.
She gasped in horror when she realized he'd needed to get out of the rain and into
the house, where he could get warm. Reluctantly and with great effort she removed
herself from his arms, purposely ignoring the pained look in his eyes.

She gently stroked his cheek with his hand, running a finger across the mark
she'd left from earlier in the day.

"Get inside," she ordered gently. He allowed her to lead him into the house.

* * * * * * * * *

Her first priority was getting Mamoru some clothes.

He was soaked to the bone, and, as much as the idea appealed to her,
suggesting Mamoru go completely naked in her living room would probably not
thrill him much (Ai: Whoo-hoo!). The most logical option would be to use some
of her father's things, but Mamoru was half a foot taller than her father was.
He wouldn't have fit in anything her father owned. Unfortunately for Usagi, she
got her height from her father's side of the family.

After some thought, Usagi remembered one of her uncles, one that was
somewhat taller than Mamoru, had left some things here last time he'd visited.
Her mother, who always had too much time on her hands, had washed them
especially. She found a white collared shirt and jeans, and, after some digging
in her father's drawers, an unopened package of boxers. Grabbing a towel, and
trying to hold back a major blush, she went downstairs.

She walked back into the living room and felt her concern grow
exponentially. Mamoru's eyes stared vacantly at some random point on the wall,
similar to how Motoki had described him earlier in the day. He was definitely
not the Mamoru she had said goodbye to in the garden earlier that night. It
crossed her mind that this could be the clone...Usagi shook her head in denial.
No matter what anyone would tell her, this was Mamoru. Nobody but Mamoru could
make her feel warm inside by simply being nearby.

Actually, right now she technically wasn't warm, she was frightened, but
that was beside the point.

"Take off your clothes," Usagi said quietly.

Mamoru snapped to attention immediately, seeing the clothing in her hands.
He looked at her for a moment with haunted eyes, then towards the clothes, then
towards her again, and flushed a little.

It finally registered with Usagi why he was so reluctant. Sighing, she
tossed the clothes to him and spun on her heels. "Take your wet clothes and
bring them to the kitchen when you're finished dressing."

He nodded slightly as she walked out. Usagi, switched into serious mode,
had no issues preparing tea for once. While she was straining the tea, he
walked in and silently placed his drenched clothing on the table.

Usagi noticed a cut on his face. It was still bleeding, never given a
proper chance to heal from the incident at the bar. But it was in exactly the
same spot as the one she had made earlier in the day...

When she finished the tea, she decided to start a fire. Twenty-five
minutes and a lot of colorful language later, she succeeded in doing so. She
sat Mamoru down by the fire and went to change out of her own wet clothing,
which consisted of her bunny pajamas, placed everything in the dryer, and then
pulled some things out of the first-aid kit for the cut. Then, she went upstairs
and changed into another pair of pajamas.

From the stairs, she could see he hadn't touched the tea and was still
shaking. He pressed his legs up against his chest, looking around with his
terrible eyes. When they touched upon a mirror, Mamoru shuddered violently and
looked away, as if afraid of the reflection.

She came down a few more steps and Mamoru turned his attention to her,
blatantly staring but unable to take his eyes away. Usagi desperately wanted
to know what happened, to take that look out of his eyes. It unnerved her more
than anything, but not in the same fashion it had Motoki. Motoki had been
frightened of Mamoru. She was frightened for him.

Sitting down next to him, she quietly dipped a cloth in water and wiped
the blood away from the cut. His eyes filled with questions, but he did not
speak.

Mamoru wasn't certain what exactly had transpired between his suicide
attempt and arriving on Usagi's doorstep. The only thing he was certain
about was that somehow she'd stopped him from jumping off the bridge, even
from nearly four miles away. The next thing he knew, he was here.

"I knew you wouldn't do it," she said softly. "At first, I thought you
might and I was scared. My heart was breaking. But then I could feel you step
back and turn to come here. But I wasn't really conscious of it...I didn't
really think about it until you got here."

He looked down, ashamed of his weakness.

"Doushite, Mamoru-san?" She put down the cloth.

Mamoru didn't answer her.

"Please tell me why you tried to kill yourself." Usagi lifted his chin up
to face her, her mouth quivering, but he still looked away, unable to answer.

She grew angry, frustrated by his silence. She needed answers, but he was
completely unplugged, no input, no output. It was making her mad. "Talk to me,
damn it!" she yelled at him, jumping up in anger. Weeks of hurt and sorrow and
fury were poured into the confrontation. "Tell me what happened!"

His already dejected face crumpled completely. Usagi realized she had
come on much too strong. Whatever had happened, it had left him extremely
exposed.

She wiped away the tears. He looked back up at her. What she saw there
chilled her to the bone.

To break the tension, she retrieved the antibacterial. "This may sting a
little."

Mamoru didn't even flinch as she dabbed the area with the antibacterial.
He was off in his own world again, paying no attention.

To put it bluntly, he was making her mad. What right did he have to be
here after callously breaking her heart without any sort of reason or even
preparation? Why now did he show up on her doorstep without rhyme or reason
and feel it was his privilege to paw her?

When the questions burning in her mind grew too intense to ignore, she
dared to speak again. "You know, you never told me why you broke up with me."

He turned to face her. "Gomen nasai," he said simply. That was it.
That was IT?!

Once again her blood boiled and her voice rose. "Do you think I'm some
sort of safety girlfriend?" she demanded suddenly, snapping him out of his
stupor. "That when you decide you want me around I'll be right here waiting?!"

"You certainly weren't waiting around for me!" he cried, remembering her
lips against the stranger's.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Usagi demanded.

He stood up and grabbed her by her arms. "Don't play innocent," he
snarled. "I saw you with that guy in the park." Usagi turned white. "See?"
Mamoru taunted. "Does someone have a guilty conscience, Usagi?"

The alcohol bubbling in veins was only accentuating the massive jumble
of anger and pain that had stewed in his system for twelve years. Without even
consciously realizing it, he was attacking the one person he held closest to
his heart. The only person, some grim corner of himself acknowledged, that
would have ever let him.

"You gave up your claim on me the day you told me it was over! Don't
go acting like the victim here, Mamoru!"

"I should say the same about you," he shot back icily. "I saw you
kissing him. Don't play games with me."

Usagi's vision blurred with the threat of impending tears. "I hate
you," she whispered. Mamoru's face dropped. "You really expect me to
sit here like a dog and wait until you decide you want me around?"

"I never thought that!" Mamoru looked genuinely shocked and hurt.
"You're the only person I've ever really cared about!"

"And if you really care about me," she threw down the cloth, "then why
did you leave me, Mamoru?" she snapped. "I want to know."

"I can't." The sound was hopeless but she refused to acknowledge it.

"Then you should go." Usagi knew if she didn't put her foot down now
she never would; she had to understand now why he had left her so abruptly.
As Minako once told her, those who forgot the past were doomed to spend the
rest of their lives trying to figure out why anime guys didn't really exist.
Or, as Ami put it, they were doomed to repeat it.

"Do you really want me to go?" he whispered.

Of course she didn't want him to go! Her heart screamed but her mind
remained firm. "I think it'd be best if you did."

Mamoru stood up and walked to the door in a daze. Usagi tearfully watched
him open the door and look back. She could feel his eyes on her, begging her to
let him stay. He choked back a cry and stepped outside.

And that's when she realized she couldn't do it. Not now, when he obviously
needed her more now than ever before. And even if this had been the final goodbye,
she could have never escaped him. He was twisted around her heart and wrapped
around her mind. Mamoru was the life that flowed in her veins. To abandon him
was to abandon herself.

"Matte!"

He turned back, eyes devoid of hope and trained on the floor.

Usagi bit her lip, a little unsure. Tears dammed in her eyes and she felt
her heart burst. "Don't leave me!" she cried miserably, desperately reaching
out for him.

She could feel him let out a sigh of relief; and in an instant his arms
were like vices around her small waist. "I won't leave you," he whispered
in her ear. "I can't let you go."

Usagi sobbed into his chest, releasing weeks of anguish into him. With a
sigh she led him to her parents' bedroom, which had the most comfortable bed in
the house. He lay her down and let her sob, gently reassuring her as best he could.
But for all his warmth and comfort she was ever aware of the fact he was still
shaking.

When her sobs subsided, she finally noticed the tears running down his
cheeks. She reached a gentle hand out to wipe them away, but he flinched.
Usagi looked up at him questioningly, but he just closed his eyes, ignoring the
continued stream of water.

After about 15 minutes in silence, she felt his form grow still and his
breathing become deep and regular. Gently untwining herself from his arms, she
looked over at him and realized he had fallen asleep. It was a big relief to her.
The rest would be good for him.

Usagi looked over his face, which was drawn but still handsome, unmarred
by the cut on his cheek. He looked hopelessly young...probably not that
different from the little boy in the hospital who had just been told the parents
he would not remember had left him.

He unconsciously reached out and took her in his arms. Even while asleep,
she wondered in astonishment...and for all her troubles, she drifted in and out
of the most restful sleep she'd ever experienced.

* * * * * * * * *

It was the happiest day of her life. After years of waiting (not at all
patiently), of daydreaming, of sustaining until this day could come, it was
here. She was finally going to marry Chiba Mamoru.

She stared lovingly at the white gown she was dressed in, the roses in her
hair and bouquet. She saw Rei, Ami, Mako, Minako, all in appropriately colored
bridesmaids. gowns. A small girl with thick black hair was her flower girl.

Minako flashed her the 'V is for Victory' sign, which promptly got her a
knock on the head from Rei.

Two other women she did not recognize, one with short blonde hair and a
boyish face, and one with elegant aqua tresses and warm blue eyes, were sitting
upon the organ bench. It appeared the blonde was her organist. As for the
aqua-haired lady, Usagi discerned from the exquisite violin in her hands that
she was also a musician. The boyish one grinned wickedly and winked at Usagi,
which got *her* a knock on the head from the aqua-haired one.

"Are you ready?" A tall, olive-skinned woman with eyes not unlike
Chibiusa's and flowing hunter-green hair was standing before her. She
had assumed the post of wedding planner.

"I-I guess so."

She smiled. "Don't be nervous. You look lovely."

Usagi gulped and reached for her father, who was standing ready to give
his little girl away.

Finally, the flower girl reached the front, and the blonde began to play
the Wedding March. With the biggest smile she'd ever had in her life, she began
to walk, slowly, excruciatingly carefully so as not to trip. Usagi looked
about, seeing the smiling, happy faces of her friends, her mother, even her
little brother. Motoki was up at the altar as best man. The entire church,
with the stained glass windows reflecting beams of colored light everywhere and
the bowers of roses and lilies everywhere, was more beautiful than she had
imagined. And then she looked towards the very front...he locked her gaze with
his with his stormy blue eyes, for once reflecting the happiness in his heart
instead of the indifferent mask with which he normally faced the world.

Her heart started to beat and her pace quickened, now in perfect rhythm
with the music. Finally, after too long, she reached the front, where the
priest waited patiently, and *he* waited impatiently.

Usagi's father reluctantly handed her over to Mamoru, laced with happy
tears and whispered death threats. Mamoru took her hand, his earnest gaze
reaching hers.

And then...something. Something changed, she didn't know what, and she
began to panic. Mamoru's eyes widened in concern, the senshi were reaching for
the henshin sticks inside their bouquets (as well as the musicians, wedding
planner, and flower girl), and the guests were becoming alarmed.

Invisible hands ripped her away and she screamed. Mamoru's concern became
full-on fear, and the floors of the church cracked, the entire placed ripped
apart in one fell swoop. Some fell into the gap, like the senshi, others, like
Mamoru, managed to hold onto an area. He was screaming, but the words were
incoherent.

She reached for his hand, but it was too late. The last thing she knew
was a voice warning Mamoru to stay away from one Tsukino Usagi.

* * * * * * * * *

Usagi was awakened by the extremely uncomfortable feeling of being gripped
to the point where her supply of oxygen was interrupted. She snapped back into
consciousness to find Mamoru still trapped within the confines of *his* dream,
calling out brokenly for her. She could feel his fear and anguish as if it
were her own.

In a flash she understood what the other Mamoru had said earlier that
night. ...I have recently been forewarned that the continuation of our
relationship would result in your demise. After a lot of consideration, the
best possible solution is for me to avoid you at all costs...

Was THIS what he had meant?

"Mamo-chan, wake up. You're dreaming," Usagi pleaded with him to wake up.

After a moment, Mamoru seemed to awaken and held onto her even more
forcefully, sobbing softly into her hair. Usagi, from her position, gently
assured him she was unharmed.

She leaned back and took him in her arms, trying to reassure him. Mamoru
was still clutching her tightly. Usagi knew if she asked now, she would get an
answer.

"Is that why you told me you didn't love me?"

He looked at her and nodded.

She stilled. "You broke up with me because of a dream?" Somehow Usagi
ripped away from him. He reached out for her again but she moved away. "Are
you really telling you broke my heart over a dream?"

His sobbing quieted suddenly. Mamoru looked down. "It sounds ludicrious
when you say it out loud, doesn't it?" he asked bitterly.

"I'll say," Usagi snapped. "In fact, it's downright stupid!"

Mamoru looked up at her, gasping for breath. "It's not like that," he
protested wretchedly. "It's not like that at all."

"Then what is it like?" Usagi said through clenched teeth. "Because I'd
really like to know."

"I don't know," he whispered. "I just don't know..."

"Know what?"

He moved away from her. "I get the feeling the dream will come true."

"Well, I HOPE you at least..."

"Iie, not like that! The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you..."

"You already did."

She gazed at him with clear, unwavering eyes while tears streamed down.
Her tone was hurt, but no longer angry. "You hurt me when you left me."

He recoiled as if she had just slapped him. "Gomen nasai," he said
harshly. "But I can't let you go...gomen nasai..."

"And you hurt me again when you came here tonight!" Usagi cried in fury.
"You hurt me every time we passed each other on the street and every time I saw
you with Chibiusa-chan and every night I woke up screaming for you! And all I
could think is why: why I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough
for someone as wonderful as I THOUGHT you were!"

He cried. He couldn't have helped it if he'd tried.

"And you hurt every single day when I died more and cried harder and
couldn't think and I love you so much, Mamo-chan, that I hate you right now for
making me suffer alone--"

"What makes you think you were alone?"

Usagi stopped. "You dumped me, Mamoru--"

Mamoru laughed bitterly. "You really don't get it, do you?" he whispered
incredulously. Usagi felt fear touch the peripheral of her mind. "You don't get
it all."

She looked away, unable to face him. "You are my whole goddamned world,
Usagi," he snapped, his voice rising. "Do you really believe it was easy for me
to let you go? Cutting you off was like cutting off my right arm. Let me tell you
something, my dear, a knife in the heart doesn't hurt any less when you yourself
are the one to put it there. If you're hurt, then so am I. You're not the only
person who died more and more every day."

"Mamo-chan--"

"And at least you had someone to turn to!" he screamed at her, venting his
years loneliness and frustration. "I tried to do the selfish thing, Usako, I tried
so hard to ignore those dreams but at the end of the day I had to choose between
ripping my heart out of my chest now and bleeding away later, when you were DEAD?
You are the only reason I have to stay in this world," he whispered. "If I couldn't
have you, at least you'd still be alive. And I tried to stop loving you but I
might as well have stopping breathing. Without you, I'm nothing."

"That's not true," Usagi said weakly. "You should've told me the truth."

"So I could watch you die?" he snapped. "Your parents need you. Your
friends need you. The senshi need you. I'm expendable. I made a choice: either
you would go or I would. I chose myself."

"Well that's nice," Usagi argued, "but never even realized you were hurting
me."

Mamoru laughed again--a cynical, lifeless noice that made Usagi's ears ache.
"Well I guess you only hurt the ones you love, right?" he asked disparagingly,
continuing to laugh.

Some backwards corner of Usagi's heart clung to that desperate thread of
hope. "Do you still love me?" she whispered with overly-bright blue eyes,
ignoring his embittered demeanor.

He ran an agitated hand through his hair and lay down on the bed. "I don't
know," he murmured. "I don't think I have a heart, Usagi-chan. I never want to
feel anything again. It's not worth the pain."

"Why do you say that?" Her fear started to grow exponentially.

With a desolate sigh he clutched his pillow as if it were some sort of
comfort object. "You wouldn't understand."

On an impulse she lay back down, resting her head on his chest. He
gasped and stiffened under her. With unsure movements she wrapped her arms
around his torso. "Make me," she ordered.

He did, of course. Even now, knowing full well she didn't love him, and
her affection stemmed from the love she held for her lost Prince, he still obeyed
her. If she wanted him to live, he would live. If she wanted him to die, he
would die. And if she wanted him to play along, he would play along, no matter
the consequences.

"It's nothing really," he said sarcastically. "I just realized today that
my life is devoid of meaning."

After making a mental note to ask Ami what 'devoid' meant, Usagi pressed
him for more details. "Tell me what you mean," she implored him, knowing this
was not the time to argue with him.

"When I woke up in the park this morning--"

Usagi froze.

"Where did you wake up?"

"Ichinohashi Park. I thought the senshi left me there after the battle.
Doushite?" The look in her eyes was beginning to scare him.

Then she recovered herself and urged him to continue.

"I tried to go back to my apartment the security guard kicked me out. It
turns out I have a double running around pretending to be me..." He paused
uncertainly, wondering if he should voice his concerns.

"Usako, I think that machine cloned me."

"Go on," Usagi urged him through white lips.

"I followed him...he went to school for me, to work...and I don't know, I
just...it was amazing, watching my own life play out before me. Actually, it
was depressing. I never realized my life was so empty."

"Iie," Usagi tried to protest, but Mamoru ignored her.

"By the afternoon, I was so miserable...I...I went to the Arcade first,
but Motoki-kun was..." He couldn't finish.

So *that* was why Motoki had told her Mamoru needed someone to talk to!
The Mamoru who'd walked in while she was there was not the Mamoru that had come
in earlier.

"I needed to see you," he whispered, his voice growing ragged. He closed
his eyes, trying to shake off the memory of the incident in the park. "But you
were, ah, 'not waiting for me.'"

She curled up closer to him. "It was a mistake," she whispered. "Forget
about Shinji-senpai. He kissed me. And I gave him his due."

"His due? How?"

"Guess." Usagi's grin was a mile wide.

Ah, yes. *That*. "Oh," was all he managed in response.

Then, Usagi became serious again. "I would never do that to you, Mamo-
chan. I mean it." Her voice was grave but very assured.

Mamoru looked up at the ceiling wearily. "I'm tired," he whispered. "I'm
selfish and I know it. But I can't do this any longer. Please don't hate me.
I can't..." his voice cracked.

Usagi let herself be wrapped up in his steel grip and desperate kisses.
He took her hungrily, frantically trying to get as close to her as possible.
At first she responded just as strongly, needing to quell the uncertainty and
pain still buried inside her. For a long while it was like that, two people
needing to get as close to each other as they could. They held each other
like that for so long Usagi hazily wondered if they'd ever be able to come apart
again.

But then...it changed. Suddenly the tension sizzled out and the air grew
softer. Now he did not bruise her; he held her as if she might break. Usagi
saw some--not all--of the pain and loneliness fade from his eyes, but one night,
no matter how special, could not undo years of hurt. Now she sensed the deep
ravine of anguish, warped and tortured and almost forgotten in some long-forsaken
corner of his heart. She saw what she would not have seen even weeks ago, before
he spoke the words that broke her heart and shattered her spirit.

Much later, when she fell back asleep, safe and warm in his arms, she
dreamed he really had jumped off the bridge. When she awakened early in the
morning, him still holding her, she shook with fear and tears ran down her
cheeks at a rapid pace. By the time she fell back asleep, however, the memory
of the dream had faded from her mind.

* * * * * * * * *

"Finally!" Ami had never been so excited in her life. "Fini, finis,
finito! I got my computer back online!"

Ami realized that Rei was reading a manga, paying absolutely no attention
to her fabulous accomplishment. No one else was around.

Rei looked up, saw Ami, and couldn't help but grin.

"Where's minna-chan?" Ami asked uncertainly.

Rei's snorted. "Minna went home, Ami-chan. I didn't realize you were
still here."

"Have I been working that hard?"

"Apparently." Rei snickered. "Good morning, sunshine. It's 8:30 AM."

* * * * * * * * *

Usagi was convinced she had imagined last night. It wasn't possible to be
this happy, this complete inside. This didn't happen anywhere but in books.

But when she woke up, there he was, laying beside her. For a while, she
just lay there, listening to the soft sound of his breathing. When he finally
awakened, his eyes didn't have quite the haunted look of the night before, they
were happy; light and shining with life anew. Clearly last night had done
wonders for him, too. Still...they were poignant, and Usagi couldn't help but
wonder if the sadness was something she had simply never noticed before.

"Konnichiwa, Usako." He kissed her nose playfully.

"Well good morning to you, too, Mamo-chan. Sleep well?"

"Better than I ever have." Mamoru slipped out of the bed, quickly pecked
her forehead, and began to dress in the clothing Usagi had given him last night.
Usagi suddenly realized she was naked and, blushing, pulled a blanket around her.

Mamoru grinned at her modesty. "You know, there's nothing there I haven't
seen."

Usagi blushed even harder.

"Although..." He pulled her back down, giving into an overwhelming desire
to make love to her again, "it's not like I would mind seeing it again..."

* * * * * * * * *

When they did finally get out of the house (it took more than one try),
Mamoru kept one hand tightly entwined with hers. Usagi stuck close to him. He
bent down occasionally, whispering things to her. She shivered each time she
heard his deep voice in her ear. Usagi kept her other hand clasped on their two
hands, enjoying the nice day, glimmering with water from the night's downpour
but warm and incredibly bright, and the walk to the Hikawa Jinja.

Usagi and Mamoru immediately went into the sitting room. Ami was sleeping
on a futon, still clutching her computer, and Rei was reading.

"What happened to her?" Mamoru asked, eyeing the sleeping blue-haired
girl.

"Ryo-kun..." Ami mumbled suddenly. Rei's eyes widened as Ami wrapped her
arms around a pillow. "Ryo-kun, kiss me..." She was making out with her pillow
rather feverishly.

Usagi and Rei took one look at each other and started screaming with
laughter. Ami did not wake up. On the contrary, she grew a little more, er,
amorous. Neither of them could stop laughing.

Minako walked in to find Ami making out with her pillow, Rei and Usagi
rolling on the floor, and Mamoru looked a little perplexed.

"God, Ami-chan! I didn't realize you were so desperate to get into Ryo-
kun's pants!"

Usagi and Rei simultaneously bounded up and slapped Minako on opposite
sides of the head. "Minako-chan no hentai!"

"Ack! Sorry, minna-chan. You two look exactly alike when you do that..."

Oops.

"I do NOT look like an Odango Atama!"

"YOU'RE insulted? How dare you compare me to that bratty priestess!"

"At least I'm not clumsy!"

"Yeah well..."

"Or a ditz!"

"I am NOT a ditz!"

Rei and Usagi blew raspberries at each other while Minako rubbed her
aching head. Mamoru chuckled in amusement. Fortunately Makoto, always the
mediator, arrived with Luna and Artemis right about now. She promptly woke Ami
up (who was blushing bright red, naturally), shut Usagi and Rei up, and magically
produced a cold pack for Minako's head.

With this all settled, Luna and Artemis were ready to start the meeting.
Ami was ordered to stand to prevent her from falling asleep. It didn't work.
She was then ordered to sing softly to herself with the hope she could then stay
awake. Makoto snuck one of Rei's mangas and plopped on the futon. Rei and Minako
were both on cushions.

Usagi sat on Mamoru's lap.

"Uh, Usagi-chan...what exactly happened last night in the garden?"
Minako's eyes reflected her hunger for this exquisite piece of gossip. She
warranted a slap upside the head from Rei, who was not overly thrilled to behold
this sight.

Mamoru's eyebrows rose in confusion. "What happened in the garden last
night?" He looked at Usagi, clearly hurt.

Usagi nestled deeper into Mamoru's embrace (the senshi watched avidly)
and reassured him, "Nothing to worry about, Mamo-chan. In fact, that brings up
what I wanted to talk about with you, minna. I think I know what happened to
Mamo-chan during the battle."

Seven pairs of eyes immediately darted to Usagi. "Why didn't you tell me
you knew?" Mamoru asked suspiciously, staring at the little rabbit in his arms.

"You never asked," Usagi replied sweetly, smacking him lightly. "Besides,
I doubt you were thinking about that last night." The senshi's eyes gleamed
with interest.

Ami, who was trying to conceal the fact that she was as curious as the
other senshi about the implications of Usagi's statement, asked, "What do you
think happened, Usagi?"

Usagi sighed. "Well, Mamo-chan was saying that after he woke up in the
park yesterday morning--"

"Wait a minute," Makoto interrupted, her tone sharp, "we saw you go home."
She stood up and fumbled for her henshin stick.

"That means..." Rei said, getting up to join Makoto.

"VENUS STAR POWER--"

Usagi threw her shoe at the trying-to-transform senshi, who fell to the
ground in a graceless clump. Mamoru was transfixed.

"Usako," he began gently, "was Minako just *naked*?"

She smacked him, ready to fly into a jealous rage. "Hentai! Why were you
looking?!"

"Does this mean that when you henshin *you're*--"

Another smack. "Don't go there, Chiba Mamoru."

"Well I love you too--" he started sarcastically.

"CAN WE GET BACK ON TOPIC, PEOPLE?!" Ami looked like she was ready to
explode.

"Someone didn't take her medication this morning," Minako chastised
gently. "Tsk tsk, Ami-chan. Are we going to have to hire the nice men in white
to take you away again?"

You could see the steam come out of the blue-haired girl's ears. "Just go
on," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"No, minna-chan. This is Mamoru," Usagi insisted.

"But so was the one last night," Rei protested. "You said so yourself."

"What one last night?" Mamoru interjected.

"He was Mamoru, too."

"But you just said...wait, Usagi-chan, are you saying...?"

"They're BOTH Mamoru-san?!" Minako screeched. "But HOW?!"

"Usako...are you saying that I'm actually..."

Usagi shrugged. "I don't know how, but I'm certain."

"Let me get this straight," Makoto said slowly, "the person who we met
with last night and the person sitting here right now are two different people,
but they're both Mamoru-san?"

"Exactly," Usagi affirmed.

"How is this possible?" Luna asked, eyes widening as she inspected Mamoru.
Mamoru felt a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny, and ran an agitated hand
through his hair.

"You couldn't have told me this earlier, Usako?"

"Ami-chan," Usagi ignored Mamoru, "could you please run a scan on Mamo-
chan?"

"Wait a second, I don't think that's--"

"Don't be silly, Mamo-chan. It's not like she's giving you an anal probe
or something!" Usagi said cheerfully. The senshi hacked.

"Uh, Usagi-chan, do you actually know what that is?" Ami asked gently.

"No," she shrugged. "But it sounds bad."

"I really don't..." Mamoru's nerves were completely shot, but he
submitted to the scan without any more protest when he saw Usagi's face.

Usagi, however, did not fail to note how panicked Mamoru looked while Ami
was doing the scan. He looked truly terrified at the thought of the
examination. What was bothering him so much? It was not an extraordinary
request, considering the situation.

Ami, who wasn't paying any attention to this interaction, finished soon
enough, a grim look crossing her features. "Usagi-chan is right, minna-chan."

"Well who would'a thunk it?" Rei snorted, but for once Usagi didn't take
the bait.

"May I continue?"

The shrine was silent.

"Usagi-chan is right, this is Mamoru-san. But it's not ALL of Mamoru-
san."

The senshi and two cats stared. "He, ah, looks complete to me," Luna said
slowly.

"What's he missing?" Makoto asked innocently.

Minako smiled wickedly and received a swat on the head from Artemis.

Ami, interpreting Minako's thoughts, replied, "Not THAT, ecchi.
Physically there's no change. His psyche has been divided into two separate
halves, and rematerialized into identical Mamorus, one of which is the Mamoru we
see here now."

"So then *other* part of Mamoru-san is..." Makoto prompted Ami.

"The Mamoru that we met last night," Ami finished. "But the situation is
a little more complicated than that. It seems the device the youma last night
was carrying divided Mamoru-san into two very distinct halves. Has anyone in
here heard of Nietzsche?"

"Nee-chee?" The senshi all took turns trying to pronounce the name. Luna
and Artemis sweatdropped.

"He's a Russian philosopher," Ami continued, shifting into schoolteacher
mode. "Fascinating character. Anyway, he is the purveyor of the Apollonian-
Dionysian theory."

"Which is...?" Makoto prompted Ami again.

"The belief that the human psyche is divided into two separate parts: the
Apollonian half, which controls rational thought, and the Dionysian half, which
is desire, emotion, and impulse; and that these two halves are constantly
fighting for control of the man."

Luna cocked her head. "What does this have to do with Mamoru-san, Ami-
chan?"

"Whatever the youma hit Mamoru-san with, that's apparently what it did.
The Mamoru-san we met last night, I assume, is the Apollonian Mamoru, rational,
logical, controlled. His intelligence, his reasoning power, his *restraint*--
all aspects of the day-to-day Mamoru we see."

Mamoru seemed to consider this. "Well, the other me *did* go to school
for me and blended in seamlessly yesterday..." He had to stop before he broke
down again.

"This Mamoru-san is the Dionysian Mamoru, Mamoru's selfish wants and
needs. A side that we rarely see of Mamoru-san, because he keeps it under lock
and key. Furthermore," Ami continued, voice softening, "a side of himself that's
angry and somewhat depressed, but both emotions are suppressed in favor of
continuing to allow his stronger half to function."

"It must have been quite a shock to suddenly be forced to face himself,"
Rei suggested quietly.

"Exactly, Rei-chan. Mamoru-san has very little experience dealing with
his emotions, which are a lot more intense than he allows himself to acknowledge.
From my scan, it appears the Dionysian Mamoru didn't exactly succeed in sorting
through those thoughts and feelings flawlessly, either. According to the
information here, Mamoru-san suffered a minor nervous breakdown within the last
24 hours."

"MINOR?!" Mamoru completely forgot Usagi was in his lap when he bounded up,
ready to blow. "THAT WAS *MINOR*?!" It sure as hell hadn't *felt* minor!

"Definitely the 'Dionysian' Mamoru," Minako commented knowingly.

Mamoru suddenly realized what he had done. Picking Usagi up from the
futon she had crashed into, he quietly apologized for his actions. Usagi
accepted the apology, and smiled for Mamoru, but the smile was sad and did not
reach her eyes. When they sat back down, she quietly stroked his cheek, eyes
never leaving his face.

"Well, that's just a side point," Ami said, diffusing the situation. "The
important thing is that it will be very easy to put them back together again.
All Usagi-chan has to do is use the ginzuishou."

Mamoru's eyes widened and his grip on Usagi tightened. "I'm not doing
anything that may risk Usako's life," he said coldly, eyes beginning to take on
the edge that had frightened Motoki so badly. Its effect quickly worked upon
the four senshi and cats, all of who had quickly grown uncomfortable.

"D-don't be dramatic, Mamoru-san," Ami said nervously. "The device uses
tremendous amounts of energy to split Mamoru-san apart. Their natural state is
to be as one. It will take very little effort on Usagi-chan's part to reunite
the two Mamorus, about enough..." Ami punched some numbers into her computer,
waited a moment, and turned very white, "...to kill Usagi-chan 6.78925 times
over," she finished dismally.

"No way!" Mamoru cried in pure, undiluted anger. "I'm not risking Usako
for this!"

The computer began to whirr and click, and the senshi all crowded around
the screen. "Make that 11.821434812," Ami said quietly.

"How the hell do you come up with numbers like that?" Minako asked,
raising an eyebrow.

"I was wondering the same thing myself," Makoto said. "Is it possible
to kill someone .821...uh, 666...1234 times? I thought either you were dead
or you were not dead."

"Well it's important to remember that when you're killed, you've gained
a very important part of your death," Minako replied.

"Nani?" Ami asked, stunned.

"Sugoi, Mina-chan...I think you've succeeded in making so little sense you
drag logical reasoning out of the room and into the little black hole you call
your intelligence.

"Funny, Rei-chan. I'm laughing so hard my body is locked in a catatonic
state so I don't really LOOK like I'm laughing."

"Uh...Mina-chan, you put too much effort into your sarcasm."

"Wasn't that misquoted in the first place?"

"Some baka model said it." (Ai: actually, it was Brooke Shields.)

"The amount of energy required must depend on Mamoru-san's willingness
to reunite with his other self," Artemis said quietly, reviewing the data.
"As long as both are willing to join together, then Usagi will have no problem
rejoining the two Mamorus."

"Then why was the value so high in the first place, smart one?" Luna
snapped. "As of now, there is nothing standing in the way of their reunion
except the lack of the other Mamoru-san's physical presence."

"Maybe the other Mamoru is subconsciously rejecting this half,"
Minako suggested carelessly, going back to studying her nails.

All of the senshi looked at her. "Minako-chan," Rei said slowly, "I think
that's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say."

"Thanks a lot." Minako rolled her eyes.

"No, I mean REALLY intelligent. Think about it, minna-chan: Mamoru-san
spends his entire life trying to suppress his emotions, and they build up like a
pressure cooker: all his fears, insecurities, and desires, which serve as a
threat to the rational half of Mamoru. When they are split up, the stronger
Mamoru is finally free of his insecurities and the emotional Mamoru has to face
all of his suppressed emotions in one fell swoop," Rei finished triumphantly,
not noticing the pained expression on said Mamoru's face. "And why would the
stronger Mamoru want the weaker Mamoru back? In the last few days, the weaker
Mamoru has garnered enough steam to be a real threat to that cool, controlled
suit of armor for the first time in years."

The look on Mamoru's face was enough to convince Usagi he'd heard enough.
"Mamo-chan," she said softly, "would you wait outside for a moment? I need to
talk to minna-chan in private."

Mamoru nodded a little and got out of the room as quickly as possible.

Once he was gone, Usagi's soft, sad expression melted into pure terror.
"I'm so worried about him, minna-chan," Usagi whispered hoarsely. "He's not
used to having to confront his emotions head-on...it's as if one of us suddenly
lost our henshin in the middle of a youma battle. Exposed at the very moment
he needs his power most. I'm worried something will happen to him before we
reunite him with his other half."

The other senshi gathered around Usagi, offering their sympathy. Luna
jumped in her lap. "We'll find the other Mamoru and *make* him do this, Usagi-
chan. They can't stay separate forever. It would destroy them both."

"Why did the youma hit Mamoru-san with the bolt, anyways?" Rei asked.
"What, exactly, was it trying to achieve?"

"It wasn't aiming for Mamoru-san," Ami said quietly, "it was aiming for
Usagi-chan. Mamoru-san was protecting Usagi-chan. I suspect the Dionysian
Mamoru can't transform into Tuxedo Kamen, since his heart is driven by the
need for Usagi-chan's love, whereas the Apollonian Mamoru is driven by the need
to love her. That's the entire reason behind Mamoru-san's henshin. And that's
why the Apollonian Mamoru continued to stay away from Usagi, as he explained to
her last night, while the Dionysian Mamoru came to Usagi immediately. It was
only when these two halves were separate was the Apollonian Mamoru able to think
logically about the best way to protect Usagi-chan, without the Dionysian Mamoru
compounding the issue. By the way, Usagi-chan, did you by any chance find out
what Mamoru-san has been striving to protect you from?"

"A recurring nightmare that warned him to stay away from me," Usagi
answered quickly.

Minako's jaw dropped. "He dumped you for a DREAM?! Oh, he's SO asking
for it..."

"He must really want a good ass-kicking," Makoto launched herself up,
reading to deliver said ass-kicking when Rei grabbed the brown-haired senshi's
legs and pulled her down. In her rage, Makoto began kicking and pounding on the
floor like a two-year-old in the midst of a full-on temper tantrum, yelling
choice words at her captor.

"Not so fast, Mako-chan," Rei warned sharply, still pinning the Amazon
down. "You have to think about this from Mamoru-san's perspective. Were his
dreams about the Princess all that off?"

Makoto was still struggling to escape the fiery priestess's grasp, but at
least she stopped kicking.

"And Mamoru-san has never really had any real love in his life, Usagi-
chan. I doubt he was very secure in what you gave him. He probably *wanted* to
believe the dreams, thereby giving himself an excuse to break up with you. That
way, he never had to worry about you telling him you didn't love him!"

Makoto stopped. "You should be a psychiatrist, Rei-chan."

"Since when are you an expert on Mamo-chan?" Usagi asked suspiciously.

"You think all of my psychic power is analyzing the Sacred Flames and
reading tarot cards? Part of it is understanding human nature--and being a
really good guesser."

"So you're actually a fake," Minako teased.

Rei glared hatefully at the blonde senshi. "I'd be pretty careful about
what kind of accusations we make, Minako-chan. We don't want to find ourselves
cursed now, do we?"

"Uh...heh heh, sorry..."

"Minna," Artemis groaned, "we don't have time for this."

"Artemis is right," Luna added. "Usagi-chan, I want you to stay with
Mamoru-san. Keep his mind occupied. Ami-chan, you and I will research a way to
conserve Usagi-chan's energy when she performs to rejoining. The rest of you
must henshin, find the other Mamoru-san, and bring him back to the Hikawa Jinja.
I don't care if you have to knock him unconscious and drag him here--"

"Good," Mako smiled sadistically.

"Although please try to *reason* with him first!" Luna moaned. "I'm
serious, minna-chan. If we don't act quickly, this could have very damaging
psychological consequences for Mamoru-san. I don't think Usagi-chan wants a
broken soulmate and I don't think any of you want to pay for his therapy!"

The senshi all cringed and instinctively glanced at their purses. "I
agree," Minako said, bounding up to stand on the table, thrusting her arm in the
air in an over-dramatic gesture of agreement. "We need to act with great
alacrity! For Usagi-chan and for my credit card!"

"MINA!!!"

* * * * * * * * *

"Well, Esmeraude-san?" That voice could freeze Hell. Esmeraude felt like
she was going to be physically sick.

"Yes, Demando-sama?"

"I'm curious to know how your brilliant plan worked out," he said, voice
thick with ennui.

"Oh yeah, that..." Esmeraude giggled nervously and played with her fan.

"At the moment, Esmeraude-san, you have the demeanor of a pre-pubescent
seductress," Demando said coolly, clearly unimpressed. "Surely your plan didn't
fail? Am I going to have to kill you? It's really too early in the morning to
be killing people, and so very messy."

"No! I mean, heh heh, of course not. There has been a minor setback, but
Saffir-kun and I have already figured out a way to work around it. In fact,
this should not only eliminate Sailormoon, but Tuxedo Kamen as well."

"Is that so?" Demando lazily sloshed the blood-red liqueur in his glass
and glanced indifferently at Esmeraude through his intense violet eyes. "See to
it you don't disappoint, Esmeraude-san. If you fail," he brushed away a few
strands of white hair, "I may be forced to do something about it. And when I do
something, the result is usually not pleasant for the victim. Just look at
Crystal Tokyo." And its magnificent Queen, he amended mentally.

Esmeraude, who could tell Demando was thinking about Neo-Queen Selenity
again, tried to hide her disgust as she bowed deeply and replied simply, "Hai,
Demando-sama. I won't fail."

As she marched away, an idea struck Esmeraude. No, she would not fail.
There was too much at stake for that.

"How did the meeting with the Prince go?" Saffir asked Esmeraude as she
joined him in the hall.

"Not well," she sighed. "I have an idea, though, as to how we may rectify
this situation."

"We? You got a mouse in your pocket?"

"Very funny."

"Anything in it for me?" Saffir grinned, looking very charming at that
moment.

"You mean are you going to get laid again?"

"Well, yeah."

Esmeraude gave this a split second of thought and replied, "Yeah, sure,
what the hell. Let's just do it quick. I've got a masked man to kill and a
facial at one."

* * * * * * * * *

When Usagi finally walked out of the main room, she looked around for
Mamoru, but did not see him immediately. Concerned, Usagi started searching the
grounds for him.

She found him sitting on the ground by a small koi pond, staring
lethargically into the water. When his eyes focused upon his reflection, it was
all he could do not to cry out. Usagi wanted to weep.

"Mamo-chan?" She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Depressing, isn't it?" His voice was harsh and bitter, and it scared
Usagi a little. "Not even *I* want me."

"Not even--?" In a flash, she comprehended the situation and knew how to
rectify it. She sat down next to Mamoru and hugged him as hard as she could
without cutting off his air supply.

"That's not true, Mamo-chan," she said softly. "I'll ALWAYS want you, no
matter what."

Mamoru turned to face her, the terrible look still in his eyes. Only now
did Usagi understand the sharp edge of his loneliness had taken permanent
residence there, had always been there; it would be many, many years before the
pain was eradicated. Why had she never seen it before? Was she, in her
perpetual bliss, in her love of life, so blind to such emotions? Not anymore,
Usagi realized. The weeks without him had changed her, too, and she was no
longer so naïve as to think that everyone was as happy as she was. It made him
easy to forgive.

Still, he smiled at her, and the smile did reach his eyes...barely. "We
need to get your mind off this whole mess, Mamo-chan," Usagi said quietly.
"Come on back to my place. I think I know what we can do."

Mamoru followed Usagi back to her home, noting her lively, chipper manner.
She hadn't been so happy in a long while. He was still having a hard time
believing he could bring her such joy, especially when he was still depressed.
Despite that, a strange, foreign sense of contentment flowed into him, a product
of basking in the glow of her presence. Mamoru did not know that he gave the
same kind of strength to Usagi. His quiet, solid presence made up the core of
her existence and was the one thing she could cling to when she felt she was
drowning.

When they reached her house, she fumbled in her pockets, searching for her
key, when she remembered there was one in the fake rock next to the rosebush.
She had put it there so it would be easy to remember. Entering, Usagi
immediately bounded into the kitchen with more energy than she had had in weeks,
months--perhaps her entire life. But while the ecstasy of true love was
filling her with a wonderful warmth and sense of peace, it wasn't doing the
same for Mamoru. She saw his downcast face and decided to do something about
it.

She headed straight to the refrigerator and started pulling things out--
mostly sandwich fixings, some ramen she had cooked last night, and some of the
rabbit-shaped cookies her mother had baked before she had left. Mamoru watched
intently, brow furrowed.

"Help me," she commanded gently, pulling him to her side. He raised an
eyebrow. "I'm making us lunch," she explained, as if to a small child, "and
since I am a disaster for kitchens everywhere and will probably end up burning
our sandwich fixings or something, so you have to do it."

He looked confused. "Usako, you can't burn anything unless you're
planning to use fire."

"I know that silly," she smiled. "But if anyone could do it, it'd be me."

He cracked a smile, a real smile, at her flippant response. Slowly
joining her, he made up several sandwiches, taking care to pack enough for
Usagi's enormous stomach, while she packed drinks into the basket, dropping two
on the floor. Then, of course, they had to clean up the floors. Mamoru asked
her where they were going, but she shrugged and replied, "Nowhere special."

Finally she packed a blanket and a couple of manga, which resulted in a
sarcastic comment from Mamoru about Usagi not wanting to talk to her own lover.
But he was kidding, and she stuck out her tongue and told him he could bring
something, too--but pointed out her collection of shoujo manga would probably
not interest him.

While she got the last of their things together, Mamoru slipped into the
study and picked one of her parents' books. He slid it into the bag so quickly
Usagi did not think to ask him what it was.

Usagi made him carry the basket; when he protested she told him he was the
guy and guys should always be chivalrous. She pronounced the word incorrectly,
which made him smile. Mamoru asked her where she learned the word 'chivalrous'.
Usagi, sticking out her tongue, said she read it in a book Ami had lent her.
When he inquired what book, she turned several shades of red and muttered
something about Minako being a hentai.

When they reached their destination, Ichinohashi Park, Usagi gently led
him to a nice, secluded little spot it near the rose gardens. Mamoru recognized
it immediately.

"This is where...the attack..." His lips were dry; the words stuck in his
throat.

Usagi cringed and realized he was right. "Sorry," she said, "but I really
like this little spot and...I imagined the two of us having a picnic here. I
didn't think. We can go if you'd like."

"It's all right," he said, gulping, "let's stay."

But he was silent all through their lunch, despite Usagi's many attempts
to lure him into a conversation. She knew he couldn't get his mind off the
split. She was worried, and barely noticed the four full-sized sandwiches, bowl
of ramen, two bunches of grapes, apple, and seven cookies she consumed, compared
to Mamoru's couple of grapes and one bite of a sandwich.

After a while, she gave up. Laying back, she cuddled up next to him,
pulled out her manga, and began to read. After a moment, Mamoru did the same.

They sat in silence for a while, Usagi voraciously tearing through the
manga. She'd just stolen--er, borrowed--it from Rei last night. When she
finally finished it, she realized Mamoru was asleep next to her, book open on
his chest.

Curious, she plucked the book from his chest very carefully. His sleep
had been restless last night, and she wanted him to get some rest. So, she
picked up the book and began to read.

It was poetry. An American author named Sylvia Plath*. The book was laid
out nicely, with the original English text on one side and Japanese kanji
on the other. Her mind floated back to the 'conversation' she'd had with
Shinji-sempai the day before.

He stirred just then, and, opening his eyes, saw her with his book.
"Curious, aren't we?" he said, pulling one of her pigtails lightly.

She gave him a look, warning him that being her one true love did not mean
he had permission to pull her pigtails. He backed down under her icy glare.

"These are nice, Mamo-chan," she said, gesturing to the anthology.

"Aren't they? I just grabbed a book off your parents' shelves and started
reading. It turned out well for me."

Usagi wrinkled her nose in amusement and started to read aloud:
"Here are two pupils
whose moons of black
transform to cripples
all who look:

each lovely lady
who peers inside
takes on the body
of a toad.

Within these mirrors
the world inverts:
the fond admirer's
burning darts

turn back to injure
the thrusting hand
and inflame to danger
the scarlet wound."

She looked up at Mamoru, who appeared not to be listening at first
glance. But there was a tenseness about him that indicated otherwise.

"Go on," he said slowly, voice raspy. She obliged:
"I sought my image
in the scorching glass,
for what fire could damage
a witch's face?"

Usagi stopped and contemplated the words for a moment. Mamoru was
frighteningly still. "Is that it?" he asked harshly.

That wasn't it. She read the last stanza and a small smile formed on
her lips.
"So I stared in that furnace
where beauties char
but found radiant Venus
reflected there."

She smiled and closed the volume, handing it back to him. He took it
wordlessly, no longer as tense as before. But he was still agitated, and try as
she might, Usagi could not think of a way to distract him. Well, one came to
her mind, but there were children in the vicinity.

So, she reasoned, her best bet was to face the truth.

"I can tell this is killing you inside," Usagi started slowly. Mamoru
looked up from the bowl of ramen he had started eating but said nothing. "I
don't think I could deal with being split into two halves like this. I think
at least one of me would fall apart." She laughed cynically when she noticed
Mamoru's eyes on her. It was a strange sound from her, forced and natural all
at once. "Or maybe both of me, I don't know. Still...I wish you hadn't saved
me that night. Because then you wouldn't have to go through this."

Mamoru clearly disagreed with her, but remained quiet.

"On the other hand..." Usagi continued.

"No," Mamoru whispered fiercely, practically reading her mind.

"Oh, but haven't you even thought of it, Mamo-chan?" Usagi whispered
through a fine veil of tears. "You could have the Usagi that was Princess
Selenity, who is always strong and graceful and confident. No more bad test
scores, no more having two left feet, no more immature whining and crying..."
Tears fell from her eyes. "I'd be everything you fell in love with on the Moon
without everything that got lumped into the present-day package." She choked
back a sob, not realizing until now, when she spoke the words aloud, how deeply
her insecurity really ran.

"Usako..." Mamoru took her in his arms. "I don't think you understand
something. I like you tripping into my arms. I don't think I'd recognize a
Tsukino Usagi who wasn't hopelessly naïve. Or who didn't cry at the drop of a
hat...and I certainly wouldn't be in love with her." Mamoru's gaze was steady
and clear, and Usagi found comfort in the conviction his voice held.
"Everything you are, Tsukino Usagi, just...is. Your energy, your light, your
heart...if you had gone through this, your stronger side wouldn't have any of
this. I'd rather have a faulty-but-whole Usagi than an incomplete-but-improved
one."

"Mamo-chan..." Maybe this split-in-two thing wasn't so bad after all.
Normally Mamoru would have never said that to her. It was strange, Usagi
thought, that this Mamoru, the 'weak' Mamoru, the cowardly, insecure Mamoru, was
the one with the courage to say what was in his heart, while the other still
walked on tiptoes around her.

She lay in his arms a while longer, neither saying anything, before
finally reluctantly getting back up to pack up the food. The sky seemed a bit
grayer, as if the sunny day were about to betray itself.

Or perhaps was just the storm clouds forming around the Chiba Mamoru
that was staring at the couple from 50 feet away.

* * * * * * * * *

First shock. Then horror. Then anger. And more anger. And a little
more horror. And some shock. And while he was at it, a big heaping pile o'
anger on top of that.

Well, this certainly confirmed the theory that he'd been cloned. Mamoru
clenched his fists in fury. How dare that, that COPY touch Usagi! Was this the
danger that had been prophesized in his dream? Pretty grim twist, he added
to himself, that her naturally trusting heart was to be her death. Made a
little too much sense.

Well, there was only one thing to do about it.

"Usa!"

Usagi looked up to see the rational Mamoru glaring at the emotional
Mamoru, who now had a vice-like grip on her. Looking at him, she could see the
panic on his face. He wasn't ready to face himself yet, Usagi realized dourly.
She'd just have to stall the other Mamoru.

After a lot of coaxing, she managed to get her Mamoru to release his hold
on him, assuring him there was no danger here. After all, why would Mamoru--
any Mamoru--hurt her? He wasn't convinced, but she wasn't backing down, so he
reluctantly let her go, never taking his eyes off her for fear he would lock
eyes with his other-'stronger'--half.

The other Mamoru quickly led Usagi away from the picnic area, where he
could talk to her privately. By this time, he was fuming. Esmeraude was going
to get a very angry Prince of Earth ready to take his revenge for using him in
this little stunt.

Usagi, however, could not read the stone-cold Mamoru she now faced, and
naively proclaimed her excitement in finding the other half of her beloved.
"Mamo-chan!" she squeaked excitedly. "I'm so glad I found you--"

"I told you to be careful, Usa," Mamoru said icily. "Your actions
certainly do not show any caution."

Usagi cocked her odango-ed head in confusion. "You're being silly, Mamo-
chan. Now come on, we need to go back to the Hikawa Jinja and--"

"Then why are you with that doppelganger?!"

"What's a doppelganger?" Usagi asked innocently.

"That clone! Usa, I warned you last night..."

"Clone...oh! I forgot! Well, you see, he's not really a--"

"Didn't I tell you to be careful? He's just trying to fool you into
believing he's me so he can take you back to Esmeraude!"

"Mamo-chan--"

"Please, come with me, Usa. I don't wish to see you sacrificed to the
Black Moon!"

Okay, THIS had to stop. Usagi realized it was time for a major ego-
deflate. "You don't WISH it?! What, does the entire Universe revolve around
you now?"

Mamoru stopped and evaluated the angry glint in Usagi's eye. "I didn't
mean--" he began, but was cut off.

"Didn't mean what, Mamoru? I'm a big girl, and I don't need your high-
and-mighty attitude! I may be younger than you, and not very smart, but I know
what I want. And so what if he's a clone? If the real one is like this, I'll
make do with the copy!" Usagi yelled, her face bright red. Before Mamoru could
protest agaun, she stormed away.

"Fine then!" Mamoru called out as she ran off. "Your folly will bring
about your own demise, Tsukino Usagi!" He walked off, more worked up than he
had ever been in his life.

It did not matter that this Mamoru was supposed to be the voice of ration,
though jealousy was eating him alive. It did not matter that it was the
emotional Mamoru who now comforted the sobbing Usagi, found the strength to calm
her, was the rock she leaned upon. After hearing what had happened, this Mamoru
finally knew why the security guard had told him he was not Mamoru. He had let
ration and logic rule for so long, the emotional Mamoru really *was* a
completely different person, one who had virtually nothing in common with the
Mamoru the world saw. They were two completely different people, forced to live
in one skin, with nothing to left to bind them together.

Except love. Love transcends both reason and need. The only thing that
still linked Apollo and Dionysus was that both loved Tsukino Usagi more than
life itself.

* * * * * * * * *

"Love Goddess to Green Lighting."

"This is Green Lightning. What up, Love Goddess?"

"Have you seen Mamoru-san?"

"Noooo...wouldn't I have called you if I had?"

"Well..."

"Don't finish that statement."

"Yes, Master."

"You think you're funny, but you're not."

"On the contrary, I'm cracking myself up quite thoroughly. Ha ha! Ha
ha!"

"Stop goading her, Mina-chan." That was Artemis.

"I ain't laughing..."

"You better not be, or I'll tear that bow out of your hair and stuff it up
your--"

"Minna-chan? Is that you?"

"Ice Storm?"

"Green Lightning, Love Goddess, Flamethrower...are you there?"

"Ice Storm?" Mars this time.

"Any luck?"

"Nope."

"Nope."

"I did get this really hot guy's phone number...he said he always wanted to
date a Sailor Senshi."

"Heaven help us," Luna muttered from the Hikawa Jinja, sweatdropping.

"Just kidding!"

"YOU BETTER BE!"

"Ha ha! Ha ha!"

"You think you're funny, but you're REALLY not."

"CAN WE GET BACK ON TOPIC?!"

"Gomen."

"Gomen."

"Gomen."

"You three have the combined attention span of a flea!" Ami groaned.
"Seriously, minna-chan, meet me at the corner of 10th and 38th. Got that?"

"Loud and clear. See you there."

* * * * * * * * *

"So let me get this straight, Mercury-chan," Jupiter said slowly. "If one
Mamoru is wounded...?"

"The other will be wounded in exactly the same way. Don't you see, minna-
chan? Esmeraude was planning to separate Usagi-chan into two halves and kill
the half that could no longer defend herself. Fortunately, Mamoru-san stopped
that from happening, but...I'm almost certain Esmeraude will try to kill his
weaker half. If Mamoru-san died, it would destroy Usagi-chan. We have to get
those two reunited ASAP."

"Usagi-chan is with that Mamoru," Artemis protested. "Why the urgency
now, Ami-chan?"

"The more time they spend apart, the weaker the bond between the two.
Eventually, it will get to a point where they *won't* be able to rejoin without
the kind of power that would kill Usagi-chan. I think the Apollonian Mamoru-san
could survive on his own, though I shudder at the consequences--without his
other half, he essentially has no conscience--but the Dionysian Mamoru
definitely can't. He's too unstable. And, no matter what, they're still the
same person. If one goes, so will the other." Mercury sighed. "You haven't
had much luck finding him while split up. I say we go together. Rei-chan and I
will be able to track him down, and then we can convince him to come with us.
And if he resists, well...Venus-chan can hog-tie him with her love-me chain and
Jupiter-chan will carry him back to the Hikawa Jinja."

The senshi snickered. "One thing, Mercury-chan," Jupiter said wickedly.

"Yes?"

"If we do have to hog-tie him, can we take a picture? I mean, sometimes
the guy needs to be brought down a few notches, and there's no better way than
good old-fashioned blackmail."

Mercury sweatdropped. Then she sweatdropped again because even the cats
considered Jupiter's idea.

* * * * * * * * *

He was still rampaging in fury when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

When he turned around, Mamoru was face-to-face with four VERY angry senshi
and two cats.

"Hiya, Super-boy," Venus said cheerfully. "We've been looking for you."

"Which one is he?" Jupiter asked.

"Would somebody please explain to me why the four of you are parading
around in your fukus in broad daylight?!"

"That would be the Apollonian Mamoru," Luna said dryly. "Listen, Mamoru-
san, we need to talk."

"I agree," Mamoru snapped. "First, about this shameless lack of regard
for security. And then, about how Usa is--"

"With Mamoru-san, we know," Mars said sharply.

"No, she's not. She's with the clone and--"

"Mamoru-san," Venus groaned, "the man you saw is no more a clone than you
are. That device didn't copy you, it divided you into two separate people."

"That's preposterous!"

"Calm, Mako-chan," Jupiter muttered through clenched teeth, clearly not
over-thrilled with this Mamoru's thick-headedness. "Find your happy
place...yes, where the sun is always shining and birds sing and everything
is gay..."

Venus snickered and Jupiter glared.

"You said it, not me," Venus said, still snickering.

"Whatever," Mars groaned, rolling her eyes. "The important thing, Mamoru-
san, is that you've been divided into your rational side and your emotional
side. And we need to get them reunited quick. Now, if you'll just accompany us
to the shrine..."

"Wait a second...I'd like to understand..."

"You've become two currencies, Mamoru-san!"

The senshi stared. "What are you saying, Venus-chan?"

She groaned as if *they* were the unintelligible ones. "Well, you're two
coins, and now one of the coins has become...a penny! Yeah, that's it, a penny!
Now you're a 100-yen piece and a penny!"

"Venus-chan, what in the hell are talking about?" Jupiter asked, clearly
bewildered.

"You know, that expression, 'two whole different coins...'"

"That's two sides of the *same* coin, Venus-chan! Where do you learn
these cracked expressions?!" Mars shrieked at her.

"Hee hee...well, I don't really know..."

"Oh, to hell with it!" Mercury yelled suddenly. "You're up, Jupiter-
chan."

Mamoru had no time to react before he felt something collide with his
head. Everything went black.

* * * * * * * * *

"Usako...what's making you so angry?"

"I HATE YOU!!!" Usagi screamed into Mamoru's shirt, sobbing all the
while. Then, realizing what she had said, corrected, "I mean, I HATE *HIM*!!!"

"I'm confused," Mamoru groaned. He could feel a headache coming on.

Usagi stopped and looked up at Mamoru. "Why can't you always be this
sweet?" she sighed. "It's that blasted logical side of you...I don't think I'm
going to like it when you two have to go back together." She noticed Mamoru's
face contort. "What's wrong?"

"It's just..."

Usagi raised an eyebrow. "You're upset about me insulting your other
self?"

"I wouldn't have survived all these years without that exterior, Usako. I
can't just toss it away because I don't need it any longer."

Usagi looked down shamefully. "You'd rather be reunited with your other
self."

"I can't survive forever separated from him, Usako. He's my confidence,
my intelligence, my...armor, I guess." Mamoru sighed and leaned back. "Part of
me wishes I could get on without him, but...I can't. I'll die."

She finally dared to look at his face. The sadness and regret in his eyes
was something she had seen before, long before this entire mess had started. It
would always be there.

"It's okay, Mamo-chan...I understand." When they were reunited, Usagi
decided, she would never begrudge Mamoru the fact he could not express himself
openly. But that didn't mean she wouldn't try to wear down that hard exterior.

The sun was back, warming her, and Usagi felt relaxed and very drowsy.
Before she knew it, she had fallen headfirst into the realm of sleep.

Seeing her, Mamoru couldn't bear to wake the little golden angel in his
arms. He too allowed himself to drift.

* * * * * * * * *

There was something--or someone--out in the distance. Tuxedo Kamen
began to run furiously after the shadowy figure in the distance, sensing a threat.

"Who's there?" he barked, ready to pounce. "Show yourself!"

His ears were promptly tortured with the most horrible sound known to man--
Esmeraude's laugh. Tuxedo Kamen covered his ears and tried to pretend that the
torturous noise wasn't *thisclose* to driving him insane.

The terrible screeches stopped abruptly as the woman spotted Tuxedo Kamen.
"You're being foolish, Chiba Mamoru."

"How do you know my--?" Tuxedo Kamen drew out a rose and prepared to
strike it straight through Esmeraude's heart.

"I'm here, right? Look, little boy, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I'm here to help you."

"HELP ME?! According to the senshi, you're the reason I've been divided
in half!"

"Tsk tsk. You're right, though, I *did* invent the machine that split you
in two--" Saffir hadn't had enough time to get a patent, Esmeraude thought
wickedly, "--but who says that's really a bad thing?"

Tuxedo Kamen dropped the rose aimed at Esmeraude. "I don't understand."

She smiled slyly. "Think about it: you're free of all your fears,
weaknesses, and insecurities. Nothing but ration, logic, strength."

For the first time, the intense hatred burning in his eyes flickered
while he processed this.

Esmeraude landed gently on the gaseous "floor" to approach him. She took
a few steps forward, and the rose was re-aimed to adjust for this improvement in
target. Noticing this, she knew her best option was to continue. Back down
now, and she was sushi.

"Do you want to go back to carrying that burden?" she asked in a hushed,
insistent voice, looking almost earnest. Almost. The rose went down.

That *was* a good point. And a very strong temptation. Still...what the
senshi had said...the rose rose again.

"Here and now, Chiba Mamoru, I can see how deep the hurt ran after you
lost your parents--and now you no longer have to worry about it. I think you
got a pretty good deal out of this."

Tuxedo Kamen stopped to consider this. He was being tricked, and he knew
it, and still he couldn't resist this trap. Imagine--the unbearably heavy
burden he'd carried for the last twelve years--finally laid to rest. Where it
couldn't hurt him anymore.

And where it couldn't hurt anyone else...

He was weakening. She practically could smell it. Esmeraude approached
Tuxedo Kamen from behind and slinked an arm around his wrist.

Big mistake. Tuxedo Kamen grabbed her wrist and promptly flipped her to
the ground, snarling like an animal. Fortunately, she'd expected this, and was
not at all shocked. In fact, she smiled up at him, slowly standing back up.

"As long as your other half exists, you'll never be free of your weakness.
You have to destroy him," she whispered in his ear. This time, he did not stop
her.

"Will you let him live, and hold you prisoner? Free yourself. Become
invincible."

The rose came back up. This was definitely a trap. Tuxedo Kamen would
not be tricked by honeyed promises of power.

Esmeraude, knowing she could be flambéed within nanoseconds, had to change
arguments. She needed an idea. Fast. And, by the grace of someone, she got
one. Hastily, she began, "That weakness is the reason you've been such a
failure at protecting Sailormoon."

She had him. He hadn't reacted yet, but she could *feel* his entire
demeanor change.

"Look how your other half puts her in danger, staying with her despite the
warnings from your dreams to stay away!" she hissed fiercely, driving the point
home in a way not even she fully comprehended.

He gasped in realization. Esmeraude took the opportunity to pluck the
mask and hat from his face and look straight into his eyes. Tuxedo Kamen
flinched, but did nothing. She turned away.

"He's weak," she whispered, taunting him. Then, she turned around, and
faced him directly, straight into his eyes. "His need makes him rationalize the
threat to her life."

For the first time, he looked down, shoulders hunched down. She tilted
his face back up towards hers.

"And he's part of you."

The rose fell to the ground and wilted. No other statement could hit with
such accuracy, could so utterly seal his fate.

She wrapped her arms around him, entangling him in her web. He fell
headfirst into it, eyes displaying none of the strength this Mamoru allegedly
possessed.

Esmeraude smiled in the darkness.

* * * * * * * * *

He was vaguely aware of the sensation of being carried.

Mamoru blanched. No, it couldn't possibly be...he was only imagining the
cold links wrapped around him...

But when he opened his eyes, he was greeted by Jupiter's, cheerful because
she finally got to release a little of the tension she'd carried for the past
weeks on her intended target. Very addicting sensation.

Jupiter was carrying him.

And Venus was taking pictures.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he growled at the golden
senshi whose heart-linked chain was wrapped around him.

"Birthday gift for Usagi-chan," she replied automatically waving the
camera tauntingly in his face. "We plan to have Mercury-chan do some photo
editing."

"Minako-chan, you're a hentai!" Mars cried in horror.

"Yeah, but you'll be the first to order extras when I get these
developed." Mars turned red.

"Over my dead body," Mamoru hissed semi-menacingly from his place in
Jupiter's arms.

"That can be arranged," Jupiter replied sweetly, groaning all the while
under the strain of carrying a full-grown man. "God, you're heavy. I think you
need to hit the treadmill once we get you fixed up, Mamoru-san." The other senshi
giggled.

"Very funny," he snapped. "Now please let me go."

"Are you kidding me? You'll kick my ass."

"You know, I have to admit I'm pretty impressed with the fact you can
carry a full-grown man, Jupiter-chan...maybe you should stop trying to bully the
one holding all the cards, Mamoru-san," Venus pointed out innocently.

"Coward," Mamoru jeered angrily.

"But I'm alive, aren't I? Besides, Tuxie, you ain't goin' nowhere."

"It's 'you aren't--" Mercury began.

"Not right now, Mercury-chan. We don't have time for a grammar lesson,"
Artemis sighed. "You are all hopeless."

"We know," Venus said gleefully.

"God in heaven," Luna prayed, "please help me to understand why the fate of
this planet resides on these four."

"WILL YOU LET ME DOWN?!"

"Haven't we already explained the situation?!" Mars hissed. "We can't
afford to have you running off. Usagi-chan needs to reunite you with your other
self."

That was it. At the mention of the rejoining Mamoru found it was little
effort to feed his power into the links of the love-me chain, checking for
fragile links, searching methodically for points of weakness he could exploit.
When he found one, without even having to try he forced his life energies into
the shimmering chains, snapping them in the points he had mentally detected.
They shattered in a cacophony of metal and energy and angry senshi.

A very shocked Jupiter dropped the man, staring in utter disbelief. He
became Tuxedo Kamen within a moment and went off immediately looking for his
prey, .

* * * * * * * * *

It was lonely here...Mamoru sensed he was deep within himself, but how he
had come to be here was beyond him. He hated this place, the reminder that he
was always alone, that there would never be anyone that could penetrate this.

The darkness was so thick and black he could almost reach out and touch
it, and did try, hoping there would be something there.

There wasn't, of course.

"Such despair, Tuxedo Kamen."

Mamoru turned around to see the demon-goddess figure of Esmeraude floating
above him, toying with her fan. He could see her perfectly, despite the lack of
light. She was illuminated by the shadows.

Touching down, she took Mamoru's head in her hands. Unlike Tuxedo Kamen,
he did not try to shake her off.

She stood eye-to-eye with him, thanks in part to the stiletto heels of her
boots.

"I would've never expected it from you," she lied, smiling almost as if
she pitied him. Esmeraude would have died a thousand deaths before she admitted
that she did. Something akin to pity crept into her black heart, and for the
first time she wondered if she hadn't crossed the very fine line between
completing the mission and ruthless sadism. Within moments, however, the
sensation faded, and she was her usual bitchy self.

"I'm not Tuxedo Kamen," he said dully. "I'm just..."

"I know," Esmeraude said, sliding up against him. Mamoru backed away.

"Silly boy," she laughed softly, not at all her usual torturous sound, "I
*know* you. You're pitifully weak, Tuxedo Kamen. Frankly, I'm surprised you've
lasted this long in the real world."

Mamoru hung his head.

"Much less by the side of Tsukino Usagi..."

His eyes flared and his body became taut. "Don't say another word." He
grabbed her hands and threw her to the ground with all his strength.

This she hadn't expected, and it hurt like hell. Time to try a new
strategy...

...the same one she used on Tuxedo Kamen.

"Ah yes, your light, your source of strength," Esmeraude conceded from her
spot on the floor. "Who you'll lose soon enough."

"That's not true..." he protested weakly, trying to make himself
believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

"Correction: as soon as you're reunited with your other self, you'll go
back to being the arrogant bastard you always were. And she'll leave, knowing
she can do so much better than a man who is nothing but a shadow of her true
Prince."

Tears sprang to his eyes, but he turned around, not allowing Esmeraude to
see them.

Too late. She'd seen them glint slightly as he'd turned away. Perhaps,
Esmeraude wondered, this place wasn't as dim as she--or Mamoru--believed. It
was a reason to be concerned. This plan depended on that darkness.

"Once you become whole again," Esmeraude continued, gaining steam, "you'll
just go back to being an empty shell. Only now are you free and able to see
things clearly. Listen well to me, Tuxedo Kamen. Destroy your other half
before he destroys you."

"I can't!" he screamed, voice hoarse and frantic.

What was she doing to him? Esmeraude had never tried psychological
torture on a victim before. It was very different from the standard beat-them-
till-they-fall-to-their-knees technique she practiced. She was beginning to
realize she could really mess the kid up in ways that death couldn't touch.

This was fun!

"Coward," she hissed, taunting him and playing it up more.

She could sense his accord, and Esmeraude reveled in the power she
exhibited over Mamoru. She felt like a voyeur.

"You wouldn't have committed suicide last night, either. You're too
spineless to actually kill yourself!"

"I..."

"Take your destiny in your own hands. Does it hurt to live this way?"

He nodded slightly.

Wouldn't it hurt more to lose Usagi? If you allow yourself to rejoin with
your other half, you will."

"No..." he whispered, trying to object but failing miserably. When he
tried again, no sound came out.

"And your other half would actually have enough balls to carry through
with such an act."

Mamoru choked back a sob. "Usako wouldn't...she'd never..."

"Keep telling yourself that. While you're at it, wish for a billion yen
and a Ferrari," Esmeraude hissed, her voice vitriolic and her words worse.

Mamoru was eerily still, his only movement the tears running down his
face. When she tried to wipe one off of his cheek, he pushed away so hard she
fell again, something she did NOT think would happen. By now, he should have
been too indoctrinated into her little brainwashing feat to resist her.

He turned away and collapsed, sobbing softly but still resistant. As long
as a scrap of his will remained, Esmeraude realized, he was still untouchable.
This was difficult enough with the vast amounts of negative energy pluming
through his system and pure emotional exhaustion to bring him down, and
Esmeraude wondered idly if this feat would have even been possible with his
whole self.

Still, she there was only one conclusion she could draw: that torturing
him wasn't working quite as she wanted. Mamoru was far stronger than she
expected. Made sense, she reasoned cynically, when you lived in darkness and
were unable to climb into light. Within this environment, you became
strong...did you?

New plan: she'd studied the chapter in Genesis where Eve gave Adam the
apple. It was something she frequently executed in real, tangible life but had
never tried in this unique approach. Ah, well, most of what she was doing was a
crapshoot anyways.

Whispering softly, she began again, "Think about it: you could have Usagi
all to yourself, wouldn't have to deal with your rational side telling you when
you were acting out of character."

He stopped and was still, the realization coming upon him in a frighteningly
similar fashion as it had come on his other half.

"You'd be free to just...feel. You'd never be lonely again, Tuxedo Kamen.
Wouldn't you like that?"

Turning around, he nodded slightly, eyes frightening Esmeraude. How was
it possible one person could carry that within himself? A loneliness and agony
of that intensity...but she did not speak aloud, simply speculated darkly in the
back of her mind. It was something she had never experienced before, a
companion to the odd, heavy feeling of guilt she was currently trying to
suppress.

Guilt.

Such a nasty word.

Time to be done with this.

"Unless you destroy your other half, that will never happen."

"Do you really think so?" he whispered hesitantly, eyes uncertain.

"I know it," she whispered, cupping his face with her hands.

Esmeraude took one look in his eyes and knew her plan would work
perfectly.

* * * * * * * * *

"Mamo-chan?"

He was next aware of the small girl laying in his arms, looking up at him
with sleepy but concerned cerulean eyes. "Are you all right?"

Mamoru was suddenly aware of the fact he was trembling. Remembering the
dream only made his shaking worse. "No, Usako...I'm not all right."

"What's wrong?" Usagi felt panic rise within her but kept her cool.
"Please, Mamo-chan...tell me."

He looked down at her...soft, sweet, absolutely perfect. Meant to love
and be loved, especially by him--by only him, he thought, a wave of possession
flowing through his veins. He wouldn't allow his little rabbit to fall victim
to his 'strong' self, who he was beginning to wonder wasn't actually a weakness
in of himself.

"There's something I have to go do," he said gruffly. Before Usagi could
protest, Mamoru had gently set her aside and begun running like a bat out of
hell towards his other half.

* * * * * * * * *

"Nice one, Jupiter-chan! You lost him!" Venus was clearly ready to blow;
her was face red, her fists were clenched, and her hair was whipping furiously
about her..

"*I* lost him?! Whose love-me chain magically dissolved, thereby shocking
the crap out of me, and causing me to drop him?!" Jupiter had her fists
clenched.

"Calm down, you two!" Artemis moaned, rubbing his furry head with his
paws. "Minna, we need to act quickly. Mercury, do you have a lock on him yet?"

"Calm down yourself," Luna said from Ami's shoulder, batting him lightly.
Artemis blushed slightly as Luna returned to helping Ami.

"He seemed...frantic," Rei said, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "Like
something urgent was pressing on him."

"Found him!" Mercury declared triumphantly. Then, her grin faded. "Oh
dear, I have a bad feeling about this..."

"What, Mercury-chan?" Venus asked. "Is something wrong?"

"The other Mamoru-san is with him."

* * * * * * * * *

They both knew when the other approached. It made sense, after all,
no matter how different they were, they were still, well, two sides of the
same coin, and bound together for all eternity.

"Konnichiwa, Mamoru," Tuxedo Kamen said to his alter ego.

"Konnichiwa," the other replied emptily. He already knew he would
not win this fight.

Esmeraude, meanwhile, was watching the scene with Saffir from a high
tree branch, gleefully passing a bucket of popcorn between the two of them.

"You've hit gold, Esmeraude-chan," Saffir grinned. "How did you know
you'd be able to invade Chiba Mamoru's subconscious like that?"

"With the amount of Black Poison Crystal we pumped into him keeping him
split? Easy. Besides, there was already antagonism between the two sides. The
boy is rather self-destructive."

"You can say that again," Saffir commented as a rose flew.

"The boy is rather self-destructive."

"Silence. I want to watch. You wouldn't by any chance have some Red
Vines on you...?"

"And Milk Duds, too."

"Freak."

They went back to watching the scene.

Tuxedo Kamen let his first rose fly, but Mamoru dodged it easily. It was
easy for him to predict the other's next move, since they had the exact same
fighting style: the black belt in karate he held augmented it. So they were
equally matched in skill.

Still, as Tuxedo Kamen was already ready to meet Mamoru as he was trying
to stand up, the advantage was clearly in Tuxedo Kamen's corner. In his senshi
form, he was faster, stronger, and had the power of the Earth at his fingertips.

Tuxedo Kamen grabbed for Mamoru's neck and Mamoru, unable to dodge fast
enough, fell victim. Growling, Tuxedo Kamen held him slightly off the ground,
glaring at him.

"Stay away from her," Tuxedo Kamen whispered dangerously, "and I'll let
you escape this alive. Refuse, and I break your neck right now."

The look in Mamoru's eyes augmented the acidic, "You'll never touch her
again," response he gave.

But Tuxedo didn't break Mamoru's neck. Rather, he began to allow a little
pressure to be exerted, slowly, torturously, cutting off the other's air supply.

Mamoru coughed slightly, fear in his eyes.

"You'll always be a coward," Tuxedo Kamen said caustically.

"I know," he replied, eyes glazed with some unknown emotion.

He was going to kill Mamoru. He really was, until the sudden sensation of
being choked shocked him so badly he dropped the man.

Mamoru fell to the ground like a limp rag doll, breathing heavily. When
he looked up again, the fear was gone, replaced by hatred and a renewed
determination.

After that, Tuxedo Kamen's advantage went to hell. What he had lacked in
strength and speed before, the 'weaker' Mamoru now made up in pure passion. He
simply wanted this more. The match was at a stalemate. Esmeraude and Saffir
had time to go back to Nemesis and refill their popcorn bucket.

Both Mamoru and Tuxedo Kamen were tiring, but neither planned to give up
until the other was dead.

So the fight continued on, with Mamoru barely escaping death on several
occasions and Tuxedo Kamen allowing frustration to affect his concentration.

* * * * * * * * *

"Usagi-chan!"

"Mercury-chan? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. Listen, we need you meet us at--"

"I know where to go."

"You do?"

"Of course."

* * * * * * * * *

"Ready to give up yet, Mamoru?" Tuxedo Kamen hissed at the man who looked
exactly like him.

They had been locked in this battle for over an hour. Mamoru, for his
part, had fought the good fight, but in the end, his civilian form just hadn't
been enough for his senshi form. His other self was too powerful, and using
that advantage well. From his spot on the ground, where he nursed his twisted
ankle and several other injuries, Mamoru felt the flame of hope flicker and die
within him.

"You're giving up," Tuxedo Kamen murmured, surveying the man on the
ground. "I can see it in your eyes."

Those same eyes began to water, but Mamoru wiped at them fiercely before
any could escape.

"Coward," Tuxedo Kamen taunted, mouth twisted into a snarl. His own eyes
followed Mamoru's very carefully, intimidating the weaker half. "I'm ashamed to
acknowledge you were once a part of me."

"I should say the same," Mamoru snapped back, a little of his former
spirit returning to him to guide him through these crucial last moments.

Tuxedo Kamen, who had his rose ready and waiting, froze in place.
Lowering the rose, he asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's because of YOU and your goddamned logical brain that I keep hurting
Usako! You heartless..."

He stopped for a moment, hatred for his other self--for his own self--
washing through his system. The blame was not solely Tuxedo Kamen's, but he was
a good target for Mamoru's repressed torrents of anger at the moment and the
other self *did* react to this attack.

Tuxedo Kamen scowled, but his eyes were not as sure as before. "I would
have never hurt Usa if it hadn't been for the--"

"Mamo-chan!"

"Usa!"

"Usako!"

Her eyes widened in anguish as she quickly discerned what had happened
here.

"Esmeraude-chan ?"

"Yes, Saffir-kun?"

"What's the going rate she chooses Mamoru?"

"Nah, she'll pick Tuxedo Kamen. Girls love guys in tuxedos. And the cape!
The cape has serious sex appeal."

"Is that why you're always drooling over Demando?"

"You think you're funny, but you're not."

"500 yen."

"What?"

"That's the starting rate. 500 yen."

"Well, I bet a thousand."

"Your loss."

"Shut up, Saffir-kun."

This was completely unnoticed by Usagi and the gaggle of Sailor Senshi
affixed behind her, ready to defend their mistress from any threat. Both Tuxedo
Kamen and Mamoru were still.

Hope fluttered in Mamoru's chest again. He had almost forgotten why he
was fighting this battle. Mamoru wept, hating himself for forgetting but
relieved he had recovered himself.

How beautiful she was, even in her grief...not that Mamoru wished to
witness her sadness. He wanted to see her smiling, laughing and happy,
something he hadn't seen in a long while. The light flared up and burned
brightly within him. No matter what, he would not allow Tuxedo Kamen to
hurt her again. For the first time, his mind made the connection between the
situation and...the nightmare. He finally understood.

And now he owed it to her to make it up to her now, retribution
against himself for being a such a fool.

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she surveyed the scene in ever growing
horror.

"Why?" she whispered hoarsely, voice cracking immeasurably. "Why did it
come to this, Mamo-chan?"

"Which one of us are you--?"

"YOU'RE THE SAME PERSON!" Usagi screamed at the top of her lungs. The
senshi recoiled, and even Esmeraude, she of the hideous laugh, was truly
impressed. Then, calming down, she started again. "It doesn't matter who I'm
talking to. You're BOTH my Mamo-chan! And I'm not going to stand here and
watch you destroy yourself!"

"Move back, Usa!" Tuxedo Kamen roared in fury. "I'm not going to let my
weaker half put you in danger any longer!"

"How sweet," Jupiter mocked him, sneering a little.

Usagi looked towards the Mamoru lying on the ground, struggling to get
up. Rushing to his side (and giving Tuxedo Kamen a new reason to hate his other
self) she pleaded, "please, Mamo-chan, stop this at once. I won't choose
between you two..."

"You don't have to, Usako," he replied softly, burying his face in her
hair. The senshi all sighed blissfully, and Saffir snaked an arm around
Esmeraude, which warranted a bitch-slap.

God, he loved her...Mamoru felt himself losing any knowledge of what he
was supposed to be doing here as he reveled in holding her again...but now was
not the time. Reluctantly willing himself away from his beloved, Mamoru
garnered the last of his strength and stood up as best he could. "Because I'm
not going to let my other self hurt you again!" He was seething, and the look
in his eyes filled the senshi with a cold despair.

"Jesus Christ in Heaven!" Saffir cried from his tree, lifting his arms to
the sky. "Self-destructive much?!"

"We've already established that...where are my Milk Duds?!"

"No wonder Demando-sama isn't hopelessly in love with you."

"Saffir-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Either leave my Milk Duds alone or become one."

"Aren't we testy today?"

"And you won't be anymore if you don't SHUT UP!"

"Er...let's watch the show."

"Mamo-chan!" Usagi tried to plead with him, but it was obvious from the
start her protestations were to no avail. "If you do this," she screamed, "if
you kill your other half, I'll kill myself! Just you watch!"

The senshi were all in position, ready to hold back a rampaging Mamoru/
Tuxedo Kamen if necessary. Usagi had turned several shades of white, and was
still clutching Mamoru's hand, screaming her threat at the top of her lungs.
Tuxedo Kamen could only watch, eyes strangely dead behind the mask that
protected him from the world.

"Tuxedo Kamen has one weakness," Mars whispered in grave, hushed tones to
Venus.

"What's that?" Venus asked in the same voice.

Mars didn't reply.

Mamoru, summing up his courage, knew it would be better this way. Without
his cold, proud half, he could love and protect Usagi in the way she deserved to
be. She would understand. He would *make* her understand.

Venus understood, too, and said solemnly to Mars, "Mamoru-san has one
strength."

"What's that?" Mars asked in that same solemn whisper.

He called up his rose, aimed, and threw.

"NO!" Tuxedo Kamen was abruptly pushed out of the way by a flying rabbit,
who miraculously managed to push him out of the way before the rose could harm
him. The price for her courage, however, was that the rose was now stuck in her
back.

"Usagi-chan," Mars and Venus answered their own question.

* * * * * * * * *

It was amazing how the same person could react to one situation in two so
violently different ways. Well, technically the same person...

The Apollonian Mamoru, as the senshi called him for sheer conveniences'
sake, was calm and cool, outwardly seeming as if he didn't have a care in the
world. He did, however, place all his attentions upon making sure Usagi would
be all right. He assisted Mercury in removing the rose, performed a blood
transfusion between Jupiter and Usagi, something which promptly had the brown-
haired senshi groaning about why *she* always had to be the martyr who
sacrificed the blood, he washed and bandaged the wound, and stayed by Usagi's
side to make sure she was comfortable and well taken care of. He was a little
neurotic about it, actually, and quick to admonish Mercury for any misstep that
might cause the patient any pain.

Always supportive, always the rock. At times like this, Mars realized,
you could see how much Mamoru genuinely cared for Usagi, even if he would not
necessarily say what was in his heart.

The Dionysian Mamoru, on the other hand, couldn't even bear to go in the
room. Venus and Mars watched to make sure he didn't do anything extreme, but he
simply sat in a corner, staring blankly, never moving save a slight tremble in
his limbs and the tears steadily rolling down his cheeks. Guilt and shame and
self-hatred tore him into pieces all at once. Once or twice in his despair, he
murmured something incoherent to himself, probably some sort of self-
chastisement.

He was oblivious to Venus and Mars's attempts to comfort him, acted as
they were panes of glass and not living, breathing Sailors. Mars and Venus
exchanged glances, a little uncertain of how to proceed. Venus, resolving to
take action, decided to do something she'd wanted to do for a while.

Slap Mamoru upside the head.

This, thankfully, got his attention, effectively proving he hadn't lost it
completely. But the look in his eyes was so terrible Mars and Venus had to look
away, afraid of getting sucked into the unfathomable anguish swirling within.
By the time they had recovered, he was no longer paying any attention to them.

Mars fetched Mercury, who grumbled but agreed to examine the man in the
corner. Sighing, she proclaimed, "You're forgetting, minna-chan, that this
Mamoru-san reacts to his emotion rather than ration. What you're seeing is
normal, because if recombined with his other self his reaction would be quite
restrained."

With that, Mercury took off again, to complete the blood transfusion she
was performing between Usagi and Sailorjupiter.

And with Mercury gone, reflecting over her words, Venus slapped Mamoru
again.

He looked up again and said softly, "I would appreciate it if you would
leave me be," in a voice that was cracked and fragile and steely all at once.

"Are you upset because Usagi-chan got hurt?" Venus asked, twirling a
lock of hair around her finger.

"Of course," he murmured hoarsely, eyes trailing to the floor.

"Liar."

They both knew it was true, and Mamoru did not try to protest.

"My dream came true," he whispered brokenly.

"Your dream--?" Her eyes widened as she realized what he meant. Looking
into Mars's eyes, Venus could see comprehension dawn there, too.

Then...silence. Venus thought for a minute before daring to venture, "Do
you really believe that?"

"If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't have been hurt today." That
look--that terrible despair--grew more desperate.

Mars motioned her to come over, and Venus obliged. The fiery priestess
whispered in Venus's ear, "I think I understand why the dream was so
persistent."

"So do I," Venus said. "Now, to do something about it..."

"Now Venus-chan, don't do anything you'll regret..."

"Trust me, I won't regret *this*."

Her hand came across his face. Hard. Very hard.

Mamoru cried aloud and rubbed the side of his already-tender face, but
said nothing.

"Don't you get it?!" Venus snapped, voice laced with acid. "Shape up,
Mamoru-san! If you don't want to see her get hurt, don't cause her any! Those
dreams were just an excuse for you to avoid the prospect of losing her by
keeping a safe distance away for a 'noble' cause! You WANTED to believe those
dreams told the truth, Mamoru-san, and that's all there is to it."

"That was harsh, Venus-chan," Mars said softly.

"That's not..." he began weakly, and the look in his eyes convinced Venus.

Stopping, she thought about her next statement. Then...she experienced
the miracle of spontaneous comprehension.

"You were never afraid *she* would hurt you," Venus said suddenly, eyes wide
as saucers, head snapping up. "You were afraid that *you* would hurt her."

He looked up at her in fear. As painful as her words before had been,
the ugly truth, for anyone to see and hear, was infinitely worse. Tears fell
down his cheeks and he nodded. Mars gasped, as shocked as Mamoru was.

"You were afraid," Venus continued, garnering strength, "that you would
somehow hurt her--taint her, perhaps?--and that by staying away she would be
able to forget you and find someone whose love wouldn't cause her pain."

"Ever heard the story of Oedipus?" Mars interrupted suddenly.

Mamoru looked up at her suspiciously. "Oedipus's parents," Mars began
uncertainly, "were told by an oracle that when their son grew up, he would kill
his father and marry his mother. So, they sent him away, and ordered a shepherd
to let him die on a mountain."

"What does this have to do with...?" Venus began confusedly, but Mars
didn't heed her question.

"The shepherd gave him to the childless King and Queen of Corinth, where
he grew up, unaware of his real family. One day, he found out in a tavern that
he was adopted. So he consulted Apollo's oracle to ask if it was true--and
heard the prophecy for himself. So, he decided to cheat destiny by leaving the
city. But along the way the local guard attacked him. Among the soldiers was
the King of the country. Oedipus killed him. Continuing on, he met a sphinx,
who was blockading the state, and managed to defeat it. In gratitude, the
recently widowed Queen married him, and they were happy for many years. That is,
until Apollo's Oracle ordered Oedipus to avenge his father's death to ward off a
plague in the lands."

"What happened?" Venus asked quietly. Mamoru already knew what came next.

"It turns out the King he had killed *was* his father. And the queen was
his mother. You see, by trying to run away from the truth, Oedipus and his
parents actually *caused* the prophecy to become reality." Mars looked straight
at Mamoru. "By trying to stay away from Usagi-chan, you bring the dream to life."

The two girls left him to his own devices, but still kept a sharp eye on
him. Instead of despairing, he grew pensive, considering the weight of Venus
and Mars's words. It seemed he was going to take this lesson to heart, which
relieved both senshi immeasurably.

When Usagi was finally taken care of, Mercury and a somewhat woozy Jupiter
walked out of Rei's bedroom, dragging the Apollonian Mamoru with them. Mars
immediately jumped up, planning to raise Hell, but Venus stopped her.

"Do you see what your actions caused today?" Mercury asked in a voice that
was hoarse from crying but almost dangerously strong in quality. Both Mamorus
turned to stare at her. "Usagi-chan could have died , and it would have been
your fault."

The two looked to the ground in disgrace, and the senshi couldn't help but
notice how well-synchronized the action was--like one of them was looking into a
mirror.

But Mercury wasn't planning to yell. "If you want to be Usagi-chan's
protector, Mamoru-san--whichever one!--you can't become her pain. Keep that in
mind. Now, when she wakes up, if both of you are willing, she can use the
ginzuishou to reunite you two. But both of you must be *willing* to become one
again."

"Do you know, Mamoru-san," Mars said suddenly, "that had you killed Tuxedo
Kamen today, you would have also died?"

Both Mamorus recoiled in shock. "That's...I..."

"But that can't...is that why she..."

"No, she didn't know. We didn't get the chance to tell her. But...
remember that."

"Mamo-chan?"

That was from Rei's bedroom. "She's awake," Mercury said softly.

"Wait here," Jupiter ordered the two Mamorus. She went to fetch Usagi.

* * * * * * * * *

"I hope you're up for this," Venus said sharply to the two Mamorus
standing before her. "Because if not, we'll make you."

"And how!" Jupiter agreed merrily, despite the fact she had to sit down
and will the room to stop spinning afterwards.

"Actually," Mercury said slowly, looking up from the system, "it looks
like this will take relatively little energy." She looked up from her computer
at the two Mamorus and smiled--proud yes, but a little sad too. "She'll be
tired afterwards, but...we can't do much about that."

"Minna-chan? Are they ready?" Usagi stepped out, carrying the ginzuishou
gingerly in her hands. She was pale from the blood loss and looked rather
uncertain.

"We're ready," one of the Mamorus said, no one but Usagi knowing which
one.

"Wait!" Rei cried suddenly.

Everyone stared at her. "Usagi," Mars said sweetly, "have you really
thought about the advantages of having an extra Mamoru-san?"

The twin Mamorus turned white.

"I can't believe this is not coming from Venus," Jupiter muttered under
her breath.

Venus scowled but conceded Mars's argument. "She does have a point..."
the Senshi of Love mused thoughtfully, absentmindedly chewing on a piece of
hair.

"I mean, think about it!" Mars continued, oblivious to the storm clouds
darkening over the odango's face and the fact both Mamorus were bright red, "one
goes to class, one gets to stay with you 24/7! Someone is always free to take
you out in the evenings! You can even share with your friends!"

"So THAT'S what this is about," Luna, who had before been a silent
bystander, groaned. Usagi, for her part, was not exactly happy with
the...implications of the statement.

"And when you wear one out, you can use the other!"

"Waaay too much information," Venus groaned.

"That's okay, Rei-chan," Usagi said quietly. "I think one Mamo-chan is
enough." Mars sighed, but patted herself on the back for giving it a try.

Usagi closed her eyes and held out the crystal, calling forth her power.
The crystal floated daintily in her palms, coming to life as light began to
stream from it, flooding the room with holy energy. Both Mamorus were
entranced, staring the beautiful sight she made, bathed in the warmth and
radiance of the ginzuishou.

Before they knew it, however, the light show was over. "Did it work?"
Mamoru asked, sounding a little uncertain.

"See for yourself," Luna grinned.

"Rats," Mars muttered.

Mamoru looked around to find that, sure enough, there was no other Mamoru
in sight. He was whole again...or perhaps that wasn't as good a thing as he had
originally thought it would be. In a rush, both sets of memories from the past
two days hit him over the head like a sledgehammer. He rubbed his temples as if
it could release him from the pain--be it physical or...something else.

He looked up at the senshi and smiled, to indicate that everything was all
right. There was something in his eyes that would never be absent from them
again, a sadness that had always existed but had been buried below the surface
before. It was something that, no matter he or Usagi tried, could not be
shaken; it remained even as he ascended to the position as King of Earth. His
smile was sad, clearly indicating mental and physical exhaustion. Usagi gave
him an equally sad yet strangely beautiful smile of her own, tears glimmering
in her huge azure eyes.

"I'm glad you're back in one piece, Mamo-chan," she said quietly. The
senshi never knew how close her voice was to breaking. "I'd better go home and
rest now..."

"Usako, wait," Mamoru pleaded softly, cheeks tinged with the slightest
pink. Usagi realized what he was remembering...

"We'll talk later," Usagi replied, voice dulcet and melancholy. "Thank
you for everything, minna-chan."

"Usako!"

"Let her go, Mamoru-san," Mars said quietly, grabbing his arm. "She needs
some time to think."

"About what?" he ground out harshly, shaking Mars's grip away.

"Do you think the last two days were easy for her?" she demanded. Mamoru
ashamedly allowed himself to be lead away.

* * * * * * * * *

"You know, that was my best plan." Esmeraude was pulling out her hair
again. An almost frightening calm surrounded her.

"Too bad," Saffir said, munching on the last of the popcorn. "I was
surprised she went for Tuxedo Kamen at the end. I thought girls liked
sensitivity and all that."

"Not true. It's all just a complicated web of lies to confuse men so
terribly they have no choice but to bend to our every little whim and vagary."

"Is that actually true?"

"Now you *know* I can't tell you that," Esmeraude chastised
condescendingly. She dropped the remaining clumps of silky spring-green hair in
her hands and let them flutter to the ground like little tufts of plastic Easter
grass. "What happened to that bench over there?"

Saffir shrugged. "Don't know, don't care."

"Oh, who gives a damn? I got some enjoyment out of watching that last
battle. Talk about Must-See TV! Forget 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer...'"

"You *watch* that?!"

"Rubeus got me started on it. By the way, you owe me a thousand yen."

Saffir raised one sardonic eyebrow. "Still planning to collect your cash?"

"Why not?" Esmeraude shrugged. "My perfect plan failed at the very last
moment, Demando probably hates me, I'm addicted to teen dramas, and the Wiseman has
bloodlust. I might as well make some money off the deal."

"Depressingly logical," Saffir mused thoughtfully.

"Want to come to my pity party?"

"Gladly!"

"Whoa, down boy..."

* * * * * * * * *

*Ding-dong!*

The doorbell interrupted her train of thought. Skittering down to the
door, Usagi already knew who would be behind it.

It was hard, to only now have time to come to terms with her relationship
with Mamoru. She'd left the shrine quickly today because she feared she would
burst: yell at Mamoru for dumping her for a dream, wondered if he had really
ever cared for her in the first place. If Chiba Mamoru was really Prince
Endymion, the person she had fallen in love with 1,000 years ago, and not just a
stranger the ginzuishou had tied to her.

Until this weekend, she had never even comprehended the sheer complexity
and danger of his innermost thoughts and feelings--could she cope now, knowing
these things existed but were locked away so tightly they would never be kissed
by the light of day? Someone so closed within himself she may never be able to
get through?

She had her answer now.

Usagi could tell what he was thinking for once. Mamoru was clearly
nervous, running an anxious hand through his hair as she opened the door. His
entire body was tense and stiff, and his eyes were...strange, flickering with
conflicting feelings. She saw him trying very hard to hide the slight limp,
evidence of the literal battle with himself earlier that day. But Usagi wasn't
really certain what emotion--or emotions--passed through him now.

"Come in," she said quietly, this time giving him a real smile. She took
his hand and pulled him inside.

He relaxed a little, and soon enough he ended up on her couch, looking down
at his hands. Usagi could sense how edgy he was.

He shouldn't have worried. Usagi didn't know a lot about Mamoru, only the
most superficial things about his interests and virtually nothing about his life
before he'd met her. It was as if they were strangers. But Usagi knew now that
you could know a person without knowing these minor details...

"Did you want to talk about something, Mamo-chan?"

"Why did you save me?" he blurted out, surprising even himself with his
boldness.

Usagi wasn't expecting that. Considering the question very carefully, she
said, "Because I wanted to."

"That's not what I'm asking and you know it."

She blinked, evincing surprise. "I love you," she said, cocking her head
in confusion. "Why wouldn't I save you? Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"Of course I would!" Mamoru cried, standing up. "You...you're my..." He
couldn't say it, but he didn't really have to. She could see what he was trying
to say, what was reflected in his cobalt eyes.

She sighed, a little wistful. "I love you," she repeated, wishing he
would believe her.

Mamoru apparently wasn't going to accept that as an answer. "Maybe I
could have understood if it had been another me..." Mamoru turned away, unable
to continue, voice raw with emotion. He hadn't expected to get so worked up
just by mentioning it.

He didn't quite understand that she could care enough about him to save
his life by risking her own. Sighing again, she took his hand in hers and shook
her head back and forth, saying, "You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" he asked, hoarsely, looking down at their hands.

"That I love *you*! All of you, just as you love me! No matter how
defective!"

"But--"

"No buts, Mamo-chan. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Earlier I was on
the phone with Mako-chan."

"And?" He perceived this to be crucial.

"Mako-chan said if she had a boyfriend who dumped her over a mere dream,
she would know they were really never meant to be. I mean, after all, it was
only a dream, Mamo-chan. According to her, if you'd really respected me, if you
really cared, you would have discussed your fears with me."

His head dropped. He was just sitting there, waiting numbly for the final
blow. "And what did you say?" he asked, voice barely audible.

"I told her she was wrong."

He looked up at her, disbelief written all over his face.

"Because you didn't break up with me because of a dream, Mamo-chan. Maybe
you don't say it aloud, but I know you love me. And what I feel for you...it's
too intense to be unrequited and too absolute to be something left over from a
thousand years ago." She sat down next to him and buried herself in his arms.
"When you told me you didn't want me anymore, some part of me never stopped
believing you'd come around. You know as well as I do, even if you don't admit
it, why you broke up with me."

"And you forgive me?"

The skepticism in eyes was mixed with hope and a lot of fear. Usagi
smiled and smoothed the hair he'd mussed in his agitation. "There's nothing to
forgive."

"No!" he moaned softly. "The dream came true! You can't possibly just
let that go!"

"Then I *do* forgive you, if that's what you want to hear," she said
forcefully. "Look at me, Mamo-chan! Do your really think, after all this, I
could be kidding? I can't live without you, Mamo-chan. Each day you're not
with me is like a slow, painful death. Please, believe me when I say I love
you. Look in my eyes."

He did, and what he saw there warmed his heart immeasurably. Relief
washed over him--she saw that much--and he bent down to kiss her frenetically,
as if he was drowning and she was his only source of air. Trailing down to her
neck, he murmured something occasionally, the sincerity in his voice making her
melt. This time, he was sure he was talking to the right person.

Usagi responded, overjoyed to be back in the arms of her beloved--*all* of
her beloved--after weeks of sleepless nights and wallowing in sorrow. She
redirected him to her lips and kissed him with a fierce passion, running her
fingers through his soft black hair. He pulled her closer than she thought
possible, and for a long while they were lost in the ecstasy of their reunion.

Until she spied the book sticking out of his bag. An old, tattered,
well-read book. Different edition, appeared to be entirely in English this time,
but she managed to recognize the author's name amidst their lovemaking.

Sylvia Plath.

A million questions ran through her brain. And she knew, with a sureness
she was unable to understand, that if she didn't get her answer tonight she
would never get it. Reluctantly, Usagi gently broke away from Mamoru and began,
"Mamo-chan, why did you--"

He cut her off with another kiss.

There was no more talking that night.

Tsukino Usagi would later call that her greatest regret.

* * * * * * * * *

*Sylvia Plath was a poet and the author of "The Bell Jar." She killed
herself in February of 1963.

219K...groan...each time I went back to edit it just kept getting longer and
longer and longer...

Email, baby! tennyo@home.com...am I being redundant?